I felt both my anger and my tears starting to burn at the back of my throat, and turned away from him, walking around the kitchen counter. I swallowed down my urge to let my temper get the better of me and glanced back at him without saying a word.
“Wow, Valerie. Don’t tell me you’re suddenly speechless. It’s not like you not to stand your ground if you think you have something to say,” he goaded in a tone laced with sarcasm. “Come on, babe, let’s have it out because I sure as shit know you’re brewing for a fight. What do you think I was doing? Meeting some chick?” he threw back.
I slammed my hands on the counter and looked him square in the eye. “Okay, who were you talking to? Where did you go this morning? Don’t think you’re smart enough to pull that reverse psychological bullshit on me, Flynn. It won’t work. You didn’t answer my question, so you are on the offensive instead of defending your position. Is that because you can’t?”
A sharp knock on the door made us both stop, our heads turning sharply to look in the same direction. Flynn strode over and pulled it open, his body wound up like a coiled spring as he tensed in irritation. My ears were ringing from his question because I’d never heard him talk to me with such a venomous tone before.
I heard Kevin, the delivery driver’s voice, and followed Flynn to the door. He was bending down and reached into the portable insulated food warmer bag. When he straightened up, he held cartons of freshly prepared chicken parmesan and pasta. Another carton contained green beans, and broccoli and he’d put some garlic bread in for us as well.
My stomach growled as he handed me the boxes, and Flynn dug into his pocket and pulled out his money clip. I left him to settle up and took the food to the kitchen, too angry to hang around.
Anxiety always made me hungry. I pulled out two plates from the cupboard and began to dish it out onto the oversized square white porcelain chinaware. Flynn jarred opened the flatware drawer, and the way he’d raked around in there for the silverware I could hear how annoyed he was that I’d challenged him.
We sat side by side at the kitchen counter. Flynn poured water for us from the pitcher we kept in the fridge, and the only sound was the ice clinking against the glasses. Stabbing his food with his fork, his rage rolled off him in waves. He did nothing to hide his dislike for the situation as we ate.
Several minutes passed in silence, and his plate was almost empty. Flynn dropped his knife and fork noisily to his plate, leaned over and placed it in the sink. He obviously wasn’t interested in reassuring me, as he slid off the bar stool, and went to sit on the sofa behind me.
My plate was still almost full despite how hungry I’d felt before our argument. He sat quietly as I continued to push my food around my plate. The silence between us was breaking me, and I knew in my heart he was keeping something from me.
At that moment, fear for the future crept in. I was about to be a mom, a single mom. No matter what happened, I’d have a constant reminder of Flynn. My rational thoughts began to evade me about our future.
I was a nineteen-year-old girl, living with a rock star, and I was pregnant. Clever me. I thought I knew Flynn, but the truth of the matter was we’d only been together for a matter of months. Have I believed everything about him too readily? Until that point, I’d only ever been to one public event with him, and his career was over because of what had happened with Bernie and the band.
None of us were invincible. I began to wonder if I’d been naïve after all. I was nineteen-years-old, and I questioned what I knew about relationships. Why was a guy like Flynn interested in me when there were thousands of far more sophisticated, beautiful women out there? How many women from his past was he still in touch with? I’d never really thought about that. Stupid me. Is how I feel about him clouding my judgment about everything?
“So are you ready to talk?”
Flynn’s comment cut right through my silent panicked state, and if I’m honest I wasn’t sure that I was ready to talk.
“Come over here and sit with me, I’m not talking to your back.”
My heart filled with foreboding and I fought the urge to run. I didn’t think my already fractured heart could face another devastating blow. How could I bear to lose someone else I loved? There was no way I’d have survived that, but having no knowledge of this thing between us was slowly killing me anyway. Whatever his past, I’d fallen for him. I wasn’t sure I was ready for whatever he’d been hiding, but it was something I had to face.
“Just tell me,” I’d said quietly, my eyes fixated on the smoked black glass of the oven door. I could see his legs and part of his body in it. Flynn had been sitting with his leg crossed over with his ankle resting on his knee. He put his foot flat beside the other on the floor and straightened up on the sofa.
“Alright, I’ll tell you, but it’s going to make you anxious, and that’s not good for the baby.”
Chapter 26 ~ Valerie
Foolish
“Yes, I did talk to a woman on the phone. It was Melanie, and yes, I did have to strike a familiar conversation. You may have thought I was flirting, but I wasn’t. I was trying to find the truth so that we could move on with our lives. You know why she called me in the middle of the fucking night? She called to tell me she couldn’t sleep because she knew I wanted to know if I was her daughter’s father.”
She couldn’t sleep because he wanted to know? Did she think he’d perhaps choose her because she had his baby? I’m having his baby too. Anxiety flooded my veins when he told me. My heart banged hard against my ribcage. Or that’s how it felt. Blood rushed to my ears. This wasn’t some random woman as I’d thought, it was Melanie—she could be the mother of his child, and I wasn’t supposed to feel insecure? It left me speechless.
Spinning around on the stool, I stared straight into his eyes, and he rushed to his feet and walked over to me.
“And now, by the look on your face you are freaking out inside, right?” he’d said, as he looked concerned. He saw the impact of his words and his voice softened, “I love you, Valerie Darsin. You. No one, but you.”
“If that’s the truth, why did you find it necessary to hide it from me?”
Flynn’s worried eyes searched my face, “Please come and sit with me. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”
His hands never left me as I slid from the stool. One strong hand gently gripped my upper arm while his other rested on my lower back. He led me back to the sofa and eased me down with him. Flynn’s hand dropped from my arm, and he threaded his fingers in mine. I looked up into his eyes, and all I saw was care and compassion. There wasn’t a hint of mistrust or anger like I had in seen in Daryl, my ex-boyfriend’s eyes, when I’d challenged him about cheating on me.
“Melanie called me in a dilemma, Valerie. Her opening comments when I answered my phone were, “I want to know who my baby’s dad is. You’re right, Flynn. She deserves that, but what if I do that, and if it’s you? What if she struggles because of how the media portrays her, or you ignore her because you have other children? She’s a happy little girl, what would that do to her? What if you were the father, Flynn, how would you deal with that? How would your girl deal with that?” Flynn looked at me with a pained expression.
“So you see? I’m between a rock and a hard place, Valerie. I want to do the right thing for everyone… but it’s not that easy.”
I watched him swallow nervously as his pleading eyes ticked over my face willing me to understand his dilemma as he waited for some reassurance. I could have said it didn’t matter, but how was I to know how I’d feel once the reality of the situation hit me?
“When she called she was struggling with her thoughts. There was no way I’d have stayed there in bed helping her figure it out with you lying next to me. It’s hard enough to deal with this shit, and it’s hurting you. This is my past meshing with my present and future, Valerie. The last thing I want is for you to be forced to accept something you’re not comfortable with.”
“You were smiling when yo
u spoke, Flynn. I saw what you were like. You looked relaxed and pretty comfortable from where I was standing, and it took me right back to that time in the barn a few years ago. If I’d stepped into view, you would have stopped, right?”
“So you spied on me? You saw something and automatically misread it and linked it to another occasion that you found unpleasant. Grow up. You were fifteen back at that barn, Valerie. This is different. This isn’t about some nineteen-year-old boy sinking his dick into some random chick’s mouth. Sure I had a ‘one and done’ with Melanie, just like I did with Daisy and a ton of other girls. I’ve made no secret about my past, but there’s a child involved here. My child or Martin’s.”
My heart pounded at double its usual pace as Flynn read me the riot act. I’d never seen him that angry with me before.
“Either way, if Melanie wants to know the truth, I’m going to do whatever it takes to help her take that step. Not because I don’t love you, because I fucking do, but I need to know. We need to know, and because that child has the right to know. If our child has a half-sibling, he needs to know too. If we don’t deal with this now, Valerie, at some point in our little one’s life it could come up. I don’t want my kid to face something that huge without preparation. He gets one childhood. I’d want to protect him from that.”
Flynn’s eyes softened, “Valerie. I’ve thought about this. Now I could have done one of a few things when I ran into Melanie the other day. I could have walked away from her after that uncomfortable exchange the other day and pretended I didn’t really know her. That would have been dishonest to you and me. Truth, you asked for the truth. I was trying to find that out. I could have turned my back on the fact there may be a child of mine struggling for what it needs in life if that child turned out to be mine. Melanie’s a single mom and things have got to be tight.”
He chewed the inside of his cheek and studied me before speaking again, “So I had to make a call. I didn’t deal with that part well. I admit that, and I’m so fucking sorry like you wouldn’t believe. I could have gone to Clay and forced the issue, had a court order a test, but that would have led to fear and animosity for all parties—custody orders and all kinds of shit. ”
“Whatever it takes, huh? That’s a huge red flag right there, Flynn. I want to know too, but I’m scared of what it would mean. I’m nineteen years old. My baby’s life could be affected by her dad having a child by someone else. I don’t know, maybe I’m not as mature as I thought I was, or maybe I feel threatened.”
“Threatened? By what? A child? Melanie? I feel absolutely nothing for her except shame and pity. She should never have had to face that without support. I need to know, and this may be my one chance to find out. I don’t want to do this to sacrifice our happiness, Valerie. It’s better we know now, and our little one can be told from the start. What do you think he’d do if a sister came looking for him when he’s older? What if Melanie decided at some point she wanted a piece of my fame? What if the media got a hold of this, and he learned about it that way?”
All the points he made were valid, “So is that where you went this morning? To meet her again? You left our bed to meet her without telling me?”
“Babe, I did meet someone, and I’m sorry,” he said in almost a whisper.
Tears sprang to my eyes and fell unchecked, “Were you going to tell me you were with her when you should have been here?”
“It was my intention to tell you where I’d gone. It happened so fast, and like I said, I was scared she’d change her mind.”
I tried to unclasp my fingers from his, and he tightened his grip, “Stop. Don’t do that. Don’t pull away from me. I won’t fucking let you shut me down. By the time I came back, you were gone. I wanted to discuss where I’d been over dinner, but you went on the attack as soon as I came in the door, and that pissed me off. It’s been a stressful day.”
“Oh, so now it’s my fault you haven’t? What exactly was it you had to tell me?
“That I took the DNA test. That Melanie agreed to have the kid tested with me. After I got off the phone with her, I emailed Clayton and asked him to organize it for us this morning. He messaged back that he’d set it up at my end at a doctor’s here in town. I went to the doctor’s office at 7:30 am for security reasons, and so Melanie’s hospital would have the test by courier later today. I wasn’t with Melanie, but I did speak with her again. She took Milly for her sample, so we could have it fast-tracked by a laboratory.”
He’d done everything without even talking to me about it, and I felt gutted that he’d made such a huge decision without me. Even though I knew it had to happen.
“I told you I’d fuck up now and again, so this is one of those times, Valerie. Maybe I should have woken you up. Maybe I should have told you where I was going. If I had, would you have had a great day out with Kayden? Once again, I was stupidly trying to protect you from unnecessary worry. Maybe I should just stop trying to do that, huh?”
“You should have told me about it. I’d have come with you. This may sound selfish, but leaving me out because you want to protect me doesn’t make me worry less. It makes me feel suspicious or worse, rejected. And now I feel shitty because you had such a potentially life changing moment, and you hadn’t felt able to share that with me. I’m supposed to be your partner, Flynn, this affects both of us. I could have handled it. I should have been a part of that.”
“All I was doing was supporting Melanie enough to make the right decision. I was wrong to do it without talking to you. I’m flawed, Valerie. I’m not going to get it right all of the time. Maybe it was my desperation that she made the choice to do it, so that I knew the answer. Babe, I’d never sleep with anyone else. I don’t have that in me after knowing you. No one compares to you, and these jealous comments tell me you feel the same about me.”
Tears sprang to my eyes again, and I turned away from him. He placed his palm on my cheek and turned my head back to face him. Slowly, he kissed it before continuing to place small light kisses over the rest of my face while I sat with my hands in my lap.
“I was so wrong to do what I did, I know that now. But I was doing it for the right reasons. I didn’t want you worrying. I was coming to you as soon as I had the results so that we could go forward with all the information in hand. Plus, there are your parents’ feelings to consider in all of this as well if Milly is Martin’s. Sure, they’ll know either way, but you know what I mean. And what that means for us as well. You’d be her aunt.”
Hearing Flynn talk about Melanie and Milly tightened my chest, they were no longer the woman and child in the coffee shop, they were real people, and they were in our lives whatever the outcome.
“True,” I agreed.
“Then on top of all the stuff with Melanie, there’s the band launch, and Bernie to get past yet. Valerie, if I could make all of this go away for you I would. I love you and worry about all of this and how it affects you.”
“Will you stop treating me like I’m fragile, Flynn. I’m a grown woman now. I know what happened almost destroyed me, but I’m stronger for it believe it or not. In a way, my brothers’ deaths had made me face up to all the things I was scared of in life. My outlook is completely different since they passed, and if we are going to do this, I don’t want to worry about shit like this again. You have to promise me that no matter what you’ll tell me what I need to know as it happens or I can’t do this.”
Flynn pulled me across him to sit on his lap and sunk back into the sofa with me. Taking a deep breath he sighed so heavily it disturbed my hair, then he kissed my temple, “Sorry. I really never meant to cause you any anxiety. I thought I would go there and be back before you got up, but there was a fallen tree about two miles south of here.”
I tried to relax into the warmth of his body, but I wasn’t completely satisfied with what he’d done. He was only human, but so was I. It concerned me that he’d take such major decisions without me I looked up at him, and he gave me a slow smile. I didn’t respond in kin
d, “I don’t want to feel like this ever again.”
“Me neither,” he said, sadly. “I love you with all my heart, Valerie. All of it. Don’t ever doubt that. No woman will ever come between us.” The confidence in his voice was unequivocal, but I’d trusted a man in my life in the past, and they’d let me down, and with how he’d behaved it hadn’t taken much for the seed of doubt to be planted all over again.
*****
Not long after that Flynn filled the tub and we both sat together just allowing the water to sooth some of the tension of the day. Using that as a sanctuary, I lay with my back to his front while I basked in our closeness. His gentle hands swept up and down my front, but gone were the sexual overtones in his touch. They were soothing and comforting hands that reconnected us in a way that seemed to have been forgotten today.
At one point, I felt flutters inside my belly and guided Flynn’s hand to the spot on my belly where I’d felt our baby kick. Flynn was too honest that time, and when he’d said he felt nothing, I stupidly cried again because he’d given me his honest answer. Maybe he was right—if he’d told me who was on the phone or where he was going before he’d gone who knows how I’d have reacted.
Pregnancy hormones were a total bitch.
Flynn stepped out of the tub and pulled a warm fluffy towel from the rack beside the door.
“Come on, babe, let’s get you to bed. I think you’re exhausted by all the emotional shit that’s flying around you. I doubt I’ll sleep tonight with everything swimming around in my head, but I’m taking you to bed. Wrapping my arms around you and holding you close are the only things that are stopping me from screaming right now.”
I’d begun to dry myself and wrapped the towel around my body. Flynn stood naked and rubbed his hair dry, “Clay is Skyping us tomorrow about Bernie’s hearing, so tomorrow is going to be a big day for us in many ways, babe, but at least we’ll have some answers,” he said, throwing the towel into the laundry basket and wandering over to me.
Ready For Flynn, Part 2 : A Rockstar Romance (The Ready For Flynn) Page 23