“Not really, fuck, if anything…”
I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek, “Flynn, nothing bad is going to happen. I have an awesome team taking care of me.” I said giving him a beaming smile that I’d hoped had looked genuine.
Flynn clasped my hand in his as we walked from the scan room down the hall to the doctor’s office. I was desperate to pee, but even when my hand slipped from his and I’d gone through the restroom door, I knew his protective nature had already ramped into high gear.
“I’ll be right here waiting for you. Any problems give me a shout.”
“I’m going to pee, Flynn, what problems do you foresee with that?” I joked trying to lighten the mood.
“Don’t joke, babe, what she said in there—”
“And you’ve known me a lot longer than her, yes? So I’m telling you, I’ll be fine,” I said trying to reassure him. Inside I was a mess, albeit one I wasn’t going to give in to in front of him.
*****
Talking to the doctor left Flynn even less secure about the safety of the baby and me. “Hopefully, we won’t encounter any problems, but we’ll be cross-matching your blood every two weeks from about twenty-eight weeks of pregnancy. Better to be safe. You have to take it easy. Rest when you can, no standing for long periods, keep stress to a minimum.”
How I was supposed to do that, and launch a rock band, was beyond me.
“No sex, no putting anything inside your vagina,” he said, his eyes darted to Flynn’s, and my face reddened. “We want to reduce anything that might start contractions, irritate or put stress on your uterus.”
Flynn sat staring at the doctor, glancing at me, and sometimes he dropped his head to look at his hands. Every time Dr. Clark said something that affected him, he rubbed his hands together in a sign he was worried. I was scared by all the information, and the thoughts of all the sexual intercourse we’d had made me feel like we’d been reckless.
After asking a million and one questions, we left the office together walking hand in hand. We were both in shock, and my heart—like Flynn’s no doubt—felt heavy that we were facing another possible crisis together.
By the time we got into the car, he’d recovered his protective, reassuring manner and hugged me into his side. “Sorry, Valerie, I know you’ve worked hard for this, but you’re not getting anywhere near a live show until after this baby is born,” he stated.
“Don’t be ridiculous, did you hear him back there? I’m just about twenty weeks, Flynn. I have time to do what needs to be done. I may not be able to go to all the gigs later on, but we’ll deal with that when the time comes. Javier can represent me, and I’ll deal with whatever I have to by phone.”
The crease in his brow told me that my words had had little effect in calming his anxiety. Placing my hand over his heart, I tried again.
“We’re aware of the possible risks. That gives us an advantage over most people, and it doesn’t mean I have to be treated like I’m suddenly disabled.”
“I’m not treating you like you’re disabled. I’m protecting what’s mine. I’m not going to let anything happen to you for the sake of a crappy radio interview or a meaningless five minute TV slot of self-indulgence, telling people how great I am, and how they need to buy my new fucking album. You and our baby are what matters,” he said, his eyes pleading with me to understand.
Sighing heavily, he wrapped his warm arms around me and nuzzled his worried face in my neck, “You mean the fucking world to me, you…our son. Babe, you are giving me everything that I’ve always wanted. Family. I just never knew how much I needed that until it’s been within my reach. To think that I’ve come so close—”
“Jesus, stop that. I’m fine. Look at me. Do I look like I’m freaking out about this? Whatever is going to happen is going to happen to me, Flynn. You have to trust me to know when I need help, and when to slow down. I promise once the tour dates start I’ll rest up. I promise to sit when I can, and lie down when I need to.”
Dropping his arms he leaned back, and I instantly missed the security of his loving embrace. He pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his worn-down hoodie and glanced up at me over his brow with a look of resignation. “Okay you win, but the first sign that anything is wrong, you’re getting in bed,” he stated sternly. I nodded, conceding that I agreed wholeheartedly.
Chapter 34 ~ Valerie
You reap what you sow
Convincing Flynn to let me get on with my job after our visit to the doctor’s office wasn’t easy, but I continued to push past it, and like any issue, Flynn was slowly learning to live with the little cloud hanging over us. We were busy with the launch that the demand for his attention was so great he had no choice but to learn to cope with the expectations of others.
The radio station interviews I’d set up went as smoothly as I’d expected, and as usual, Flynn was his incredible charming self. The two cable music channels RedA appeared on led to countless others asking for the band to perform live on their shows. Everyone that came into contact with Flynn gushed about how hot and charismatic he was.
Within six weeks, there was so much demand for the band that we had a waiting list for prominent talk show appearances, other bands wanting to work with them, and events vying for their attention. Apart from a day off to spend at home with my family in remembrance on the anniversary of my brothers’ deaths, we’d been doing ten-hour days. Flynn drew the line at me doing more.
Appearing on one of the biggest late night chat shows sealed their fate when a worldwide promoter saw their performance and called me to set up a meeting to arrange a world tour. I explained that the band wasn’t in the position to accept any firm commitments until the New Year.
I’d been a little nervous about looking a gift horse in the mouth because of my pregnancy, and about managing that and a new baby. However, Andy Levitt, the promoter in question, seemed more than happy to wait until RedA became available. I’d never heard anyone so enthusiastic about Flynn and his voice.
The immediate acceptance of the band still came as a surprise to me. Not because I hadn’t thought they were good enough, but because I’d expected people to be very nervous about entering into a contract with someone who essentially walked away from his previous responsibilities. I knew that wasn’t the case, but other peoples’ perceptions had been just that until the details about the court case had been made public.
I was relieved that Bernie hadn’t gone down the prosecution route because what we’d faced in the future with the delivery of the baby could have been magnified by the stress of facing him in court.
At almost twenty-six weeks pregnant, my plate was full, which made the time pass quickly. Apart from being tired, I was riding high on the success of the band. Compliments came thick and fast about the way I’d marketed and managed RedA’s launch. Apart from a few comments about my age and my pregnancy, I’d been pleased with how we’d all pulled together as a team.
Flynn had been worried about Jonah, but he’d behaved impeccably, and I was all about second chances as he’d been honest in his disclosure about Tommy to us. As soon as I’d felt comfortable with the way the guys were settling into the limelight, and their first proper live concert was looming, I knew there was something that had probably slid from Flynn’s mind.
“I think I want to invite the girls to your concert on Friday. It’s right here in Iowa, and I think instead of going out to dinner we’ll have a family barbecue at home. Simone and Craig are going up to Chicago for the weekend straight after the gig, and I heard Jonah and Lexi offering to share the drive.”
Flynn looked puzzled, “Kayden told me last night he’s proposing to Amber on Friday night after the concert, so I thought that I’d ask her parents and brother Parker over on Saturday to celebrate,” I said.
“Ah, tomorrow’s the big day for Amber? He’s a week late in doing that from what he said. I was beginning to think he’d gotten cold feet. And what girls?”
“Alison and Helen, the fans from Michigan.
I’ve spoken to their foster home and asked Javier to arrange for them to be flown in for the concert on Friday. There are six girls living at the home, and after talking to Doreen, the house manager, she’s agreed to bring them down for the gig. I’ve arranged for them to stay in the city, but Alison and Helen are staying with us for the weekend. It took some doing, with checks to ensure we were suitable for them to come, but we’ve been given clearance.”
“The weekend? Jeez, Valerie, these kids may well be the toughest, most unruly teenagers to manage. You want two sulky teenagers causing you stress? You’re supposed to be resting.”
“And I will. I’m conscious we made a promise to these girls, and if my judgment is correct, I’m betting their promises rarely get kept. As for the sulky teenagers, in case you’ve forgotten until December, I fall into that category as well.”
Trying not to smile he mooched up to me and hugged me before bending to take my lips in a hungry kiss. Stepping back a little breathless he shook his head, “You are all woman, babe, the girl in you has long gone, and I’m a lucky bastard.”
I smiled, because I’d felt I was the lucky one. A few seconds later, I’d explain why I wanted to do something at home, “Flynn, it’s been three years since Martin and Adam died, and they’re not coming back. My childhood home is like a morgue when Kayden isn’t around. I feel it’s up to us to fill some gaps, and what better way than to throw a small celebration for Kayden and Amber. The icing on the cake is bringing the girls to a family gathering and allowing them time to spend some time with their rock idol.”
“Where the fuck does all this come from?” he asked, a small smile on his face.
“What?”
“This never ending mind that whirrs with ideas and solutions to the crap that life throws at us. You’re right, I did promise those kids not to forget them, and I haven’t, but I don’t want you taking anything else on, Valerie.”
I stared and felt he was being overprotective, but I had just over thirteen weeks to go until my baby was due, so I knew that I had to try to concede to his demands for me to slow my pace. As I was mulling that point over, he’d read that as me holding out for his agreement.
“I’ll agree if you spend the day in bed tomorrow. No getting up for anything,” he said, and his tone was sterner than I’d heard him in a while.
“Deal, but you have to wait on me hand and foot,” I’d smirked wickedly.
“Of course, and I’ll even give you a repeat performance of my famous masturbation routine since junior is hogging my spot,” he chuckled.
He’d been brilliant considering we hadn’t had sex since a couple of days before our last visit to the doctors. Sex had instantly become a non-subject. His concern for my welfare overtook everything else, and there were other things I could do for him when I’d wanted. One thing I will say for him, he’d gotten the balance right, learning quickly where the line was between expressing his worries, caring for me, and smothering me crossed over.
*****
As promised, I stayed in bed the following day, and my hot, incredibly beautiful man spent the day right there with me. We’d never lain in bed for a whole day together before, and if I’m honest, I was sad that up until that point we’d missed out.
My mom had brought over some butternut squash and carrot soup and a loaf of freshly baked, honey-oat bread. When she realized we were still in bed she’d left it on the countertop. I’d always thought I’d have been too embarrassed to speak to her about sex and all things ‘girlie,’ but since I’d been with Flynn that had changed.
Until I’d gotten pregnant and we started living in the cabin, we’d lost the closeness we’d once had, but she’d tried hard to be much more involved in my life. She’d been very open when it came to talking about intimate stuff with me, and I’d felt for the first time since the boys had died I’d had my mom back. This time she was focusing her attention on me.
Flynn had commented on her interest in my role as manager for the band, and of how she’d praised my work when she’d seen the programs and poster shots I’d taken for RedA’s promotion. I think things changed the night she hugged me tightly and shook her head in wonder.
“Valerie, you are one of God’s beautifully perfect people. You’re beautiful inside and out, and far older than your years. All of your brothers were extremely proud of you. I was worried about Flynn, but I knew it would have been a fruitless task to talk you out of being with him. I know what you feel for him because I felt the same about your father.”
The love and affection was right there in the way she looked at me, and in not so many words she’d told me she approved of Flynn, understood what it was to have loved someone to the brink of it consuming her and that she was proud of me. I’d always been closer to my dad. I think that was because we had thought the same, plus my mom always seemed to be more in tune with the boys needs than mine.
I never felt that she loved me any less, she just seemed more at ease in their company than when she was with me. Since I’d been living with Flynn that had changed, I had found it a lot less effort to be around her, and our conversation much less guarded. When the boys died, she stopped going to work and was totally overwhelmed by grief.
On reflection maybe I’d been so selfish about my grief that my brain wouldn’t compute how difficult it must have been for her and my dad. Perhaps it was because I’d been about to become a mom myself that I could try to empathize with her loss, but my brain still blocked any devastating thoughts something that tragic could ever happen again.
*****
When I spoke to my parents about my plan, my mom shook her head, and I thought she was going to say no to the cookout. I knew I was pushing her past her comfort zone because in the three years since our family life had changed we’d never had any kind of a celebration. Our lives had changed completely, and apart from a family dinner now and again, we’d never had any kind of a party or friends at the house.
Martin and Adam loved when we had family cookouts, and were the lives and souls of the party, so when I saw her shake her head, I’d expected her to give me excuses.
“Valerie you just amaze me. You want to bring two wayward teenagers here for the weekend? You don’t have enough stress with managing a rock band and having a baby?” she smiled affectionately. It wasn’t a ‘no,’ it was an ‘are- you- sure- you- want- to- do- this’ question.
Once I’d explained all the details and our previous meeting with the girls she went into mom mode, asking where they were going to sleep, how they were getting around, who would be with them and another twenty questions that had me wondering if I should have waited until right before they arrived because I didn’t have an answer to them.
I’d asked Flynn to call the home because I felt that although I’d spoken to them, the invite should have been extended from him. It was a personal touch and after all, they were his fans, not mine. Watching him make the call was really interesting. I saw a change in his posture and the way he spoke to the staff. There was more demand in the way he delivered his invite. He almost looked like a petulant teenager and when he spoke his tone that was unfamiliar to me.
I briefly wondered if he’d had a flashback to the time when he was in the foster system because something about him was less confident, and the rarely seen vulnerable kid in him came out. Then I guessed he’d reverted to survival mode to help him cope with talking to people from a system that had hit a nerve he’d previously shut down. After he’d gotten off the phone, the flash of pain in his eyes told me I’d read that correctly. Flynn had things that he’d still found difficult to reconcile from his childhood.
When it came to Flynn’s past, he still hadn’t discussed that much with me. I knew what happened, and like he’d told me, his mind had blotted out the traumatic event that took his family from him. I knew it may be a little difficult to have the girls around, and he’d probably connect with their current situations. I also thought it may open that line of conversation for him to tell me more about his life i
n care. I didn’t believe it was healthy for whatever he’d been through to be locked up inside his head and not shared.
I hugged him tightly and offered him my reassurance that I knew what I was doing.
“You’ll be great with them, Flynn and to be honest, it’s partly for me as well. I’m going to give those girls a great time. Even though the way they went about it was wrong, they cared enough about you to try to find out what was going on. Their loyalty to you should be rewarded.”
Chapter 35 ~ Valerie
Close shave
By the time Friday night came, and the girls had flown into the Eastern Iowa Airport, tensions were running high. We’d been at the arena for sound checks, but that had been difficult without Jonah there because he had messaged that his flight had been delayed. As If I hadn’t enough on my plate, I’d found myself tracking his flight from Chicago.
It wasn’t all Jonah’s fault. He’d gone to a family funeral the day before with the intention of being back in Iowa first thing. The flight he’d been on had been diverted to another airport for technical reasons. I was hard on myself for that mistake, and made a mental note that from that day going forward, all band members had to stay in the same town the night before each performance, if that were possible.
I’d tried to arrange a charter to bring him down, but by the time they’d found a pilot that was free Jonah was through security and at the gate, waiting to board a plane that had been allocated for his flight.
I’d thought I’d covered every possible scenario, so it stung that I’d not thought of Jonah’s unexpected event. The lesson I’d learned was to expect the unexpected. I’d researched everything else to the point where I must have come across as pretty OCD.
The concert venue was chosen for the proximity to home, availability, then for size. The eight thousand capacity auditorium was never expected to be full as it was the first event RedA had done, and to be honest, it was like reaching for the sky, but with Flynn and Craig already household names I figured that we should test the waters. When it sold out in two days, I was stunned and delighted.
Ready For Flynn, Part 2 : A Rockstar Romance (The Ready For Flynn) Page 30