Chasing Paradise (Chasing Series #3)

by Pamela Ann

  Help who? My drunken self registered before I stood up and strolled somewhere private. “You should’ve left us alone long ago! But you’re a bloody prick that needed to snake your way in and shag her!” The memories were flooding back to me; the betrayal now fresh in my mind.

  “You’re such an arrogant, self-entitled, pompous asshole! You should be thankful that she chose you or that I didn’t get her pregnant!” Kyle drilled into me, unleashing something dangerous. “Keep entertaining that woman you’re with. I’m coming to get Sienna. This time, I’m not letting you come near her again. I thought you would be good for her, but all you ever do is fucking play around. If something bad has happened to her, I’m going to hunt your ass down, Knightly! I swear to God, I’m going to kill you myself!”

  “What the bloody hell are you on about? Sienna is okay! She’s around this party somewhere!” I yelled into my phone, pulling my hair out as I looked around for Sienna.

  “She fucking isn’t! Her conservator just emailed me expressing concern that she changed her will. She’s going to donate everything to orphaned children. She just faxed it an hour and half ago. Sienna hung up on me an hour after. Now her phone is shut off.” Kyle sounded like he was breathing heavily. “She told me she missed her father.”

  Nothing was making sense. “And?” I grated out as I marched towards the entrance, my mind running through a million things as I tried to figure things out.

  “The last time she told me that, she attempted to kill herself. That was when she was ten-years-old.”

  The words felt like boulders sitting atop my chest, I needed to get to Sienna. “I’m going to her now. I’ll have her call you.” I cut the call immediately, almost running, looking for her.

  When I found Edward, the head of the security team, he informed me that they hadn’t seen Sienna in a while, and I was ready to kill the bastard. “How can you be a security detail if you do not know where my fiancée is?” When he didn’t utter a damn word, I held him by the collar, pushing him against the bloody vehicle. “You better get your arse moving and get all the needed information before I have you all killed. You’re incompetence is a disgrace!”

  My relief was evident when one of the waiters came to me and asked if I was looking for a crying, beautiful woman. He described her in great detail before he told me that he had overheard her tell her driver that she was going to head to the airport. Barely thanking the man, I barked at Edward and his team to get me to the airport. The information about Sienna having left with the jet made me feel dreadful.

  Sienna was crying. Why? Did our tiny fight drive her to leave the party? Why didn’t she come to me? I had so many questions… but most of all, what Kyle had told me earlier played havoc in my mind. Sienna couldn’t possibly be capable of hurting herself. I knew that… but did I really? Bloody fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

  The jet arrived ten minutes after we did. It was barely on the tarmac before I was striding toward it, ready to head out to Marbella. I was already running through the list of what would be needed for a search party; helicopters, people to search the grounds and the beach.

  That hour flight was the worst ride of my life. Images of Sienna dead somewhere kept resurfacing in my mind. The guilt that was eating me alive was what I deserved. I shouldn’t have let us be driven so far apart.

  She had tried to talk to me, but I had been closed off because what she had been telling me was truly hurting me inside and I hated feeling that way, so I brushed it off; brushed her off.

  It was childish and petty now that I thought of it. I hadn’t understood then that Sienna was going through something much more profound than what I’d anticipated. It rooted to her past. A past that she feared—a part that she continued to deal with every time it caused her to gasp for air when it seized her dreams—turning them into nightmares.

  I was a rotten bastard.

  I deserved wrath for all of my misgivings.

  The ride from the airstrip to the villa flashed before me. Fear truly became me as I silently prayed for her safety. For the first time, I called on my mother and father’s spirits, hoping they could provide some assistance. I wasn’t one who believed in any of those things, however at that point, I was ready to holler to God along with all the Roman and Greek gods for assistance; anything to let me find Sienna safe.

  The villa was dark when we got there. The staff had left right before dinner and the kitchen crew had left immediately after, so it didn’t surprise me that the entire place was deserted, yet the gnawing in my stomach deepened, indicating that something wasn’t right.

  I ran upstairs as the security team of five scanned the area. “Sienna! Are you in here?” I yelled out, hoping I could hear her somewhere within the villa, but the heavy down pour of rain was too loud and too distracting to hear much. After ten minutes and no Sienna, I marched downstairs and into my office.

  I pushed the settings to reprint the fax messages received in the last couple of hours, hoping that what Kyle had said was wrong, but after the third message was printed out, I became drained of that hope.

  Everything seemed so… premeditated. Sienna intended to die tonight, or soon anyway. No one changed their will that quickly unless something was up…

  Dumbfounded, my hand shook as I placed the copy of her revised will on the desk and then I heard the team relaying updates in their headsets. “Sir, I think they’ve spotted her…” he nervously said. The guy’s name left me completely as I waited for him to continue. “She’s in the water.”

  In the water… floating? The voice in my head added to my torment. “Where? Damn you, tell me where!”

  The man barely finished giving me the details before I rushed out of the villa and onto the beach. Sienna had apparently walked a mile away, out where the water was dangerous, the tide volatile with a ‘no swimming’ zone attached to it. The rain was relentless, but I could barely feel it because I was so wired with fright, my only thought was getting my woman to safety.

  Never in my life had I run like I was running now; as though to save the world from its doom. When I finally reached the large boulders, I understood why it was not a safe place to swim. The river connected with the sea, making the currents fierce and hard to swim through. It could easily drag even the strongest swimmer down.

  My eyes scanned through the heavy pour of the rain, seeing nothing out in the sea. “Sienna!” I called out, slowly walking further before I pulled my shoes off just as I spotted something red in the water. I squinted at the object and saw that it was her, her head barely making it to the surface. It was then that I noticed that she was trying to keep herself afloat.

  She was alive and seemed to want to stay that way. Thank the fucking gods!

  “Sienna!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, marching into the water towards her. When she didn’t turn around, I grunted and desperately called out again.

  This time, she did hear me. Sienna barely moved her head to the side as I swam towards her and when I finally reached her side, I held her like she was the most precious thing in the world. I didn’t pause to breathe until I got her to the shore, checking her face to see if she was conscious because she hadn’t said a word to me. Sienna was cold as death, her lips purple and her skin pale as a ghost.

  “Do you have a death wish, woman?” I was frustrated, needing some sort of explanation, but she merely blinked the rain away as she looked at me then moved her head to the side, completely ignoring my question.

  My hurt and questions could wait. I needed to warm her up before she got hypothermia. I didn’t know that the security guys had followed me out until they tried to help me up with her and I had to tell them to back off. “Have someone prepare coffee with a shot of alcohol in it. I need to have that the second we enter the house.” I barked at them before they scrambled to their feet and thought of other things to get that could help Sienna.

  The second we arrived, blankets, warmers, first aid kit and the requested drink were all laid out for Sienna.

  “We alre
ady called for a doctor. He should be here any moment now,” Edward calmly informed me before I nodded and tended to Sienna.

  I got her out of her clothes and wrapped her in sweats before bundling her in thick blankets. I wanted for her to soak in the tub or take a hot shower, however it seemed as though she was in shock and I didn’t want to risk doing something wrong before the doctor could come to check her.

  “Cara, you have to drink this.” I sat next to her, placing the hot mug against her purple lips as she shivered. When she didn’t even acknowledge me, I tried again. “Sienna, please. I need you better.” Without looking at me, she slowly parted her lips, sipping slowly.

  Watching her now, I wondered how things would have gone for me if I had found her dead in the water instead. The thought brought extreme sadness and I had to fight to hold myself together while I nursed her before the doctor arrived.

  The doctor came and went, and not a word came from Sienna, but she at least compromised by shaking or nodding her head if the doctor needed to ask her questions. She declined medication for sleep or for the shock. She basically didn’t want anything to do with the doctor.

  “Is there anything I can get you?” I knelt at her eye-level, wanting to hold her forever, but I was scared that she was going to push me away. So I stayed put, biding time.

  “Shower,” she murmured, still not meeting my gaze.

  It took every ounce in me not to press her further. “Okay. Give me a few minutes to prepare it for you.”

  Walking diligently towards the bathroom, I ran the shower, coaching myself to breathe easy and then going back to fetch her. “Come. Let’s get you washed and warmed up, back to your normal temperature.”

  Sienna nodded, not bothering to hold onto me as she walked silently at my side. The bathroom was now full of steam and I had to make sure the water was not scalding hot before she went in.

  I scrutinized her closely before she dropped the blankets on the floor and took care of the rest then walked inside the glassed shower area.

  Sienna might’ve looked vulnerable to some, but I saw something in those eyes of hers… and I didn’t like what I found. It was a look of purpose, something cold and chilling. The gnawing dread I had felt before was now pounding hard into me once more.

  Not wanting to waste any time, I ripped my clothes off. With only my boxer briefs on, I strode inside the shower and joined her. Whatever was going on, I had to know or I was going to go crazy thinking and stringing all types of theories together; none of them any good.

  Sienna knew I had joined her, though she didn’t even turn around to bother looking. She stood against the water, unmoving.

  Fifteen minutes later, she was still in the same position. I didn’t care if I had to wait hours, days or forever. I was going to stay put and wait until she was ready to talk. She needed to know that I was here, that I wasn’t going to go away, even if it took her forever to come back to me.

  Kyle had been right; I was arrogant and too selfish to see what was truly going on inside the woman whom I claimed to love. How many times did I have to let her down? I had failed her time and time again. I got so caught up with my own twisted emotions, blinded by them to the point that I didn’t see how my actions were affecting or contributing to our disconnection.

  My eyes had now been sprung open. I was here, whether she needed me or not.

  The steam cloaked us, wetting me while I stood patiently against the glass, eyes unwavering as I watched her. Time forgotten, I had no clue how long it took her to look up and maintain my gaze.

  “Hold me,” she stuttered as tears welled in her eyes.

  Even though she looked like she was almost back to normal, her emotional state hadn’t changed. . Wrapping her in my arms, I held her tight, not knowing what to do. She cried in my arms, while I soothed her, gently stroking her hair as I slowly moved us away from the heavy spray of the showerheads and onto the side, against the heated glass walls.

  “It’s okay… you can let me go now.” Sienna gave me a brave smile through her tears.

  Cupping her face, I wanted to ease her pain, but I needed to know what was going on inside her head in order to do so. “What happened out there?”

  She took a few seconds to answer, contemplating. “I was setting you free.”

  I peered at her. “I don’t follow…” I trailed off, heart thudding with dread.

  Sienna nervously looked at me before serving it to me ice cold. “I’m setting you free.” She then handed me something, forcing it into my hand.

  Glancing down to my palm, I found it was her engagement ring.

  Hell.

  “Sienna?” My voice shook, broken. She couldn’t mean that, could she? We were just going through a tough period …

  Sienna’s lips quivered. “I’m done fighting,” she sobbed and then added to my misery, “They can have you all to themselves.”

  What was she talking about? “Who’s they?”

  “Everyone.”

  She was giving up on us. This wasn’t a joke or an attempt to get me mad because I didn’t agree with her about firing Adriana. Sienna truly was dead serious about letting me go. Of all the things I had pictured in my head, this thought had never entered my mind. And dammit! It obliterated me.

  I looked heatedly at the ring then back at her face. “I’m not taking this ring back.”

  “Okay. I’ll just leave it here,” she said, uncaring.

  I wanted to shake her, get some sense into her or find out what the hell was going on. Sienna put me through hell the second Kyle Matthews spoke into that phone and I hadn’t gotten off the damn hellish ride since. “I thought you wanted to marry me someday?”

  “I did… but things changed.” Sienna decided to meet my gaze.

  With just one penetrating glance from her, I had a glimpse into my future without Sienna; a lonely world full of bitterness and pining for the only one, the woman who’d gotten away. Well, I wasn’t going to let her push me away without a fight.

  “Do you remember the first time I proposed to you?” My voice broke as my throat closed up, thinking about the future and rehashing the one memory I loathed more than anything. When Sienna shrugged, something vicious ignited inside me. “Well, I bloody remember it like it just happened yesterday. I can recall everything about that day. I was at the very end of my desperation, but I held hope.”

  “Blake—”

  I swallowed the tightness in my throat, trying to breathe. “Let me hear you say it,” I whispered.

  Sienna frowned, confused at what I had said.

  With my left hand, I gently held her by the chin and slowly lifted her gaze to mine. “Let me hear you say the words; that you don’t love me.” I penetrated my gaze into her, trapping her head in between my arms. “Look me in the eye and say it!”

  “No, Blake.” Her resolve was undaunted.

  So was mine.

  If she wanted to end this, then she had to follow through. “Just say the goddamn words and then you’ll be free of me.”

  Tears fell down her face while she sobbed and tried to wipe them away. “I don’t love you.”

  Feral anger reared, her words rocking into my system. “Fucking look at me when you say it. Fucking make me understand!” I yelled at her. “Do you hear me, Sienna? Fucking PIERCE IT INTO ME!”

  She paused, looking at me before she opened her mouth while I burned holes into her. “I… Blake—I” She blinked her tears away, lips quivering. “I don’t.” She bit her bottom lip, drawing blood. “Love you.”

  Frozen like a statue, I didn’t know what I was feeling anymore. I snapped out of it when she tried to push my hand away so she could move, however she wasn’t getting off this easy. “Say it again. This time don’t stutter!” I commanded, unyielding.

  “No.”

  “SAY THEM AGAIN!” I thundered out, punching both of my knuckles hard on the marbled wall, making her flinch as if it was her that was being punched. “SAY THE DAMN WORDS, SIENNA!” My voice echoed in the showe
r area. I felt raw and punctured, gutted to the core while my heart bled out.

  She shook her head, sniffing. “Let me go,” she whispered, shaking.

  NO… no… no… please… “Sienna—” I choked out, begging. “Tell me how… I don’t know how.” Obliterated by pain and the feeling of losing her, I held her close, wanting the reality of her against me, afraid to lose it for good. “I’m so sorry… please don’t leave—I love—” I whispered against her ear while she gently shivered in my arms. My nose coaxed against her cheek, trailing towards her lips. “I love you,” I whispered against her lips, feeling heady at the thought of kissing her again.

  Her lips hadn’t touched mine for a very long time. Our kisses were once powerful, that’s why I had stayed away from them. It was much more intense than sex.