by Tawny Weber
“I think I owe Nic a new table,” Ava mumbled, burrowing deeper into Elijah’s arms. She was trembling so hard, the tears shook off her face to soak his shirt.
“Looks like Ava managed to protect herself just fine,” Lansky concluded, slamming his fist into Ramsey’s face one more time for good measure before flipping him onto his stomach and wrapping the wires around his wrists tight enough to draw blood.
“Why the hell did she have to?” Elijah ground out, glaring at his commander over Ava’s head. “I thought Powers was covering her.”
His face looking like it was carved in ice, Savino glanced out the window before answering. “He was.”
“And?”
“And he’s dead.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
A BUGLE WAILED its mournful call as taps floated over the gentle sweep of grass, winding through trees and offering comfort to the people gathered, heads bowed, around the grave of Chief Warrant Officer Mason Powers, Navy SEAL and the first member of Poseidon to fall.
The morning sunlight gleaming over Arlington’s majesty honored the fallen, as did the Admiral’s words as Cree paid tribute to the loss.
Ava wondered if she’d ever seen anything as bittersweetly beautiful. Her gaze traveled from face to face, noting the identical expressions of stoic duty on the faces of the men she’d once known so well.
Diego, his dark eyes filled with banked fury, stood next to Aaron Ward, who while not refusing the white sling on his arm, had insisted on leaving his crutches behind. Lansky, Loudon, Rengel, Davidson, Kane and Brandt stood at attention to their left. To their right stood Nic Savino, his eyes shaded by glasses, his head bowed with pain.
And Elijah.
Ava’s heart wept at the sight of him there, glorious in dress whites as he spoke about his friend, about his sacrifice.
Knowing she’d break at any second, Ava tore her gaze away. Her eyes skimmed Mason’s family, most of whom she’d never met but recognized from photos shared long ago. Harper stood, chin high and tears trailing down her cheeks, with one arm wrapped around Nathan. Ava didn’t question the boy’s presence. She might have once, but she knew better now. When sacrifices were made, it was important to acknowledge them. And Nathan needed to know.
On the other side of Nathan was a curvaceous woman with an exotic air. Lansky’s Greek goddess, Ava realized. The one he’d turned his life around for. Like Harper, she had one hand on Nathan’s shoulder but her eyes were locked on her man.
Would it be enough? Ava wondered. Would Jared’s role in all this help her see the importance of what he did, of who he was? Or would they push her further away?
Not wanting to think about that, especially since it hit much too close to home, Ava continued scanning the cemetery. Her eyes landed on a woman standing in the distance, just beyond the farthest mourner. She was slight, maybe five-five in her seriously kick-ass high heels, but she exuded a serious power that offset her small stature. Like most of the civilians, she wore black. The short skirt and fitted jacket were edged in leather, its gleam matching her short sweep of hair. Huge, round sunglasses shielded her face. The sharp edge of her jaw held enough anger to make Ava wonder who she was.
She stopped wondering when Nic caught her attention as he stepped to the front of the crowd.
“Warrant Officer Mason Powers was a man of honor, of duty and of sacrifice. But more, he was a friend. The type of friend who was always there to listen, to talk through problems or to simply hang out over a beer. Or, in Mason’s case, a twelve-pack.” A hint of a smile ghosted over Nic’s lips before he continued. “We called him Flipper. Not because he swam like a dolphin, although he was unmatched in the water. But because he could flip any situation to its bright side. No matter how bad things looked, Mason found a silver lining.”
Nic’s eyes shifted from the crowd to rest on the flag-draped casket.
“The world is already darker without him. Because there is no silver lining to the loss of an officer of his caliber. Mason Powers gave his life in service of his country, in service of his team. Today we honor our loss. We will forever honor his memory.”
Ava watched the honor guard as they took position, guns at the ready.
The men came to attention. Perfectly aligned, shoulder to shoulder. Poseidon in front, SEALs in the next row, servicemen after them. As one, they saluted.
Shots rang out as seven guns fired.
Once. Twice. Thrice.
A time-honored custom that brought tears to Ava’s eyes. She sniffled, lifting her chin as she tried to keep them from falling. Others weren’t as concerned with hiding emotion; loud sobs sounded behind her. She wished there were words she could say, some comfort to offer.
But she knew from experience that nothing could dim the pain of death’s goodbye.
The ceremony ended shortly thereafter with the reverently folded flag cradled on Mason’s mother’s lap. Knowing Elijah needed time with his men, not ready to share her own thoughts with anyone else, Ava walked across the lawn to a shaded bench.
“Are you okay?” Harper asked when she’d made her way over to sit by Ava. The pretty blonde slid a pair of oversize sunglasses on before laying her hand on Ava’s.
“I am. A part of me feels like this is the first time I’ve sat, the first time I’ve been able to think, since those horrible events at the cabin three days ago.”
“You took down Brandon.” Just a hint of wicked in her laugh, Harper gave Ava’s hand a squeeze before letting go. “Someone mentioned a reference to his dick being the size of a straw?”
Heat burned Ava’s cheeks. That sort of talk was fine in the gym and in a fight, but she could practically hear her mother’s horrified voice in her head, bemoaning that a lady shouldn’t even know such words. And Harper was a lady, through and through.
But when Ava slid a sidelong look at the elegant woman next to her, she could only laugh. “I guess I did say something like that,” she acknowledged, still smiling.
“Maybe it’s tacky but I think that’s my favorite part of this whole debacle. Beyond the pain of watching Diego deal with losing one of his men. More than gratitude that Brandon is finally caught, finally going to be brought to justice.” Harper lifted her face to the gentle sun and gave a deep, heartfelt sigh of relief. “Those are all overwhelming. But through it all, I keep thinking that you took him on. You fought him. And you insulted his penis.”
“I didn’t really fight him. I know my limits,” Ava said, brushing at the hair that’d come loose from her French braid. “I just kept him distracted until the team arrived.”
“You trusted that they would?”
“I never doubted that Elijah, that his team, would come to the rescue.” Eyes tracking him as he stood at the graveside, Ava knew that was one thing she’d never question again. Elijah would always be there for her. As long as she wanted him.
She remembered that faith.
Everything else—Powers’s death, Ramsey’s attack, his arrest, they were a blur. She vaguely remembered the cabin being swarmed by military types as Elijah had taken her upstairs to rest. She’d been happy enough having Lansky, the resident medic, give her a once-over but Elijah had insisted on a doctor visit before they were all swept onto a military plane last night to fly east to Virginia.
She’d tried to talk to Elijah. But other than heartfelt sympathy for his loss, she hadn’t been able to find words to express her feelings. A part of her, still in shock over everything that’d happened, had welcomed the respite.
But the time for respite was over. Now it was time for answers. And speaking of...
“Are she and Jared a couple?” Ava gestured toward the dark-haired beauty with her arm around Nathan.
“I don’t know. I think they care about each other. A lot. But even though she’s trying, Andi can’t seem to get past Jared’s career. I
can relate to her fears, but...”
“But you love Diego too much to let them stop you from being together,” Ava finished for her. At Harper’s stare, she shrugged. “I used to tell myself that, too. That love would overcome fear.”
“Did it?”
“No.” Smiling a little at Harper’s scowl, Ava tilted her head to acknowledge the woman’s frustration. “But believing in myself did. Believing that I’m strong enough to live with the reality of what he does, who he is.”
She gestured to the cemetery, the lush green carpet dotted with the painful truth of that reality. All around them was evidence of the cost involved in serving one’s country. A cost that, for so long, Ava had thought she couldn’t handle.
“Those are the beliefs that matter. Those, and being confident of the life I’ve built, of my ability to maintain it. Those things? They drown out the fear. And they give me faith that I can handle whatever Elijah’s career brings.” Then, realizing she was starting to sound like an evangelist, she wrinkled her nose and added, “And, of course, I don’t want to give up the great sex.”
“God forbid,” Harper agreed with a laugh. It faded into a soft smile as her gaze found Diego, who’d lifted a woebegone Nathan into his arms. “I’ve been sure that I could handle whatever comes with Diego and me. But I have to admit, your words make me feel even better.”
“And your friend?” Ava wondered, watching Jared’s face as he stared after the exotic woman making her way alone toward the parking lot.
“I suppose time will tell. And speaking of.” Harper checked her watch, then leaned over to brush a kiss on Ava’s cheek. “It’s time for me to go. I hope we’ll see each other soon, Ava.”
“Count on it,” Ava promised, giving her new friend a hug back before the blonde left to join her family.
As soon as Harper left, Elijah angled away from the uniformed crowd, his steps heavy as he crossed to join Ava. Rather than sit, he stood next to the bench, watching the crowd slowly disperse.
Ava didn’t know what to say. Wasn’t sure what words she could offer that would soothe the misery she saw on his face. But she’d closed herself off to his grief once before.
She couldn’t do it again.
“I wish there were words that helped. Something I could say that would comfort you.” She watched as Mason’s mother was led away, still sobbing and nearly bent in half as she cradled the flag. “I know there aren’t. But I do wish otherwise.”
“It helps simply knowing you’re here. That you care enough to be.”
When Elijah rested a hand on her shoulder, she reached up to squeeze it.
“I used to think this was impossible.”
“Dying?” she asked, although she knew that’s not what he meant.
“Dying at the hands of an enemy, I accepted that.” Elijah’s jaw stiffened, his eyes bitter as they scanned the endless sea of graves. “Dying at the hand of a friend? Never.”
“But he was the enemy,” she pointed out quietly. In heels, her eyes were level with Elijah’s. And she had a feeling this was going to be an eye-to-eye type of conversation. “He might have worn the face of a friend, might have worn the uniform of a brother. But he was just as much your enemy as those terrorists you faced on the field of battle.”
“Right up until he said otherwise, I was sure that fire was an accident,” Elijah murmured, his eyes on the people still gathered around the grave. “I’d accepted his deceit, his dishonesty and even his treason. But to deliberately hurt a brother in arms?”
He shook his head, but he couldn’t shake off the pain. It was right there, etched on his face. Ava moved closer and, after a brief hesitation, wrapped her arm around his waist. Once she’d have figured he didn’t want or need her support. Now she didn’t care. He was getting it anyway.
Elijah’s arms wound around her, gripping tight as if she were a lifeline. Ava’s heart swelled, the last fortified wall disintegrating as she accepted that he did need her. And that she was strong enough to be there for him.
“I never wanted to see you here, in a place like this.”
Ava leaned back to study Elijah’s face. “Because you didn’t think I was strong enough to handle it?”
“Maybe.” His lips twisted; then he stepped around so his back was to the grave, his face toward hers. “You are now. Strong enough, I mean. But I still don’t want you to ever have to do this again.”
Ava’s belly took a slow dive into her pretty black stilettos.
She knew what was coming.
And she was ready for it.
* * *
ELIJAH WATCHED HIS team slowly disperse. Among them, they carried grief, pain and anger. He knew, because those emotions ran through him, too.
Seething in many of the men was a thirst for revenge, the desire for answers, a need for justice. He wanted all of those, he needed to play his part in bringing them to fruition.
But he’d learned his priorities.
“Ava, we need to talk.” After sliding his hand down the heavy rope of her hair, he pulled back enough to see her face.
“Here? Now?” Brow arched, she shot a look around the cemetery.
Where better, he wondered, to discuss the death of dreams? But a little distance wouldn’t hurt, so he rubbed his hand down her arm before reaching for her hand and leading her along the path, away from the crowd.
He stopped when they’d reached the next set of benches, this one by a mausoleum so white it reflected sunlight with a blinding glare.
“I love you,” he said, twisting his finger through one of the flyaway locks of hair drifting around Ava’s face. “We made mistakes before, but loving each other wasn’t one of them.”
“I love you, too.” Her smile was as soft as sunrise, filled with joy and hope, with promise. “I never stopped. Even when I wanted to.”
“But you did want to.”
Elijah shook his head before she could respond. “What we have, Ava, it’s special. It’s important. Too important to throw away again. I want us to be together. To have a life together. So I’m going to—”
Her fingers on his mouth stopped his words, halted the declaration he’d been practicing in his head for the past four days.
“No.”
Nonplussed, he wrapped his hand around hers, lowered it to his chest.
“What?” He shook his head with a scowl. “I didn’t even say anything and you’re telling me no?”
“You’re going to offer to leave Poseidon. That you’ll leave the SEALs, leave the Navy altogether. For me.”
“For us.” He lifted their entwined hands to his lips, pressing a soft kiss over her knuckle. “So we can build a life together.”
“You can’t give up who you are, what you are. Not if we want this life together to work.”
“Who I am, what I do, it put you in danger.” Elijah had faced some gut-wrenching things in his life. But letting Savino haul Ramsey out of that cabin instead of beating the man into a bloody pulp was one of the hardest.
“No. You protected me.” She shook her head before he could protest. “I’m the one who chose to go to the cabin. I’m the one who convinced Nic to let me stay after you told me to go. And Ramsey’s the one who made the hideous choices he did. You? You’re the one who rescued me, remember?”
“You were doing a damned good job of rescuing yourself.”
“I couldn’t have held him off. But I had to try. In part, because, well, what else was I going to do? Hide under the couch?” She gave a shaky laugh. “But mostly because I wanted to be worthy of you, Elijah. Worthy of the heroism you show every day.”
Fighting off embarrassment, he shook his head.
“You devote your life to protecting others. To serving your country. To being the best. I always understood that intellectually. But this week, I finally came
to understand what it means.”
“How so?”
“I went along to help protect a little boy. I fought a treasonous ass-hat because I wouldn’t—couldn’t—back down to his threat. It would have been easier to play the weak-girl card, found a way to bullshit my way out of the situation,” she admitted. “But I had to stand up to him. Otherwise, you could have been hurt. Otherwise more people could have been hurt.”
Voice breaking, her gaze shifted over his shoulder to the graveside, where a brave man had just been laid to rest. She bit her lip when it trembled, then gave a brave lift of her chin.
“That’s what you do. That’s who you are. Mack told me once that we’re a lot alike, you and I. That’s when I realized that if we are, it’s because I’ve tried to follow your footsteps.”
“Say what?”
He was all for equal opportunity, and Ava was definitely an ass kicker. But he shuddered at the idea of her joining the Navy.
“I watched you push to be the best. Physically and mentally, you always push yourself. And you live by a code, one you’re true to regardless of what others might think about it.” Shifting a little in his arms, she laid one hand on his heart. “Honestly? That used to intimidate me. But over the last few years, without realizing it, I used you as my guide. I worked to live up to my own code. I pushed myself. I embraced life. And I grew up.”
“You’ve always been amazing to me,” he said.
“And that’s just one of the reasons why you’re my hero.” Laughing a little when Elijah’s cheeks flushed, Ava brushed a soft kiss over his lips. “That’s why I want to build that life with you, Elijah. I hope—and I’m starting to believe—that I’m finally worthy of you.”
“You humble me,” he murmured, overwhelmed by the intensity of his feelings.
“You’re the strongest man I know.” Ava lifted her free hand to cup his cheek. “And I’m finally strong enough to appreciate your strength. And to live with it.”
He shook his head, not sure how to take those words. He wanted face value. Desperately. But to have all of his dreams handed to him, and love, too? It seemed impossible.