* * *
The first letter from Reese, sent before he left, arrived the next day, short and sweet. My mailbox reflex seldom took a turn for the worse anymore. I was able to cope with off days, confident another letter would soon follow. When my own stationery supply dwindled, I replaced it with the newest ‘Love’ and ‘Missing You’ cards from work, and in lieu of dusting the glass curio display for the tenth time, I spent downtime at work writing letters.
Dear Reese,
The big news this week is that I went to work, came home, went to school, did homework, slept, and went to school again. Just Kidding! But that is what I do. Really, the big news is that I went out with Kate and Sarah last night and Sarah is engaged to John, for real this time. The wedding is next spring. I’m in it. So’s Kate. I think I’ll be walking down the aisle with Kurt.
I stopped by to see your parents. They seemed okay. Your dad was watching basketball. Surprise, surprise. Your mom said something about driving down to Lackland for your boot camp grad. When is it? How are things going?
I’d better go, it’s almost time to close up. (I’m at work in case you couldn’t tell.) Know I love you a whole bunch and way more than that.
Love, Camryn
XOXOXOXOX (lots of them)
* * *
Dear Camryn,
Things here are boring outside of class. We have very little free time. When we do have free time, the other guys all want to go out to the bars, which doesn’t interest me. I end up watching movies or reading in my bunk. I wish I could watch movies with you.
Do you like my stationery? It is a meal chit. They call it that because the food tastes like shit. Just kidding. I mean about the name, the food really does suck. I’ve lost about fifteen pounds.
I have good news and bad news and good news and bad news. My mom said that you can ride along to graduation if you want. It’s right after Christmas. The bad news is that I won’t be in pilot training. It turns out that they either mismeasured me or I grew since I signed up and now I’m too tall to be an Air Force pilot. If I ever had to eject, I’d be too big to clear the aircraft safely. I was so crushed—again. First the basketball fiasco back in high school, then my dad blasts my Marine Biology career choice, and now this. I can still be a commercial pilot, but I’d have to get trained outside of the military, which would be logistically more difficult and much more expensive. More good news though, instead of a six-year active-duty enlistment, now it will be only two because of how they screwed me over. I can get out and go to college then. But the bad news is that they want me to do some piss-ant civil engineering job in Guam. I’ll have some leave after graduation, so I can come home with you guys before heading out. I’d better go, inspection is coming up. See you soon.
I love you, I love you, I love you,
Reese XO
After reading his letter, I felt like I had been on the ride at Great America where you spin around stuck to the wall and then the floor drops out from underneath—giddy from the thrills, yet still feeling sick. Out in two years. Yeah! Guam? It’s so far. Leave before he goes. Double yeah! No pilot training, the thing he had his heart set on? Oh, my god.
* * *
Reese’s graduation was an impressive display of military pomp and circumstance. His mother and I stood proudly together, witnessing the ceremony, cheering on our airman, and ultimately waiting for dismissal.
“Dad didn’t come.” It was the first thing Reese said when he saw us. No surprise. He hugged his mother, then me, took my hand and didn’t let go the whole twenty-hour trip back to Harvard.
“Why do they have to send you to Guam? I can’t even visit,” I said, disappointed, venting. Reese held me tighter as we sat on the couch back home, appreciating the precious little time we did have. We may as well have been fused together.
“I’m going to miss you,” Reese said, caressing the side of my cheek, his statement full of sincere angst.
“You know I’m going to miss you,” I said.
“I’ll miss you more,” he said, starting to turn it into a game and lighten the moment. I turned it back to heavy.
“Two years is an awful long time.” My eyes turned down, staring at our intertwined hands.
“We made it through one year apart.”
“One year too many,” I said.
“We can do two. Plus, I can catch a military hop and come home during leave,” Reese said, devastated as I was over the assignment, but trying to make the miserable situation sound upbeat for my benefit. I looked into his eyes, which were not smiling this time, but still beautiful.
Mrs. Dahlgren called us for dinner, inadvertently interrupting our moment. Ryan and Mr. Dahlgren sat at the table, one on each end. It was a somber joyous Christmas dinner, no one saying much of anything.
“Thanks for dinner, mom,” Reese said.
Mr. Dahlgren stood. “Helen, don’t forget to set my clothes out for the morning.” Helen looked defeated, mentally beaten. We got up to clear the table while Mr. Dahlgren and Ryan parked themselves in front of the television.
“Mom, we’ll take care of this. Take a break,” Reese offered.
“Well, I do need to feed kitty.” She slipped out the back door, cat food in hand.
“Why did your dad want your mom to set out his clothes?”
“She always does. Picks out his clothes, presses them, then drapes them over the rocking chair for him to get dressed in the morning.”
“Why can’t he pick out his own clothes?”
“I don’t know,” he said, like he hadn’t given it much thought.
Mrs. Dahlgren returned, brushed the snow from her coat. “Brrr . . . it’s sure cold out there. I had no idea it was snowing so hard.”
We peeked outside through the window, cupping our hands around our eyes to get a look at the blizzard coming in. “I won’t miss this in Guam.”
Reese rubbed his hands up and down my arms, warming me up.
“Reese, get in here!” Ryan yelled from the living room, interrupting again. The crowd on the TV was going wild, as were Ryan and Mr. Dahlgren.
“It’s tied up after double overtime,” Mr. Dahlgren said, animated over his college hoops. His eyes never left the screen as he spoke. “See what you could have been doing if you hadn’t been such a klutz and gotten hurt?”
“Yeah, dad.” Mr. Dahlgren didn’t notice Reese’s deadpan delivery or pain beneath it.
“Shhhh . . .” He didn’t even care.
Helen choked back a tear, hoping I wouldn’t notice. “I need to take care of a few things.” She excused herself before it could fall.
* * *
Dear Megan,
I know it’s been a while since I last wrote. My first semester of college is over, thankfully. I’ve been pretty busy with work and school and Reese, of course. You know he has been in Air Force basic training. I missed him every second he was gone. It was a long six weeks and five days. I spent every free moment with him when he got home. Reese lost weight and looked different on the outside (too thin and buzzed hair) but so much the same to be with and feel and touch and kiss.
The first night he was back, I could hardly contain myself. With his parents safely upstairs, we made out practically all night long. Nice, warm kisses, not the kind that smear your whole face or feel like resuscitation. It started after I nibbled his neck. More than nibble, actually, since he ended up with a bank of hickeys peeking out from his shirt collar, and way more than that concealed underneath. He thought it was funny and affectionately called me a sea lamprey. Oh well. I came out of it unmarked, but oh, man. By the time we turned in for the night (in our own beds, unfortunately) my arms felt so tingly and heavy, I could hardly lift them. It was a magnificent, frustrating sensation, weird and wonderful all at once. My body nearly burst. I could have gone on forever. Have you ever felt like that? I’d love to stay all night with him and wake up in his arms. Aaahh (dreamy sigh.) How did my arms get tingly and heavy, you ask? Well those weren’t the only parts that felt tha
t way. Reese went where no man has gone before (with his hands) and I want only Reese to go again—many times. I’m his. I didn’t feel self-conscious or awkward or anything. It was right. All right. However, I was too shy to venture down his pants too, so I just grazed this giant bulge under his jeans with my hand. Hmmm (wistful sigh).
Anyway, all that has come to an end yet again. The time he was home was worth the world to me. We had a great time doing our regular stuff, and talking, and just being with each other, saying or doing nothing sometimes.
For Christmas I gave him a Chicago tape and he gave me a porcelain bluebird figurine to add to my Reese ‘shrine’ on my dresser. I secretly wished for an engagement ring. I spied them while Christmas shopping together before he left, but we never stopped to seriously look. I know that is a lot to wish for at this point in our lives. Someday.
I made a scene at the airport. I wasn’t even supposed to take him to the airport, just the bus station. My dad didn’t want me putting miles on the car, but Reese begged a little and it didn’t take much because I wanted to keep him as long as possible. His mom graciously said goodbye to him at home and let me send him off by myself. She must know what it’s like. At the airport I squeezed in as many last-minute kisses as possible down to the jetway entrance and then bawled my eyes out. He was totally into it too, but he held his sweet sorrow on the inside.
So, I’m alone again, physically at least. Reese is in my head and my heart day and night. I came home all bummed (and crossed my fingers that Father hadn’t noticed the mileage on the car.) If he did, he didn’t say anything. Now it’s back to school, and work. I have no idea when I will see Reese again, now that he is off to Guam. It could be as long as next Christmas, which will seem like forever.
How have you been? Write soon. I need cheering up and you always manage to do that for me.
Love, Camryn
* * *
Dear Camryn,
I know just how to cheer you up. I’m coming to visit you over spring break from Uni! Yes, contain your excitement. I can see you jumping up and down with joyous glee. So plan a trip to Chi-town and we’ll explore, just like old times.
I’m sorry to hear how sad you are now that Reese is gone again. Remember the happy times together. He’ll be back. You know he will. He adores you.
So you’re slowly moving around the bases. Another couple of years and you’ll be to home plate. Just kidding. Yeah, I’ve had that whole body-ready-to-burst sensation. Heavy petting will do that. And then there was this time with Alan, a really romantic and intimate moment involving oral activity. Too bad he and I are just friends. I’ll tell you all about it when I see you.
I’d better run—just a quick note to make you smile.
Love and Hugs, Megan
* * *
Dear Camryn,
I got here okay. This place sucks. I thought the humidity in Harvard was bad . . . and the bugs. If I were a bat, I’d be happy, but I’m not. I’m doing this miserable job called weed and seeds. That is where I go around to all the flowerbeds and pick the cigarette butts out of them. It takes so many brains! Duh! Sometimes I’m basically a janitor. The most exciting thing I’ve done so far is paint stripes in the parking lot. I miss you. You should ask people here what I talk about all the time and they will say you.
Now, on a happier note, I also found out that due to the glories of bureaucracy, they sent too many of us peons here and not enough shit jobs to go around, so I won’t have to stay here the whole time. I’ll be back to the states by . . . drum roll please . . . MILK DAY! Yes, I’ll have some leave before reporting to report to Langley, Virginia so I plan to stop by Harvard for Milk Day weekend before I have to report. We’ll be able to see each other a lot more. I’m very happy about that. I feel half-empty without you.
Love you,
Reese
P.S. I don’t have a car anymore. My mom sold it—said she needed the money.
P.P.S. Write back soon.
P.P.P.S. XOXOXOXOXO
* * *
Dear Reese,
I was so excited when I got your letter with the great news about you coming home soon. It lifted my spirits, like a miracle. I yelled out some Yippees and Whoo-whos. My dad wondered what the big deal was and then just said, “Oh” when I told him the news. Not that he wasn’t happy or anything, he’s just not very excitable. Hey, what is that awesome smell on your stationery? Your last letter smelled exceptionally good and I kept sniffing it. It smells like you. I put your letters under my pillow and sleep with them. So, I guess that means I get to sleep with you! Heh, heh.
The other day before I went to bed, I went into Father and Jo’s room to say goodnight and can you believe they were listening to Dr. Ruth on the radio? I’m sure it was for their intellectual education rather than for practical use. Parents don’t do stuff like that, do they? Gross!
I guess you know Sarah’s wedding is just before Milk Day. Sounds like you will miss it. Sarah’s mom is sewing all the bridesmaid dresses. I just got back from a fitting. My dress is the same color as my prom dress was.
Eric told Kate there was no way in hell he was going to the wedding, which is so stupid, but not surprising after what your mom found out eavesdropping in the library. I don’t know why Kate stays with him.
I’m sorry you have to do such crappy work, but it will be worth it. You’ll do your time, get out, get your GI bill and go to college for something better. Hang in there. It won’t be long and now it is even better since we’ll be within visiting distance. I can’t wait!!! Don’t let the mosquitoes eat you. They need to leave some for me. =;)
All my love,
Camryn
* * *
Dearest Camryn,
I hope school and work are going well for you. Things are better here. Just knowing I’ll be home to see you and my family in not long made a big difference. I can’t believe how long it took your letter to get here. It seems like letters back and forth to Australia went faster. Anyway, don’t worry, I got some mosquito repellant. They won’t eat me, you can. Speaking of, that last hickey you gave me, the big one on my stomach, didn’t go away for a month. It was embarrassing explaining it when I got my inoculations—and I got plenty of them. Gosh they hurt. Wish you had been here to kiss it better.
There isn’t much to do here in the off hours. There are a few places to walk around and sometimes we go to the beach. It isn’t the same going to the beach without you. No one to get fish bites with. Sometimes a few of us guys play basketball. That’s fun.
Speaking of basketball. My mom called me and mentioned that Ryan might be traded to another ball club. He hasn’t been scoring as many points as he used to. Now Dad will have to buy a new team’s jersey and pennant.
I asked Mom if Dad liked the B1-B bomber model I sent him. (It is a really cool new airplane that kind of looks like a walrus from the front. There’s buzz that it’ll eventually come here.) Mom said that he made room on the shelf behind Ryan’s basketball trophies. I guess that means he didn’t hate it. I mean, it’s not in the trash. Oh well, what do I expect?
I hope you like the Valentine’s Day card I sent. I know it was probably late. Sorry.
XOXOXOXO
Reese
* * *
The valentine arrived the day before. On it was an animated cartoon typewriter typing a memo on itself, declaring the signatory's undying, stark-ravenous love.
Reese signed it.
Then added ‘I love you’ with X’s and O’s. I inhaled his letter. I love you too. I wondered if he had received the valentine Whiskers and I couldn’t fit in the mailbox, but dropped by the post office instead.
I called Megan that night. “I told you this long-distance relationship would last,” I said. Then I told her about my recent card and letters from Reese.
“He sounds great. Too great,” she joked. “When do I get to meet him?”
“I don’t know.”
“What did you send him for Valentine’s?”
“Oh,�
�� I said, pumped, remembering I almost forgot to tell her one of the best parts. “I sent this giant Snoopy and Woodstock card, about three feet tall. On the inside it said You’re the best thing that happened to me. Then I cut out a bunch of three-inch-tall letters from different colored construction paper to spell out Reese + Camryn on one side and Together Forever on the other side. It was so awesome.”
“Together forever, isn’t that a bit bold?”
“No. I told you what his card to me said.”
“Listen, I’ve got to run,” she said, the hurry in her voice apparent, “but I want to hear more. We’ll talk, promise, see you soon.”
Megan, uninvolved at the time, had no Valentine news of her own other than she and a group of girls went to a club and drank to excess that night. Her classes the next day didn’t go well, but she managed to pull off an ‘A’ in Calculus anyway. She didn’t write as often anymore, being involved with this extracurricular activity, and that club.
I crawled under the covers and wrote Reese four pages back, continuing my nightly ritual, sharing my daily thoughts with Reese, cozied up in bed. I took comfort in it. The same Dr. Ruth station as the parental units listened to played on my radio as I wrote. She spoke of climax and pleasuring, interspersed with instructional advice. I vaguely knew what she was talking about. I knew at least what pleasure was. Reese gave me that. For him it was second nature, a no brainer.
CHAPTER 10
“As my wants are fewer, the more my needs are met.”
—D.W. Wallace, Saxton’s Chief Financial Officer
Dear Reese,
Megan left this morning (boo hoo.) Her visit gave me a break from the daily grind of missing you. Of course I still missed you, but not as bad. You should have seen us in the airport when she got off the plane. We both broke into uncontrollable happy tears and hugged for three minutes. People probably thought we needed medication. I was so happy to see her. My dad and Jo liked her too. We took the train from Harvard into Chicago, re-creating the times we trained around Sydney. I took her shopping at Water Tower Place where we went to D.B. Kaplan’s deli for lunch and ate the same mile-high sandwiches in the same booth you and I did that one time. We also took pictures overlooking the Chicago River just like we had done in Oz over Sydney Harbour. I’ll have to send you one. Of course we talked our heads off, catching up with each other’s news.
Love, Carry My Bags Page 13