“You’ve got some nerve showing up here Brad.”
“Well you haven’t answered any of my calls or texts and Amber said you ran off with some cowboy last night. Is that shit true? Didn’t I mean anything to you Hope?”
Oh no, he did not go there. I’m about to blow the hell up in this room and I am deeply regretting having brought him in to talk. “Don’t you go there Brad. You meant the world to me! I can’t believe I wanted to marry you. You’re an insensitive asshole, you treat me like crap, and I caught you fucking another woman. Don’t tell me that you meant nothing to me!”
“I didn’t mean it like that baby. I screwed up. We can fix this. I still want to marry you.” He tries to reach for my hand but I jerk it back.
“Did you not see the ring go down the toilet Brad? We’re not getting married and I’m not your baby.” I practically seethe.
I close my eyes trying to breathe and find his face inches from mine as he leans in attempting to kiss me. Oh no, he’ll wipe off Wesley’s perfect kisses and his breath doesn’t smell as sweet. Nothing about him is intoxicating me right now. I quickly turn my head moving away from him before he can try anything and he gets the hint.
“So you did meet someone last night didn’t you? I can’t believe it.” He stands shaking his head and I still can’t believe he actually thought we were still getting married. He continues to shake his head, “You could have at least thrown the ring at me instead of flushing it Hope, that was pretty damn low.”
“Well, what you did was low Brad.” I turn my head to look anywhere but at him.
And just like that he walked out the room. I heard Amber tell him something and then the front door slam. Amber appears at my bedroom door and walks in sitting beside me. “Are you ok?”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “He actually thought we were still getting married and he tried to kiss me but I turned him down. Then he said I should’ve just thrown the ring at him instead of flushing it.”
“Wow, guess he should have thought about that before,” she replies with a smile on her face. That’s the price he paid to play and for his sake I sure as hell hope she was worth it. Watching him walk out that door did nothing but boost my confidence.
“I’m going to try to relax before work tomorrow. I have a feeling Brad’s not going to leave me alone and I just want to try and have peace.”
“Alright, if you get hungry let me know and we can whip something up. By the way, I wanted to tell you thank you for going last night. It meant a lot to me having you there and I’m so proud of you. One step at a time Hope, you can do it. I love you, you’re the bestest best friend ever.” I smile as she walks out closing the door behind her.
I close my eyes as I lay on the bed and I think back to a time when I thought my life was turning out to be so perfect.
“You sure you don’t want to come with me tonight Hope? Sexy cowboys everywhere, come on!” Karlee has her pouty lip out that she knows I can’t resist to save my life. I hate to tell her no especially since she’s so excited but it’s mine and Brad’s anniversary and he said he had this whole date thing planned.
“You know I want to but it’s my anniversary. He’ll flip a lid.”
“Oh well, celebrate tomorrow. I’m your sister. I’m bloo,d so I’m more important.”
Brad knocked before walking in, making a face at Karlee’s Breaking Benjamin cd that was in her stereo. “That shit is nothing but noise, how can you listen to it? You ready to go Hope?”
Karlee scowled at him behind his back but smiled as soon as he turned around. “Brad, can we please celebrate tomorrow? Karlee bought this ticket for me and I really want to go with her.”
He lets out a sigh, I know he’s aggravated but his answer surprises me. “Yeah, that’s fine. We can celebrate tomorrow.”
Karlee squeals pulling him in for a hug. He doesn’t return her hug but he chuckles as he pulls away and walks out the room.
I walked out the room right behind Brad thrilled that I was getting to go to the rodeo with Karlee. I blink back a tear at the memory. I don’t even want to think about how he proposed to me. I want him to have never existed. I don’t want to think about Karlee being dead because that means I have to hear the metal of the car crashing against the tree all over again and it’s one sound my ears never want to hear again.
I’m brought back to reality when my phone rings and Wesley’s name pops up. I look next to me and Karlee is gone. Damn. My heart flutters as I fumble to answer. “Hello?”
“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Hi,” I reply timidly. How in the hell can I be timid?
“I miss seeing you.”
“You don’t know me. How can you miss me?”
“I know what I need to know. I know how you made me feel and I miss you.” Oh my, I’m blushing and I’m pretty glad he can’t see it. I want to tell him I miss him too but I dismiss it by changing the subject.
“How’s your day?”
“Miserable. I want to see you again. At least tell me you’re having a good day sweetheart.”
I sigh as I answer, “Its better now.”
“What’s wrong?” He asks genuinely. Why does this perfect guy have to be far away?
“My ex tried to come over and talk.” I groan just thinking about Brad being in this room earlier.
“Oh, are you ok?”
“I’m fine, it was just a talk and it’s over now. I just wasn’t quite expecting it that’s all. Enough about me, how’s your day?”
“It’s been pretty quiet, I can’t complain. I’ll be thinking of you while I ride tonight. I wish you could be there.”
“Me too.” I can’t believe I just admitted that to him but it’s true. Watching him ride was one of the most exhilarating things I’ve ever seen.
“Can I tell you something?” I’m silent giving him the go ahead. “I know you briefly told me about your ex, but Amber told me about him too and she basically threatened my life if I hurt you. But I want you to know, I would never hurt you.”
“Oh yeah, she told you what an asshole he is? Because I didn’t quite elaborate on that for you.” I could go on for days about all the things Brad was and wasn’t but I stop.
“She told me. If you were mine Hope, I’d never let you out of my sight and I’d always treat you like the princess you are. You would be my whole world.” I imagine him standing in front of me telling me this instead of over the phone but as long as I’m hearing his voice I’m ok. I’m more than ok, I’m swooning right here on my bed.
“You’re just saying that Wesley, stop. Don’t get my hopes all up.” I pick at him.
His voice is serious, the emotion is almost raw as he speaks, “I would not get your hopes up if I were going to let you down. I promise with all my heart.” His voice is filled with a sincerity that I can not deny. “I’ve got to go get Bandit ready for our competition later sweetheart. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“I can’t wait.” It feels good to say it and we hang up the phone shortly after. I’m all smiles thanks to him.
My stomach is rumbling, obviously I’m hungry. I nibbled on a few chips on the ride home but that was it and last night all I ate was that muffin. I can’t deny the low growl that surfaces but I’m so mentally exhausted from all Brad’s shit that I fall asleep and don’t wake until morning.
Chapter 7
I wake in a frenzy throwing the covers off me as I run to the bathroom. I have to pee so badly and I’ve got to be at work in an hour. Great, I forgot to set my alarm last night, ugh. My heart is racing as I’m trying to decide how I’m supposed to make everything come together so I can have a normal day.
“Good morning!” Amber greets me rather chipper as she sips her mug of coffee. She works at the courthouse and leaves about the same time I do in the morning but unlike me, she’s already dressed in her pencil skirt and soft pink silk blouse. I’m still in the t-shirt and shorts I slept in with a mess of morning hair.
“Morning,” I reply hastily making my cup of cof
fee before running to the bathroom to hurry and shower. As my hair begins to dry, I quickly sip the coffee that has begun to cool. I pull my black dress slacks and Amber’s lavender silk blouse she opted not to wear out of her closet and run back to get dressed in record time. I hop around with one heel on until I find the other.
Amber locks the door on our way out giving me a hug, “I’m so proud of you for this weekend, we’ll have drinks at home tonight to celebrate.”
“Deal.” I smile as I climb into my car and head for work. I count to ten as I begin to drive to work. As usual, the ride is smooth and I manage to get to work without having a meltdown.
As soon as I walk into the office, I’m greeted by the other secretary in the office, Bailey. She’s a petite, twenty-two year old that could pass for eighteen. She has soft blond curls and the biggest blue eyes that always sparkle. We’ve been working together since I started here. “Morning Hope, did you have a nice weekend?”
Ah, the dreaded question. I can’t avoid it forever so I plaster a smile on my face and answer the best way I can, “Oh you know the usual. Caught Brad cheating, flushed the ring down the toilet, and I’m now single. Oh and I met a sexy cowboy at the rodeo.”
Bailey’s jaw has dropped significantly as she doesn’t know whether she is supposed to laugh or not. I ease the tension as I laugh for her, “It’s ok Bailey, I promise. I’m good.”
And I am good; in fact I’m better than ever. I feel like I can breathe again and attempt to live my life the way I should have to begin with and that means Brad free.
Mr. Collins came walking by chuckling to himself. He is the attorney I work for. He’s ruthless in the courtroom and comes highly recommended. Unfortunately that means he comes with a hefty fee as well. I love when he’s in a good mood, especially on Mondays. His salt and pepper hair is brushed to the side today and almost matches his suit perfectly. “Sounds like you had quite the interesting weekend. I’m glad you got rid of that boy, you could do better than him.”
“Wow Mr. Collins, apparently everyone knew this about Brad except for me. Thanks for the heads up.” I laugh as I sit at my desk and begin sifting through the pile of paperwork I chose to neglect Friday when Amber was breathing down my neck about the rodeo.
“Sometimes we have to learn for ourselves, Hope.” He winks as he walks into his office. I’ve worked for Mr. Collins for a few years now. He is friends with a friend of my Dad’s and they recommended me. I’ve been here since I graduated. I love working here even though it is dealing with people’s nasty divorces. I’ve seen some pretty interesting things over the years.
My phone goes off and I almost groan because I’m scared its Brad but my heart soars when I see it’s Wesley instead. The smile on my face is something I’m still getting used to, and I like it.
Wesley: Good morning beautiful. I was so out of sync last night.
Me: You didn’t do well?
Wesley: I wish sweetheart, I didn’t have you there with me.
Me: I was never there before, that can’t be it.
Wesley: Oh it is it, I promise. I have a rodeo this weekend in Austin, I know it’s an hour drive or so but I’ll pay for a hotel room for you and Amber if you can come. I want to see you.
Instantly I want to type yes but I can’t sound desperate. I sit there for a minute just staring at the text waiting to type my answer. I can’t help but feel elated as I’m sitting on that high pedestal Wesley seems to put me on. I see Mr. Collins watching me from his office smiling. It’s like he’s psychic and knows something is going on. I quickly answer Wesley so I can get back to work. I don’t want Mr. Collins breathing down my neck for spacing out. I’ll discuss all this with Amber over drinks tonight.
Me: I’ll talk to Amber tonight and let you know :)
Wesley: Alright beautiful.
I pull out a file and immerse myself into work determined to make this day go by fast. I am useless though, I get sidetracked more than normal thinking about Wesley’s lips on mine and the fact that I may just be seeing him this weekend.
I. Can’t. Wait.
*********
My desk is clean again and I can smile not feeling overwhelmed. I look by my computer monitor and find a frame that has a picture of Brad and me the night we got engaged. We had the waiter at the restaurant snap our picture and I was the happiest woman in the world. I truly was; it felt like the world was at my fingertips. All the happiness I’ve ever wanted was there. I should have seen the bigger picture then of how he would break me slowly until there was nothing left. I grab the wooden frame, flipping it over to undo the back and remove the picture at the time. I don’t want to look at it. While I should just rip it up, I open the top drawer in my desk and slide it under a bunch of post-it notes and pens. My eyes catch a picture I wasn’t expecting to see. It’s Karlee, me, Mom, and Dad at the beach a few months before she died. It was our last family vacation and the memories that resurface are a little too painful. We’ll never have another vacation like that again. Staring at this one picture feels like an invisible force is pushing the knife deeper into me and the wound is open again. I glance at my monitor and realize its lunch time. I need to get out the office anyway, the space feels like it’s closing in on me and I can’t take it. I poke my head into Mr. Collins office and notice we must have the same idea.
“Heading to lunch Hope?”
“Yes sir. Just want to grab a quick bite, have a good lunch.”
“You too.”
I walk out of the building and greet the warm air with a smile. Every bird chirping in the distance reminds me just how lucky I am. My office sits almost a block from the river walk. I begin walking that way towards one of my favorite cafés. All I want right now is a half a turkey sandwich on rye and a small bowl of their cheddar broccoli soup. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.
My mom’s ring tone floats through the air and I answer already feeling guilty because I haven’t talked to them in at least a month. My way of dealing isn’t the best but they have to know I love them. I’d never be mad at them, it wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that she chose to drive that night. I used to blame myself for that night. It tore me apart but Mom and Dad sat me down and explained no one could have known what was going to happen.
“Hello?”
“Hope, baby how are you? Brad called.”
I cut her off a little more abruptly than I wanted to because I know she means well. “Mom, look please don’t listen to anything he said. He’s mad because I caught him in bed with another woman and I’ve moved out. Yes, before you can ask, the wedding is definitely off and I’m happy.”
“You sure baby? If you need to talk you know I’m here. I miss our talks.”
Mom and I were always close, until Karlee died. I never should have shut her out but I just didn’t feel comfortable talking about Karlee or anything else to Mom. She hurt just as badly as I did if not worse. I couldn’t do that to her, I refused to.
“I’m sorry Mom, I should have told you. It just happened so fast and then I went to the rodeo with Amber.”
“Oh baby, why didn’t you tell us? How was that? Brad said you met someone, he didn’t sound too happy.”
“I was scared Mom, I can’t lie. We got a hotel room and came back yesterday. No, Brad wasn’t happy but this guy introduced himself to me and well I don’t expect anything from it Mom, he’s a cowboy and rodeo is his life. I’m not sure I’m cut out for that.” My face instantly relaxes as I admit to her that I went. To be honest, I didn’t tell her because I didn’t want her worrying about me. That night carried enough hurt for an entire lifetime, no way was I going to put her in an awkward position. I’m furious with Brad for calling my parents and telling them all of this. It just goes to show what an asshole he is. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself and the fact that our family went through a tragic loss. Actually, the more I think about it, furious doesn’t begin to cover it, I’m livid.
“Oh dear, you know Karlee would be beam
ing right now for you.” I smile knowing she’s right. “Well, I’m sure you realize your birthday is coming up, are you coming to the house for dinner?”
Oh my gosh, I seriously almost forgot my birthday. I bring my hand up to my mouth in shock, I can’t believe I forgot. It’s this coming Sunday. I wonder if I can somehow squeeze in seeing Wesley and then come back to go to dinner at Mom and Dad’s.
“Actually thanks for reminding me Mom, I can’t believe I almost forgot. Of course I’ll be there. Tell Dad I love him, ok? I need to eat quickly and get back to work.”
“Ok baby, we love you.”
“Love you too.”
Like usual, I sit alone in the café eating my lunch staring at the beauty of the river walk around me. My birthday is less than a week away and I completely forgot about it. How stupid would I have felt to have Amber and everyone at work surprise me for my birthday? Amber’s definitely going to get a kick out of this later. Since she offered wine, I make myself a mental note to stop at the bakery next door to work and pick up two of those massive, to die for, red velvet cake cupcakes.
Spurs & Stilettos Page 6