‘Daddy! Daddy! It’s Mummy!’ shouted Jake, moving so fast his feet looked as though they were flying over the sand. Mummy followed, holding his hand and smiling down at us. Up close she was even more stunning, with huge, slanted green eyes and the kind of deep tan you get from spending most of your life outdoors. Eventually it might look old and leathery – but she was still young enough to pull it off. Of course.
James jumped quickly to his feet, rubbing his hands through his hair and looking deeply unsettled.
‘Lavender,’ he said. ‘What are you doing here?’
I saw Lucy’s eyes go wide, and she mouthed ‘Lavender?’ to Max. He shook his head and shrugged. It was a pretty silly name – down to those hippy-dippy parents, I supposed. At least I’d known it in advance.
She reached out and pulled a bit of stray grass out of James’s hair. Everyone was staring at the two of them, then at me, then back at them again.
‘Well I was in the area,’ she said, in a sexy, sultry American drawl. ‘We were doing some filming of the sea turtles – it’s hatching season. And I knew you were here, so I thought I’d cruise along and see you. And Jake.’
I didn’t miss the emphasis on that, and I’m pretty sure James didn’t either. I could sense the tension coming off him in waves. I sat still and silent – this wasn’t my move to call. I was the one who’d been on the phone to her bloody ex this morning, so I was in no position to throw a tantrum.
‘Isn’t it brill, Daddy? And she says she can stay for the rest of our holiday if we want!’ said Jake, clinging to her leg.
Oh goodie, I thought. What fantastic news.
‘Mummy – this is Sally,’ he said, pointing down at me. ‘She’s Daddy’s girlfriend now.’
I gave her a little wave with my fingers to be polite. She looked down at me with those cat eyes, and I knew that in one glance she’d checked me out, summed me up, and filed me under ‘N’ for ‘Nobody’.
‘Sally, it’s great to meet you,’ she said, ‘and I hope I get to know all of Jake’s friends while I’m here. But right now, would you mind too much if I hijacked James for a while?’
She flicked her eyes back up and smiled at him like he was the only person in the entire world. ‘We should talk,’ she added. Maybe she’d decided to join the French Foreign Legion and had come to say her goodbyes.
James snapped out of his paralysis and turned to me. His face was a mess of emotions.
‘Is that okay with you?’ he asked quietly. As if he needed permission. As if I wanted to give it. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak in case I screamed at him. He reached out to hold one of my hands in his, then raised it to his mouth and kissed the palm. He was staring into my eyes, apparently trying to send me some kind of message, but my psychic skills had fallen flat just when I needed them.
Lavender walked off towards the hotel, Jake hanging off her arm. James followed a few paces behind, glancing back at me over his shoulder.
‘What the fuck was that all about?’ said Lucy, as soon as he’d gone.
‘That, ladies and gentlemen,’ I said, feeling a chill run through me, ‘was Lavender Breeze, James’s ex and Jake’s mum.’
‘Lavender Breeze? What the fuck kind of a name is that? It sounds like something you’d clean the toilet with.’
God bless my daughter. She was the bitch from hell to live with, but I was glad I had her on my side. The rest of the gang gathered in and sat around me, murmuring their surprise and support. I don’t think anybody really knew what to say, it was such a strange situation.
Jenny sat by my side and held my hand, and Allie was stroking my back as though I had indigestion. Mike handed me a can of lager. I stared out into the bay, and cracked it open. Everyone followed my lead and stayed quiet for a few blessed seconds.
‘She does have lovely hair, though, doesn’t she?’ asked Rick in a wistful voice. Marcia kicked him on the thigh and he squealed like a girl.
‘It’s probably fake,’ he added, apologetically, ‘or stolen from some poor Russian peasant girl who swapped it for a turnip.’
‘Yeah, I’m sure you’re right,’ I said, finding a smile to reassure the assembled support group that I wasn’t about to stab myself with a kebab skewer.
But deep down, I knew it wasn’t going to be all right. I knew, in fact, that it was going to be very, very wrong.
Chapter 37
By dinner I still hadn’t heard from James. I sat with Mike and Allie and pretended to eat, too nervous to take any real interest. I was sick of waiting for the phone to ring or a text to land. I was sick of looking up every time I heard footsteps, hoping it was him, smiling and holding out his arms. I was sick of wanting to be told everything was going to be all right. I was just very, very sick.
No matter how much my friends tried to make light of it for my sake; no matter how many times Allie told me it’d be fine, or Jenny hugged me, or Marcia offered to go and find them, I knew there was something badly wrong. After my last catastrophe I’d learned to trust my instincts; James had been healing the wounds Simon left, but now I felt them all over again – vivid and searing and bloody and twice as painful.
We were all sitting on the terrace when they finally emerged. Jake had gone to watch a movie with Matthew. Ollie and Lucy were hovering around me protectively. Everyone else was there, talking about any topic under the sun apart from what was happening. I couldn’t even drink, my stomach was so queasy, and I was planning an early escape as soon as I’d been out long enough to preserve my dignity.
I heard her laughing before I saw them. Like she didn’t have a care in the world. I couldn’t even look up and meet his eyes, I felt so bad. I pretended to be fastening my sandals for a minute or two as they joined us, wondering if I could just crawl between everyone’s legs and escape without them noticing.
I saw James’s feet planted in front of me. I looked up at his legs, then the rest of him, and eventually his face. He looked exhausted and drawn and maybe a decade older than he had when he was playing rounders earlier.
‘Hi,’ I said, with my usual stunning wit.
‘Hi yourself. Are you okay?’
No, I was not okay. I was a lifetime from okay. The man who hours before had been proclaiming his love for me was standing there looking like boiled shit after spending the evening holed up with the woman who broke his heart. I thought I was about to die of sheer misery, and the woman in question was busily flipping her hair around and telling gripping stories about her time among the gorillas of Uganda.
‘Okay I am. Yes,’ I said, sounding like Yoda after a few shandies. He sat next to me and held my hand, our arms dangling loosely between the two chairs, like neither of us had the energy to hold them up.
‘What’s going on? Is she joining the French Foreign Legion?’ I whispered.
‘What? No. It’s…it’s complicated. Can I see you later? Just to talk?’
Just to talk? Since when had James and I been on a ‘just talking’ basis? We’d spent the entire holiday tearing each other’s clothes off, and the night before enjoyed a marathon bonking frenzy interrupted only by declarations of love. Now here we were, holding hands with as much passion as a pair of four-year-olds on a school trip, and planning a ‘just-talking’ session. I thought I might throw up.
I nodded and looked on as Lavender held court. James was right: she was charming. And beautiful. And busy making friends and influencing people. She talked to Ian and Jenny about rock climbing. To Mike about a brewery she’d visited in South Africa. To Rick, she could have been talking about crocheting socks, he was so enraptured by Lavender’s every word.
‘So,’ said Rick, leaning forward on his chair and unable to quite shake the look of adoration off his face, ‘you spend your entire life travelling round all these beautiful places taking photos of animals?’
‘That’s about the size of it,’ said Lavender, ‘and I know how lucky I am. This latest shoot is for a calendar for an international wildlife charity. It’s going to be accompani
ed by a DVD, so we’re doing video as well. Then I’m taking some time off.’
I felt James tense next to me, and saw Lavender shoot him a look from her shining green eyes.
‘So where’s the best place you’ve ever been?’ asked Rick, oblivious to the tension. The others couldn’t help but listen, even though I knew they were on my side. Deep down.
‘Oh, I couldn’t say, Rick. I’ve been all over the world – the Amazon, Africa, months shooting the birds of southeast Asia. I guess I’m just like anybody else, though – home is where the heart is. It just makes you appreciate it even more when you’re away.’
She looked across at me, and I knew she’d noticed my hand in James’s.
‘So, Sally – what do you do?’ she asked.
I’m a spy, I wanted to say. I work for MI6 and if I tell you any more, I’ll have to kill you. I’m a porn star. I’m a genetic engineer. I’m a Pierrot clown playing the international circus circuit. I’m a back-up singer for Bruce Springsteen.
‘I’m a doctor’s receptionist,’ I said.
No way I was going to be able to glam that up with a trip to waterfalls of Zambia. The furthest I ever went was to the local pharmacy dropping off prescriptions. And I’d been happy with that – until now. Now I felt small and provincial and dull and way too boring for a man like James, when he had this bird of paradise strutting her colours for him.
‘Which is a very useful job,’ interjected Marcia, looking ferociously at Lavender from behind a curtain of steel-grey hair. ‘I think the world needs efficient medical administration more than it needs pictures of turtles’ arses.’
Bless her: so scary – and so loyal. Lavender just nodded in reply, not at all fazed by Marcia’s display of aggression. Perhaps it was down to her time with the gorillas in Uganda.
Lucy had been standing on the edge of the crowd, perched on a bar stool, arms folded in front of her chest and toes tapping furiously. I knew that sound. It was never a sign of contentment.
Allie had been quiet, looking around her and sizing up the mood. She stood up, holding Mike’s hand.
‘Come on, big man, time for me to thrash you at pool. Again. Anyone else up for it? Winner gets to see me naked. Same prize for the loser. See you all upstairs.’
One by one they all followed, traipsing up the steps to the pool room. Rick had to be dragged away by Marcia – I think he wanted to sit on Lavender’s lap and sniff her hair.
Lucy and Ollie stayed, evening up the odds, and Lavender pulled her chair in closer to me and James. I felt him stroking the palm of my hand with his fingers, but he still didn’t say a word.
‘That’s a pretty amazing career you have,’ said Lucy, sweetly. Ollie grimaced slightly and glanced around, possibly looking for an umbrella to use when the shit started flying.
‘You must have started early – is that why you dumped Jake and did a runner?’
Lavender smiled, equally sweetly. ‘Oh Lucy, I can’t possibly expect you to understand – you’re only a baby! I love Jake, I always have. But I was too young, I was only twenty-three. Now I’m thirty, I see things differently.’
‘Only twenty-three,’ said Lucy, eyes narrowed. ‘That’s about the same age my mum was when she had me. She had a career too. The difference is she loved me enough to stay with my Dad and raise me.’
‘Oh yeah?’ replied Lavender, arching her eyebrows. ‘And how’d that work out for her?’
She clearly knew all about my hideous past. I felt a jab of anger shoot through me – why had he told her? He had no right. That was my business, not hers.
‘It was working out just fine until you arrived, you—’
‘Lucy! That’s enough!’ I said.
Lavender laughed, genuinely amused. ‘Sally – this girl of yours has real spirit, real fire. She’s a credit to you.’
I saw Lucy reflexively gripping a pot of cocktail sticks on the table. Probably pondering how many she could stick in Lavender’s mocking eyes before someone restrained her.
‘Yes, she is, Lavender, I’m very proud of her,’ I said, ‘and Jake is a credit to James.’
That shut her up, no matter how temporarily. I seized the opportunity to stand up and make my exit.
‘Come on kids,’ I said, ‘let’s go play pool with our friends. James, if you want to see me later, you know where I am.
‘The door will always be open,’ I added significantly, hoping it gave the bitch something to think about.
Chapter 38
I was a tiny bit inebriated by the end of the night. I can’t play pool unless I’m drunk, for some reason – the balls fly into the pockets with much more ease if I’ve had a bottle of wine. I beat Max, Mike and Ollie all in a row – unlucky in love, lucky in meaningless pub games, as the old saying doesn’t go.
The talk was all of Lavender as we played. She’d stayed down on the terrace with James, their heads bent deep in conversation. Not that I was looking.
‘Stop looking at them,’ said Allie, after my third trip to the balcony to spy. ‘You’ve done well so far, kept up a dignified front under pressure. Leave it alone until you know what’s going on.’
‘I know. You’re right. But if I see her touch him, I’m going straight down there and sticking this pool cue right up her jacksie. I might even be able to hit her with the white ball from here if I angle it right – she’d look much better with a broken nose.’
I held the ball up, closing one eye to get her shiny black head in my sights.
‘Don’t worry,’ Allie said, ‘she’s clearly a mega-bitch. One of those women who hate other women. Miss McTavish would have despised her, unless she gave her an interesting chapter on the sex lives of gorillas.’
After an hour or so of surreptitious spying, I saw Lavender stand up to leave. She headed off in the direction of the kids’ club and I presumed she was picking up Jake. James stayed where he was, holding his head in his hands for a moment before he stood and stretched. He looked up at the balcony, trying to spot me. I dropped the cue and ran down the stairs two at a time – so much for dignity.
‘Come on then. Let’s talk,’ I said. He followed me to my room, and I let us both in. I flicked on the light, and sat down on the bed, kicking my sandals off. My heart felt so heavy I thought it was in my ankles, and all the masterful little speeches I’d planned earlier drained from my mind when I looked up at him.
James was wearing his Levis and a white shirt with three buttons undone. He looked wonderful – apart from the red-rimmed eyes and the fingers clenched into tight, tense fists. It seemed unlikely that we were going to end this particular bedroom session with a mind-blowing orgasm or six. I’d probably never have one again, come to think of it – because if this went the way I thought it was going to, that was it for me and men. For ever.
‘You can sit next to me, you know,’ I said, ‘unless you suddenly find me physically repulsive.’
His eyes flashed and he shook his head.
‘Don’t be stupid. Don’t ever think anything like that.’
He sat down by my side and took my hands in his. ‘I could never find you anything other than gorgeous and hard-on inducing.’
I glanced down at his crotch. No sign of any action there.
‘James, just tell me what’s going on,’ I sighed. ‘This morning you loved me. Tonight you’re on a different planet. I’m always honest with you and I deserve the same. I’m a big girl, I can take it.’
‘You’re not that big, and you’re probably lying…but yeah, you’re right. We do need to talk about it.
‘Seems that Lavender’s had some kind of epiphany. She wants to come back to us, give it another try. She’s cancelled all her projects for the next year. You don’t know her, but that is a huge deal for her. She says she’s done it because she wants to live with me and Jake in Dublin. Be a proper mum to him, and a…well, be with me too.’
I bet she did. I mean, who in their right minds wouldn’t? Oh yes – her. Seven years ago. But now she was a big, grown-up thi
rty-year-old, fed up of playing the field, and she wanted her man back. Or my man, as I’d foolishly been thinking of him.
‘That’s quite an offer,’ I said sarcastically. ‘Shame it’s taken her this long to come up with the idea. So what did you say to her?’
‘I haven’t said anything yet!’ he half shouted, angry more at himself than me, I think. ‘It’s all too fucked-up for words. I had no idea this was coming. She invited me to stay with her when Jake went at Easter…but I didn’t analyse it. I’m a bloke – I didn’t poke at it and look for ulterior motives. It was just Lavender, being as unpredictable as usual. She’s always been like that, does everything on a whim.
‘And this last year I was too busy thinking about you, Sally, and getting to know you, and imagining what might happen here. Maybe she picked up on that. I don’t know. But whatever the fuck was going on in her head, I didn’t pay it any attention.’
‘And now? Now you do know what’s going on in her head?’
‘Well, Jake’s over the moon to see her, and it’s pretty damn hard not to pay her any attention now she’s actually here! She seems so serious about it. More than I’ve ever seen her, turning up here like this. Cancelling work – she’s never done that before. I don’t know, Sal, it’s all so…screwed.’
He rubbed his hands over his face and kept them there. I wondered if he was crying underneath. I didn’t care. I was getting sick of men doing this to me. Second-choice Sally, every bloody time.
‘Part of me knows she’s manipulative and hates not getting what she wants, but part of me wonders if…if this might be a chance for Jake to have his mother around full time, and if I owe it to him to at least think about it.’
I wondered where I fitted into all this. Into his misguided vision of happy families. Me, the woman he said he loved. The woman who most definitely loved him. Was it all so meaningless that he could throw it aside like this? What did he expect me to do? Fight for him? Get down on my hands and knees and beg? Or make it easy for him, give him my blessing?
The Birthday That Changed Everything Page 19