by Shealy James
When I stood up to go to bed, she was so cute when she snuggled up on the couch. I would have left her there if I had thought she would have slept better there. She needed to be in her bed, so she could get a good night’s rest. I wanted to run and study with her the next day, and it wouldn’t be as enjoyable if she were tired and cranky.
I carried her up the stairs and placed her in her bed, and I pictured myself doing that every night. Maybe not throwing her over my shoulder, but putting her to bed every night…I wouldn’t mind that. I wasn’t ready to tell her good night after I tucked her in, so I read her a story. Her one book that wasn’t a textbook ended up being perfect. She looked happy, and that was definitely one of my favorite nights with her.
We easily fell back into our routine of spending time just us. Sarah seemed to be out a lot, and Max was always in the lab working on a project, so Maggie and I had a lot of time just the two of us, and I didn’t mind. In fact I preferred it. When I wasn’t with her, I wanted to be. When I was with her, I felt like I could breathe easier and smile more easily. At soccer, I always caught myself looking at the girls’ field to see what she was doing. She was a great athlete, and I loved watching her move the ball and run the field. She was well respected on her team, and it was easy to see why. She was really talented…and beautiful and smart and funny. Oh shit! Here I go again.
We scrimmaged the girls often in the spring. I never went one-on-one with Maggie, which I was thankful for because I feared she would beat me. They rarely scored on us, but Maggie has definitely scored one or two over the last couple of years, and she wouldn’t let me live it down.
On a rainy Thursday afternoon in early April, we were scrimmaging the girls. The fields were wet and muddy, and the ball moved at turtle pace. It was difficult to run and dribble, so we took to kicking the ball in the air and sliding a lot to steal the ball. It was really fun. We were all soaking wet and covered in mud.
The girls were near our goal, and on a cross from Maggie, their forward Tara was about to shoot on our goal. I went to slide tackle her, and right as she pulled back to kick, my foot connected with the ball and the foot she had planted. She fell on top of me, right on my extended leg. When she stood up, I realized I couldn’t move. The pain was unbelievable. I couldn’t bend my knee, and my entire leg had pain searing through it. I stayed on the ground writhing in pain.
The teams were all around, and Maggie was immediately at my side. She looked terrified, which made me want to tell her I was fine and hop up. I wasn’t fine though, and I couldn’t stand up. Our trainer, Mike and Coach Bullock ran out to me and started looking at my leg. It was bad. They said that I needed to go to the hospital, and some of the guys lifted me up and took me to Mike’s truck. We headed to Emory Medical Center, and I knew that was it. My soccer career was over. Suddenly the pain numbed. I couldn’t move, but I couldn’t feel the pain anymore.
Mike called the hospital on the way since he worked there with athletes. We didn’t have to wait when we arrived; they immediately took me to get an x-ray and then moved me to get an MRI. They gave me some pain meds while I waited in a room. Waiting was the worst part.
Maggie showed up with Max and Sarah. She still had wet hair, but she had changed her clothes. She had brought my soccer bag and some dry clothes. They had cut my shorts and sliders off, and given me a hospital gown, so I was glad to have my own dry clothes. I had mud caked everywhere, so Maggie found some wash clothes and started helping me clean up before I put on my clothes. I couldn’t get up, so it was nice that they were trying to help, but I hated feeling like an invalid.
Maggie wiped my face off, and I could see the look of sympathy on her face. She knew how hard this was. “It’ll be ok,” she whispered, and I closed my eyes and leaned into her hand wishing that her words were true.
Once most of the mud and grass was off of me, I changed into my shirt, and with my hospital gown covering anything that would make her uncomfortable, Maggie helped me put my boxers and soccer shorts on over the brace they put on my left leg. I was glad she was there. For a moment, it felt nice to be taken care of by her.
Coach Bullock, Mike and the doctor came in with Pops arrived. “Hey, Parker. You ok? Maggie said you took quite the hit on your leg.”
I turned to Maggie, “You called him?”
She shrugged. “You need him here, Parker.”
I rubbed my face in frustration. I didn’t want Pops there to hear how I messed up or how now I could focus on school.
The doctor dismissed everyone but Coach, Mike and Pops. “Parker, I have some bad news. The x-ray ruled out any bone damage, but the MRI indicated that you have a torn ACL, which will need surgery to be repaired.”
I sat there still while I absorbed this news. Surgery meant no soccer, possibly no walking for a while. Coach asked how long I would be out, and the doctor thought that with surgery and rehab, I would be ready for next season. Conditioning would be a concern though. It would be weeks before I could walk on it without crutches, let alone run. They continued talking, but I could no longer here what they were saying.
I was pissed. How could this happen? With one season left, I blew out my knee. I have heard of this happening to people, but I didn’t think it would happen to me, especially not during a scrimmage with the girls. I couldn’t even think straight. I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to go back to this morning when I was running. I wanted to not slide tackle Tara. I wanted this to not be my life.
Maggie
“His tackle was clean. Tara lost her balance in the mud. She fell right on his leg, and then he didn’t get up. He kept rolling back and forth screaming in agony. I have never heard anything like that from him before.”
“Oh god. Poor Parker,” Sarah said.
“I wonder what the doctor is saying. He will be devastated if he can’t play.” I kept rubbing my hands together and pushing the hair that had fallen out of my braid out of my face. I couldn’t sit. Every time I tried, I immediately shot back up to pace. I don’t think I have been so anxious.
“Maggie, sit down. You’re driving me crazy,” Max said.
“I’m sorry. I’m just so worried. Do you think he is mad that I called his dad? I don’t want to make it worse, but he needed to be here. For the very least, he is on his insurance.”
Max took my hand, “No he is not mad at you. He is probably upset about his leg, but he is not mad at you. You did the right thing.”
Parker’s dad came out to the waiting room carrying Parker’s soccer bag. “He is going to come home for a little while. His bedroom at home is on the first level, so it will be easier for him to get around. He has a torn ACL and is going to have to have surgery next week. Maggie, would you mind helping him keep up with class? He is going to miss at least a week.”
“Sure. Of course. Can we do anything else to help?”
“Well, actually, would you pack up some of his stuff? I’ll send Preston to come get it tomorrow. He only needs clothes and his books. Lounge pants and t-shirts only. He isn’t going to be able to take off the brace unless he is bathing.”
Parker’s dad was so matter-of-fact. I couldn’t believe it. I guess this was his way of dealing, but I didn’t want to ask questions because it didn’t seem that he wanted to answer them. I wanted to see Parker to make sure he was ok.
“Can I go back and see him?”
“I don’t know if that is a good idea. He is pretty upset. Coach Bullock and Mike are still back there with him. I’m running out to pull the car around front.”
“Oh ok. I understand.”
Dr. Pryce left to get the car, and I got up to head back to Parkers room.
“Maggie, where are you going?” Max asked.
“I only want to see him for a second.” I said as I walked back to the room where Parker was waiting.
He was hobbling out on crutches when I reached the door. “Hey.”
“Hey Maggie. You have to find a new running buddy,” he commented dryly. The blandness of his words spoke
volumes about what he was thinking and feeling.
“Parker…”
“Go home Maggie. I’m going to my dad’s house. I won’t be in class tomorrow.”
“I’ll take care of our classes. How about I come over on Sunday, and we can study?”
He shrugged. “Whatever.”
Coach Bullock gave me a sympathetic look as they walked away. I felt terrible for him. I knew he wasn’t trying to be mean, that he was upset about the injury, but I felt horrible. I would rather be the injured one any day than see Parker hurting like this.
The next day, Preston came and picked up some of his stuff. I gave him his guitar and a bag of clothes that Max and I thought he might be able to wear. On Sunday, I brought notes that I typed over along with his favorite brownies. I knew it wasn’t much, but I was hoping he would feel a little better knowing we were thinking about him.
When I arrived at his house, Preston let me in. “Hey. How is he?”
“Same. He won’t talk much. He stays in his room even though he can get up and walk around. He has been reading some of Mom’s books the last couple of days. Go on back. Third door on the right.”
“Ok. Thanks.” I walked down the hall and knocked on the third door on the right.
“Go away Preston.”
I opened the door. “It’s me. I brought you some things.”
“Oh hey. Come on in.”
I walked in and stood for a second. I looked around his room and noticed it was messier than his room in our house. His guitar was in the corner in its case like it was sitting in timeout. He moved over, so I could sit on the end of his bed. “Here are the notes from Friday, and here are some brownies.”
“Thanks. Just set them on the dresser.”
“How are you?”
“Pretty shitty.”
“Pain?”
“Tolerable.”
“Your surgery is tomorrow afternoon, right?”
“Yeah,” He shrugged noncommittally. Obviously Parker was not in the mood to talk.
“We’ll be there. I know we won’t be able to see you, but we will be in the waiting room. Coach let me out of practice since I condition on my own anyway.”
“You don’t have to do that. There’s no point.”
“Well, we will be there either way sending you happy thoughts.” I smiled.
“Maggie, what do you want?”
“I wanted to check on you, bring your work to you with some brownies, try to make you feel better. I’m worried.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Worry.”
I huffed. “Parker, stop it. I know you’re upset, but I’m your friend, and you know I care about you. If the roles were reversed, you would be there for me. You said so yourself, we take care of each other.”
“Yes, Maggie, but the roles aren’t reversed, are they? Your soccer career isn’t over. You get to continue running every morning and playing every afternoon. You get to walk to class on your own two feet. You don’t have to go into surgery tomorrow. No, Maggie, it’s me that can’t do that.”
“I know and I’m really sorry.”
“Go home. Thanks for the brownies and the notes. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
“Ok Parker.” I said defeated. “We’ll be there tomorrow. I know you can’t see it now, but everything will be ok. Good luck tomorrow.” With that I left a jar of good luck coins on his dresser and walked out of his room. That didn’t go as planned.
His surgery the following day went well. His dad said that he should be walking without a brace in six weeks. He would start rehab in a few days, but he was just supposed to rest for the remainder of this week. His dad told me to stop by later in the week with his notes if I had time. I told him that I would bring them all dinner on Thursday after practice, and he was excited about that.
The next few days were particularly lonely without him at our house. Sarah had been mysteriously absent for a while, really since Valentine’s Day. Max had final projects, so he was in the lab a lot more this semester than ever before. The house was so quiet. It hadn’t been noticeable until Parker wasn’t around to entertain me with his music and study with me. I was also used to having dinner with everyone, but I had only seen Max, Becca, and Sarah once the whole week, and that was because we were all at the hospital for Parker’s surgery.
When Thursday came, I made lasagna that was Eliza’s recipe, a salad, and baklava from our favorite Greek restaurant. I had all of the notes typed up, and the textbook page numbers that he needed to read. I printed copies of all of the professor’s slides, and organized everything into a notebook that would be easy for him to navigate.
His dad opened the door when I arrived and looked excited when he saw the casserole dish. He took the food from my arms, and let me inside. Parker was in his room, so his dad told me to go get him with a warning that he was still really grumpy.
I knocked on the third door on the right again.
“What?”
I opened it. “Hey. I brought you dinner. Lasagna, salad, and baklava. You want to come eat now?”
“Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Ok.” I stepped out but left the door open. As I turned to walk out, I noticed his guitar was still in timeout. Did he give up on that too now?
When I returned to the kitchen, Preston was setting the table for four. “You’re staying, right?”
“Oh. Umm. Sure.”
I helped him put the food out, and his dad made some garlic bread from the French loaf that I had brought.
We all sat down, and at first bite Dr. Pryce was already showing his appreciation. His eyes were closed as he said, “Mmm. This is so good.” It has been a long time since someone in this house could cook. We can grill, but I haven’t had homemade lasagna in probably five years. Thank you for this.” Preston agreed with his dad, but Parker merely sat there and ate.
“No problem. I’m so glad you like it. Parker, I brought you all of your notes. If you want to study on Sunday, I can help you get caught up, so you’re ready for Monday.”
Parker started shaking his head, “Don’t worry about it.”
Dr. Pryce jumped in, “That would be great Maggie. Please come over for lunch. We will grill hamburgers.”
“Pops!”
“No, Parker. You need to get focused again, and Maggie is volunteering her time. Maggie, please come over.”
“Oh.” I looked between Parker and his dad torn. His dad was right; he needed to get focused. “Sure. I’ll bring potato salad and a few other things that you can have for leftovers.”
Preston was enthusiastic about that. “Yum. Yes. Please come over.”
“I’ll be here.” I said and winked at Preston.
Preston was a freshman at the university now, but he was still living at home. For the remainder of the meal, we talked about his classes and interests. He was really into film and photography, and was considering doing a double major with business. His dad seemed really proud of him. Parker on the other hand hardly looked up through the meal. When he was finished, he got up to take his pills, but he sat back down at the table. I half expected him to go back to his room, but he stayed at the table until we cleaned up.
I brought his notes to his room and showed him my organization system.
“I got it Maggie. Thanks,” he said with a snappy tone. I didn’t take it personally.
“Ok. Well, I’m going to go. Call me if you need anything. I’ll see you Sunday.”
“You don’t have to come, you know. I can study without you.”
“I know you can, but it would be nice to have someone to talk out the notes with. I miss studying with you.”
“It’s only been a week Maggie.”
This time I snapped back. “Yes. It has been a week, and I have sat by myself in class, and studied alone, and eaten dinner alone except tonight. I would like to study with you, so quit pushing me away. I need you too, you know.”
His eyes widened at my ou
tburst, but he finally acquiesced. “Ok. I’ll see you on Sunday.”
“Alright. Read the notes.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I left, closing the door behind me. I let out a big sigh from the frustration of helping Parker. I wanted him to be ok, and I didn’t understand why he wasn’t handling this better since he was probably going to be able to play again. I was going to have to help him to see past this. With renewed determination, I said good-bye to Dr. Pryce and Preston and headed home. I was going to find a way to help Parker get through this.
Parker
It was nice of Maggie to bring Pops, Preston and me a delicious dinner. It was even better that she had wordlessly left a jar of good luck coins on my dresser before my surgery. I was in such a bad place that I couldn’t even be polite to her even though I was really grateful. I mean the girl brought me notes from every class we take. She organized them by date, topic, book pages, and even color-coded the sections. Type A much? They were good notes too, but I was in no mood to be friendly. I couldn’t gather the strength to even be somewhat nice. She seemed to be ignoring my pity party, which was probably best.
In the back of my mind, I knew my leg would get better. I knew I would be able to play my senior season, but for some reason I could not get past the fact that I was injured and could hardly walk. I was strong; I worked out all of the time and took good care of myself. If Mom were here, she wouldn’t let me get away with feeling sorry for myself, but I didn’t have anyone that can snap me out of it anymore. I knew I sounded like a baby, but Mom was my rock, and after she passed I felt like I was floating away. What I used to feel grounded before stopped working when I started hanging out with Maggie. Now sex made me feel worse. It wasn’t with someone I cared about, someone like Maggie…No. I was not about to let my mind wander there.
On Saturday, I walked around on my crutches a little more. The doc said that the more I moved, the more likely I would heal faster as long as I didn’t put too much pressure on my healing knee. I had to keep the brace on and use the crutches, but I was tired of being holed up in my room. I was home a lot that week, and it made me regret coming home with Pops. At least at Maggie’s house, I would get to see her every day and have Max to play video games with at night.