by Jean M. Auel
“Deerskin. Reindeer is good, though it is best to use it as a fur, for warmth. Any deer will do, red deer, elk, megaceros. Before you get the hide, though, you will need something else.”
“What is that?”
“You will need to save your water.”
“My water?”
“The water you pass. Not only yours, anyone’s, though your own is best. Start collecting it now, even before you thaw out a deerskin. It must be left out where it’s warm for a while,” Crozie said.
“I usually pass water behind the curtain, in the basket with mammoth dung and ashes in it. It is thrown out.”
“Don’t go in the basket. Save it, in a mammoth skull basin, or a tight basket. Something that won’t leak.”
“Why is that water needed?”
Crozie paused and appraised the young woman before she answered. “I’m not getting any younger,” she said, finally, “and I have no one, except Fralie … any more. Usually a woman passes her skills on to her children and grandchildren but Fralie has no time, and not much interest in working leather—she likes stitching and beadwork—and she has no daughters. Her sons … well, they’re young. Who knows? But my mother gave me the knowledge, and I should pass it on … to someone. It’s hard work, treating hides, but I’ve seen your leatherwork. Even the furs and skins you brought show skill, care, and that is necessary to make white leather. I haven’t even thought of making it for many years, and no one else has shown much interest, but you asked. So I will tell you.”
The woman bent forward and clutched Ayla’s hand. “The secret of white leather is in the water you pass. That may seem strange to you, but it is true. After it is left in a warm place for a while, it changes. Then, if you soak hides in it, all the bits of fat that might be left come out, and any grease stains. The hair will come out more quickly, it won’t rot easily, and it stays soft even without smoking, so it won’t be tan or brown. In fact, it whitens the hide, still not true white, but close. Afterward, when it is washed and wrung out several times, and worked dry, it is ready for the white color.”
If someone had asked her, Crozie could not have explained that urea, which was the major component of urine, would decompose, become ammoniacal, in a warm environment. She only knew that if urine was allowed to go stale, it became something else. Something that would both dissolve grease and act as a bleach, and in the same process, help to preserve the leather from bacterial decay. She didn’t have to know why, or call it ammonia, she only had to know that it worked.
“Chalk … do we have any chalk?” Crozie asked.
“Wymez does. He said the flint he just brought back came from a chalk cliff, and he still has several stones coated with it,” Ayla said.
“Why did you ask Wymez about chalk? How did you know I would agree to show you?” Crozie asked suspiciously.
“I did not. I have been wanting to make a white tunic for a long time. If you did not show me, I would try myself, but I did not know about saving the water, and I would not have thought of it. I am happy you will show me to do it right,” Ayla said.
“Hmmf,” was Crozie’s only comment, convinced, but not wanting to admit it. “Be sure you make that soft white tallow.” Then she added, “And, make some for the leather, too. I think it would be good to mix with the chalk.”
Ayla held the drape aside and looked out. The late afternoon wind moaned and keened a dreary dirge, a fitting accompaniment to the drab, bleak landscape and the gray, overcast sky. She longed for some relief from the confining bitter cold, but the oppressive season seemed as though it would never come to an end. Whinney snorted and she turned around to see Mamut coming into the horse hearth. She smiled at him.
Ayla had felt a deep respect for the old shaman from the beginning, but since he had begun training her, her respect had grown into love. Partly, she perceived a strong similarity between the tall, thin, incredibly old shaman, and the short, crippled, one-eyed magician of the Clan, not in appearance but in nature. It was almost as though she had found Creb again, or at least his counterpart. Both exhibited a deep reverence and understanding for the world of the spirits, though the spirits they revered had different names; both could command awesome powers, though each was physically frail; and both were wise in the ways of people. But perhaps the strongest reason for her love was that, like Creb, Mamut had welcomed her, helped her to understand, and taken her in as a daughter of his hearth.
“I was looking for you, Ayla. I thought you might be here, with your horses,” Mamut said.
“I was looking outside, wishing it was spring,” Ayla said.
“This is the time most people start wishing for a change, for something new to do or see. They are getting bored, sleeping more. I think that’s why we have more feasts and celebrations in the last part of winter. The Laughing Contest will be coming soon. Most people enjoy that one.”
“What is the Laughing Contest?”
“Just what it sounds like. Everyone tries to make everyone else laugh. Some people wear funny clothes, or wear their clothes backward, make funny faces at each other, act funny, make jokes about each other, play tricks on each other. And if anyone gets angry about it, they get laughed at all the more. Almost everyone looks forward to it, but no celebration is as eagerly anticipated as the Spring Festival. In fact, that’s why I was looking for you,” Mamut said. “There are still many things you should learn before then.”
“Why is the Spring Festival so special?” Ayla wasn’t sure she was anticipating it.
“For many reasons, I suppose. It is both our most solemn and our happiest celebration. It marks the end of the long deep cold, and the beginning of warmth. It is said that if you watch the cycle of seasons one year, you will understand life. Most people count three seasons. Spring is the season of birth. In the gush of Her birth waters, the spring floods, the Great Earth Mother brings forth new life again. Summer, the warm season, is the time of growth and increase. Winter is the ‘little death.’ In spring, life is renewed again, reborn. Three seasons are enough for most purposes, but the Mammoth Hearth counts five. The Mother’s sacred number is five.”
In spite of her initial reservations, Ayla found herself fascinated by the training Mamut had insisted upon. She was learning so much: new ideas, new thoughts, even new ways of thinking. It was exciting to discover and think about so many new things, to be included instead of excluded. Knowledge of spirits, knowledge of numbers, even knowledge of hunting, had been kept from her when she had lived with the Clan; it was reserved for the men. Only mog-urs and their acolytes studied them in depth, and no woman could become a mog-ur. Women were not even admitted to discussions about such concepts as spirits or numbers. Hunting had been taboo for her, too, but they didn’t bar women from listening; they had just assumed no woman could learn.
“I would like to go over the songs and chants we have been practicing, and I want to begin showing you something special. Symbols. I think you will find them interesting. Some are about medicine.”
“Medicine symbols?” Ayla asked. Of course she was interested. They walked into the Mammoth Hearth together.
“Are you going to do anything with the white leather?” Mamut asked, putting mats by the fire near his bed. “Or are you going to save it, like the red?”
“I don’t know about the red yet, but I want to make a special tunic with the white. I am learning to sew, but I feel very clumsy. It turned out so perfect, I don’t want to spoil the white until I get better. Deegie is showing me, and Fralie, sometimes, when Frebec doesn’t make it difficult for her.”
Ayla slivered some bone and added it to the flames while Mamut brought out a rather thin oval section of ivory with a large curved surface. The oval outline had been etched into a mammoth tusk with a stone chisel, then repeated until it was a deep groove. A sharp blow accurately placed at one end detached the flake of ivory. Mamut picked out a piece of bone charcoal from the fire as Ayla got a mammoth skull and a hammer-shaped drumstick made of antler and sat down bes
ide him.
“Before we practice with the drum, I want to show you certain symbols that we use to help us memorize things, like songs, stories, proverbs, places, times, names, anything that someone wants to remember,” Mamut began. “You have been teaching us hand signals and signs, and I know you’ve noticed that we use certain gestures, too, though not as many as the Clan. We wave goodbye and beckon to someone if we want him to come, and it is understood. We use other hand symbols, particularly when we are describing something, or telling a story, or when One Who Serves is conducting a ceremony. Here is one that will be easy. It is similar to a Clan symbol.”
Mamut made a circular motion with his hand, palm facing outward. “That means ‘all,’ everyone, everything,” he explained, then picked up the charcoal. “Now, I can make the same motion with this piece of charcoal on the ivory, see?” he said, drawing a circle. “Now that symbol means ‘all’ and any time you see it, even if it is drawn by another Mamut, you will know it means ‘all.’ ”
The old shaman enjoyed teaching Ayla. She was bright and quick to learn, but even more, her pleasure at learning was so transparent. Her face showed her feelings as he explained, her curiosity and interest, and her sheer wonder when she comprehended.
“I never would have thought of that! Can anyone learn this knowledge?” she asked.
“Some knowledge is sacred, and only those pledged to the Mammoth Hearth may be told, but most things can be learned by anyone who shows an interest. It often turns out that those who show great interest eventually dedicate themselves to the Mammoth Hearth. The sacred knowledge is often hidden behind a second meaning, or even a third meaning. Most people know this”—he drew another circle on the ivory—“means ‘all,’ but it has another meaning. There are many symbols for the Great Mother, this is one of them. It means Mut, the Creator of All Life. Many other lines and shapes have meaning,” he continued. “This means ‘water,’ ” he said, drawing a zigzag line.
“That was on the map, when we hunted the bison,” she said. “I think it meant river.”
“Yes, it can mean river. How it is drawn, or where it is drawn, or what it is drawn with can change the meaning. If it is like this,” he said, making another zigzag with some additional lines, “it means the water is not drinkable. And like the circle, it has a second meaning. It is the symbol for feelings, passions, for love, and sometimes for hate. It can also be a reminder for a saying we have: the river runs silent when the water is deep.”
Ayla frowned, sensing some meaning for her in the saying.
“Most Healers give the symbols meanings to help them remember, like reminders for sayings, except the sayings are about medicine or healing, and are not usually understood by anyone else,” Mamut said. “I don’t know many of them, but when we go to the Summer Meeting, you will meet other Healers. They can tell you more.”
Ayla was interested. She remembered meeting other medicine women at the Clan Gathering, and how much she had learned from them. They had shared their treatments and remedies, even taught her new rhythms, but best of all was having other people to share experiences with. “I would like to learn more,” she said. “I know only Clan medicine.”
“I think you have more knowledge than you know, Ayla, certainly more than many of the Healers there will believe, at first. Some could learn from you, but I hope you understand that it may take some time before you are completely accepted.” The old man watched her frown again, and wished there was some way he could ease her initial introduction. He could think of several reasons why it would not be easy for her to meet other Mamutoi, especially in large numbers. But no need to worry about that yet, he thought, and shifted the subject. “There is something about Clan medicine I’d like to ask you. Is it all just the ‘memories’? Or do you have ways to help you remember?”
“How plants look, in seed, and shoot, and ripe; where they grow; what they are good for; how to mix, prepare and use them; that is from memory. Other kinds of treatments are remembered, too. I think about a new way to use something, but that is because I know how to use it,” she said.
“Don’t you use any symbols or reminders?”
Ayla thought for a moment, then smiling, got up and brought back her medicine bag. She dumped out the contents in front of her, an assortment of small pouches and packets carefully tied with cords and small thongs. She picked up two of them.
“This one has mint, she said, showing Mamut one, “and this one has rose hips.”
“How do you know? You haven’t opened them, or smelled them.”
“I know because mint has a cord made from the stringy bark of a certain bush, and there are two knots on one end of the cord. The cord on the packet of rose hips is from the long hair of a horse tail, and it has three knots in a row, close together,” Ayla said. “I can smell difference, too—if I don’t have a cold, but some very strong medicine has little smell. It is mixed with strong-smelling leaves of plant with little medicine, so wrong medicine will not be used. Different cord, different knots, different smell, sometimes different packet. They are reminders, right?”
“Clever … very clever,” Mamut said. “Yes, they are reminders. But you have to remember the cords and the knots for each one, don’t you? Still, it’s a good way to make sure you are using the proper medicine.”
Ayla’s eyes were open, but she lay still and didn’t move. It was dark except for the dim nightlight of banked fires. Jondalar was just climbing into bed, trying to make as little disturbance as possible as he moved around her. She had thought of moving to the inside once, but decided against it. She didn’t want to make it easy for him to slip quietly in and out of bed. He rolled up in his separate furs and lay on his side, facing the wall, unmoving. She knew he did not go to sleep quickly, and she ached to reach over and touch him, but she’d been rebuffed before and didn’t want to chance it again. It had hurt when he said he was tired or pretended to be asleep, or did not respond to her.
Jondalar waited until the sound of her breathing indicated that she had finally fallen off to sleep. Then he quietly rolled over, got up on an elbow and filled his eyes with the sight of her. Her tousled hair was strewn across the furs, and one arm was flung outside the covers, baring a breast. A warmth emanated from her and a faint woman-scent. He could feel himself shaking with wanting to touch her, but he felt certain she wouldn’t want him bothering her when she was sleeping. After his confused and angry reaction to her night with Ranec, he feared she didn’t want him any more. Lately, every time they accidentally brushed together, she flinched back. Several times he’d considered moving to a different bed, even a different hearth, but as difficult as it was to sleep beside her, it would be far worse to sleep away from her.
A wispy tendril of hair lay across her face and moved with each breath she took. He reached over and gently moved it aside, then carefully lowered himself back down to the bed, and allowed himself to relax. He closed his eyes and fell asleep to the sound of her breathing.
Ayla awoke with the feeling that someone was looking at her. The fires were built up and daylight was coming in through the partially uncovered fireplace hole. She turned her head to see Ranec’s dark intense eyes quietly watching her from the Fox Hearth. She smiled sleepily at him, and was rewarded with a big, delighted smile. She was sure the place beside her would be empty, but she reached across the piled-up furs just to make sure. Then she pushed back her covers and sat up. She knew Ranec would wait until she was up and dressed before coming into the Mammoth Hearth to visit.
It had made her uncomfortable when she first became aware that he watched her all the time. In a way, it was flattering and she knew there was no malice in his attention, but within the Clan, it was considered discourteous to stare across the boundary stones into another family’s living area. There had been no more real privacy in the cave of the clan than there was in the earthlodge of the Mamutoi, but Ranec’s attention felt like a mild intrusion upon her privacy—such as it was—and accentuated an undercurrent of tension
she felt. Someone was always around. It had been no different when she lived with the clan, but these were people whose ways she had not grown up with. The differences were often subtle, but in the close proximity of the earthlodge, they were heightened, or she was more sensitive to them. Occasionally, she wished she could get away. After three years of loneliness in the valley, she never imagined the time would come when she would wish to be alone, but there were times when she longed for the solitude, and the freedom, of loneliness.
Ayla hurried through her usual morning routine, eating only a few bites from the food left over from the night before. The open smoke holes usually meant it was clear outside, and she decided to go out with the horses. When she pushed aside the drape that led to the annex, she saw Jondalar and Danug with the horses, and paused to reconsider.
Tending to the needs of the horses, either inside the annex, or when the weather allowed, outside, gave her some respite from people when she wanted a moment to herself, but Jondalar also seemed to like to spend time with them. When she saw him with them, she often stayed away because he left them to her whenever she joined them, with mumbled comments about not wanting to interfere in her time with her horses. She wanted to allow him time with the animals. Not only did they provide a connection between her and Jondalar, their mutual care of the horses required communication, however reserved. His desire to be with them and sensitivity toward them made her think that he might need their companionship even more than she did.
Ayla went on into the horse hearth. Perhaps with Danug there, Jondalar wouldn’t be so quick to leave. As she approached them, he was already backing away, but she rushed to say something that would keep him engaged in conversation.
“Have you thought, yet, about how you are going to teach Racer, Jondalar?” Ayla asked. She smiled a greeting at Danug.
“Teach him what?” Jondalar asked, a little disconcerted by her question.
“Teach him to let you ride him.”