by Jean M. Auel
Ayla nodded with understanding. It made the situation a little more clear. “Mamut, what …”
“Nuvie! Nuvie! O Mother! She’s choking!” a woman suddenly screamed.
Several people were standing around while her three-year-old coughed and sputtered, and struggled to draw breath. Someone pounded the child on the back, but it didn’t help. Others were standing around trying to offer advice, but they were at a loss as they watched the girl gasping to breathe, and turning blue.
6
Ayla pushed her way through the crowd and reached the child as she was losing consciousness. She picked the girl up, sat down and put her across her lap, then reached into her mouth with a finger to see if she could find the obstruction. When that proved unsuccessful, Ayla stood up, turned the child around and held her around the middle with one arm so that her head and arms hung down, and struck her sharply between the shoulder blades. Then, from behind, she put her arms around the limp toddler, and pulled in with a jerk.
Everyone was standing back, with held breaths, watching the woman who seemed to know what she was doing, in a life-and-death struggle to clear the blockage in the little girl’s throat. The child had stopped breathing, though her heart was still beating. Ayla lay the child down and kneeled beside her. She saw a piece of clothing, the child’s parka, and stuffed it under her neck to hold her head back and her mouth open. Then holding the small nose closed, the woman placed her mouth over the girl’s, and pulled in her breath as hard as she could, creating a strong suction. She held the pressure until she was almost without breath herself.
Then suddenly, with a muffled pop, she felt an object fly into her mouth, and almost lodge in her own throat. Ayla lifted her mouth and spat out a piece of gristly bone with meat clinging to it. She took a deep gulp of air, flipped her hair back out of her way, and, covering the mouth of the still child with her mouth again, breathed her own life-giving breath into the quiet lungs. The small chest raised. She did it several more times.
Suddenly the child was coughing and sputtering again, and then she took a long, rasping breath of her own.
Ayla helped Nuvie to sit up as she started to breathe again, only then aware of Tronie sobbing her relief to see her daughter still alive.
Ayla pulled her parka on over her head, threw the hood back, and looked down the row of hearths. At the last one, the hearth of the Aurochs, she saw Deegie standing near the fireplace brushing her rich chestnut hair back and wrapping it into a bun while she talked to someone on a bed platform. Ayla and Deegie had become good friends in the past few days and usually went outside together in the morning. Poking an ivory hairpin—a long thin shaft carved from the tusk of a mammoth and polished smooth—into her hair, Deegie waved at Ayla and signaled, “Wait for me, I’ll go with you.”
Tronie was sitting on a bed at the hearth next to the Mammoth Hearth, nursing Hartal. She smiled at Ayla and motioned her over. Ayla walked into the area defined as the Reindeer Hearth, sat down beside her, then bent over to coo and tickle the baby. He let go for a moment, giggled and kicked his feet, then reached for his mother to suckle again.
“He knows you already, Ayla,” Tronie said.
“Hartal is happy, healthy baby. Grows fast. Where is Nuvie?”
“Manuv took her outside earlier. He’s such a help with her, I’m glad he came to live with us. Tornec has a sister he could have stayed with. The old and the young always seem to get along, but Manuv spends almost all his time with that little one, and he can’t refuse her anything. Especially now, after we came so close to losing her.” The young mother put the baby over her shoulder to pat his back, then turned to Ayla again. “I haven’t really had a chance to talk to you alone. I’d like to thank you again. We are all so grateful … I was so afraid she was … I still have bad dreams. I didn’t know what to do. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there.” She choked up as tears came to her eyes.
“Tronie, do not speak. Is not necessary to thank. Is my … I don’t know word. I have knowledge … is necessary … for me.”
Ayla saw Deegie coming through the Hearth of the Crane and noticed that Fralie was watching her. There were deep shadows around her eyes, and she seemed more tired than she should be. Ayla had been observing her and thought she was far enough along in her pregnancy that she should not be suffering morning sickness any more, but Fralie was still vomiting regularly and not just in the morning. Ayla wished she could make a closer examination, but Frebec had created a big furor when she mentioned it. He claimed that because she stopped someone from choking didn’t prove she knew anything about healing. He wasn’t convinced, just because she said so, and he didn’t want some strange woman giving Fralie bad advice. That gave Crozie something else to argue with him about. Finally, to stop their squabbling, Fralie declared she felt fine and didn’t need to see Ayla.
Ayla smiled encouragingly at the besieged woman, then picking up an empty waterskin on the way, walked with Deegie toward the entrance. As they passed through the Mammoth Hearth, and stepped into the Hearth of the Fox, Ranec looked up and watched them pass by. Ayla had the distinct feeling that he watched her all the way through the Lion Hearth and the cooking area until she reached the inner arch, and she had to restrain an urge to look back.
When they pushed back the outer drape, Ayla blinked her eyes at the unexpected brightness of an intense sun in a bold blue sky. It was one of those warm, gentle days of fall that came as a rare gift, to be held in memory against the season when vicious winds, raging storms, and biting cold would be the daily fare. Ayla smiled in appreciation and suddenly remembered, though she hadn’t thought of it in years, that Uba had been born on a day like this, that first fall after Brun’s clan found her.
The earthlodge and the leveled area in front of it were carved out of a west-facing slope, about midway down. The view was expansive from the entrance, and she stood for a moment, looking out. The racing river glinted and sparkled as it murmured a liquid undertone to the interplay of sunlight and water, and across, in a distant haze, Ayla saw a similar escarpment. The broad swift river, gouging a channel through the vast open steppes, was flanked by ramparts of eroded earth.
From the rounded shoulder of the plateau above to the wide floodplain below, the fine loess soil was sculpted by deep gullies; the handiwork of rain, melting snow, and the outflow of the great glaciers to the north during the spring runoff. A few green larch and pine stood straight and stiff in their isolation, scattered sparsely among the recumbent tangle of leafless shrubs on the lower ground. Downstream, along the river’s edge, the spikes of cattails mingled with reeds and sedges. Her view upstream was blocked by the bend in the river, but Whinney and Racer grazed within sight on the dry standing hay that covered the balance of the stark, spare landscape.
A spattering of dirt landed at Ayla’s feet. She looked up, startled, into Jondalar’s vivid blue eyes. Talut was beside him with a big grin on his face. She was surprised to see several more people on top of the dwelling.
“Come up, Ayla. I’ll give you a hand,” Jondalar said.
“Not now. Later. I just come out. Why you up there?”
“We’re putting the bowl boats over the smoke holes,” Talut explained.
“What?”
“Come on. I’ll explain,” Deegie said. “I’m ready to overflow.”
The two young women walked together toward a nearby gully. Steps had been roughly cut into the steep side leading to several large, flat mammoth shoulder blades with holes cut in them braced over a deeper part of the dry gully. Ayla stepped out on one of the shoulder blades, untied the waist thong of her legged garment, lowered it, then bent down and squatted over the hole, beside Deegie, wondering again why she hadn’t thought of the posture herself when she was having so much trouble with her clothes. It seemed so simple and obvious after she watched Deegie once. The contents of the night baskets were also thrown into the gully, as well as other refuse, all of which was washed away in the spring.
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bsp; They climbed out and walked down to the river beside a broad gulch. A rivulet, whose source farther north was already frozen, trickled down the middle. When the season turned again, the trench would carry a raging torrent. The top sections of a few mammoth skulls were inverted and stacked near the bank along with some crude long-handled dippers, roughed out of leg bones.
The two women filled the mammoth skull basins with water dipped from the river, and from a pouch Ayla brought with her, she sprinkled withered petals—once the pale blue sprays of saponin-rich ceanothus flowers—into both their hands. Rubbing with wet hands created a foamy, slightly gritty washing substance which left a gentle perfume on clean hands and faces. Ayla snapped off a twig, chewed the broken end, and used it on her teeth, a habit she had picked up from Jondalar.
“What is bowl boat?” Ayla asked as they walked back carrying the waterproof stomach of a bison, bulging with fresh water, between them.
“We use them to cross the river, when it’s not too rough. You start with a frame of bone and wood shaped like a bowl that will hold two or maybe three people, and cover it with a hide, usually aurochs, hair side out and well oiled. Megaceros antlers, with some trimming, make good paddles … for pushing it through the water,” Deegie explained.
“Why bowl boats on top of lodge?”
“That’s where we always put them when we aren’t using them, but in winter we cover the smoke holes with them so rain and snow won’t come in. They were tying them down through the holes so they won’t blow away. But you have to leave a space for the smoke to get out, and be able to move it over, and shake it loose from inside if snow piles up.”
As they walked together, Ayla was thinking how happy she was to know Deegie. Uba had been a sister and she loved her, but Uba was younger, and Iza’s true daughter; there had always been the difference. Ayla had never known anyone her own age who seemed to understand everything she said, and with whom she had so much in common. They put the heavy waterskin down and stopped to rest for a while.
“Ayla, show me how to say ‘I love you’ with signs, so I can tell Branag when I see him again,” Deegie asked.
“Clan has no sign like that,” Ayla said.
“Don’t they love each other? You make them sound so human when you talk about them, I thought they would.”
“Yes, they love each other, but they are quiet … no, that is not right word.”
“I think ‘subtle’ is the word you want,” Deegie said.
“Subtle … about showing feelings. A mother might say, ‘You fill me with happiness’ to child,” Ayla replied, showing Deegie the proper sign, “but woman would not be so open … no, obvious?” She questioned her second choice of words and waited for Deegie’s nod before continuing, “Obvious about feelings for man.”
Deegie was intrigued. “What would she do? I had to let Branag know how I felt about him when I found out he’d been watching me at Summer Meetings, just as I’d been looking at him. If I couldn’t have told him, I don’t know what I would have done.”
“A Clan woman does not say, she shows. Woman does things for man she loves, cooks food as he likes, makes favorite tea ready in morning when he wakes up. Makes clothes in special way—inner skin of fur wrap very soft, or warm foot-coverings with fur inside. Even better if woman can know what he wants before he asks. Shows she pays close attention to learn habits and moods, knows him, cares.”
Deegie nodded. “That’s a good way to tell someone you love him. It is nice to do special things for each other. But how does a woman know he loves her? What does a man do for a woman?”
“One time Goov put himself in danger to kill snow leopard that was frightening to Ovra because was prowling too close to cave. She know he did it for her even though he gave hide to Creb, and Iza made fur wrap for me,” Ayla explained.
“That is subtle! I’m not sure if I would have understood.” Deegie laughed. “How do you know he did it for her?”
“Ovra told me, later. I did not know then. I was young. Still learning. Hand signs not all of Clan language. Much more said in face, and eyes, and body. Way of walking, turning of head, tightening muscles of shoulders, if you know what means, says more than words. Took long time to learn language of Clan.”
“I’m surprised, as fast as you’ve been learning Mamutoi! I can watch you. Every day you’re better. I wish I had your gift for language.”
“I am still not right. Many words I do not know, but I think of speaking words in Clan way of language. I listen to words and watch how face looks, feel how words sound and go together and see how body moves … and try to remember. When I show Rydag, and others, hand signs, I learn, too. I learn your language, more. I must learn, Deegie,” Ayla added with a fervor that bespoke her earnestness.
“It isn’t just a game for you, is it? Like the hand signs are for us. It’s fun to think that we can go to the Summer Meeting and speak to each other without anyone else knowing it.”
“I am happy everyone has fun and wants to know more. For Rydag. He has fun now, but is not a game for him.”
“No, I don’t suppose it is.” They reached for the waterskin again, then Deegie stopped and looked at Ayla. “I couldn’t understand why Nezzie wanted to keep him, at first. But then I got used to him, and grew to like him. Now he’s just one of us, and I’d miss him if he wasn’t here, but it never occurred to me before that he might want to talk. I didn’t think he ever gave it a thought.”
Jondalar stood at the entrance of the earthlodge watching the two young women deeply involved in conversation as they approached, pleased to see Ayla getting along so well. When he thought about it, it seemed rather amazing that of all the people they might have met up with, the one group they found had a child of mixed spirits in their midst and so was more willing than most would probably have been to accept her. He’d been right about one thing, though. Ayla didn’t hesitate to tell anyone about her background.
Well, at least she hadn’t told them about her son, he thought. It was one thing for a person like Nezzie to open her heart to an orphan, it was quite another to welcome a woman whose spirit had mingled with a flathead’s, and who’d given birth to an abomination. There was always an underlying fear that it might happen again, and if she drew the wrong kind of spirits to her, they might spread to other women nearby.
Suddenly the tall handsome man flushed. Ayla doesn’t think her son is an abomination, he thought, mortified. He had flinched with disgust when she first told him about her son, and she had been furious. He had never seen her so angry, but her son was her son, and she certainly felt no shame over him. She’s right. Doni told me in a dream. Flatheads … the Clan … are children of the Mother, too. Look at Rydag. He’s a lot brighter than I ever imagined one like him would be. He’s a little different, but he’s human, and very likable.
Jondalar had spent some time with the youngster and discovered how intelligent and mature he was, even to a certain wry wit, particularly when his difference or his weakness was mentioned. He had seen the adoration in Rydag’s eyes every time the boy looked at Ayla. She had told him that boys of Rydag’s age were closer to manhood in the Clan, more like Danug, but it was also true that his weakness might have matured him beyond his years.
She’s right. I know she’s right about them. But if she just wouldn’t talk about them. It would be so much easier. No one would even know if she didn’t tell them.…
She thinks of them as her people, Jondalar, he chided himself, feeling his face heat again, angry at his own thoughts. How would you feel if someone told you not to talk about the people who raised and took care of you? If she’s not ashamed of them, why should you be? It hasn’t been so bad. Frebec’s a troublemaker anyway. But she doesn’t know how people can turn on you, and on anyone who’s with you.
Maybe it’s best that she doesn’t know. Maybe it won’t happen. She’s already got most of this Camp talking like flatheads, including me.
After Jondalar had seen how eagerly nearly everyone wanted to le
arn the Clan way of communicating, he sat in on the impromptu lessons that seemed to spring up every time someone asked questions about it. He found himself caught up in the fun of the new game, flashing signals across a distance, making silent jokes, such as saying one thing and signing something else behind someone’s back. He was surprised at the depth and the fullness of the silent speech.
“Jondalar, your face is red. What could you be thinking?” Deegie asked in a teasing tone when they reached the archway.
The question caught him off guard, reminded him of his shame, and he blushed deeper in his embarrassment. “I must have been too close to the fire,” he mumbled, turning away.
Why does Jondalar say words that are not true? Ayla wondered, noticing that his forehead was furrowed in a frown and his rich blue eyes were deeply troubled before he averted them. He is not red from fire. He is red from feeling. Just when I think I am beginning to learn, he does something I don’t understand. I watch him, I try to pay attention. Everything seems wonderful, then for no reason, suddenly he’s angry. I can see that he’s angry, but I can’t see what makes him angry. It’s like the games, saying one thing with words and another with signs. Like when he says nice words to Ranec, but his body says he’s angry. Why does Ranec make him angry? And now, something bothers him, but he says fire makes him hot. What am I doing wrong? Why don’t I understand him? Will I ever learn?
The three of them turned to go in and almost bumped into Talut coming out of the earthlodge.
“I was coming to look for you, Jondalar,” the headman said. “I don’t want to waste such a good day, and Wymez did some unplanned scouting on the way back. He says they passed a winter herd of bison. After we eat, we’re going to hunt them. Would you like to join us?”