At the mention of my mother, I leaned in, eager to hear about her. Nadine noticed and patted my hand.
"We will talk about her, Will, I promise. But right now, these herbs! You can't have gathered them as they are. You are untrained. A Duilleog at best. Maybe a Craobh. Explain to me how you collect your herbs. Tell me in detail."
I hesitated, but only for a moment. I'd never been able to tell anyone how I harvested my herbs. It had always been my secret and finding myself with someone who I could open up to and have them understand me was a dream come true. I reached into my tunic and pulled out my pouch. I held it over the table and gently shook out the contents. The coin fell first and then the sickle tumbled out and landed with a soft click on to the coin.
"Is that...is that..." she cried out in what sounded like anguish and hope combined in one. She reached out with a shaking hand toward the pile but she stopped short of touching the sickle. I looked at her face. Tears poured from her eyes and her shoulders were shaking violently. A sob burst from her and I rushed forward and held her gently. She cried into my shoulder, her sobs loud in the quiet of her small home. She cried for a long time. I could sense a tremendous release coming from her.
"Oh, Will! Will! Such joy it gives me to see the symbol of the Cill Dara! Gaea be praised!"
Joy? I thought she was upset. Why is she crying then?
"With the death of so many. So many! How could I hope that it survived? I was certain it was lost with your mother. Seeing it again, it brings me hope and such joy. You won't understand. It is of significant importance to the draoi."
"Cill Dara?"
She pushed herself off my shoulder and I returned to my chair. She wiped her face and dried her tears.
"The Cill Dara, or the Cill Darae. The High Priest or High Priestess of The Tree. They alone commune directly with Gaea. And they advise the head of the Draoi, the Freamhaigh, or the Root. If the Freamhaigh is male, the Cill Darae is a woman, and vice versa."
She paused.
"Your mother was the Cill Darae, Will. She was the best of us. Her passing was a dire blow to us."
I shook my head unable to speak. This was all so new to me. I drank in each word and tried to imagine this was truly my mother she spoke of. But without memories to associate with the words they passed through me. I could not grasp what she was telling me.
"Seeing the sickle, it killed whatever slim hope I still had that she escaped. I had hoped she had hidden somehow. Faked her death. I made myself believe what I knew to be impossible," She thought for a moment. "It explains much about your herb craft, but even with this, the quality is remarkable. I saw what your mother was capable of; I studied under her for a time when my Stoc was called away. The Stoc I trained with, at her best, she would have been hard pressed to achieve this quality. Your mother, though, she could — with little effort. You take after her, Will. You should be very proud. Gaea does not call on all people — only those she chooses. And she gifts them with her power. Her magyc. She must have gifted you so very long ago. This is remarkable."
"What do you mean, she calls on people? How? With words?"
"Yes, of course. How else would she do it?"
"I don't know. How could I know? Is she like the god of the Church?"
"By the Word, no! God is the imaginary being they created. A cursed, narcissistic deity. Demands devotion and threatens people with eternal damnation. Have you not heard the Great Debate?"
"Um, a little, I suppose. The Wordsmith in Jaipers, Daukyns, he was my good friend. He died. He was old," I stole a glance at her to see if she was offended but she merely stared back at me. "Well, he tried to explain it to me once. But I didn't really care to know and I didn't really listen to him." I thought back to the day, sitting in a small boat on the river, my stomach roiling in agony. Daukyns, ambivalent to my distress on the water, had droned on and on about the Great Debate. All I could remember was it had caused the Revolution to start in earnest. Before then it had been a mild rebellious sort of thing. The Church had conceded to the Word — the King went insane, everyone knew the tale — and it caused rioting. And a civil war of sorts. The Church lost in the end and was reduced to almost nothing. What saved them was the Lord Protector and the Archbishop had managed to stop the riots. Still, Daukyns used to thank the Word the Church remains so small and had so little effect on people. He said he couldn't imagine a world where the Church continued to rule the hearts of people through fear and punishment. A vision of the two dead guards and the assassin came to mind and I concluded I knew nothing.
"Well, you should have listened to him," she said. "History is important, young man!" She reached out to finally grasp the sickle and then stopped short again and looked at me. I nodded permission and she picked it up. She held it with reverence and tested the edge with a thumb. "This too is a part of history. This was given to the first Cill Darae hundreds of years ago by Gaea herself. It has been passed from one Cill Dara to the next over all these years. Gaea imbued the stone with her power. It is a thing of wonder."
"Stone? I thought it glass."
"It is both. It is glass created from the heat of the earth like stone. But it is magyc, too. Filled with her magyc and it has never waned. It is still as strong today as it was on the first day, I am sure." I wasn't so sure. Whenever I had used it I had always felt it had become a part of me.
She placed the sickle down gently on the table and snatched up the coin.
"By the Word! A triskelion!"
"A what?"
"A triskelion! Each Stoc carries one. It is a symbol of our order. We all belong to The Tree. The coin is used to allow a person to discover Gaea. It's a little complicated, but it is enough to understand all the living on earth are Gaea. It is not us and then her. We are all her. And how can we not be? We are born from the earth and it is to the earth we return on our death. But you are no more aware of a hair on your head than Gaea is that you exist. The coin changes that. Opens you up to her notice."
"I rubbed it and I could see through walls. And people glowed."
Nadine reached out and grasped my arm. "What? You shifted?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Nadine let go of my arm and then slapped it. "Will, you surprise me again. That should not be possible. Not without guidance, and a firm and helping hand from your Stoc. Finding the means to do that all by yourself is extraordinary. During my days, that was unheard of."
I grew quiet thinking about how I had shifted the first time in Jaipers and then healed the town. I now no longer needed the coin to shift. I could just do it. And it was as easy as breathing to me now. I didn't know exactly how to tell her. So much had happened to me. And, to be honest with myself, I was starting to think she didn't know as much about the draoi as she thought. It was not something I could ask without being rude. I thought for a moment. "Nadine, how can you be sure?"
She stared at me for a moment and I could see she was embarrassed about something and a little agitated. Dog stood up and sauntered over and placed his wet nose into her hand. It distracted her a moment and she looked down and let Dog put his head in her lap. She laid her hands on his head and scratched behind his ears. It seemed to console her. She kept her face down and away from me.
"I was never made a Stoc," she said so quietly I strained to hear her. "That is my shame. I was promoted to Craobh and never made it to full draoi. Gaea never saw fit to award me with the power to do what a full draoi required to perform their duties. I fled here and bought this home and tend the garden and sell my fruit and vegetables and herbs. It is a simple life. One I have come to enjoy and cherish."
I knew not what to say to this. Not knowing anything about the druids, I could only sense she felt she had failed somehow. I looked around her workplace and looked up to her drying herbs. I reached out with my power to examine the plants and I could see they were no different from the herbs I would see for sale in the marketplaces. Perhaps a little stronger in potency but normal herbs all the same. I shifted and gave her another ex
amination and confirmed her heart was still pumping hard. I shifted back and was startled to see her staring gloomily at me.
"That's quite rude, you know," she said. "Draoi aren't supposed to look into other draoi without their permission first. It's only polite to ask first."
I gawked at her. I had never considered — never thought. I felt my face warm with my embarrassment. When she saw this a grin split her face and she smacked me again. Dog chuffed on her lap.
"Ha! I don't mind, young man. True words, though, always ask permission from another draoi. But, more importantly, I've seen what you've done. You lit up like a Yule bush! All blue and bright! You need to control the power. Hide it. One of the first rules of the draoi is to never expose your power to non-draoi. It is not debatable and the way you wield the power anyone could see what you can do. Maybe not understand it, but you will certainly stand out!"
I was horrified. When I had used my powers in Jaipers the Reeve there had told me I glowed blue but I never thought to try and control it. I never knew I could. This woman would need to teach me. I needed her help.
"Aye, you need my help, Will. Any fool can see that look in your face and understand what you're thinking. Perhaps that was Gaea's plan. Put me here for you to stumble upon. I always thought she was a conniving woman."
Dog sneezed and trotted over to his bone and growled at it and resumed his gnawing. I nodded and looked at Nadine. She was still smiling.
"It'll do me good," she paused for a long time looking at me appraisingly. "So?"
"So?"
"What did you see?"
"Umm, what?"
"When you looked into me, what did you see?"
"Not much," I said. "Except, except, well, your heart is worn. It strains to beat. I think I can make a tea for you that will help. And to help your joint pain."
"Birch tea?"
"Um, yes, exactly that. But with green tea leaves."
"Good. Good. I've been making my own. It's over there on the counter."
I walked over and found her birch bark and green tea supply. I shifted and looked at it. The bark and leaves weren't very potent and I knew I could harvest better quality bark to add to my own green tea. "Where did you harvest this bark?"
She snorted. "Nearby. Come I'll show you. I saw you look at my supplies. Poor quality and not worthy of a draoi, are they? Bah, no matter, I know the answer and I've lived this long with disappointment. Best we sort out my heart before we continue this. I'll need my strength." She rose and came over to me and stopped in front of me looking up at my face. Without warning she wrapped me in a strong embrace and held me, her cheek pressed into my chest. "I knew your mum, Will. She was always very kind to me. Sympathetic to my limits. But, seeing her son returned alive and hale is a boon to me. You've no idea how alone I've been these last ten years." She released me but clasped my upper arms and stared into my eyes. "Or perhaps you do. Perhaps you do." She patted an arm and turned to the door. "Come. Let's get this done."
Twenty-Eight
Nadine's House, Jergen Waterfront, 900 A.C.
WE RETURNED a little while later with the birch bark. While I made tea from the bark and my green tea leaves she kept up an endless dialogue of praise of my abilities. I was the first draoi, she said, who could harvest herbs of such quality without formal training. She seemed pleased. When I had least expected it a flashback of working with my mother in the garden somewhere had come to me. In the memory, I was sitting by her side and watching her harvest herbs and spices. When I asked Nadine about the memory she seemed pleased and confirmed I had often been at my mother's side helping her.
Then she glared at me and added: "At such a young age, it is doubtful you learned much. Certainly not to this level."
Except Daukyns had taught me a great deal about herb lore. Probably all I knew came from him, building on my childhood knowledge with my mother. My added touch simply insured the potency was stronger. And all it took was an ability to communicate with the plant. Communicate was the word Nadine had used.
"You need to communicate with the plant," she said as I placed her tea before her. She took a sip and nodded in approval.
"Communicate?" I asked.
"Yes, talk to the plant." At my smirk, she smacked my arm again. "Not with words. With your emotions. You need to project your need."
I nodded at this. It sounded right, for it was what I had been doing all along. I had just never put words to it and I told her as much.
"Yes, that's it. You were doing it right. It comes naturally to you." She grew silent and then I saw her reach a decision. "That's what was wrong with me, they said. I couldn't speak to the plants. Well, not loud enough, they said. It's what saved me during the Purge."
"Purge?" I asked, and reminded myself to ask her more about her lack of skill later. It clearly pained her and I doubted she would be open about it at the moment.
"Yes, the Purge. You would have been caught in the first strike. It started in Munsten. It all started there. Your mother was the Cill Darae in the castle. When it all fell apart and the city went up in flames, she escaped with you. We all felt it when she died. We were certain you were killed with her. It destroyed what we had left. The draoi fell apart and scattered to the winds. Gaea abandoned us, confirmed by the death of her Cill Darae. It was too much for the draoi. It was horrible, just horrible."
A great many questions came to mind but I focused instead on the location. "Munsten? I was in Munsten?"
"Of course!" and she smacked me again. "Where else would the Cill Darae be? She was there with the Freamhaigh and your dad."
I felt a burning in my gut at the mention of my father and with it the image of him turning his back on us and walking into the burning city returned. Nadine mentioning the city in flames brought the image to mind and I turned my back to her to hide my face and anger. I could still see my father walking away from us backlit by the flames of the city. I gritted my teeth. Being in the presence of someone who knew my father made it seem all the worse and all the more real to me. "My father betrayed my mother. I remember clearly."
"No, not true," she stated and struggled to sit up. I helped her until she settled. "You were merely a boy then. I should know. I helped raise you! You were only eight summers old. Talking up a storm, questioning everything, and running around all over the castle. No. Your father loved your mother and you like no other father and husband has loved his wife and child."
I shook my head, disagreeing with her.
"Will," she said and reached out to grasp both my hands. "Here, feel the Truth of my words."
I looked down at her green-stained hands, surprised by the strength of them. She was frail but working her plants gave her such vitality. The intensity in her eyes drew me into their depths. She was intent on showing me something and I felt a connection form between us.
"Will, your father loved you and your mother. He could not have abandoned you."
With her words, the connection between us sounded a single pure tone. My teeth rattled in my mouth and I felt and knew the sincerity of her words. It was Truth. She was not lying. But her truth, I thought. I freed my hands from hers and sat back, opening the distance between us. Dog whined once and placed his head on my lap.
"It's been so long since I did that. I'm surprised I had the strength. I was taught how to do that so many years ago. One way, I'm afraid, for me at least. You could lie to me all you want and I'd never know. Did you see the Truth?" she said.
"Yes. I felt it. But Nadine, I watched him. I watched as he turned and walked away. We were safe with him. Almost clear of the flames. My da walked away and left me — left us. I remember my mother's anguish. I felt her anguish. I still do."
"No, you felt her loss. She watched her husband leave her — and you, too — to provide a cover for your escape. He sacrificed himself for his family." She grew silent for a spell and I sat numb trying to digest her words. Could it be true? All these years I had lived with the belief my father had betrayed us by abando
ning us. And yet I felt the Truth from this woman and knew what I had believed was perhaps not the entire truth. I was torn, not knowing what to believe anymore. It is not a simple matter to abandon a belief you have lived your entire life learning to accept.
"He betrayed us," I said trying for conviction in my voice. "My mother died because he was not there to protect us."
At the silence, I turned my head to look at Nadine and was shocked by the look on her face. I couldn't tell if she was horrified or disgusted. I opened my mouth to speak but she leaned forward to reach out and grasp my forearm with a bony hand and she squeezed me painfully tight. She pulled me closer to her.
"Betrayed you? How can you believe that? Your father sacrificed himself for you! He found a way out for both of you. He was a captain in the Protector's Guard! A noble and honourable man! Dear boy! You have no idea! When the Church found out what he had done they took him away!" She let go of my arm and covered her mouth. Her eyes were wet and she blinked them to clear them.
It took me awhile but eventually I found my voice. "He did...what? No. He abandoned us. I can still see him turning away and walking away from us with the city in flames! My mother, she was so upset, she..." I fell silent, the horror taking my voice.
Nadine took a moment and then spoke very softly to me as if I was a child. "That was likely the hardest thing he ever had to do — leaving his wife and young son. The only consolation was knowing you left the city to what he thought was your safety. You were barely out of toddler clothes, Will. He led you out of the city during a massive search for you both when he had been ordered to turn you both in. Imagine that! Your own father ordered to turn in his wife and child! But he turned against his oaths and did what was right for his family. His actions let you escape, but, unfortunately, the Sect found him, soon after. He...he was never seen again. They killed him, I'm sure of that."
Leaf and Branch (New Druids Series Vol 1 & 2) Page 46