I hate being stuck in this nightmare that is my life. I can’t even go to work because I promised Seth I’d be under constant supervision. Seth. Why? What drove him to go running back to Krystal? He all but carried me out of my office today making sure I wouldn’t go anywhere by myself after finding out about my dad. Why would he be all overprotective one minute, just to leave me hanging the next? I don’t get it.
“You’re so quiet, Squirt. What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?” Caige pulls me away from my self-destructive thoughts.
“I don’t understand what’s happening. How can he betray me like this? He promised. He fucking promised me he wouldn’t leave. I bared my soul to him – I told him every ugly detail. Why? Why is he doing this to me?” I want to scream, break stuff - anything to distract myself from the pain that is eating away at my heart, crushing me.
“Maybe everything isn’t what it seems to be? Maybe there is a logical reason as to why he stayed gone so long. I doubt anything happened with Krystal, babygirl.”
“Four hours. Four fucking hours. You can’t tell me that a signature takes that long. I all but begged him not to go to her. You should’ve seen the way he barged into my office demanding I don’t go anywhere alone. Then he does this. I can’t deal with this back and forth. I love him so much, but I refuse to let him break me.” Tears are spilling over again. I can’t take this pain. Nothing my father has ever done to me compares to the ache I feel deep inside of me. It’s manifested within me and I’m not sure it’ll ever go away.
“Let’s just get you to my house and we’ll go from there. I agree with Seth though. You shouldn’t go anywhere alone. We both know it’s dangerous.” He looks at me and I see fear in his eyes. I know the fear is directed at me. That look is the reason I have to leave. I can’t see the pain this is causing the people around me. I will find another place to start over again. All I have to do is make sure no one knows where I’m going.
We arrive at Caige’s house and he unloads the suitcase I packed in a rush to get away from my house. Mine and Seth’s house. Our house. Thinking of us as a couple cuts into my heart like a knife. Is it possible to die of a broken heart? Because that’s exactly how I feel right now. I want to crawl into a hole and slowly waste away.
“Faith! Wait... Please, baby. Talk to me.” What the fuck? How did Seth make it here faster than I did?
“There’s nothing to talk about. You betrayed me.”
“It’s nothing like that. Please, just let me explain. I would never do that to you. Deep inside of you, you know that as well. I don’t know what it is that makes you want to run from me, but please, Peach, I beg you, let me explain to you what happened tonight.”
“You have two minutes.” I give in. When it comes to Seth I throw any reasoning overboard. If I’m honest with myself, I know I used his meeting with Krystal as an excuse to walk away. I need to make sure Seth is safe. I can’t put him in danger – I would never forgive myself if anything happened to him because of the fucked up mess I find myself in.
“I should’ve never left tonight, I know that. I knew it the minute I walked out of the house. But I wanted to get this over with. I wanted to make sure the Krystal chapter is closed once and for all. We need this. We need to be able to start fresh and not constantly be followed by our pasts. When I arrived at Krystal’s house everything was dark, which was odd. I let myself in with the spare key. After a few minutes of looking for her I found her unconscious in the bathroom. She had taken a bunch of sleeping pills and downed them with whiskey. She tried to take her own life. She has threatened it so many times but never followed up on the threats. Until tonight. I’m so sorry, baby, but I couldn’t just leave her to die. I’m not married to her anymore, but I do care. She was there for me in a time when I wasn’t exactly a pleasant person. I called 911 and followed them to the hospital. I tried to call you, but my phone died. Peach, I promise you, I’d never hurt you like that.”
What the fuck? Krystal tried to commit suicide? As much as I despise the woman, I can’t help but feel sorry for her. Clearly, she needs help and this was the only way she knew how to get what she was looking for. I’ve been there, done that.
“You should’ve called me, Seth. I was driving myself crazy with scenarios of what you could be doing.”
“I know, baby. That was stupid of me. But I didn’t know what to do. Krystal needed me there. Her parents won’t get her the help she needs because they are too self-absorbed and only think about what other people will say about them. Faith, I love you with everything that I am but I have to make sure she gets help. I would never forgive myself if she tried again and succeeded next time.”
“I can’t say that I’m happy that you’ll have further contact with her, but I understand it. She needs help and if her parents won’t do it, then we have to make sure she finds the treatment she needs.”
“We?” Seth looks at me curiously.
“Yes, I’m not going to let you do this alone.” That couldn’t have been farther from the truth. My plan was to be out of this town within the next two days. I hated lying to Seth, but it was easier. He’d just keep calling me until I caved. As much as I hated having to hurt him, it was better this way before my father got to us.
“I love you so much, Peach. Come home with me?” I look up to see the hope in his eyes. It kills me that I can’t be honest with him. Me running will destroy us both, but what other choice do I have? If I stay I risk the safety of my love, my friends, and anyone who is close to me.
“Okay. Let me just tell Caige.”
After explaining everything to Caige we head back home to our house. I must’ve fallen asleep on the way because I woke to Seth gently lifting me out of the car. He carries me inside and lays me on our bed. It’s one of the last nights I can find solace in our home and Seth’s arms. It may sound selfish but I plan to take advantage of that. If I have to say goodbye in two days I’m going to make those hours count. I have difficulty breathing just thinking about being away from Seth. Why does my life have to be such a cluster fuck? It’s not fair. I feel like I have been running all my life and just when I’m done running and ready to open up my heart, something comes up to ruin everything again. I’m destined to be alone. Maybe I will get a dozen cats once I get to wherever I’m going. Crazy cat lady. Yeah, I guess that’ll be me because I will never be able to love anyone like I love Seth. He will forever hold my heart no matter the distance between us.
“What’s wrong, Peach? You seem sad.” Seth never misses a beat. He knows me inside and out. I have no idea how I am going to hide my plans from him.
“It’s nothing. I’m just exhausted. It’s been a long day. I just want to curl up and go to sleep.” With every lie I feel guiltier. What the hell am I doing?
“Okay, let’s go to bed. I just want to hold you. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost you. I was stupid for leaving you, but in the end I think I was meant to find her. I can’t even imagine if I wouldn’t have been there. But I still feel terrible for leaving you. You have to know that I would never betray you, Faith. I love you with every fiber of my being. I would never jeopardize what we have like that.”
I want to cry at his words. Our love is so indescribable, but yet I have to give it all up to keep everybody safe.
“It’s okay. It’s over with. I should’ve listened to you first before jumping to conclusions. Sometimes my insecurities get the best of me. I feel like I’m not worthy of your love and that one day you will wake up and realize it as well. I’ve never felt as complete as I do when I’m with you. I love you so much.”
This is the first time since we made up that I’m truthful. He means everything to me.
“You’re worthy of my love and so much more. Stop thinking like that.”
I let it go while we cuddle up in bed. Seth wraps his arms around me whispering sweet compliments into my ears. I drift off into a peaceful slumber knowing Seth is with me. Nothing will ever compare to being in the arms of the man I love
with all my heart.
The next day after we wake I get ready for the day ahead. I made an appointment with my hair stylist. Change is just what I need right now.
“I have an appointment with Francesco today. Since you don’t want me going anywhere alone I guess that means you’re coming with me.” I grin at him. He hates this stuff – maybe he’ll let me go on my own.
“Sure thing. Let me get dressed and we can be on our way.” He doesn’t even flinch at the thought. He is devoted to protecting me and my heart flutters knowing how much he cares.
We arrive at the salon thirty minutes later and Francesco is already waiting for me.
“Ah... there she is. Look at you, Bella. And who is this handsome signore you have with you?” I laugh. Francesco is as gay as they come, but he is the best hairstylist in town and I love him so much.
“This is my boyfriend Seth. Seth, meet Francesco. The only man I will ever trust to touch my hair.” Seth seems a little uncomfortable with the attention my hairstylist is paying him. He excuses himself to sit down in the waiting area.
“You are a very lucky woman, my dear. What are we doing today? The usual trimming?”
“No, I’d like something different for once. I’m thinking color and... short.” Francesco gasps.
“But mi amore, your hair is so beautiful. Why would you want to cut it off?” He is obviously offended by my request, but I wasn’t kidding when I wanted change.
“I just want to try something new.”
“Okay, whatever you’d like. How about brown with a red tone? No shorter than shoulder length. The cut I have in mind will accentuate your eyes and the lovely features of your face.”
“Work your magic, Francesco. I trust you.” He gets to work and I relax in my chair while he is washing and massaging my hair. There’s something peaceful about going to the salon. Francesco makes me laugh a couple of times with his antics about his latest dating fiascos. It’s always an adventure coming here.
About an hour later I’m staring back at myself in the mirror. My long blonde hair is gone and in its place I have shoulder length brown hair that falls in different layers. It will take a while to get used to it, but I love it. It’s like I’m a different person. Perfect.
“You look stunning, love. Then of course you were in the best hands.” Francesco winks.
After I say my goodbyes I walk over to Seth who’s been oblivious to what has happened in the last hour. When he looks up at me shock is written all over his face. I almost laugh at his expression.
“Don’t like it?” I mock him.
“No... Yes... Fuck, Faith. You look beautiful. Wow. That’s definitely not what I expected.” I smile widely at him. I rarely ever see him at a loss for words.
“Let’s get out of here. I don’t like how your gay friend is staring at me. He looks like he wants to eat me alive.”
I can’t help but bust out laughing. “Francesco is harmless. He likes to look, but he would never do anything inappropriate. Let’s go home.”
We grab something to eat on the way home and spend the rest of the day making love and hanging out at the house. The hours are flying by. Our time is coming to an end without him even knowing. I savor every minute, every second with him. Life will never be the same without him in it, but it has to be that way. Sometimes you have to let the ones you love go in order to keep them safe. I have been selfish for a long time. It’s time I sacrificed for others even if it destroys me and everything I fought to build.
Life isn’t fair. You just learn to deal with it as it comes.
Chapter 18
Cory
It’s been one week since they released me from prison. I never in my life thought they’d release me three years early but they did. I went through therapy for a majority of the twelve years that I served which showed them that I was willing to change. I don’t want to be the monster I used to be anymore. I want to be a better person.
When I was first sent to prison for the shit I did to my daughter, all I could think about was revenge. I wanted her to suffer for opening her damn mouth. The thoughts were all consuming. I dreamed about what I would do to her once I found her again. I’m not proud of what I did and I’ll never forgive myself. Katherine was the only good thing I had after her mother left me. My beautiful, little girl. The older she got the more she looked like her mother, Gina, and I started resenting her. The memories of her mom hurt me so much that all I wanted to do is punish Katherine for sharing her mom’s DNA. Looking back, I can’t believe the things I did to my poor, innocent girl. She didn’t deserve what I did – I broke her. All I want to do is to let her know that she is safe from me and never will have to fear me again. I don’t know how I can get to her though. There’s a restraining order in place and the last thing I want to do is end up back in prison.
I shudder at the thought. Life in prison was a nightmare. I lied in the beginning about why I was in, but once the other inmates found out what crime I really committed, things got horrifying. I got beat up and raped on a regular basis. It wasn’t until the guards found me horribly bleeding in the shower one time that I was transferred. I know I deserved everything they handed me in prison. After going through what I did I realized what I did to Katherine. I was a broken man, but I knew it didn’t compare to the pain she must’ve felt. Abandoned by her mother, then betrayed, beaten and broken by her own father.
I don’t want her forgiveness, I don’t deserve it, but I want to look her in the eyes and tell her how terribly sorry I am.
I arrived in Savannah three days ago. It was easy to find her. I knew that she changed her name to Faith Livingston, ridding herself of the name that was tainted. I can’t say that I blame her – I am glad she started a new life. I don’t ever want her to suffer again, especially not at my hand.
I’ve been watching her from afar. She made herself quite the name here in Savannah with the publishing firm she works for. I can’t help but be proud of her. She didn’t let her pain stop her from making something of herself.
It hurt my heart seeing the pain and fear in her eyes the day I first laid eyes on her after twelve years. She was in the company of a guy that was basically dragging her to the car. Part of me wanted to go over there and tell him not to manhandle my daughter like that. But I had a feeling that he was doing it to protect her. I knew the authorities would inform her about my early release, they have to in case I come close to her.
My phone rings and I look down at the screen. Gina. I’m starting to think it was a mistake looking her up after I got out. But I needed closure. So I took the bus to Kansas where she was now residing with her husband and two sons. I had worked in prison and saved every penny of the little money that I made. I asked her to meet me and she hesitantly agreed. The meeting was more than awkward. I asked her why she left us without a word. We had been a happy family and I had loved her so much.
“I was so young, Cory. I loved you and Katherine so very much, but all of a sudden I couldn’t handle the responsibility anymore. I was so scared that I’d fail as a mother. So I ran. I realize now that I still failed. I should’ve been there for her, should’ve taught her everything she needed to know to survive in this world. Not a day went by when I didn’t think about her, about you. I was scared that you would reject me if I came back. So I stayed away. Eventually the ache of missing you both subsided. I moved on. Four years later I met John. He was good to me. We have two sons, eight and six. Ever since they have been born I can’t help but wish that they knew their sister. She was such an angel.
“I broke her. I did terrible things. Things I’m not proud of, but I served my time. I came here to find closure. I want to be a better person, but I needed to know why you left all these years ago.”
Gina’s eyes are wide after my confession. Shock turns to anger when she jumps up from her seat.
“What did you do to her? Cory, what the fuck did you do?”
“I can’t. I know I’m a monster. I never intended for this shit to happen. She
was always my princess. But she looked so much like you. Looking at her and seeing you would make my blood boil. You abandoned us - you left me behind having to raise your daughter on my own.”
“My daughter? She’s your daughter as well. Why Cory, why? She was just a child. I only left her with you because I knew she would be in good hands and you’d take care of her. How could I have been so wrong? What did you do to her? Tell me what you did. I trusted you. You loved her so much. Fuck. I need to find her.”
“That’s what I have planned. I’m gonna find her. She no longer goes by the name Katherine Smith. She changed her name to Faith Livingston. She was adopted after she ran away from home. I’m going to find her.”
“That’s why I was never able to find her when I started looking for her. You stay away from her. So help me God, if you ever lay a finger on her again, I’ll personally put the bullet in your head. Don’t go near her ever again.”
“It’s not like that, Gina. I don’t want to hurt her. I’m sure by now she knows that I’ve been released. They have to inform her. I want her to know that she doesn’t have to fear me, that she’s free of me. I’ll never hurt her again. I’d rather kill myself. I don’t want her to live the rest of her life in fear that I’ll come for her. I want to tell her how sorry I am, and then I will disappear from her life forever.”
“If I find out that you hurt her again, I’m gonna find you. I want you to stay in touch with me the entire time till you tell her what you have to say. If you don’t, I will call the authorities myself. Do you understand?”
“I understand.”
The phone has stopped ringing. As I’m about to put it back in my pocket it starts buzzing again. Gina is persistent I have to give her that.
Uncovering Peace Page 14