by Chris Curran
But it was far enough.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Stella
One of the boys shouted, ‘Don’t look. You don’t wanna look.’ But Stella made herself go back up, her knees trembling, and stare down. The mirror had cracked. One huge jagged crack. He was face down. So far away. And so many of him repeated into infinity. The beautiful red pool of his blood surrounding each image, over and over down into Hell.
Eve had come up beside her. Her voice quivered. ‘I trusted him. This is my fault.’
Stella took her daughter’s hand. In spite of everything she wanted to bring it to her mouth and kiss it. But she just squeezed and said, ‘No, it isn’t. You’re the only innocent one.’
‘Why did he do it?’ Eve must have heard Simon’s words, but when she looked at Stella her face was a little girl’s asking her mother why bad things have to happen.
Stella’s heart shuddered. She swallowed down on what felt like shards of glass, as if splinters of the mirror had flown up and lodged there. Then whispered, ‘In Italy he more or less told me he’d caused his father’s accident. He started the fire to try to stop me revealing that and reporting the forgery scam.’
‘Did you know it was him? The fire I mean?’ Eve choked on a sob, and Stella touched a finger to her soft cheek to wipe away a glistening tear.
‘No. He obviously thought I saw him that night, but I didn’t. I always imagined it was Maggie in one of her fits of anger. Regretting what she’d done when she realized how bad it was.’ Now tears filled her own eyes. Hot painful tears. Poor, poor Maggie. ‘She tried to save me. Must have dragged away whatever he’d put in front of the door. Got into the hut. My leg was stuck under something, so she must have moved it, and somehow I crawled out.’ A flash of Maggie in her shorts and vest, a smudge of dirt on her face, smiling that naughty-girl grin. It hurt. ‘But she got trapped.’
She pulled Eve closer. ‘Let’s go down. We’ll have to talk to the police. But keep it simple for now. Don’t tell them what he said yet. I need to explain a lot of things to you first.’
Eve
Someone had locked the doors into the gallery on their floor and as they went down they saw all doors on the successive floors were closed. The boys ran on ahead chattering wildly together, but the stairs swayed under her and she had to catch hold of the metal balustrade. How was any of this possible?
Stella put her arm round her waist holding her close. ‘We’ll talk. Make sense of it.’ There was a crack in her voice.
At the bottom of the stairs three people were crouching on the lowest mirror. Looking at what had been Simon. Trying to help him, although it was too late. His blood, so bright, spread out over the shining surface. She had an urge to go to him. Brush back his dark hair and tell him to get up. He was all right.
Stella pulled her towards the door. Her voice only just audible. ‘Poor unhappy boy.’
Then Eve thought of what he’d done, what he’d tried to do, and shook her head. ‘But he hurt you so much. And tried to do it again. And Maggie. What about Maggie?’
Her mother said, ‘I know. But it’s over now.’ She took Eve’s hand, ‘Let’s go.’
The foyer, which had been almost empty earlier, was full. People milling about trying to see into the stairwell. Lights flashed outside. Police and ambulance.
Without knowing how she got there she realized they were in the café and someone had put a cup in front of her. Her hand shook so much she couldn’t pick it up.
She closed her eyes, leaning back. Holding tight to her mother’s hand.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Eve
They had to talk separately to the police. The officer who interviewed her was very kind. Said they would do this as quickly as possible. It was difficult to get through it, but in one cynical part of her brain she realized her obvious distress meant she would only be expected to stick to basics. She said she knew Simon, although not well. ‘Simon met Stella Carr and her friend, Maggie, years ago, as did my parents. On the landing he had seemed distraught, was saying all sorts of wild things, before he jumped.’
The officer said, ‘Sometimes there is no obvious explanation.’
So she’d accepted it as suicide. Which of course it was. And if her mother wanted her to leave it at that for now, she had to trust her.
They met in the foyer; their hands coming together as naturally as if they had always been connected. Eve could feel the ridges of puckered scars on her mother’s skin and fresh tears came to her eyes. Stella already looked different to her. How had she not seen it from the start?
Pushing through the crowds still milling outside, past the emergency vehicles, they walked across the bridge. The winter night was bitterly cold and they headed to Eve’s hotel.
In her room Eve sat on the bed and Stella on a chair facing her. She threaded her scarred fingers together. ‘There’s a lot I need to explain, I know. That’s why I couldn’t find a way to get round to it earlier on. I suppose I hoped you’d guess and make it easier for me.’ A deep sigh. ‘The first and most important thing is that I always wanted to be your mother and to bring you up. But everyone seemed to think you were better without me. So I went to Italy. To clear my head, because when I was with Jill and David I couldn’t think straight.’
Eve now understood why that was, but she said nothing because Stella went on, ‘I felt so much better once I was out there and I thought it would be all right. And it might have been if Maggie hadn’t decided to blackmail the Houghtons.’ Her mouth twisted and she looked towards the ceiling. ‘After the fire I was in a coma for months. And I woke with no memory, so when they told me I was Maggie I believed it.’
‘But why did they think you were Maggie?’
‘Pamela came to the hospital right after the fire claiming to be our friend and found out only one of us had survived. They’d already made the assumption I was Maggie because they found her papers in the house. Her passport was pretty old and we looked similar. And nobody knew anything about me. All my stuff was in my bag in the hut, so it was destroyed. Pamela just confirmed the identification. I imagine the temptation was too much for her. She told them neither of us had any family, which was more or less true, so her word was all that mattered.’
‘But why did she do it?’
‘One thing I’ve always known is that she wanted to stop me carrying out my threat to go to the police in England and tell them about the forgery scam. But now I realize she knew Simon had started the fire. So that made it far more important to keep me quiet.’
Stella pulled a bottle of water from her bag and took a long drink. ‘He must have confessed to her. Probably thought I’d seen him through the hut window or when I looked out of the door before he barricaded it. So she made sure the fire was blamed on me – Stella – instead. And somebody died. If I came round and said who I was, I’d be in big trouble. She hoped that fear would keep me quiet. Stop me from talking about the forgery, but especially about the fire.’
So it was all about Simon. Pamela had to protect him whatever he’d done and whatever the cost.
‘I was in a coma and she asked them to contact her immediately if I showed signs of waking. And when I did she was there.’ Another gulp of water. ‘She was there and I thought she was my friend.’
‘When did you remember who you really were?’
‘I started to have dreams. Dreams that told me something wasn’t right.’
Stella rubbed her forehead as if it hurt and her eyes narrowed as she squinted into the past.
Stella
Crawling. She was crawling through the dark. Sharp things piercing her knees. Pain in her chest. Something weighing on her leg so she couldn’t go forward. Heaviness pressing on her chest.
A figure in the mist. She tried to cry out, but no words came. The figure had no face, but she knew who it was. ‘Maggie, Maggie, help me.’
Her own voice: a guttural groan straining her throat. Fighting to scream. Fighting to get out of the deep, deep darknes
s.
And she was out.
In the light surrounded by softness. In a place she seemed to remember. Hospital. That was it. She was in hospital.
A rustle nearby. ‘Bad dreams?’ English accent. Blonde and smiling. And, yes, she knew her. It was her friend, Pamela.
She nodded, pulled herself up in the bed. ‘Fire. I dreamed of the fire.’
‘OK. Don’t think about that now. Dr Rossi says we can go out for a walk.’
They put her in a wheelchair. She felt sick as it began to move. But then they were outside. Grass. Fresh air. Sunshine. She put her hand up to shield her eyes. And saw the bandages. She began to cry.
Pamela kneeling in front of her, rubbing her knee. ‘It’s all right, Maggie. The doctor says your emotions will be in turmoil for a while.’ That sweet voice, as familiar as anything in this strange world. This was her friend, Pamela. And she would remember her tomorrow. It was something to cling to. Like Dr Rossi and Nurse Gina. She knew them too. And her own name. Her name was Maggie.
Maggie, Maggie. Snatches of recent dreams came back. And with them the fear. That she was lost in the dark and didn’t know who she was. She jerked her head. It hurt, but she had to clear it. She was Maggie. But in the dream Maggie was far away in the white mist and she was someone else. She groped for the name.
A gentle touch to her head. ‘Try to keep calm, Maggie.’ Pamela pulled the wheelchair up to a bench and sat next to her.
She closed her eyes and reached into the dark and the mist. Stella. That was the name. Her name. Say it. ‘I’m Stella.’
A glitter of blue before the lids came down to hide Pamela’s eyes. Her voice very patient. ‘No, darling. You’re Maggie and poor Stella is dead.’ Pat, pat, on her bandaged arm.
‘No.’ She pulled away.
Pamela leaned close. ‘If you’re starting to believe that then I need to tell you something important, Maggie.’ Stress on the word and a glance around. ‘It was lucky I was still in town the day after the fire because, otherwise, they wouldn’t have been able to identify either of you. Especially Stella. She was so badly burned they had no way of telling who she was.’
She tried to speak, but it was just a croak.
‘I’m afraid the police suspect it was arson. That Stella did it deliberately. I told them that the two of you argued that day. So she wanted to get back at you by destroying the place or even by killing you.’
Think, think. Try to remember.
‘You’ve been out of it for quite a while you know, Maggie, so you’re bound to be confused. But poor Stella is dead and that may be for the best. If she was alive, the police would prosecute her, and not just for arson but for murder. She would end up in prison for a very long time.’
It was too hard to think. None of it made sense.
‘And soon I’m going to get you released. You can go home. Your house is absolutely fine. You’re very lucky to have somewhere to go and money enough to last a while.’
The blue eyes gleamed in the sunlight, ‘It’s terribly sad, but in a way it’s best for everyone that Stella’s gone.’ She leaned close. ‘I’m on your side, you know that, don’t you?’
Yes, Pamela was her friend.
‘So please don’t say anything for now. You’ll be out of hospital soon. And we can talk about it then.’
Eve
Her phone rang. Alex. Stella nodded at her, ‘Please, answer it.’ Then she sat back and closed her eyes, looking grateful to stop.
Alex said, ‘First of all, Ivy’s great, missing you, of course. Like me. But, Eve, they found your mum.’ It didn’t sound good. She kept quiet. His voice was soft. ‘She was at Beachy Head.’
A cold hand gripped her throat. ‘Oh, Alex.’
Very quickly. ‘No, no, it’s not that. She wasn’t near the cliffs. They found her in the car park. Just sitting in the car with some music on.’
A deep breath, but the way Alex had spoken told her it wasn’t all right. He said, ‘She’s in Eastbourne Hospital now. Your dad’s with her.’ A pause. ‘I’m sorry, Eve, but she’s had a stroke.’
That icy grip tightened again. ‘Is it bad?’
‘I’m afraid so. You should get back as early as you can tomorrow.’
‘I’m coming now.’
‘But you can’t be in a fit state to drive.’ She was so close to Stella that she must have heard every word because she gave Eve a steady look, and Eve just said, ‘I’ll be all right. Something’s happened here, but I’m fine.’
When she rang off Stella said, ‘Where do you need to go?’
‘Eastbourne. My mu …’ she stopped herself and turned away to grab her bag. ‘Jill has been taken ill. It’s serious.’
‘Well, let me share the driving. I flew in to Newcastle, but I can easily get a plane to Italy from Gatwick. It means we can keep talking.’ She looked down, threading her fingers again. ‘If that’s what you want.’
Eve moved to hug her, breathing in the scent that already seemed familiar. ‘Of course I do. Thank you.’
It was easier to listen while Stella drove, although she sometimes spoke so softly Eve could only just hear her over the engine and road noises. ‘I didn’t remember you. Can’t imagine how I could forget you, but it all took so long to come back. And I was medicated the whole time.’
‘How did you manage?’
‘When they let me leave hospital Pamela took me to Maggie’s house. Organized carers.’ The tiniest laugh and she looked over at Eve, the oncoming headlights making her eyes glisten. ‘I was so grateful to her.’
They were silent for a few minutes, watching the road whizz by. It was a clear cold night; the sky glinting with stars. ‘The doctors gave me plenty of pills, so the time passed in a haze. It made it easier. And I was never alone. Pamela came occasionally, but the rest of the time there were nurses. Sometimes Italian, sometimes other nationalities. Never able to speak English.’
Eve saw her flex her scarred hand on the gear stick. ‘For a long time I didn’t remember you and then I began to. And of course I told Pamela. At first she tried to persuade me I’d imagined you, but then she admitted you’d been adopted and that it could never be overturned, even if I proved I wasn’t dead. And I remember her saying this oh so clearly, “Besides you wouldn’t want to spoil things for Eve. She’s happy and settled with a wonderful family. The family you chose for her yourself.” And she showed me a photo of you with Jill and David.’ A real tremble in her voice now. ‘You did look happy.’
It was difficult to speak. ‘And after that?’
‘One day I took extra medication – a lot extra – but I survived. And eventually I came back to some semblance of myself. Realized Pamela was no friend of mine and sent the latest nurse away. Told Pamela what I would do if she ever came near me again.’ Another tiny laugh. ‘And she hasn’t.’
Then Eve asked the question that had been bothering her all the long sleepless night. ‘But why have you kept quiet all these years?’
‘For a long time I didn’t want to be Stella. Pamela gave in to my threats, but she’d made sure Stella was blamed for the fire. So I’d have to face that.’ She reached out and squeezed Eve’s hand, her words choked. ‘But mainly it was because I hated the mess I’d made of everything when I was Stella. And there seemed no point in being me again if you were gone.’
It was hard, but Eve knew she had to keep on. She swallowed, trying to steady her voice. ‘Did you never want to see me?’
‘I did see you.’ Eve turned to look at her and Stella’s mouth wobbled. ‘When I got properly better, I came over. Maggie’s passport had run out, but the picture was old and I’d cut my hair and dyed it. So I was able to replace it. I wasn’t too worried because I could say I actually believed I was Maggie. But no one queried it anyway. And by then I’d met enough people – ex-pats and British people with holiday homes – who knew me as Maggie, so I had no problem getting the new photo endorsed.’
Eve sat back in her seat, staring out at the road. A breath from Stella
. ‘I’ve seen you quite often. The first time you were on the beach with your parents and another little girl. You looked so happy.’
That hurt. The thought that Stella had been so close. Why hadn’t she sensed it? ‘But when I grew up? Why didn’t you tell me then?’ This time she knew there was bitterness in her voice.
‘I wanted to. Wanted to so much. But the longer it went on the more difficult it became. I was a coward. And if I became Stella again I’d have to face the charge of starting that fire. You would learn about that and I knew you’d have heard other horrible things about me.’
This wasn’t the moment to tell her she hadn’t been told anything at all. ‘Then why now?’
‘I couldn’t paint for ages. Apart from the confusion I needed skin grafts and so on. Eventually I started doing some little things for a few local craft shops. I was terrified even to try my own stuff. But one day I did try. And it began to work.’ Eve’s phone rang. ‘Go on. Please answer it.’
It was her dad. ‘How is she?’
‘Not good I’m afraid. When can you get here?’
A glance at the satnav. ‘A couple of hours.’
Afterwards Stella said, ‘Don’t blame your parents. David was kind to me. And Jill – well – you’ve been happy with them, haven’t you?’
‘Yes, I have.’ It was the simple truth.
They stopped at the services just to swap seats. Eve hadn’t slept, but she felt wide awake. The road was very quiet now and it was soothing to simply put her foot down.
As if the conversation had never paused Stella went on, ‘Finally I was tired of all the lies. All the little lies I was so keen to fight when I was Stella. I needed to be her again. And I hoped … I hoped the exhibition might make you want to find out about me.’
Eve laughed. ‘Well that worked anyway.’
Stella’s voice softened, ‘I met someone I trusted and I told him the truth. He’s a lawyer and wants to try and help me become my real self again. We knew it would be difficult because of the fire.’