When I was getting ready I decided to go against everything I’d normally do when I’m trying to attract a man. I wore flat flip-flop sandals instead of heels. I wore my hair in a haphazard side bun, instead of messy bed head designed to make a guy think of sex. Lastly, no pouty makeup. I’d put on blush, mascara, and lip balm.
And honestly, I liked the results. I looked fresh faced. Gone was that look. That, oh my god, please make me forget look that had been haunting me since Trevor eloped with the dancer.
I take a bite of my salad, a mixture of leafy greens and mango chutney that is divine, and decide it’s good to be alone. That forcing myself out of my comfort zone is the best thing I can do for myself.
So I ate my salad, order my dinner, and try not to look behind me.
I didn’t even allow myself to read. Instead, I focus on the beauty that surrounds me, so different from Chicago’s urban sprawl. I hope for peace, and manage pretty well, but I’m a work in progress. I can live with that.
“Can I join you?” Christopher’s voice is soft behind me.
I try my best to ignore the shiver that races down my spine, the excitement jumping in my belly. Slowly, I turn and look up at him.
He’s standing there, his butterscotch hair blowing in the breeze, wearing a loose-fitting, un-tucked white shirt, and light gray beachy-type pants. My eyes meet his whiskey gaze and I can’t help but suck in a breath at the sight of him.
Why does he have to be so cute? So irresistible? I’d always gone for pretty boys, so his appeal is a surprise.
The “no” hovers, but won’t tumble from my lips, warring with what I want to do.
He takes my lack of a response as an invitation and sits, smiling at me. “Did you have a good day?”
I run a hand over my neck, remembering his fingers there, pressing into my skin. I nod. “I did.”
“What did you do?” He smooths his hand over the white linen tablecloth, cleared away to accommodate my party of one.
I stare at him, unblinking. Trying to figure out what course of action to take. The waiter appears at our side, saving me from a decision when he bows at Christopher. “Are you joining madam for dinner, sir?”
“Yes.” Christopher doesn’t consult me on this; in fact, he doesn’t even look in my direction.
The waiter nods, raises a hand and a minute later a dinner setting is placed in front of him. “Do you require something to drink?”
Christopher takes the napkin and puts it in his lap. “I’ll take one of those strawberry smoothies, thanks.”
And I can’t help it, the smile twitches at my lips.
He gives me a wicked grin. “What?”
“That’s a very manly drink.”
He laughs. “It has rum in it.” He runs a palm over his throat. “I need something ice creamy after spending all day listening to doctors talk about refraction techniques.”
I let the smile spread and put my hands on the table. I think about calling him on his presumption that he could join me for dinner, but what’s the point? I’m not sure I have it in me to get him to leave, even though I should. But, what I can do is lay out some boundaries, preferring to go on the offensive instead of playing defense like this morning.
I meet his gaze. “You sitting here means nothing.”
He shrugs a shoulder. “We’ll see.”
“I mean it. I’m not sleeping with you.” I’m not going to lie, it pains me to say the words, but it must be done. I’ve had too many—just give us this week—talks with my vagina already.
The waiter returns with his drink and Christopher says he’ll have what I’m having before we’re alone again. He turns his attention back to me, eyes narrowed and thoughtful, the intensity of his gaze at complete odds with the pink, frothy concoction sitting in front of him with a little paper umbrella sticking out.
Nerves skitter across my skin, disconcerting me, and I manage to say, “I’m serious.”
He nods, picks up his drink and sips from the straw, before holding it out to me. “Try it and it will convert you.”
I do, and it’s so good I moan a little. It puts the piña coladas I’d been drinking to shame.
He laughs. “See, I told you.”
“Fine, you were right.” I can’t help my grin. He’s just so charming.
“Of course I am.” His wink keeps the words from sounding arrogant.
I roll my eyes and he laughs, good-natured.
Several minutes pass before he tilts his head. “While I was supposed to be busy learning today, I spent far too much time contemplating this situation of ours.”
My spine straightens. “There is no situation.”
“Yes there is. And you can pretend as much as you want, but it doesn’t change it. There is something between us and I for one want to see what it is.”
I open my mouth to speak but he holds up a hand, stopping me.
“I know you have a bunch of arguments, and I want to hear them all, but first let me say this.”
I close my lips and nod.
“I think we got off on the wrong foot. That maybe taking you into a closet and giving you three orgasms two hours after we met might have given you the impression I was only interested in sleeping with you. I understand that. And I accept the consequences of my actions. But here’s what I’m asking. Give me a chance to prove you wrong. Give me the opportunity to learn you. All I want is the opportunity to see if there’s something more than the best sex on the planet between us.”
He takes another drink and his gaze skims over my face and down my body. He should look ridiculous, with his girly cocktail and disarming features, but he doesn’t, he looks sexy, confident and sure.
And it hits me, how long it’s been since I’ve experienced genuine interest in a man. I’ve been going through the motions of sex and attraction for so long I’d failed to realize they no longer resembled anything real. That Christopher is the first man in a long time I’ve actually been attracted to, not just physically, but emotionally. I liked him. When I’m around him I forgot about the game, the thinking, the strategy, and just...enjoyed myself.
Oblivious to my revelation, he continues. “I know you have your plan to be alone, and swear off men, but we’re here and maybe it is fate, and not circumstance that put us thousands of miles away from home at the exact same time and place. Because I’ve been thinking, remembering. And I didn’t tell you when I was going, Ashley, I said I’d be there for a conference, and I was going to tell you the details, but then I got distracted by the heat between your legs, the way you lifted into my fingers and I forgot. Even though your brain recalled the hotel from our conversation, what are the odds we’d be here, at the same exact time?”
I suck in my breath as I recall that moment on the bench, the orgasm that had pulsed through me, stealing my breath. I give my head a little shake. “I don’t know.”
“Not very good.” His gaze dips to my mouth. “So I have a deal for you. I’m willing to prove myself, and here’s what I’ll offer even though it’s going to be a real challenge on my willpower. Give me a chance to spend time with you. You’ll have plenty of time alone to do the things you came here to do, because I’m stuck in this conference. But when I’m free, and if it works with your plans, I want to hang out with you, to get to know you properly. In return, I promise I will keep my hands to myself. I will honor your vow of celibacy and treat you like my best platonic friend. I promise I will not touch, kiss, lick or fuck you.”
His eyes darken and the air crackles between us. “Unless you ask me to, of course. Then I will do all those things and more.”
I gulp, my throat going dry. He’s offering me a way out.
A chance to have my cake and eat it too. And I want it.
The waiter chooses that moment to delivers our meals. He puts the plates down, asking us if we want anything else. When we say no, he takes his leave, and Christopher turns back to me. “Do we have a deal?”
My fingers twitch on my fork. I want my cake. I w
ant to spend time with him. If it’s platonic, is that cheating? I bite my lip.
This is something I’ve never done. I don’t hang out with guys. And I want to know Christopher. Maybe from this disaster we can learn to be actual friends. Maybe that’s the silver lining. Because something about him calls to me, something I don’t think I can ignore, even though it makes no logical sense. This can be my vacation gift. To learn if friendship is possible. I nod. “We have a deal.”
“Good.” He points to my plate. “Now eat. I’m attending the conference with a group of my closest friends and they are hitting a dance club we heard about in an hour. I thought it sounded fun. Would you like to go?”
I love dancing. I pick up my fork and dig in. “Sounds fun.”
He gives me a cocky grin. “Well, all right, but don’t try and lure me into any slow dances.”
I laugh. “I’ll do my best.”
This isn’t what I expected, but it is something new. Something different that’s outside my comfort zone. A night out with an attractive man with no possibility of sex or seduction. I don’t have to try to figure out what he wants, who I need to pretend to be to catch his interest. I don’t have to worry about how I look, or if I’m dressed provocatively enough to get his attention.
I don’t have to be anything, but me.
Chapter Seven
Chistopher
I clasp the beer tight in my hand and take a sip, never taking my eyes off Ashley on the dance floor. We’ve been here for two hours, and she’s danced almost the entire time.
She’s driving me right out of my goddamn mind.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I’d asked her to come, but this wasn’t it. I wasn’t sure how she’d be with my group of friends, three other guys and one lone female. Our group had bonded in our surgical rotation during med school, and we’d stayed close friends. Once a year we go to a tropical conference together.
The only woman in our group is Shelly, a pretty, tiny blonde with a gigantic personality that makes up for her small stature. When she’d met us, she’d sat us down and told us that we were not to hit on her, that she had zero interest in us, and to remove any idea of sticking our dicks in her out of our disgusting brains because it wouldn’t happen even if we were the last men on earth.
Yeah, that was her introduction.
After fighting a fierce attraction, she relented and started sleeping with Ted. They’ve been screwing around for six months, and Jace, Xavier and me were not supposed to know about it.
Ted didn’t tell us, but it was obvious from the start of our friendship that there was something between Shelly and Ted, so when they finally hooked up nobody was shocked. Except for them, and they both seem to think it’s such a big deal they can’t tell us. We’re nice and let them be, making fun of them behind their backs when they slip from some room, their mouths swollen, their clothes disheveled, and think we’re idiots.
They’re getting sloppy though and I suspect they won’t be able to keep it up much longer.
A brilliant surgeon, with a take-no-prisoners demeanor, Shelly is one of those women that gets along better with guys than members of her own gender. She thinks women are frivolous and doesn’t understand half of what they get upset about. I’ve never seen her cry. Ask if she looks fat. Check her makeup in the mirror, if she bothered to wear any. She thinks shopping is a chore and chick flicks are for losers. Except for her feminine features that make her delicately pretty and are at complete odds with her character, she’s the quintessential guy girl.
Which is why I was shocked when she took one look at Ashley and they’d become instant best friends. I’d never even seen Shelly express an interest in a female. The last girl I brought around my friends was a sweet, nice preschool teacher, the most nonthreatening, inoffensive woman on the planet. Shelly had taken one look at Kelly, rolled her eyes and hissed, Really? This is what you bring me?
But she’d loved Ashley like they were kindred spirits.
They’d literally ignored us for the entire night.
Xavier, always in the mood for a hookup, was off in the corner making time with the beautiful yoga instructor from this morning’s class. In the semi-crowded bar, she’d recognized Ashley and me, and came over to say hello. The second she and X had looked at each other, it had been on. He’s the player in our group, and can pretty much score with any woman he sets his mind too—except Shelly, of course.
That left Ted, Jace and me, huddled around a table watching Ashley and Shelly’s purses. Ted’s eyes are narrowed on Shelly, shaking his head as she and Ashley do a sexy little bump and grind.
Ashley’s taller than Shelly, so even though they’re glommed together, I have a clear view of her. She’s come undone over the course of the evening. Her hair has slipped from its messy side bun, spilling over one shoulder. She’s sweaty, all her makeup gone, as she’s thrown herself into dancing like this the last chance she’ll ever get to do so.
She looks fucking gorgeous. I will have to fight to keep my hands off her, but I’d made a promise and I never break my promises.
Of course, I planned on making sure she relented and begged me to take her. A plan that’s a little hard to execute with her not giving me the time of day.
Ted points his bottle at the two women, making quite a spectacle, and shakes his head. “Is it just me, or does Shelly have a girl crush?”
I laugh and scrub my hand over my jaw. “It does appear that way.”
Jace grins. “We should have gotten her a girl to play with ages ago.”
Ted opens his mouth then snaps it shut. Probably remembering at the last minute that he’s not supposed to be anything but Shelly’s friend.
Jace and I roll our eyes at each other.
Ted’s hand tightens on his beer. “Do you think they’re ever going to remember we’re here?”
“Doubtful.” Jace juts his chin in their direction. “Do you think they’re going to kiss?”
“Maybe if we’re lucky,” I say, not sure if I’m interested in seeing this or not. I mean, sure it would be plenty hot, but I want Ashley’s mouth to myself.
Ted drags a hand through his hair and I can tell he’s feeling as frustrated as I am. After hours of watching and not being able to touch Ashley, I’m on edge. Needing something to burn off all this pent-up energy.
“Aren’t you going to go out there and get her?” Ted asks, and I can hear the repressed aggression in his tone.
“I wasn’t planning on it.” I’d decided to leave Ashley to her own devices. Wanting to show her I respect her quest, but this was unanticipated.
“Why the hell not?” Ted’s voice is demanding. Impatient.
I shrug. “I have my reasons.” I’m not about to disclose what happened with Ashley. When I’d introduced her I’d said she was a friend of my brother and his fiancée.
Ted huffs and puts his beer on the table before saying, “I’ll be right back.”
Jace laughs and shakes his head. “Maybe you should take pity on him, he’s clearly suffering from a case of blue balls.”
I have no sympathy. Unlike myself, he’ll have an outlet. I scoff. “Which will be rectified as soon as he sneaks into her room tonight. He should be thanking me really.”
Ted is clearly worked up. I lived with the guy for a couple of years, I know how he operates. He’ll be taking all that frustration out on Shelly later and she’ll be lucky if she can walk tomorrow.
Jace narrows his gaze. “So what’s the deal with Ashley?”
In our small group, Jace and I are the closest. Just like Ted and X are the closest. Shelly belongs to us all. Well, if you don’t count the Ted situation. I shrug. “No deal. She’s just a friend.”
“Yeah right.”
“It’s true.” I catch sight of Ashley on the dance floor, some guy is spinning her and she’s laughing, her head thrown back, her white skirt flaring and flashing her spectacular legs. He lets her go and she slides back to Shelly. They start rubbing up against each other, and it m
akes me hard. This is worse than when a college girlfriend and I decided it would be fun to try Viagra.
“I like her.” Jace’s words break my concentration. “And Shelly likes her. Which is the ultimate seal of approval.”
“I like her too.” More than I know what to do with. I look back to the girls on the dance floor, where they are really starting to put on a show.
“Jesus Christ.” Ted’s back.
I grin at him. “What’s the big deal?”
Ted grits his teeth. “Nothing.”
I decide it’s time to take pity on him and break them up. Or at least I tell myself it’s about taking pity on him and not me. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Thank you,” Ted says. He’s close to breaking.
I weave my way onto the dance floor where the two girls are swaying hip to hip. I tap Shelly on the shoulder. She glares at me.
I smile. “Can I cut in?”
“No, go away.” Shelly turns her back on me.
Ashley gives me an endearing, goofy grin that makes me want to bite her.
I tap Shelly again. “You’ve had her for two hours. I’d like to dance with Ashley now.”
Shelly huffs and heaps a big sigh. “Fine. One dance.”
“Four,” I counter.
“One.”
Ashley giggles.
I raise a brow. “Three.”
“Two.” Shelly puts her hands on her hips. “And that’s my final offer.”
“Deal.”
Shelly turns her attention to Ashley. “What do you want to drink, baby doll?”
“Whatever you’re having is good with me.” Ashley waves, looking light and free and happy.
I would kiss Shelly in gratitude but I don’t think Ted can take it. Besides she’d probably punch me.
Shelly pokes me in the chest. “Be nice. I like her.”
I give her a salute and take Ashley into my arms. I smile down into her sweaty, flushed face. She looked exactly like this in my bed and it makes me crave another taste of her. A craving I’ll have to resist. “As you can see, Shelly is the boss of us.”
Walk of Shame Page 5