“And don’t forget the heating system,” Theodore reminded him.
“That thing still scares me,” Jasper said. “The way it hisses at me occasionally.”
“That’s just the steam rising to the radiators and the air venting from the system.”
“Sure, whatever you say,” Jasper said, giving Theodore the clear impression he was still distrustful.
Every night they made a point of having lamps lit in each “apartment” so to anyone looking, both separate apartments were occupied. But at the end of the evening they always adjourned to the same bed—their bed.
MONDAY THROUGH Saturday, they rose early and opened the store, then worked all day. When they closed the store each evening, they ascended the stairs to their shared apartment above the store to eat and sleep so they could do it all over again the next day. Their only day off was Sunday, a day of rest and a day when most of their community went to one of the local churches. Neither Theodore nor Jasper felt especially drawn to a church, instead treating it as a day to go visit family or friends or just to take a ride in the country if the weather was nice.
Each Sunday evening, they dined with Theodore’s parents. His parents never spoke to Theodore about his relationship with Jasper, but they treated Jasper as a member of the family, which made Theodore happy beyond words.
Living above the store in the center of town had its pluses as well as its drawbacks. The plus was that they could get to work in under a minute. The primary drawback was that they were about as visible to the other town dwellers as possible.
Consequently, Theodore made sure that anytime he was intimate with Jasper, which was frequently, that they had to be very quiet. He kept the blinds drawn at all times in their bedroom and insisted that they make love only with the lights turned off. Theodore could never get enough of seeing Jasper naked, but it was a matter of simple self-preservation that they had to take precautions.
Those early days of the new century were a tough time to be homosexual, not that there was ever a good time to be, but Theodore and Jasper had found each other, and they were together, and they were determined to do everything in their power to remain that way.
One afternoon when Jasper caught Theodore standing across the store staring at him, since they were alone, he asked, “Is something wrong?”
“Nothing at all.”
“Then why are you staring at me?”
“Because you are beautiful,” Theodore said, walking toward him. “And when I’m in the same room with you, my eyes are automatically drawn to you. I want to drink in your beauty, your masculinity. I love the set of your jaw. I love your hair and dream about running my fingers through it while I kiss you. I dream of making love to you.”
“All that, huh?” Jasper said with a smile. “Well, just make sure no customers see you doing that. That’s all we need, for some local gossip to see you mooning over me.”
“I’ll behave,” Theodore said, pretending to pout. “But when we’re alone, like now, I’ll love you with my eyes.”
Jasper smiled at him.
EACH MONTH when Theodore wrote to Martin, he studiously avoided anything positive about his own life. Theodore had sustained a momentous change in his own life, but he kept all such details from Martin. He did not mention the fact that he now owned and operated Hoffman’s Store. Nor did he write about his new live-in friend and the fact that he was madly in love with the man.
“What are you writing?” Jasper asked, as Theodore sat in front of a blank piece of paper at the kitchen table one evening.
“Trying to come up with something to write to my friend Martin.”
“Where does he live?”
Theodore lowered his pen and said, “Have a seat. I need to tell you something.”
“All right,” Jasper said, suddenly looking worried. “What did you want to tell me?”
“Martin was my best friend as we were growing up. But after we graduated from high school, he went to New York and I stayed here. But I went to New York and joined him in early 1903.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“What you don’t know is that while there, Martin took me to a Turkish bathhouse… where… where men went to have sex with one another.”
Jasper gasped.
Theodore dropped his gaze, unable to meet Jasper’s eyes.
“Did you—”
“Yes. But that’s not the point of the story.”
“But I want to hear about it.”
“Later,” Theodore said. “While we were there, Martin had sex with another man. One thing you need to understand about Martin is that he… well, he liked taking risks. Martin had sex with this other man in a very visible location, with others standing around watching. As it happened, two of those who were watching were police officers. They raided the place and detained all of us.”
Jasper gasped again.
“They let me go because I had been discreet and no one ever saw what I did.”
“Oh, no—”
“Yes, they arrested Martin. He was tried and convicted and sent to prison. That’s where he is now. But no one knows that except you, me, and my father. And you have to promise me that you will keep this secret. Do you promise me that?”
“Of course. One doesn’t talk about such things.”
“So every month I write to Martin. But it is getting harder and harder to write to him without being too happy. I am bursting with pride and excitement that I have you in my life. I want to shout it from the rooftops, but of course I can’t. I could share it with others like us, but the only two I know are you and Martin. But I don’t want to tell Martin what I have while I know he cannot. Month after month it is difficult to figure out what I can say to Martin that wouldn’t make him feel worse than he already feels.”
OVER TIME, Theodore’s letters to Martin grew shorter, not for lack of interest, but for lack of any idea about what to say. Still, he was determined to remain in contact, hoping against hope that Martin was surviving and even thriving.
The monthly letters from Martin, which had grown shorter as well, finally simply stopped arriving. For five months, Theodore continued to write to Martin even though he received no response to any of his letters. He feared the silence meant something terrible had happened to Martin, but he could not bring himself to contact the prison to inquire. He simply kept writing, hoping that he would receive a response.
The letter that Theodore wrote in May 1906 proved more difficult than any he had ever written before. Evening after evening he sat and looked at the blank piece of paper, pen in his hand, ready to write.
“Trying to write to Martin?” Jasper asked softly, sitting down beside Theodore.
“Yes. I don’t have a clue what I should write.”
“You’ve had that same blank piece of paper in front of you for five nights now. I hate what this is doing to you, my love. Please, put it aside and try not to think about it for a day or two. Give yourself a reprieve, at least for a few days.”
“I suppose I should. The words just are not coming to me. What does come to me is how close it came to being me in prison.”
“But you are not. You said yourself that Martin liked to take risks. You don’t strike me as someone who would do what you described Martin doing. It’s just not you.”
“But I’m still haunted by that night, by the mere fact that there have probably been other nights, other places, other men just like Martin, also sitting in cold, dark cells for years. But I can’t write that to him.”
“No. You shouldn’t.”
The words did not come to him that month, or the following month, or the month after that.
In September, once again Theodore took up his pen and sat before another blank sheet of paper. If possible, this time it was even more difficult for him.
“How can I tell him his mother died?” Theodore asked Jasper the second night he sat before the blank paper.
Jasper sighed. “There is no easy way to do that. I’m not sure if I even wo
uld. No, I actually wouldn’t tell him. There is nothing he could do. Knowledge of her demise would only make him feel worse. And if he knew of the deteriorating condition of his father, he would feel just that much worse. Please, don’t write. For his sake as well as for your own.”
Theodore put his paper and pen aside and leaned on Jasper for strength and comfort as he did increasingly over their years together. Theodore could not have asked for a more perfect helpmate for himself than Jasper.
Jasper and Theodore meshed remarkably well, but at the same time were not at all hesitant about contradicting each other and arguing if and when the situation called for such action.
ABOUT TWO years after Jasper and Theodore discovered their shared appreciation for each other, Theodore shocked Jasper one evening.
Jasper cooked each night, because if they had tried to survive on what Theodore could cook, they would starve. Consequently, Theodore washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen.
“Jasper, may I have a word with you, please?” he asked after they had finished eating dinner, but before he rose to begin clearing the table.
“Of course. Is something wrong?” Jasper asked, suddenly nervous.
“I need to ask you a question,” Theodore said, ignoring for the moment the question Jasper had asked.
“All right. I’ll do my best to answer you if I can.”
“Are you happy?” Theodore asked, sitting directly in front of Jasper.
Jasper couldn’t help but smile at that. “Yes, my love, I am incredibly happy. Never in my life did I believe I would ever find someone such as you. You make me feel things I could only dream about before we met.”
Theodore nodded quietly. “Do you… I guess what I want to say….” But Theodore was quiet. “Do you want to take some time to go off to the city or somewhere else and… experience… other men?”
“What?”
“You’ve been with me. Do you feel the need to go be physical with other men?”
“Where in the world did that question come from?” Jasper asked. “No, I have no desire to go be with other men. Why would I want to? I have in you everything I had ever dreamed of.”
“I just wanted to find out if you felt the need to experience what sex was like with other men.”
“No,” Jasper answered. “Why? Do you?”
“Goodness, no. I’ve been with a couple of men, but I know that you haven’t. I wanted to see if you wanted to try to find someone else.”
“No. I’m happy with you. I don’t want any other man. Now, tell me why in the world you’ve asked me such a strange question.”
Theodore reached out and took Jasper’s hands in his own.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately,” Theodore said. “I am happy beyond all measure with you and see you as a gift from on high. Regardless of how you choose to evaluate it, physically, emotionally, sexually, or any other way, I… I find you…. I love you, Jasper. I trust you, I love you, I feel at home with you.”
Jasper broke out into a huge smile at Theodore. “I as well. You had me scared, Theodore. I thought you were leaving me, or sending me away, or something like that.”
“No. Nothing like that,” Theodore said. “Unfortunately there is no way for us to be married and to offer each other the security and protection that others find in marriage. I’ve wanted to find some way to show you how I feel. Something tangible. I’ve been thinking about amending the deed to the store land and building to reflect that both of us own the property and the operation jointly.”
Jasper’s mouth hung open in shock.
“Theodore. You would do that? You would give up half of everything you’ve worked so hard to accumulate?”
“No. I wouldn’t be giving it away. I’d be giving it to you, confident that our relationship is rock solid and is the bedrock upon which we are building our future together.”
Jasper simply stared at him for a moment. “I don’t have anything of equal value I could give you,” he observed quietly.
“No. You’ve already given me something of far greater value. You’ve given me your love.”
Further conversation ceased as they moved together.
“RISE AND shine!” Jasper said cheerfully the next morning.
Theodore tried to chase away the disturbance by covering his head with a pillow.
Jasper slid, naked, against Theodore, who was equally naked, kissing his way from Theodore’s navel up toward the pillow. Jasper paused and spent an extra minute on Theodore’s nipples, something he had learned over time was an especially happy spot.
Jasper reversed course, gliding back down over Theodore’s bare torso until his head hit another head that was standing proud and tall. With no preliminaries, Jasper devoured the strong and tall erection. Theodore’s pillow was no longer in play. His back arched gently from the bed, his head was now uncovered and slightly thrown back. A moan made its way down toward Jasper as he gave Theodore a morning greeting of a special sort.
Three minutes later, Theodore, once his heart rate had returned to normal, said, “Now that’s a way to wake a man up in the morning.”
“Thank you,” Jasper acknowledged with a smile as he laid his head on Theodore’s abdomen for a moment.
“Can I take a nap now?” Theodore asked, knowing full well the answer to his question.
“No naps. It’s a business day. Up and at ’em,” Jasper ordered.
Theodore reached for his pillow to cover his head once again, but Jasper was faster, grabbing the pillow and tossing it aside just out of reach. Theodore tried rolling over to bury his face in the bed, but Jasper took advantage of the move and gave Theodore a sharp swat to his bare behind.
“Do I need to remind you that I know where on your body you are especially ticklish?” Jasper asked with an evil smile as he rose to kneel on the bed.
“No!” Theodore practically shouted, jumping out of bed.
“Damn,” Jasper said with an appreciative smile. “You are one fine-looking man when you’re all naked with your everything out for my viewing pleasure.”
Over breakfast, Jasper said, “I’ve thought about your proposal. The idea of adding me to the deed for the store.”
“Yes?” Theodore asked, awaiting Jasper’s answer.
“I am moved almost beyond words. But I am hesitant for one simple reason.”
“And what is that, my love?” Theodore asked.
“Such a move will require legal action and will require working with any number of people, including lawyers, county clerks, and other officials. Such a move could start some talk that would be contrary to what we’ve worked so hard to achieve. We’ve worked so hard to remain close to invisible to the residents of this area, at least our personal lives. I don’t want to do something to jeopardize that, and I fear that this could do just that.”
Theodore sighed and sat back in his chair. “Yes, I had considered that, and yes, it is a possibility.”
They were quiet for a moment before Jasper spoke. “Then how about a slight variation on your proposal? How about, rather than doing this legally, you and I share a private document with each other, recording that on this day at this time and place, you, Theodore McCall, offered to take this step for me as a token of your love and devotion. That way, you and I will know that the intention remains and can be legally enacted at some future point if we so desire.”
Theodore smiled as he leaned forward and gave Jasper a quick kiss. “Not just sexy, but smart as well. I like your idea. Tonight let’s write up the document, sign it together, and find a place to safeguard it for the future.”
“I love you, Theodore McCall.”
Chapter Twenty-One—End of an Era
“THEODORE!” HIS mother shouted anxiously one Tuesday morning a few months later.
“Mother! What’s wrong? Is it Father?”
“What? No. He’s fine. Did you hear the news?” she asked excitedly.
“What news?”
“Ottingers store in Upper Falls b
urned to the ground last night.”
“What? Was anyone injured?”
“No, no one was killed or injured, but the older people that ran it are moving away. They’re not going to rebuild.”
“How do you know this already?” he asked.
She affixed him with a stare and said, “That telephone you had installed in our house is my connection to the world, and since I know women for miles around, we keep one another up-to-date on the happenings throughout our valley.”
“Good point,” he agreed.
The closure of his closest competitor meant a huge boost in business for Theodore and Jasper. With the added display space and now with increased demand, they began to turn over merchandise much more briskly than they had before.
Theodore dragged his feet when Jasper kept asking him to hire additional clerks for the store. After one especially hectic day, Jasper laid down an ultimatum.
“My love, hire help or I’m quitting.”
They advertised for help the next day, hiring three clerks, one full-time and two part-time workers.
AFTER EIGHTEEN months of complete silence, out of the blue, in the middle of 1907, a letter arrived for Theodore. Had he not seen the name on the return envelope and seen the same name written at the bottom of the one page, he would not have known who had written to him. Theodore had always loved Martin’s gorgeous penmanship. Many times he’d told Martin that reading something he’d written was like looking at a work of art.
But the handwriting on the note that Theodore received the summer of 1907 was lacking in any sign of beauty. Gone was the larger than life, flowery script, which had been replaced with a more scrunched-up, blockish, shaky writing. The handwriting was so bad, in fact, that Theodore had to read through the letter several times to be able to even make out what all the words were.
Even more worrisome, the mind that had composed the letter seemed to wander from one thing to another with no organization. One sentence simply melded into a completely different thought, which was another thing that made the letter difficult to read. Finally, though, after entirely too much work and way too much frustration, Theodore got through the entire letter. As near as he could tell, Martin was surviving but was finding prison life to be very hard. There were constant fights, and he wrote that he had to be on constant guard around the other prisoners because it was a dog-eat-dog society inside those prison walls.
A Night at the Ariston Baths Page 18