Barman was silent.
“You may take your secret, your identity, with you to the grave.”
Barman gave him a dirty look but remained silent.
Thales began to pound on Barman, who was laying down. Barman deflected the blows. As Thales knocked the wind out of him, Barman jumped up and grabbed Thales; his grip did not cause him pain but restricted him from making any movement.
“You can hold me for as long as you like. I will continue to pester you. Who are you, Barman?”
Barman released him and stretched out once more on the cool floor, raising his gaze to the stars.
“You see the stars on the right, at the bottom? The ones arranged in an equilateral triangle?”
“Yes.”
“Go eight fingers up from that in a straight line. You see a bright star there with a fainter star underneath it?”
Thales stretched his hands out above him and measured the distances. “Yes, I see it. The faint star is the Earth's sun.”
Barman was silent.
“You're from Earth?”
Barman was silent.
“You fought on Earth.”
“My name was Pasha,” he said in a broken voice and his face contorted in pain.
“You're Pasha, Pasha Zaman?” Thales asked in awe.
“You heard of me?”
“Of course!”
In fact, Pasha's name appeared in the databases of Octavia; Thales, unlike the majority of the residents of Octavia, thoroughly researched the wars of Earth.
“I thought that Pasha died,” added Thales.
“Yes, Pasha died.” Barman's face became impassive once more.
Pasha had been a hero who dared to fight against the Gnosis and after some time had become unstoppable. He was the son of simple, hardworking farmers in Ur, working as a servant in Nicomachus' house who was living on Earth at the time. Nicomachus realized that the child had been gifted with exceptional mathematical talent. When Nicomachus the Pythagorean approached Pasha's parents and offered to take the boy to Octavia so he could study with the Pythagoreans, they could not refuse. What an opportunity it was for the young boy to leave the rotting planet, achieve his potential and to escape the dangers of the Earth's wars!
Despite the eight-year-old Pasha's opposition to the idea of leaving his family, his parents decided the matter. But when he reached his sixteenth birthday, following a stellar career at the Pythagorean academy, he decided to return to Ur and his parents of his own volition.
The transition from the isolated paradise of the Pythagoreans to the wars and hardships of Earth was a difficult one. After a few long months, he finally became accustomed to life on Earth and joined a local mathematics academy. One day, upon returning home following a week of work and study at the academy, he discovered that his parents and two sisters had been killed in a Gnostic raid.
His impressive personality, sharp intellect and commitment to self-motivated goals lent him an air of charismatic leadership. After losing his family, he became determined never to surrender. He had the courage of one who has nothing to lose. Pasha quickly assembled around him a core group of refugees whose purpose was to fight the Gnostics to the very end. This was the beginning of the popular resistance against the Gnostics. The group he led grew as its operations became increasingly daring. They carried out ambushes, raiding small groups of Gnostics and indiscriminately killing them. They stole their weapons in loud diversion operations. Pasha became a sort of legend with volunteers itching to join his forces in every village. He posed a significant nuisance to the Gnosis.
Due to the Gnostics' infinitely more powerful forces, they concentrated their efforts on trying to crush the resistance. They captured and tortured anyone who knew anything about him, followed his trail and killed most of his men while those remaining, including Pasha, dispersed throughout Mesopotamia concealed under the cloak of anonymity in order to disappear. Pasha was caught in a difficult crisis—he was exhausted and ceased to believe in his ability to affect change. The painful scenes he witnessed gave him no respite; he was tormented by the sight of limbless children and dismembered bodies as his nostrils frequently filled with the smoke of the ruins.
He returned to Ur, married, had two children and went on with his life as one of the many workers of the field. His conscience tortured him for inspiring false hope in his followers and eventually leading them to their deaths in his pretense of defeating the Gnostics. He felt as if he should have been buried alongside them.
When Ur fell under the Gnostic threat yet again, most of the residents opposed taking action. What was the point in committing suicide? After all, they already knew how it would end. Every city or village whose inhabitants tried to rise up against the Gnostics was decimated by them. Yet some of the villagers decided to fight, appointing Pasha as their leader. He came out of anonymity. Once again, he led the battle with courage and resourcefulness. The Gnostics suffered heavy losses and were repeatedly forced to rely on reinforcements. The people of Ur fought valiantly and with determination, prepared to die while protecting their homes under their leadership of their revered commander.
The Gnostics retaliated by bombing the walls of Ur's ancient quarter until they succeeded in breaching it. Despite the heavy casualties suffered by the Gnostics, a handful of them managed to infiltrate the city and open its gates from the inside. The fighters of Ur continued to fight fiercely and the courage they exhibited became a symbol, but Ur did not stand a chance. In retribution for the capture and torture of Gnostic soldiers, the elite Gnostic unit raided Ur. At the end of a blood soaked day, women and children were slaughtered along with the warriors. The body of their leader, Pasha Zaman, however, was never found. It was assumed that he had been buried beneath the rubble and was understood to be dead.
“So how is it that you are alive?” asked Thales.
Pasha finished the story. “As the story has it, I was indeed buried beneath the rubble, but unfortunately I survived. I had no reason for living but at the same time I could not relinquish my life. After digging my way out, I buried my wife and children.”
Thales felt a lump in his throat. Pasha continued to speak with detachment and indifference. “I had had enough of battles and mourning. I wanted nothing more to do with war. I had lost, I had lost everything. I could not stand to see any more death and I wished for my own death.” A faint tremor crept into his voice.
“Hope confused me. There was no way I could resist it...” He stopped and breathed heavily. He had not spoken about this period of his life for years. “I had seen the darkest depths of the human soul and I wanted to flee. And so I wandered. For seven years, I made my way through the galaxy. I made a living by doing odd jobs and I did not settle in any place. Finally, I decided to return to Octavia. Forgive me, but I did not delude myself into thinking that the truth was in Octavia.”
“You have no need to apologize. I now agree with your sentiments.”
“I desperately tried to convince myself to believe in your simple faith, but my past and my memories would not permit me to do so. I compromised by assuming a life of illusions. The Pythagoreans are nice and generous people, and everyday life with them allowed me to repress the images and cries that I will never forget. Only a few of them, including Nicomachus, who requested that Sophia take me to Samos, knew that the refugee that came from Earth was none other than Pasha Zaman.”
Thales was silent for some time. He identified with the deep-seated pain of his friend. He was awed by the fact that the legendary Pasha, who was treating him like a friend, revealed himself to him and was teaching him martial arts. Even though he had none of his own experience in the area, he understood the terror of war: his stomach turned and a cold sweat trickled down his back. He reassessed the issues, recomposed himself and returned to the idea that was burning inside him.
“Pasha, a war with the Gnostics is not futile.”
“I know. I told you, Thales, there is no honor in war, especially when you already know the ou
tcome, but you do have a choice. Having a choice lends you power, a sense of determination in your own destiny. If I have been sentenced to death, I prefer to protect my home and not be led to my own slaughter. Samos is my home and my family and I will fight alongside you with all my might.”
Thales looked at him. He always exhibited a sense of self confidence, but now he radiated authority and a sense of responsibility.
“And now, for the next exercise: the surprise choke-hold from behind,” said Pasha decisively as his tone of speech changed.
According to plan, Enosh and Sophia devoted all of their time to discussions in preparation for the Gnostic encounter. Enosh paced about the room, deep in explanations of the essence of the Gnostic faith. “The modern-day Gnosis is a spiritual refuge that imbues meaning in those who have been hurt. The Gnostics, who themselves are lost refugees from prior wars, recruit orphan children whose worlds have been shattered. These children, who were left alone in the rubble of the ruined cities or in refugee camps, taught themselves to have no expectations, no desires and no disappointments. Because desire is stronger than the conscious mind trying to override it, there was no decrease in their desire to find security, interpersonal relationships and love in their lives; in fact, it worked against itself. They trained themselves to desire with all of their power not do desire. Since desire is stronger than any consciousness, overriding even the conscious' desire not to desire, the only way to eradicate desire is to be without any awareness, that is to say, not to exist. This is the source of the basic tenet of the Gnostic faith in nullification.”
“Let me see if I understood this correctly,” said Sophia.
“Sure,” said Enosh.
“The Gnostics refrain from wanting anything meaningful in their lives since they have undergone horrible personal tragedy.”
“Correct.”
“Because it's impossible to live without desire, they desire, but they only permit themselves to desire the notion of lacking.”
“That's right.”
“They justify their spiritual state by believing that this is the way of the universe.”
“Correct. They believe in a supreme God, the Master of Light, who wants to bring an end to the universe. They believe in a hierarchy of Godly beings that serve each other in order to fulfill this goal. The Gnostic serves the angels, who serve the seraphim, who serve the aeons, who serve the supreme God the Master of Light, who serves the ultimate purpose of total annihilation.”
“And what is my function in the face of such a desire for annihilation?”
“Your job is to enable the Gnostic to be suspended in a state of unfulfilled desire. You must afford him the opportunity to dare to desire some sort of actuality, that is, to risk frustration.”
“That does not sound so appealing.”
“You say that out of your Pythagorean prejudice, which only believes in perfection. You must internally identify with the taste of desiring something uncertain and to convey this feeling to the Gnostic. The taste of hope despite the frustration.
“There is a range of options that exists between the Gnostic non-desire and the Pythagorean fulfilled desire. They must be cultivated.” Enosh continued.
“And what are they?”
“'Desires that are only intended for consciousness', such as private thoughts; 'thoughts that are intended only for consciousness and expression', such as nostalgic songs of longing; and 'desires that are intended to exert effort for a non-guaranteed achievement', such as taking part in a competition. If the Gnostic has the opportunity to withstand the frustration of taking the risk, he will realize that there are three additional options on the range between the non-conscious desire and its fulfillment.”
“And again, I ask: How am I supposed to do this? How do you open up these options for the Gnostic and his desires?”
“By wanting those options for him on his behalf. You enable him to know about his desires without expressing them or telling them to anyone else. You have to be prepared to hear about these desires even without trying to achieve them. You must encourage him, to appreciate the efforts invested in attaining what he wants, if only for the knowledge that he tried.”
“It sounds too simple and easy to me.”
“Do you want it to be hard?” Enosh smiled in surprise.
“Apparently,” chuckled Sophia. “But why should I want to work hard?”
“If you consider your efforts as suffering, you will not recognize that you want to put in the effort. But who said that hard work is suffering? According to the Gnostics, effort is an expression of desire, and desire finds expression in suffering. The Gnostic solution to the suffering of desire is not to desire. The Pythagoreans see fulfillment as the way to eradicate desire. In the Gnostics' view, annihilation is happiness, and to the Pythagoreans, fulfillment is happiness.” He looked her in the eye. “Precisely at the moment that you allowed yourself to feel the loss of your father, you could also feel your love, your desire. You became opened to the possibilities of feeling the pleasure that stems from passion.”
She was silent for a moment, but her fears were not allayed. “But how will I use this information in my encounter with the Gnostics?”
“I do not know,” said Enosh candidly. “I do not know which Gnostic you will meet or in what way he will express his lack of desire. I can only guide you in the principles of how our consciousness and desires work but you yourself must apply these concepts as best as you can in the situation. I plan on disappearing as soon as the Gnostics arrive. It's important that I do not disrupt the relationship that develops between you. The Gnostics cannot conduct direct communication with you as long as I am present. I will step in at the moment when I see fit to do so.”
“Are we even sure that this encounter will even take place? Why, they can simply conquer the station with sheer force. They know that we are unarmed and have no desire to fight.”
“Ah...” Enosh stuttered. 'How right she is,' he thought. 'We are not even sure that this encounter will happen, and if it does, we have no guarantee that it will be successful...'
“They can conquer the station by force but their way of thinking is built in such a way that...”
“Yes?” she asked.
“You have no weapons, but you do have an ideological battle with them. Therefore, we can hope that they will want to utilize this opportunity to prove to you—as well as to themselves—that they are right and throw the proof in your face. In the Gnostic's eyes, you are to blame for their sorry state. You, the apparently enlightened ones, deserted the people of Earth instead of helping them in their plight. They have a bone to pick with you. I expect that they will agree to meet with you if you offer it.”
“But what will motivate them to do so? That is how I will get an opportunity to influence them.”
“Because... one minute,” he sat down. He wanted to say that, in his opinion, they are actually looking forward to it, even though they themselves are not aware of it. Suddenly, he was seized with doubt: 'How do I know what the Gnostics really want?'
“I lost my train of thought,” he said, and at that moment became paralyzed. He had been trying for a few days already to convince not only the Pythagoreans but also himself that he had no doubts toward his actions. At that moment he realized that he could no longer continue that pretense.
Bitterness filled his mouth, that same familiar bitterness; once again I have failed, he thought to himself. The sense of doubt weakened him, bringing fear along with it which in turn paralyzed him, Each time, the paralysis got worse.
“Are you ok?” asked Sophia, seeing the distress on his face.
“No,” he said and breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that his paralysis had diminished for the moment. “I'm not ok,” he added. “I have no answer to your question. I'm not sure at all that there will be a meeting between you and the Gnostics.” His words were dry and distant. Sophia was shocked. Her support was gone. Her guide had no answer.
“What will be
come of us?” she said. She had not seen him act like this since before he regained his identity.
“I don't know.” As soon as he expressed this, he felt some relief.
He realized his limits; despite being the most senior expert on consciousness on Dust, despite the respect they showed him and his achievements, he understood that success was not a certain thing, even if he tried his hardest and worked to the best of his abilities. 'There is no way to stop the fear, and ignoring it will just paralyze me.' The pretense lifted from his shoulders. “I do not know,” he repeated.
Her face fell. “I'm scared,” she said.
He embraced her. “I'm scared too.”
CHAPTER 17
This was the moment of truth. This drill was performed many times virtually. Every pilot knew how to synchronize their acceleration in order to connect to Samos' sphere, as well as how to leap from the external to the internal sphere until they reached the landing sphere. From there they would have to progress on foot, each one to his position.
Truth was in the middle of the last briefing before the infiltration when the communications officer called him.
“Request from Samos, Commander.”
Truth stopped the briefing and turned to the communications officer.
“Transmit it only to me.”
“Welcome to the Samos communication area. My name is Sophia. I have what you want.”
This was not what he was expecting.
“Wait!” he said, trying to pause and collect himself. He quickly considered all the possibilities. It was possible to ignore the call and continue with the invasion, but then he would lose the element of surprise. Wasn't it clear to this woman that they were facing war? She certainly understood. But if he continued according to the plan, she could destroy Samos and the processor, and the blast would destroy his fleet. She was certainly shrewd and committed enough to do this. On the other hand, if he pretended to cooperate, perhaps he could outwit her and insert a spy who could gather intelligence for the invasion.
Mesopotamia - The Redeemer Page 22