by Tefft, Cyndi
Aiden gazed out the window in awed silence and I tried to see the city through his eyes. Nearly everything around us would be completely foreign to him: planes in the sky, enormous cranes littering the cityscape for construction projects, streetlights, neon signs for restaurants, and gigantic photos of people pasted onto billboards. My mind whirled at how I might begin to explain it all. We drove past skyscrapers so tall we couldn’t see the top of them and accordion buses that were the length of four cars combined.
The monorail train cruised overhead on mammoth concrete pillars and people of every size, shape and color crossed the street in front of us. Some were taking pictures with digital cameras, others drinking from plastic fountain cups, but all of them new and different to Aiden. I glanced over at him, worried that it might be too much, thinking maybe I shouldn’t have brought him here. To my surprise, he seemed to be enjoying himself, his eyes scanning the city with interest as we drove.
Dad parked and we got out. I pointed up at the Space Needle excitedly. “See the windows that wrap around it? We’re going to ride up to the top and look out over the city. It’s amazing.” He shielded his eyes with one hand, squinting up at the top of the building shaped like an enormous pushpin.
“Aye, if you say so.”
I took his hand as we crossed the street and made our way inside. Mom immediately got sucked into the gift shop, picking up all the little trinkets and thumbing through merchandise with the Space Needle logo.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Elizabeth,” Dad barked. “We haven’t even been to the top yet and you already want to buy all the crap they sell. Come on.” He headed up the ramp with us trailing behind, until we came to the end of the line of customers waiting for their chance to ride to the top. Aiden shook his head in disapproval at two teenage girls wearing cut-off shorts and tight tank tops.
“That’s not right. I cannot imagine their fathers know they’re strutting about so indecent. Or is that how whores dress now?”
I was shocked at first, but then laughed out loud. He straightened up, offended that I was laughing at him. “They’re not whores!” I said. “They’re just teenage girls, probably about my age, out enjoying the sunshine. That’s just what kids wear now. It’s no big deal.” It was a losing battle so I just shrugged and dropped it. The line crept slowly forward and I became acutely aware of my parents’ bickering as we waited. I gazed with longing at the younger me, wishing I could use the iPod myself to tune them out.
Aiden broke into my thoughts and asked, “I saw a building of some sort when we were standing outside. It was blue and copper and red, and it rolled like waves instead of having walls, but people were going into it through a door. What is that?”
My face lit up and I instantly recognized the EMP from his description. “That’s the Experience Music Project building and the Science Fiction Museum. I love the EMP because it’s all about music: listening to music, playing music, learning about music. There’s a huge tower of guitars in the center, and you can mix and record your own CD if you want. The Science Fiction Museum is pretty much about aliens and robots and make-believe monsters from comic books and movies.”
He stared at me blankly. I realized with chagrin that I hadn’t really clarified anything at all, but had actually said a bunch of gibberish to him.
“All right, then. Truthfully, I don’t have to understand all of it. I’m just happy to be here with you.” We finally made it to the elevator and crowded in with a bunch of strangers for the ride to the top. The attendant spoke in a soothing voice, recounting the history of the Space Needle, explaining that the structure is 605 feet tall and that the glass elevator we were standing in travels at a speed of ten miles per hour or 800 feet per minute. The rest of the crowd seemed to be barely listening to her while Aiden hung on every word.
His face turned a little green while he stared out the glass panes of the elevator, but he looked excited, too. I felt a rush of pride in him for his willingness to experience something so radically new. Within seconds, we made it to the top and stepped onto the Observation Deck outside. Aiden’s jaw dropped as he gazed out over the expansive water, the snow-capped mountains and the city below. I pointed out areas of interest.
“See that skinny line there with all the tiny cars moving across it like ants? That’s the road where we came in, where Dad was complaining about the traffic. And over there are the skyscrapers that were so tall we couldn’t see the tops of them. Now they look like children’s toys!”
Astonishment shone on his face. “You were right, my love. It is the most incredible view I have ever seen. It reminds me of the Five Sisters of Kintail, a mountain ridge near my home in Scotland.” He shook his head in wonder and then grinned at me with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “I’ve always wondered how we must look to God as he watches over us from heaven, and now I know the truth. We look like ants.” I laughed out loud and hugged him close, breathing in the fresh air and Aiden’s warmth.
Dad put his arm around my look-alike. “So what do you think, kitten? Pretty cool, isn’t it?”
She gave him a silver smile, her mouth full of braces. “Yeah, it’s awesome. I looked through the telescope and you can see everything from here. There’s Alki Beach and Gas Works Park and some funky building that’s growing grass on the roof. Here, you try.” She pulled the telescope over for him to take a look and he bent down to take a peek.
“You’re right, that is cool.” He stood up and leaned over the telescope with a strange, sad smile on his face. “Lindsey, pumpkin,” he said hesitantly. “I love you so much honey, no matter what. I hope you know that.”
She stared at him, forehead wrinkled in confusion. “Yeah, I know. I love you, too.” Her eyes searched his for the rest of the story, since his declaration seemed really random. He sighed and gave her a bear hug. “Dad! You’re squishing me!” she protested, squirming out of his grasp. He tickled her ribs and she giggled, grinning up at him. She held his hand as they walked around the rest of the deck, pointing things out to each other.
I watched them walk away, a new understanding heavy in my chest. “He knew it was over, with my mom, I mean. They didn’t get divorced for a few years after that, but he must have known it wasn’t going to last.” A tear slid down my cheek. Aiden drew me into his arms and his strength buoyed me. He didn’t say anything, but simply held me as I processed the emotions. The beautiful view and the sunlight on the water calmed my spirit.
“I really wanted to share this with you,” I said, “because I remember it so fondly, this trip to the top of the Space Needle. But I didn’t realize how hard it would be to see my parents again.”
“I know just what you mean,” he agreed. “I saw both of my brothers when I showed you my own death, and I hadn’t seen them since that day. It’s not easy. We don’t have to stay, if you want to go.”
“No, there’s more I want to share with you from this day.”
Mom came around the corner, her face pinched in irritation. “There you are!” she said. “I swear I have been around this thing ten times trying to find you!”
Dad didn’t seem at all ruffled by her agitation, but looked boyishly happy holding onto the hand of fourteen-year-old me. We headed back to the car, Dad having somehow miraculously diverted Mom’s attention from the gift shop on the way out. He bought a cotton candy from a street vendor, which younger me messily picked apart with her fingers, getting pink threads of sugar everywhere.
“Mmmm… I’ll have to cast some cotton candy sometime for you to try. It’s nothing but spun sugar, but it’s so yummy.” We barreled back into the car and drove the short distance along the waterfront to the aquarium. “You are going to love this place!” I was nearly hopping with excitement, pulling Aiden by the hand across the street. My enthusiasm made him laugh but he looked a little nervous, unsure of what to expect.
The large lobby area showcased a floor-to-ceiling glass wall of a fish tank. It was feeding time and a scuba diver floated in the tank, breathing from an o
xygen tank and speaking through a microphone to the crowd as she tossed food to the fish. Aiden cocked his head to the side, obviously trying to make sense of the scene but not wanting to ask. The diver asked questions about the fish, and kids in the front row tried to outdo one another with raised hands to be the first to answer. Another employee stood by the side of the glass wall, speaking into a microphone that allowed both the crowd and the diver to hear the children’s answers.
“Come on, there’s lots more to see,” I urged, dragging him by the hand. We entered the jellyfish circle and his eyes widened in wonder. A thick glass tube ran up from the floor over our heads and back down, filled with water and floating jellyfish. A neon light illuminated the tube, making the gelatinous orbs glow in fluorescent hues as they pulsed, moving gracefully through the water.
“I don’t know what I’m looking at, but it’s very beautiful.”
Rather than take the time to explain, I moved on to the octopus tank, craning my neck to see where the creature was hidden. “Look! There he is!” I exclaimed.
He squinted at the glass, unsure of what he was supposed to be looking for. The octopus camouflaged itself to look like a piece of coral and was barely visible. A child in front of us knocked on the tank and the octopus suddenly changed to an angry red and swam away in a swirling mass of suctioned tentacles.
“What the bloody hell?!” Aiden jerked upright and backed away from the tank, nearly knocking me over. I laughed at his unnerved expression and explained how an octopus can change colors, but he just frowned and shook his head, apparently convinced that the creature was freakishly unnatural. “I don’t like it,” he harrumphed. As we moved on, he warily kept one eye on the octopus like it was going to jump out of the tank at any second.
The next exhibit was an elaborate faux cave with dozens of small tanks set into the rock façade. Aiden peered diligently into each one, noting the variety of crabs, eels, seahorses, and saltwater fish. His features gradually relaxed and he even occasionally pointed to a fish he found particularly fascinating. “Look, this one is called a Pinecone Fish, and I’ll be damned. The wee bugger really does look like a pinecone!”
“Look at this Fiddler Crab,” I said. “They’re called that because one of their claws is great big while the other is really small, like a fiddle and a bow.”
“One thing’s for sure, lassie,” he said with a grin. “Our God in heaven certainly has a sense of humor to make such wee beasties as these.”
We moved on to the Underwater Dome, which looked like a glass version of the deck of the Starship Enterprise. But instead of space and starlight, sharks, salmon and sturgeon swam past us and over our heads. Aiden’s eyes were wide, trying to take it all in. “Are we underwater, then? How did that happen?”
“Yeah, we went through that little tunnel and now we’re in a special room underneath the sea. So the fish are not in a tank anymore. We are!”
He stared at me like that was the craziest thing he’d ever heard. “If you say so, love, I believe you. It’s like we’re right there swimming in the water with them.”
Dad got a dreamy look on his face and absently reached out, taking Mom’s hand. She looked surprised at first but then the corners of her mouth pulled up in a smile and she stood quietly watching the hypnotic movement of the fish with him. Seeing them together, knowing that they would eventually split in a bitter divorce was harder than I could have imagined. I sighed deeply, wishing in retrospect that I’d cast the scene without all the people instead of as a memory so I didn’t have to relive my parents’ struggle so intimately.
Is everything all right, Lindsey?
His thought caressed me and I smiled, thankful for his presence and strength. He didn’t have to touch me or even talk and I could feel the force of his love, holding me close.
God, how am I ever going to leave him? Please help me.
I sent up the silent prayer, ever conscious of the tension in my core that grew stronger each day.
We left the dome and came out into the sunlight. A marine biologist flung a dead fish to one of the sea lions. The large, slick black animals waddled back and forth on their flippers, entertaining us in return for their supper.
“Finally a creature I know!” he said. “Selkies have the most lovely, mournful eyes. There’s a legend in Scotland about them, that they’re actually fairies who can shed their skin and come ashore as beautiful women. ’Tis said that if a man finds and hides the selkie’s skin, that she can’t return to the sea but will stay married to him. But she won’t be happy, always longing to return to the water of her home.”
The sea lions barked at me with their sad, glossy eyes. I could see where the legend might have some merit. “It probably makes just as much sense as us being in the tank with the fish outside, huh?” I conceded. “I think if I were going to pick a creature to turn into,” I mused, “it would probably be an otter, since they always seem to be having so much fun.” We peered into the sea otter pen and watched them playfully twirling and diving, cracking mollusks open on their chests.
“Aye, they are cute. Their spirit is more like yours, playful and sweet.” He tucked an unruly curl behind my ear affectionately and put his arm around me.
Mom glanced at her watch and grimaced. “Crap, it’s getting late. We have to go or we’ll be late for the symphony. Gary, are you ready?” she called, looking around for him.
Dad was watching the otters push a beach ball around with their noses. “Huh? Oh, yeah. We’d better get going,” he agreed.
Chapter 11
I pictured the concert hall in my mind and the ripple of change passed over me. I’d cast Aiden in a black suit with a white dress shirt underneath and a sky blue tie that accentuated his eyes. He was so handsome that it literally took my breath away, even though I’d imagined the outfit myself.
“Aiden, you’re…” I stammered, trying to put into words how beautiful he was to me, how I could barely breathe when I looked at him.
“Thank you. I was about to say the same to you.”
I wore a fitted ice blue dress with spaghetti straps and my hair fell loose over my shoulders. He held his arm out formally to me like he’d done at the king’s palace and I took it with a mischievous grin. “I decided it wouldn’t be appropriate to have you share in my memory of getting dressed in the bathroom of the restaurant with my mom earlier, so I skipped us over that part,” I said.
He laughed out loud and shrugged, looking over at my mom. “Wouldn’t have been so bad, I think.”
Mom looked fantastic as a matter of fact, in a low-cut flowing black dress, her long blonde hair cascading like a waterfall down her back. Dad cleaned up pretty nice too, though he did seem uncomfortable in his suit and tie. When I turned back to Aiden, his gaze traveled appreciatively over my dress. My heart raced at his unspoken admiration.
We made our way into the expansive auditorium where oddly shaped walls were acoustically designed to best reverberate the sound throughout the hall. An enormous pipe organ decorated the stage, its tubes extending from floor to ceiling in a majestic display. The musicians tuned their instruments on stage and the lights dimmed as we quickly found our seats. The conductor walked on stage and the audience applauded in anticipation. He turned to the first chair violinist and shook her hand, then struck a pose on the podium with his arms high in the air.
With a sudden downward stroke, he brought the symphony to life. The sound of violins, flutes, trombones, timpani, and French horns filled the air as if they were playing in the seats right beside us. Aiden’s eyes widened briefly in surprise at the intensity of the sound. The violinists’ bows floated rhythmically over their strings and the trilling notes of the flutes bounced off the uneven walls all around us, drawing us in. The music flowed through the air like the fish we’d seen swimming in the sea and my spirit swayed with the movement. The piece rose in a crescendo then fell away to a tender pianissimo as the melody echoed through each of the instrumental groups, one by one. The symphony hung on one fi
nal note, waiting for the conductor’s cue, then set down their instruments in synch as he brought his arms down to his sides.
The audience erupted in applause. Enraptured, Aiden and I instantly jumped to our feet, though no one could see us. The musicians stood and bowed, then followed the conductor off the stage. The lights in the auditorium came on and the audience rose as one, moving to the exits for the intermission.
“Is it over already?” he asked, disappointed.
“No, only half. Everyone gets up to stretch and go to the bathroom, then we come back and they play the other half.”
My younger self hung out in the hallway, studying the photos of the musicians along the walls and reading their bios. Dad headed off to the restroom and Mom wandered over to the bar for a drink. She struck up a conversation with a man in line, flipping her hair back over her shoulder and laughing at something he’d said. I couldn’t quite see him but he was tall with wavy black hair and well dressed in a dark pinstripe suit. He turned toward my mother with a smile and whispered something to her. I gasped in shock, immediately recognizing him. Aiden was at my side in a heartbeat, his arm tightening around my waist protectively.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Nick…” I stammered, struggling to make sense of it. “What the hell is he doing here?”
Nick had a wolfish grin on his face as my mother leaned close. She trailed her hand down his arm and then threw her head back, laughing at what he’d said.
“My mom left my dad for him,” I explained between clenched teeth. “She said she hadn’t known him very long, that they’d met at the library.” I shook my head in disbelief at what my eyes were seeing. “And yet here he is in my memory, years before their divorce and my mom is throwing herself all over him like a whore. Oh my God… She must have been cheating on my dad for years before he found out.”
I could hardly breathe as the nauseating scene played out in front of me. Mom toyed with her necklace while running her fingertips over her cleavage, her eyes twinkling up at him. Nick openly noticed her invitation and leaned in, his eyes darkening with interest. Aiden took me by the shoulders and turned me to face him, breaking my trance.