by Yvonne Prinz
“Yeah, me neither.”
“You look so much better. I like your hair.”
“Shut up.”
“I do.”
“How do you feel?” I gestured at her stomach.
She looked down. “I lost the baby that day you went missing.”
“Oh, wow. I’m sorry.”
“That’s why I was a little slow getting up the path that day.”
“No one told me.”
“I told them not to. I wanted to tell you myself.”
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah, you know . . .” she shrugged. “The doctor says I’m fine.”
“What will you do?”
“I think I’ll go back to school. My mom’s moving in with her boyfriend, so we’re giving up the house.”
“You won’t live here anymore?”
“I’ve gotta get out of this place. It’s full of ghosts for me, you know?”
I did.
After I left Sonia’s, I continued on down the hill. The view of the ocean as I walked was a postcard, and I wondered how long it had been since I actually saw it that way. The sun danced off the ripples on the water and the air felt crisp and clean. I felt peaceful. What a concept.
It was just a few weeks earlier but it seemed like another lifetime that I had worked at Katy’s. I needed to stop by and see Sharona. She’d left several worried messages on my phone, which I’d found under my bed. I wanted to thank her for trying to help me. The bell on the door at Katy’s jingled and Sharona’s face lit up when she saw me. She hurried to finish ringing up a woman at the register.
“Hey stranger! I heard you were back.” She hugged me tight. “Look at you! I love the short hair.”
I cringed when I thought of the filthy coils of hair I’d left on her bathroom floor that horrible day.
“Oh yeah? You like it?” I ran my fingers through it and saw her look at my burned hand and quickly look away. “Hey, thanks for . . . that day . . . I was a mess.”
“Don’t mention it. It was pretty exciting stuff, you know, for False Bay. Wow, a psychopath, who’da thought?” She shrugged.
I still believed that the beam falling on Fin was some sort of intervention orchestrated by Lucky. I’m pretty sure Sharona would agree if I asked her, but I didn’t.
“Well, I’m on my way to the Inn to ask for my job back. Wish me luck.”
“You don’t need it. Karl told me they’re dying over there without you.”
“Karl?”
“Yes, Karl. We’re giving it another go.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup, I guess I just can’t quit that guy.”
“Too bad he lasered your name off his arm.”
“I know, right? Hilarious.”
I remembered how I’d yelled at Karl the last time I saw him. That was another person I should apologize to.
“Hey, you can hang out at the Inn again.”
“Jeff hates me.”
“He does not. It’s just his nature.”
The bell on the door jingled again and a carload of loud tourists came in.
“I better get back to work. Katy’s been working weekends with me, and oh man, is that ever brutal. I don’t know how long I can hang in here.”
I left Katy’s and walked back up the highway to the Inn.
I took deep breaths as I opened the heavy front door. I’d composed a compelling speech, but I was nervous. I realized now that my hands needed something important to do. Creating those desserts made me happy. In the hospital I’d started thinking about the Culinary Institute again. Dr. Lundgren encouraged me to have a goal. He thought that the Institute was something I could manage easily in a year or so.
The breakfast crowd had mostly cleared out of the dining room, and Jeff and Miles were sitting together at a table when I walked in. I only had to look at their faces to know that they’d heard all the stories about me.
“Hi, Georgia,” they said together with matching levels of discomfort.
“Hi.”
“How are you?” said Jeff, followed by Miles who added, “Feeling?” at the end. Jeff glared at Miles.
“I’m great. Listen. I wondered if I could have my job back. I wasn’t doing well when you fired me and I’m really sorry about the way I behaved but I’m much better now and I promise you can depend on me.” I blurted all of it out without taking a breath.
They exchanged glances. “Oh, thank God,” said Jeff. “We’d love to have you back. And we’re really sorry about what happened with Fin. We should have believed you but . . . you know, you were waving that knife.”
Miles looked at Jeff with alarm. “Well, she was,” said Jeff quietly.
It turns out that they hadn’t found anyone to replace me yet and Marc was hurling French insults at them daily because he had to pick up the slack. They wanted me back. They actually needed me.
“When can you start?” asked Miles.
“Today would be good,” added Jeff.
“How about tomorrow?” I asked.
“Fine, tomorrow then.”
“And you know what?” said Miles. “That raise you were asking for? I think it’s time you got it.”
Jeff glared at Miles.
I beamed as I walked out of the dining room and out the front door of the Heron. I felt like skipping as I started back up the highway toward home.
When I arrived home my mom was drinking tea and eating toast with blackberry jam on it.
“That smells good,” I said.
“I’ll make you some.” She started to get up.
“Mom, relax. I’m fine.” I put the kettle on and sliced the bread and put it in the toaster.
“By the way, I got my job back.”
“Oh, honey! That’s wonderful.” She got up and kissed me on the forehead.
“I’m so proud of you.” She smoothed my hair. “You know, I think I like it short like this.”
Rocket curled up at my feet and sighed heavily. My mom and I sat at the table together, talking, eating toast, sipping tea. If a stranger had looked in the window at that moment they would see a mom and her daughter, enjoying each other’s company.
Every Tuesday my mom drove me back to the city to see Dr. Lundgren. She said she didn’t mind. She visited art museums and galleries while she waited. At the end of my appointment one afternoon, Dr. Lundgren handed me a card with a phone number on it.
“This is completely against the rules, but Mr. Black sees you come out of my office every Tuesday and he’s asked me all about you. I’m not allowed to talk about you, but I told him I’d give you his number and then you can decide if you want to talk to him yourself. I will add that he’s eager to hear from you.”
“Is his name really Mr. Black?”
“No. It’s Cole. I don’t think it’s against the rules to tell you that.”
I took the card with Cole’s number on it and slipped it into my pocket.
Thirty Six
Cole calls me “Madam George” now. Last week he taught me how to ride the bus. He sat next to me and held my hand. He drummed the fingers of his free hand on the seat next to him. Cole is a drummer in a band, a Dr. Seuss tribute band called Red Fish, Blue Fish. The truth is I’m half in love with him already.
“Fifty-seven blocks to go,” he said, looking out the bus window.
As we passed through the Western Addition and then the Upper Richmond, I looked out at all the bustling Chinese and Russian restaurants and businesses.
“Thirty-one blocks.” He tapped away.
The bus glided through the Sunset District. People got off, people got on.
Cole wasn’t shy about telling me his story; years of therapy does that to people, I think. He told me everything the first time we talked on the phone. He spoke in a clipped staccato.
“My dad died from being kicked in the head. The official cause of death was an epidural hemorrhage. He was schizophrenic like me. I got it from him. He took off and left my mom and me when I was six. He s
tarted living under a freeway overpass. He was self-medicating and he was violent. One night he got in a fight with another homeless guy. That was it for him. My mom didn’t tell me the real story till I was fifteen. Even after I was diagnosed I didn’t believe I had it. I got caught up in tangent universe stuff, time travel, wormholes. I thought that I had telekinetic powers. Then I thought I was being watched by people who knew I was on to something important. Everywhere I went I saw this guy in a suit. I knew that he was following me. I thought he was a secret operative who worked for the government. I started building a surveillance-proof structure in our backyard where I could do my work without the government spying on me. Long story short, after four doctors, my mom found Dr. Lundgren. There was no way in hell she was watching me go the way my dad went. I started feeling better. I shut down my work and I moved a drum kit out to the anti-surveillance shed.”
“What about the guy who was following you?”
“He lives two doors down from us. His name is Norm. He sells insurance and he drives a blue Prius.”
I laughed.
“Now you,” said Cole. “Tell me all your sordid details.”
So I did.
The bus stopped at the Cliff House at the very end of Geary where it meets the Great Highway. Cole took my hand and we got off the bus together.
In False Bay, Fin’s story is one of those tales that will be around for a long time to come. In a strange way, it brought our little town closer together. Every one of us was seduced by Fin, every one of us fell a little bit in love with him, and it was hard not to talk about it. People shook their heads and remarked that it was a helluva thing. They wondered aloud at how such a charmer, such a people person, could actually be a psychopath. Well, I may not know the answer to that question but I know a thing or two about going off the deep end. Loss can do some pretty crazy things to people’s heads.
My own life will always be a struggle, but it’s one I’m better prepared for. Dr. Lundgren says these meds might not always work as well as they’re working now. But right now I feel hopeful.
Right now I feel Lucky.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Schizophrenia is a brain disorder that disrupts thinking and causes people to interpret reality abnormally. It affects about 1 percent of Americans. There isn’t any single cause; genetics and environmental triggers are both factors. The severity of schizophrenia varies from person to person. Too often, those affected go without treatment. While there isn’t a cure, schizophrenia can be managed with proper care from a licensed professional.
The media tend to link mental illnesses with criminal violence, but most people with schizophrenia are not violent toward others; they are more likely to be withdrawn and to prefer to be left alone. Efforts to destigmatize mental illness have made slow but steady progress. Sharing stories and experiences can help those with schizophrenia seek the care they need.
For more information about schizophrenia:
Read:
Me, Myself, and Them: A Firsthand Account of One Young Person’s Experience with Schizophrenia, by Kurt Snyder, with Raquel E. Gur and Linda Wasmer Andrews, published by Oxford University Press in the Adolescent Mental Health Initiative series (2007).
Visit:
National Alliance on Mental Illness. “Schizophrenia.” www.nami.org/Schizophrenia.
Band Back Together, a nonprofit support group. “Schizophrenia Resources.” www.bandbacktogether.com/schizophrenia-resources.
The Intervoice (International Network for Training, Education, and Research into Hearing Voices). www.intervoiceonline.org.
Watch:
TED Talks by Elyn Saks, Orrin B. Evans Professor of Law, Psychology, and Psychiatry and the Behavioral Sciences at the University of Southern California, and psychologist Eleanor Longden—both of whom have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. www.ted.com/talks.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Sincere thanks to the people who gave so generously of their time, knowledge, patience, encouragement, wisdom, music, and love to help me find my way through the trees to a clearing where I could tell this story. They are: Charlotte Sheedy, Elise Howard, Rachel Abrams, Meredith Kaffel, Mackenzie Brady, Krestyna Lypen, David Lidz, Alex Green, Malc McGookin, Martine McDonagh, Andrew Smith, Dr. Robert Levin, Ally Sheedy, David Prinz, and Django Reinhardt.
IF
YOU’RE
LUCKY
YVONNE PRINZ
Questions for Discussion
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. The town in the book is called False Bay. How does the name of the town incorporate and reflect the themes of the story?
2. On page 46, Georgia thinks that maybe if she leaves town and goes to culinary school, she could start over as someone other than “Lucky’s crazy sister.” Given what you know about Georgia after reading the book, will she have a shot at starting over? Besides a change of location, what other changes would help her succeed? And what things might cause her to fail?
3. On page 58, Georgia notes that her mom wrote Lucky’s height on a wall from when he was two until he was fifteen but only wrote hers from when she was four until she was ten. On page 61, she notes that one Christmas, her parents gave Lucky a puppy and she got a bookshelf. How do family exchanges like this affect Georgia? Do you think these are perceived slights or actual signs that her parents favored Lucky over her? Discuss how this contributes to Georgia’s view of the world and her place in it—and how her view of the world contributes to what she perceives and describes to the reader.
4. On pages 88–89, Georgia looks at a photo of Lucky and his friends after a day of surfing. Lucky is on one side of the group and Fin is on the opposite side. Georgia notices that “everyone was grinning at the camera except Fin. Fin was grinning at Lucky.” If a picture is worth a thousand words, how would you sum up what this picture is saying? Can one picture tell a whole story? Why or why not?
5. When he arrives, Fin captivates many of the residents of False Bay. He endears himself to Georgia and her parents, and to Sonia, Jeff, and Miles. It’s true that most of us want to be liked, and we feel special when someone shows us attention. Is everyone who can turn on the charm also a skilled manipulator like Fin? Where is the line between accepting this kind of attention and becoming skeptical about a person’s motives? What kinds of behavior might trigger suspicion?
6. When Georgia thinks she is seeing Fin for who he really is, she doubts herself because of previous mistakes. On page 94, she wonders if she’s “being paranoid.” She can’t trust her gut instinct. What is gut instinct? Is it an intellectual response or an emotional one or a little bit of both? How are Georgia’s instincts about Fin affected by her mental illness and medications?
7. When Georgia stops taking her medications, there is a noticeable change in her behavior. What would you do if you noticed changes in a friend’s behavior or mood that were troublesome? What is a friend’s responsibility in that kind of situation?
8. As Georgia becomes increasingly convinced that Fin has come to her town to take over her dead brother’s life, what evidence does she uncover to prove her theory? Why don’t people take her seriously? As you learned about Georgia’s mental illness, how did it affect how you thought about her evidence?
9. Fin shows up for Lucky’s memorial party wearing Lucky’s silver charm, which says “fearlessness” in Sanskrit (page 24). When Georgia sees it, she’s crushed. Lucky had always promised it to her. Lucky had always been fearless. What are some of the ways that Georgia displays her own fearlessness? What about Sonia, Sharona, Jeff, and Miles—do they demonstrate fearlessness? If so, how?
10. What were some of the twists and turns in the novel that took you by surprise? Discuss some of the visual moments that have stayed with you. Why do you think they are so vivid?
Reader’s Guide by Diane Cain
SLOANE MORRISON
YVONNE PRINZ is the award-winning author of The Vinyl Princess and All You Get Is Me. A Canadian living in the San Francisco Bay Area, she is the
cofounder of Amoeba Music, the world's largest independent music store. Visit her online at www.yvonneprinz.com.
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Published by
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an imprint of Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill
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a division of
Workman Publishing
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© 2015 by Yvonne Prinz.
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eISBN 978-1-61620-554-6