Even as he said the words, he could see tears misting in her eyes. “Juliana, what I’m trying to say is that you are the love of my life. That much I know. I was gifted with your love for a short time, and for that I am forever grateful. I’ll never need another, nor will I want one.”
“Nay, you are wrong…”
He frowned. “In what way?”
“I will always love you.” She smiled, dropping her hand so she could play with his bottom lip, rubbing her fingers across it. “That will never change. We just cannot marry. Will you visit me from time to time?”
“Aye.” He doubted there was aught he could say to change her mind, but Jennie had said something he felt the need to repeat. “I forgot to tell you what Jennie told me about people who are dying, people who know they don’t have much time.”
“What did she say?”
“Sometimes they can’t get the right words out and you may never know what their last wishes are.”
How he wished he could convince her of that.
Instead, he did what he needed to do. He let her go.
***
Ruari avoided the abbey for the next two weeks, hoping Juliana would have the time she needed to mourn her sister. Hoping she would realize that she wasn’t meant to be a nun.
His heart yearned to visit her.
Aedan called him into his solar one day to tell him Munro had paid a visit to the abbey. Apparently, he’d still hoped to convince Juliana to marry him. She’d refused to see him, and he’d gone home in a fury.
“Mother Matilda can be quite a force when she wishes to be,” Aedan said. “She can stir up the monks to do her bidding when someone threatens the welfare of one of her charges.”
“Why did you not tell me, Aedan? I would have gladly sent the bastard off to his land.”
“The abbess sent a messenger in case there was trouble, but I didn’t expect any. Juliana’s deep in mourning. What a shock for a young lass to hold her sister in her arms and watch her die. I stayed away because I thought it best.”
“Mayhap so,” Ruari muttered.
“And I feared if I saw the bastard, I’d have a few words with him over how he treated my brother. Fortunately, he left quickly.”
Ruari was surprised to see the emotion that crossed his brother’s face at the mention of his beating.
“What? You’re surprised? Go find a silver platter and check your reflection. You still look like a hideous beast.” Aedan chuckled as he gave him a full perusing.
Perhaps Ruari would pretend that was why he’d stayed away from Juliana instead of the true reason.
He was afraid to see her—afraid that she’d tell him she’d already become a novice. He’d sent a few small gifts to her, a berry fruit tart, soap that smelled of lavender, and a bouquet of wildflowers that smelled just as she did.
While the messenger had always communicated her gratitude, she’d never asked to speak to him.
One day in the lists, he finally lost the drive to fight and tossed his sword onto the ground.
“Lazy arse today, Cameron,” Padraig said. “Or is it something else?”
He shook his head, unable to put his frustration into words. His niece Riley walked toward the lists.
“Your answer is coming soon,” she said with a smile. Having communicated her enigmatic question, she whirled about like a wee fairy and ran back toward the keep.
“What do you suppose she meant by that?” Padraig asked, scratching his head. “Is your niece always that odd or is she a seer?”
Ruari stared after the lass, her plait bouncing in the air as she ran. “Not a seer that I am aware of, but she’s young yet. Mayhap some odd skill is developing inside of her. I must ask Aedan or Jennie about it.” He wiped the sweat from his brow with his tunic. “I’ve had enough for today, Padraig.” The truth was his muscles still ached at times from the beating he’d taken.
And the ache in his chest refused to leave him.
“I’m going to visit my mother. I didn’t want her to see my face in such a state, but I haven’t visited her since the day before I went to Munro’s. I’ve put it off long enough,” he said, heading toward the keep. “You stay and keep working our guards. They need the practice.”
He strode to the keep and found his mother in front of the hearth in her chamber. “Greetings to you, Mama.”
“Ruari, I’m so glad you’re here.”
He bent down and kissed her cheek and took a seat beside her. “How are your aches and pains today?”
He waited for her reaction to the bruises on his face. It never came.
“I don’t have any aches and pains, but I must tell you that Riley has a message for you.”
Puzzled by that, he said, “Riley just gave me a message, but I’m not sure what it means.”
“I’m glad she came to see you. Do not worry, you’ll find out soon enough. Just remember that I always love you.” She smiled and patted his cheek. Her head dipped to her chest, her eyes closing, so he tucked the plaid on her lap around her. “I love you, too, Mama,” he whispered as he kissed the top of her head.
He left her there, spoke to the woman who usually kept an eye on his mother, then headed back out into the courtyard in search of Aedan. His brother was walking toward him, a broad smile on his face.
“Aedan, has Mama seemed odd to you?”
“What? Nay. Mama’s seemed the same to me, but never mind that. We have visitors and they are here to see you, though I’m uncertain as to why. You’ll enjoy their company whatever their message.”
His heart sped up at the prospect that Juliana might have come to him, but then his gaze caught the visitors emerging from the stables.
It was Drew Menzie, his wife Avelina, and their four bairns. The Menzies lived nearby, and they were considered family by virtue of the marriage of Jennie’s sister to Avelina’s brother. The group came toward them, Drew clasping Aedan’s shoulder with a wide grin. “Cameron, so nice to see you again. You all fare well? Ruari, my apologies for the trouble you seem to be having, but mayhap your luck is about to change.”
He had no idea what that meant so he said nothing.
Avelina, after greeting both of them, said, “Drew, why don’t you take the lads out to the lists to observe, while Elyse and I speak with Ruari. Ruari, you remember our lads? This is Tad, the eldest, and the young ones are Tomag and Maitland.” Ruari greeted each of them, but they took off toward the lists as fast as they could. He guessed the youngest to be around seven or eight.
“Papa, we’re going to find Brin,” the lad in back shouted over his shoulder. The three ran in one straight line, and he couldn’t help but smile.
How he wished he could have had sons of his own. His mind shifted to Grizella, the old healer who’d stitched his wound. All this time, he’d wondered why his wife hadn’t become with child. Doirin had told him it was fate—that it was a sign they weren’t meant to have bairns—but all along she’d been preventing it from happening.
He felt bitterly betrayed.
Word of the visitors must have arrived, because Jennie, Tara, and Riley burst out of the keep to greet them. Once the hugging and giggling ended, Avelina said to Jennie, “We’ve come to see Ruari. Is there a place we can speak privately? You are welcome to join us, of course.”
Riley boldly took a step forward and announced, “As I am, correct, Aunt Lina?”
Elyse, whom he guessed to be around six and ten, stepped forward and touched Riley’s cheek. An eerie pause followed as the two locked gazes. What happened next was so peculiar, Ruari wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes. An odd golden glow emanated from Avelina and jumped first to Elyse and then Riley.
And as quickly as it had come, it vanished.
Elyse broke into a wide smile and said, “Of course, Riley. I see you are quite special.” Jennie’s eyes widened, but she said nothing about the strange aura. She put her hands on Riley’s shoulders and said, “Come inside. Tara and I will arrange for a l
ight repast while you and Elyse can speak with Ruari and Riley.”
Ruari glanced from one face to the other. Something odd was transpiring in front of him, but he had no idea what it meant. He waited for the women to lead the way, followed by the lasses, then he stepped in behind them.
They were about to ascend the steps into the keep when Riley stopped, twirled around to face him, and said, “You see, Uncle Ruari? ’Tis happening just as I predicted.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Juliana threw herself onto her sister’s bed and sobbed her eyes out, probably for the tenth time that week. At least she understood all that had happened many years ago, though it raised more questions than it provided answers. Why hadn’t her sister confided in her? She’d carried a babe and lost it.
How awful for her. She couldn’t imagine how her sister must have grieved the loss of her child, yet she’d never said a word about it.
Everything had been kept secret.
She knew why her sister had been so adamantly opposed to her betrothal to Munro, but why hadn’t Joan been more direct with her warnings? Why hadn’t she finished telling her about the marriage bed?
No matter how hard she prayed, she had no answers.
Her heart hurt so much that she feared it was beyond repair. She missed her sister, she missed Ruari, and she wished to melt into oblivion. The small, thoughtful gifts Ruari persisted in sending her only made it harder to stay away from him, something she felt she needed to do.
What was she to do?’
She lay on her bed, her head turned to the side, her tears finally spent, though she knew they wouldn’t be her last.
Sister Grace knocked on her door and stuck her head inside.
Juliana could barely move her head to speak with her.
“You have visitors, my dear,” the nun said with a kind smile. “Please come below stairs.” She stepped away as softly and unobtrusively as she had come.
Who would be visiting? The only visitor she could think of was Ruari, so she slipped her toes into her old worn slippers, because she refused to wear the new ones Munro had bought her, and headed down the stairs.
There was no bounce in her step, even for Ruari. If he were here, he would be looking for her to change her mind and agree to marry him, but she couldn’t do it yet.
She feared it would dishonor her sister’s memory.
When she reached the hall, she was surprised to see a group of unfamiliar people waiting by the hearth. She recognized only two of them—Jennie Cameron and her daughter Riley.
Mistress Jennie greeted her first and said, “I brought two verra special people to see you, Juliana. This is my dear friend Avelina Menzie and her daughter, Elyse.”
Avelina was stunning. Tall and willowy, she had haunting green eyes that reminded her of a meadow full of wildflowers. Elyse’s hair was long and dark brown, with strange streaks of silver that had nothing to do with age. The color of her eyes was hard to pinpoint. Sometimes they appeared blue, sometimes green, but occasionally they looked golden. She had a warm smile that made her approachable in spite of her strange, striking beauty.
Riley stood behind her, a bit off to the side, her gaze locked on Juliana’s. She spoke first, “They’ve come here for you, Juliana.”
Mistress Jennie’s soft lilting laughter softened Riley’s odd comment. “Riley, you’ll frighten Juliana. She means they’ve come to speak with you. Lady Avelina has the gift of sight, and her only daughter has inherited it. They have a message meant just for you, but please sit down, Juliana. How have you been?”
All she could do was shake her head lightly as she stared at them. “I’m not sure. I supposed I’m confused more than anything.”
Jennie turned to Avelina and said, “I’m not sure if you know the story, but Juliana lost her only sister Joan about a fortnight ago. Her sister, who was a nun here at the abbey, gave Juliana a message before she passed, and I believe Juliana has been struggling to interpret her message. Am I not right about that, my dear?”
Juliana nodded as she sat in one of the chairs by the hearth, gripping her hands together so tightly that their color was nearly white.
What message could they possibly have for her? She’d never known a true seer before, although she’d heard enough stories not to doubt that they existed.
Lady Avelina dragged over a stool and motioned for Elyse to sit, then settled into the chair closest to Juliana. “I have the gift of sight, but my daughter’s gift is much stronger than my own. Elyse has received a message for you from someone, Juliana,” she said in a warm, soft tone. “She wasn’t sure who was trying to reach out to her, but now that I’ve heard your story, I’m quite certain ’tis your sister. Elyse will give you the message, and you may choose to do what you wish with it. The dead often leave as a complete surprise, leaving something undone, and I believe ’tis what has happened with your sister.”
Tears slid down Juliana’s cheeks and she said, “Please go on.” She wished to hear the message even though she wasn’t sure she believed it was from her sister.
Elyse said, “I’m certain this soul is your sister’s. She said she’s sorry for how it all turned out, but ’tis for the best.”
She couldn’t stop the tears from running down her face. “But it isn’t.”
“Aye, she says everything will be all right as soon as you find what was in her heart. You’re confused and you’ve misinterpreted her. She left a message for you in her chamber. You must find it.”
Juliana bolted out of her chair and raced up the stairs, tears blurring her vision so much that she feared she’d trip and fall. Mistresses Jennie and Avelina followed her.
Elyse stood at the base of the stairs and called out, “Stop running. How many times must I tell you, wee sweetie, to stop running all the time?”
Juliana gasped, spun around, and lowered herself onto one of the steps lest she fall. That was exactly what her sister had said to her over and over again when she was a young lass.
Wee sweetie.
“What, Joan? Tell me what to do…please.” She stared at Elyse as if she might actually turn into Joan.
Elyse shook her head as if coming out of a trance. “She said you’ll find her answer in her chamber.”
She grabbed her skirts and raced down the long stone passageway until she reached her sister’s chamber. Once inside, she collapsed in front of the chest that held Joan’s belongings. She forced herself to start looking through it, one item at a time, sobbing as she worked. She’d done this before, though, more than once, and there was nothing.
Jennie and Avelina stood in the doorway, as if uncertain of what to do next, but Elyse circled around them. “Keep searching,” she said, joining Juliana in the chamber.
Juliana continued the search, but despair pressed down on her again. Had she come so far only to be pushed backward again?
“Where? Where, Joan? Tell me where. Please.”
But Elyse had no further advice to give. Once the chest was completely empty, Juliana hurried over to the shelves at the side of the chamber.
It was then Riley joined them in the chamber. Stepping in past Elyse, she lifted her arm to point at the shelves. “’Tis in the book of letters.” Riley’s expression was completely blank as she lifted her gaze to Juliana’s. “You remember the book of letters I made for you, do you not?”
Juliana rushed to the shelf to grab up the book her sister had prepared for their lessons, which they’d started a few days before Joan died. She brought it back to the bed with her and took a hasty seat, flipping through the pages in the hopes something would jump out at her.
Elyse approached her and took the book from her hands, lifting it and giving it a weak shake. To Juliana’s amazement, a piece of parchment fell toward the floor.
Juliana caught the parchment before it landed. She opened it and looked at all the letters carefully inscribed in neat rows. “But I cannot read,” she declared to all those around her.
She noticed Mother Matilda now sto
od behind Mistress Jennie and Mistress Avelina in the doorway.
Avelina walked over to the bed and sat down beside her. “I’d be happy to read it to you, if you don’t mind. Do you want the others to listen, or would you prefer for them to leave?”
“I don’t care. Is it from my sister?”
Avelina glanced over the parchment. “Aye, ’tis a note from her to you.” She set her hand on Juliana’s back and said, “Shall I read it now?”
“Aye, please,” she whispered, her heart beating as fast as a rabbit’s. She was about to hear her sister’s last message for her.
Avelina began:
My dearest Juliana,
I have a hard time expressing myself, but I must tell you what is in my heart.
Do not marry Ailbeart Munro. He is a cruel, uncaring man. I know because I nearly married him. Trust me in this and ignore what Papa says.
After praying on the matter, I don’t think taking your vows is right for you. You have given Ruari Cameron your heart and he is a good, honorable man. Marry him and I hope you will have many bairns with him.
I have tried to tell you this, but I find the words difficult to say because the truth is I always wanted this for myself, but it didn’t happen.
It is my hope that someday you will be happy and have many bairns.
Mama would have wanted this for you.
I want this for you.
I love you with all my heart. I must teach you to read before I can give this to you, but I have at least written my thoughts down. I have this odd feeling that I must write them down, though I know not why.
You will be a wonderful mother someday.
Someday, I’ll tell you my other secret, but that is for another day.
Your sister,
Joan
Elyse, who’d returned to the doorway while her mother was reading the letter, smiled at her. A wide, familiar smile like the ones Joan had given her when she was small, “And now I must go, wee sweetie. Be happy.”
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