I miss you across the galaxy and back. I can’t wait to see you again sweetheart.
Those sixteen words light my entire world up. Mr. Collins walks past me dropping a few files on my desk a little after lunch. They land with a thud and I look up to find him smiling at me.
“File these Hope, and go enjoy your day. We’ll see you Monday.”
“Thank you Mr. Collins. Have a good weekend.” He winks and as soon as I file them, I skip out the front doors.
I haven’t been to see Mom and Dad since my birthday dinner and I miss them so much.
I grab my phone before leaving work and almost call them but I’d rather surprise them, instead I decide to text Wesley.
Me: Good luck tonight :) I know you’ll do great.
Wesley: You think so?
Me: Of course! I’m going to visit my parents for a few.
Wesley: Tell them hi for me. If I place well tonight, I’ll be heading to Vegas.
I’m glad he can’t see my face right now. I’m so happy for him, more proud than anything but Vegas means a little longer until I can see him again. If I can’t see him, then I can’t get any kisses from him anytime soon and he won’t be able to hold me. I hate missing him so much.
Me: Well you should go ahead and say you’re going because I know you’re going to make it. You’re too amazing not to.
Wesley: You’re just saying that to get me where you want me.
Me: And where is that?
Wesley: I wish I could kiss your perfect lips. I miss you so much.
I smile just staring at his words. My mind begins to wander and I feel myself growing anxious thinking about the last time we slept together. I’ve tried to avoid thinking about it but it’s been plaguing me all day. Now that I think about it, I don’t remember having my cycle this month. Shit, does he love me enough to have a family with me? I really need to put myself out of my misery and take a test. So many things are swirling around in my head right now. I’ve never really given any thought to having children.
Me: I miss you so much too :(
Wesley: Don’t be sad sweetheart. Just a few more days.
Me: I know, I can’t wait :)
He sends one more smiley face. I plug my phone in before leaving work. I shuffle my playlist and let the sounds of everything from country to rock fill the speakers of my car. I stop at a pharmacy where no one knows me to buy a test. My face is crimson as the guy behind the register rings it up. My hands are clammy as I hand over my debit card. My nerves are taking over me, if I am pregnant how the hell am I supposed to tell Wesley?
I pull into my parent’s driveway parking in the same spot I always do. I walk right up to the door letting myself in like I just came home from school. Except back then, Karlee would have been driving us and she would have been walking up with me. I find Mom in the living room watching something on the Home Shopping Network. She’s really interested in whatever they are selling and I spook her when I plop down beside her on the couch.
“Hey Mom.”
“Olivia Hope, you scared the mess out of me. I didn’t know you were coming today. I’m glad to see you.” She pulls me in for a hug holding me tightly. I miss my Mom.
“I’m sorry. I got off work a little early and wanted to come see ya’ll. Where’s dad?”
“He’s out cutting the grass. Will you stay for dinner?” I smile at her offer. No way will I turn her down.
“Yeah Mom, of course.”
“How’s the new guy in your life? What’s his name, Wesley?” I swoon at the sound of his name.
“He’s great. He’s in Oklahoma tonight and possibly going to Vegas tomorrow.”
“He made you smile again, we missed your smile little girl.”
“I know and it feels good to smile again. Can I stay over tonight Mom? Amber isn’t home because her family picnic is tomorrow and I don’t want to stay alone.”
She squeezes my hand and tears fill her eyes. “You always have a room here no matter what, you know that.”
I didn’t bring any extra clothes but I’m sure between my dresser and Karlee’s room, I can find something. That was one of the perks of having a sister close in age. We were the same size and always in each other’s closet.
We sit on the couch watching TV and talking until dad comes in from cutting the grass. He gives me a big sweaty hug that I don’t mind at all. “Good to see you baby girl. Mom said you’re staying for dinner?”
“I am. I’m staying the night too.” I look outside at the fine grass cutting job he just did. “Grass looks good dad, so what are you cooking?”
He looks at me laughing before falling into his recliner. He’s had this same recliner for as long as I can remember. Karlee and I used to pile up on his lap in this recliner when we wanted something. I smile fondly at the memory. “Your mom is cooking kiddo, I think she’s making your favorite but I didn’t tell you that.”
She’s making chicken and dumplings, she’s got to be. That’s my favorite, always has been. I smile and zip my lips before throwing away the key. I’ll let myself be surprised when it’s time.
As Karlee and I got older, we rarely ate at the table as a family but tonight that’s all I want to do. Mom sets the dish on the table and we all take turns digging in. I squeal with delight when I saw it was what I thought, chicken and dumplings.
“Thanks Mom, it looks delicious!” I stick a fork full into my mouth and practically moan as I chew it. It’s amazing as always.
“You’re welcome baby girl.” She grins before taking a bite of her own.
We pretty much eat in silence and I help Mom clean up the kitchen. Dad has the History Channel on and is watching Pawn Stars. I let out a yawn, not realizing how exhausted I am and the way I’m positioned against the arm of the couch isn’t helping. The sun has now set and another day has passed. I felt myself beginning to doze off wanting nothing more than to succumb to it when my phone goes off. I sit up suddenly very alert when I see it is Wesley. I double check the time figuring he must be getting ready to ride. I crossed my fingers for him wishing him the best.
I make sure to let Amber know I’m not coming home tonight. She is with Nate anyways I’m sure. Dad’s sudden snoring makes me giggle and I glance at him laid back in his recliner passed out. Mom giggles right along side me. Part of me wishes I’d never moved in with Brad so I could’ve stayed here longer. I wanted to grow up though and boy did I ever. I learned so much and although it’s been tough, it’s only made me a better person.
“I’m going to get your dad to bed. He could wake the dead with that snore.”
I laugh. I’m tired too, so I’m really ok with going to lay down myself. “I’m tired too Mom, I’m going to go shower and lay in bed.”
“Goodnight baby girl, we’ll see you in the morning.” I kiss my sleeping Dad’s forehead and hug my Mom before making my way upstairs to everything I’ve avoided in the past.
I take the steps one at a time. I’m slow moving but I’m remembering all the times Karlee and I ran up and down these stairs or the time she tried to slide down the banister and ended up with a broken leg. Mom and Dad were pissed at us for playing around. I finally reach the top of the stairs and look at both closed doors. I stare at hers for a moment before turning to open my old bedroom door. The first thing I see is a picture of me and Brad. I flip the wooden picture frame down and walk straight for my dresser. I find a pair of old gym shorts and an old t-shirt-, that will do for bed. I walk into the bathroom turning on the light. I admire the pink polka dot shower curtain we shared. The same fluffy pink towel hangs on the holder. I open the test and let out a long sigh as I begin to pee on the stick. I set it on the counter and I climb into the shower. It can wait until I’m done. There’s a fresh bottle of body wash in the shower along with shampoo and conditioner. I let the shower cleanse me, inside and out. I cry a little until I’m convinced I’m fine. I keep telling myself I did good coming here. Of course I knew it was going to be tough but I’m a survivor.
&nb
sp; Chapter 20
I slip into the clothes feeling nice and clean. I want to walk out of the bathroom but there is a little unfinished business, that darn stick lying on the counter. I’m terrified to look. It’s crazy how one little stick can have such a huge impact on your life. I’m terrified he’ll want none of this. I’m terrified to raise a baby alone. I close my eyes and count to ten.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9……10.
Once I open them, I carefully grab the stick and my jaw falls to the floor. Tears sting the back of my eyes as they threaten to fall. I can’t believe this is happening. The two little lines tell me what I absolutely dreaded. I’m pregnant. My stomach is a barrel of knots as I continue to stare at the two lines that just decided my fate. What if I didn’t want this fate? What if Wesley doesn’t want this fate? Oh God, I’m going to ruin his life. I throw my hand over my mouth letting a sob break free. My whole body is numb and I try my best to pretend that everything will be ok.
I haven’t heard from Wesley yet, I can only imagine being there and getting to see him ride. I know he’s anxious to place and get to Vegas. That third title means a lot to him, he doesn’t have to tell me, I already know. I lie across my bed with my phone in my hand. Nothing yet. I sigh wondering how he’s doing and how the hell I’m supposed to break the news to him. I can’t do it over the phone. I don’t want to sound like a coward. I want to see his face when I tell him so I can be able to read him. I open my pictures and look at the one of the two of us. I stare at his face, the smile he has melts me now. Imagine what it did to me then. I’m going to turn his world upside down, neither of our lives will ever be the same again.
I open my web browser on my phone and Google pops up. I can’t believe I didn’t think about the internet until now. I type in his name and a lot of pictures pop up, pictures of him and Bandit and pictures of just him. He’s smiling in every single picture and I smile back. I miss that sexy smile of his. Article after article pops up covering almost every event he’s participated in. He really has been doing this for a long time and he’s damn good. Better than I thought he was.
I’m scrolling through the page quickly. I haven’t read any articles yet, I just like reading his name. Seeing his name and pictures makes me feel like I’m not that far away from him. One article catches my eye and I hesitate before tapping the link. I feel like I’m going to be sick. My stomach is a mangled mess of knots and I can’t breathe. Tears spring forward as I recognize the car immediately. I’d be stupid not to know it because I was there. It belonged to Karlee.
I can’t read this, I refuse to. What does this have to do with Wesley? I searched his name and nothing else. The title caught me once more before I could back out of the page: Local Rodeo Champion Attempts to Save Life. I can’t breathe. I want to read it but I don’t know if I can handle it. Curiosity gets the best of me and I begin to read the article.
Saturday March 12, 2011
Friday night tragedy struck when a vehicle traveling south on I-37 veered off the road and struck a tree. 26 year old Karlee Trahan was killed on impact. Trahan’s 23 year old sister Olivia Hope Trahan was the only survivor with minor injuries.
25 year old Rodeo Champion Wesley Tyler witnessed the accident stopping immediately to try and remove both women from the vehicle. He succeeded before authorities arrived to find Karlee Trahan dead. Authorities commended him on his courageous effort……
I can’t read the rest of the article. My eyes have become a blurry pool of tears. My mind is in a million different places right now and I’m not sure what to think. I want to call Amber but I know she wouldn’t be able to understand a word I would be blubbering. I wonder if Mom and Dad knew about this and if they did why didn’t they tell me. Does Wesley even realize she was my sister? Does he have any idea that was me? He saved me. He pulled me from the car and by some twist of fate I met him again. The fact that he tried to help her keeps playing in my head over and over again. He saw her dead mangled body; he pulled her from the car. I choke on my tears, I’m feeling helpless probably much like that day. I can’t help but wonder what her last thoughts were before she hit that tree. What if she had been alive when he got to her, could he have saved her too? I’m struggling to find my breath, Wesley Tyler saved my life. I never put this together because I never thought about it. I barely remembered anything about him from that night. To me, he was just some stranger who saved my life and attempted to save my sister. I never knew who he was to thank him.
I’m snapped out of my thoughts when my phone rings and his name pops up. I let it ring twice before picking up and trying to sound like myself.
“Hello?”
“Hey sweetheart, guess what?” Yeah guess what? You saved my life and you’re going to be a daddy. He sounds excited and I know what he’s getting ready to tell me.
“You’re going to Vegas?”
“I am, I wish you could be there. I leave in the morning and the competition is Sunday.”
“That’s good.” I want to say more, I really did but my brain is still trying to process everything from tonight. Finding out you’re pregnant and reading that article changes everything.
“Is everything ok Hope? You sound down baby. After Sunday, I’ll be home and it’s me and you, I swear.”
“Wesley,” I start out. I have to ask him about Karlee. I want to blurt out that I’m pregnant but I already told myself I wouldn’t over the phone. I think about the words I read in the article before I continue, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what sweetheart? I’m not following.”
Here goes nothing. “That you saved me and tried to save my sister from the car the night of her accident. I read the article on my phone.”
He sighs probably hoping he would have never had to tell me this. I’m not sure I really want to hear. “Oh my God,” he whispers. “I was heading home like ya’ll were. I was tired, it was a long night. I noticed her car swerving but honestly didn’t think anything of it at first. I assumed she was texting or something like that. Her car suddenly started drifting off the road and I slowed down waiting for her to get back on the road. She didn’t, it felt like everything moved in slow motion. Next thing I know, her car smashed into a tree and I pulled over as fast as I could. I flew out of my truck towards her car. Smoke was everywhere and I couldn’t tell whether she was alive or not, I just knew I had to get her out the car. I called 911 before I practically ripped the door off the hinges. I saw you freaking out. I didn’t realize there was anyone else inside the vehicle. Shit, I remember you clinging to my neck as I pulled you from the car and set you on the grass. I remember moving ya’ll away from the car incase it exploded, she hit the tree pretty hard. I couldn’t find a pulse, I prayed, I just had no idea what I was doing but the paramedics arrived and confirmed what I had feared the most. That was the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I didn’t exactly put two and two together when you told me your sister was killed in an accident leaving the rodeo. I’ve tried to forget everything about that day. I’m so sorry Hope.”
My eyes are full of tears again and if it’s even possible, I swear I love him. The words play in my mind over and over again and it slams into me full force. I love Wesley Tyler. He saved me and tried to save Karlee.
“Why wasn’t she alive?” I cry. I already know the answer but he is the last person to truly see her and I feel he knew better answers but he doesn’t.
“Sweetheart, I wish I could fix this for you. You have no idea.”
“I couldn’t read the whole thing, it tore me apart. I’ve never seen that article before, I was searching you so I could have you with me and it popped up. Thank you for being there. How did I not know that was you, Wesley? I wish you were here with me right now.” I choke out. He has no idea how much I wish he was here with me.
“Me too sweetheart. I have no idea what to say, I’m completely at a loss for words Hope. Dammit I’m so sorry. Things happen for a reason, some of those reasons we will never understand but we were brought back
together. Sunday, I swear, you’re my first and only stop. I can’t wait to hold you again. It’s been too long already.”
We talk a little longer before he begins yawning. I know he’s tired, I just wish we didn’t have to hang up. Before I can attempt to protest his decision to hang up, I yawn too.
“You need to get some rest sweetheart, I miss you so much Hope.”
I smile wiping away the last of the tears. “I miss you too.”
*******
Most of the next day, I spend helping Mom in her garden. She is planting a few new flower plants, while Dad sprayed chemicals to kill the weeds that threatened to overtake everything. I am going to miss the hell out of them when I leave this afternoon. The only thing that keeps me going is tomorrow, Wesley will be home. I plan on wrapping my arms around him and not letting him out of my sight until I have to go to work Monday morning.
Spurs & Stilettos Page 15