by annie nadine
Instead of the anger he expected from Baden he almost saw defeat. He couldn’t believe it, Baden actually loved her. Micah couldn’t stop his laughter as he walked back into the night and disappeared.
Baden ignored his taunts, he didn’t care what Micah thought or said. He already knew he would never be what Annie deserved. He thought of it every moment. What Micah wasn’t accounting for was that Baden had been watching over Annie since he had first seen her and he would be watching her every day until she ceased to be. But that was a thought he tried to push away whenever it came to mind.
The only time Micah ever got close to Annie was when he would approach her in a public place. Baden decided not to intervene at these moments because he didn’t want to reveal himself to her and Micah wouldn’t do anything in a crowded area. Something Baden found comforting was that Eli was at the manor with her. He never thought he would be happy for the day Eli was there but somehow he was because it meant she was safer.
So Baden lived as a shadow in Annie’s life and the saddest part was that she would never know the love he carried for her. Whenever he became tempted to reveal himself she would do the simplest things like; brush the hair away from her face or smile to herself for seemingly no reason, and he would remember why he was staying away. To protect her from him. It was torture for Baden to see her and not touch her and love her but he found this a fitting punishment for the things he had done to others. Though the more he saw her the more he mused over how much he could endure. He supposed there was only one way to find out.
So time passed.
Baden watched. Micah pursued. Eli taught and Annie lived on a teetering thread, all the while not knowing Baden’s love.
Enough time passed for Annie to mend a fair amount, physically at least. Her shoulder still hurt occasionally when she moved the wrong way and a scar had made its home on both sides of her left shoulder. Other than that she felt almost normal...except for the big gaping hole Baden had left. It was like it had burned through her to know she would never see him again and that burn would never heal because there was nothing that could mend it. There was no one else who could repair it. Whenever that thought came to mind she pushed it away and masked it as best she could. If Eli ever noticed her consternation she would smile half-heartedly and concoct some lie that would placate his enquiries.
Annie had not recalled the night of her lament to Baden, who she had mistaken to be Eli and therefore didn’t say anything to Eli about it. She had seen Micah occasionally but she found the relationship had changed. He was different or maybe she was different? Either way she didn’t feel connected to him like she used to. He only seemed to appear when Eli was not present, which she deduced was no coincidence. Although he never came to her room as Baden had, it was as if something was keeping him away. Not that she wanted him in her room. The only one she wanted there was Baden and he was never going to be there again.
She had secretly decided within herself that it was reasonable for her to admit to herself that she truly loved Baden because he was not alive and she didn’t have to warn herself of the danger of him. So every so often, when her resolve to move on would crumble, she would let out the tears that had collected in her heart and she would cry herself to sleep. She had no idea why she cared for him so, she had barely known Baden but it hurt her to know that she never would.
The nights that Annie cried herself to sleep Baden would hear because he was amongst the trees. It hurt him to sit back and let her pain grow. It made him question whether staying away was the best thing but soon enough he found many reasons against his doubts. So when he decided not to comfort her he would sit silently in the lonely night. Before too long his own tears would start and he would let them fall down his face without a sound. He did not even wipe them away, so they would fall onto his shirt and live there until they dried. How easy their existence was.
When Annie’s tears pushed her into a deep, sorrowful sleep Baden would sneak up and just watch her. He would gently wipe her face clean of the tears and pull the blankets closer to her, in hopes it would be a comfort. His only pleasure in life was this stolen closeness of watching her as she slept. He would not move or blink for fear that he might miss a moment. He sat there as still as could be and memorised her heartbeat. He measured out her soft breaths and looked onto her face, wishing she could be his.
What would he do when she had another laying next to her, loving her, being with her? At first the thought made his anger almost uncontrollable and he imagined himself taking the life of that person and replacing them with himself. But when Annie stirred then settled, he regained calm and knew that it was meant to be that way. She was meant to have someone who had earned her. He would not let anyone come near her that was not everything she deserved and more. He vowed this to himself many times.
His feelings had been so conflicted since finding Annie. Before there was one thought and that was hatred. Hatred towards everyone and everything he found. Now his only thought was Annie and what a lovely thought that was. An even lovelier thought that he allowed himself to have for just a glimpse was, my Annie. What a life that would be.
Annie woke in her usual tone, heartbroken and longing. She seemed to be able to work around the burden of it now. She was glad that she had adapted because Eli might have started to notice if she hadn’t. She walked downstairs after getting ready for the day to find Eli. As usual she found him in the library.
“Good morning,” Eli greeted with a smile. Annie gave her standard smile, one that no longer reached her eyes, and walked over to him behind the desk. She stopped in front of the desk facing him. He held a letter in his hand but by the look on his face it was one that made him seem pleased. At least it wasn’t one that would invoke her immediate banishment from the manor. She pushed the next thought out that was trying to make its way through, the thought of that night with Baden.
“You look quite interested in that correspondence,” Annie said to draw his attention away from her. Eli looked at the letter then back to her with a smile.
“In fact, I am.” He got up and walked around to stand near her, letter in hand. They had become comfortable around each other and trusted each other, so his closeness didn’t bother her like it would if it were another man. It also didn’t distract her like it would have if he were Baden. She quickly tried to push him out of her mind yet again.
“And why is that?” She asked, this time to distract herself.
“We have just been cordially invited to attend the biggest social event of the season. Dresses, dancing, dinner!” He proclaimed. He knew she wouldn’t really be excited and her facial expression confirmed it. “I know you are not one for socialising…” He started his argument, gaining him an eye roll from her. “But…” He jumped in before she could refuse. “I think it would be lovely for us to go out. Enjoy ourselves. Forget about everything that has happened and just be normal.”
His face was pleading. She was about to refuse but something stopped her, it was the word normal. She hadn’t felt like that in so long and she wanted to so much.
“It sounds…” She paused.
“Yes…” he said hopefully.
“Wonderful.” She gave in. He let out a sigh of relief and embraced her as they had become accustomed to doing. When they pulled away from each other he kept his hands on her waist.
“I am happy you said yes. You have not seemed yourself lately and I think this may cheer you,” he said sounding concerned. Annie had thought she was doing a good job of hiding her hurt but apparently not. She gave her best smile to reassure him.
“We shall have a marvellous time together,” she said as enthusiastically as she could.
“Good! Now I have a very important question for you,” he said seriously. She felt a little unsure and just looked to him, waiting for him to finish. He smiled before he continued. “Do you know how to dance?” He asked.
It was so contrary to what she thought he was going to ask that she laughed. She only had a sligh
t idea of how to dance but it looked like she was going to learn how, whether she liked it or not.
CHAPTER 26
Annie stood in Eli’s arms in the library, one hand on his shoulder and one hand holding his other that was not holding her waist. The furniture had been pushed to the side like it was when they trained but this time it was for a vastly different reason. They were going to dance.
“What dance are we learning today?” Annie asked feeling a little excited from the fun of it. They had already gone through a few dances and she had done extremely well at picking them up.
“Well, the socialite who invited us is very controversial when it comes to her dinner parties,” Eli explained. “She is known to have a number of dances ranging from folk dances, to chain dances to strict ballroom dances. She is wild and not one person knows what to expect, so we in the town who are frequently invited to her gatherings have learned most dances from many cultures and eras.” He said it all with a smile on his face. She could tell he enjoyed the memories he had of other dances he had been to.
“How old is this ‘socialite’?” She asked mimicking his word. If she was extravagant Annie assumed that she must be young.
“Miss Darla is in her forties,” he answered, enjoying the extra time to hold onto Annie.
“Is she married?” She queried, surprised at his answer.
“She was married to a tracker. He…he was killed,” he responded solemnly. Her mood dropped with his words.
“I am sorry to hear that,” Annie said earnestly and paused for a moment. “How do you know her?” Why they were still holding onto each other whilst discussing this was beyond her but they remained together none the less. A soft look came across Eli’s face before he answered.
“She was a friend to my parents. She has always been accepting of my life, even when society turns its back.” He spoke fondly of Miss Darla.
“What do you mean?” Annie asked concerned. Eli hesitated before he answered, wishing he hadn’t said anything at all. He chose his next words carefully.
“A woman living with a man, when they are not related or married, is not usually looked upon graciously. Let us begin,” he said quickly to stop her from commenting. Eli held her tightly around the waist, pulling her close to him and was about to start the lesson but was stopped by her protest.
“Eli, wait,” Annie demanded. He relaxed his body a little from his dancing stance as he found no use in trying to avoid the subject. “Have people been saying things?” She asked feeling terrible about the situation. Micah had mentioned something about rumours but surely they had stopped.
“Annie, it does not…” but he didn’t get to finish.
“Eli,” she said sternly. He just looked at her for a moment before he answered.
“People are not saying anything in regards to your actions, rather mine,” he said obscurely. He tightened his grip again to instigate their lesson.
“What are they saying?” She started to feel even more awful.
“They are saying things about my integrity but it does not matter. They do not know me and I do not need them in my life,” he tried to assure her. She couldn’t believe it, because of her his reputation was now in tatters and he had been socially rejected.
“So they would be more kind if we were wed?” She asked. She was beginning to reason within herself that this might be an option. Baden was gone and would never come back, she did not love Micah and she did not know where she would go other than here with Eli.
He just looked at her in shock as they stood in silence measuring each other. Many moments passed between them with neither of them looking away. They were having their own silent conversations in their minds, too afraid to say anything before they were ready.
Eli’s thoughts ran along the lines of; should he ask her to marry him? He wanted to be with her and he would love her forever but what of his life? She would be gone and he would be left without her. She could be hurt for being with him. Would it be best to keep it as it was so they couldn’t get too close because they would both end up vulnerable?
Annie’s thoughts ran along the lines of; should she marry him? Why would it be so bad? She was attracted to him, he was kind, thoughtful and caring. He loved her and wasn’t afraid to show his feelings. Though she didn’t love him now, that didn’t mean she wouldn’t later on.
When Eli started to come out of his internal musings he blinked a few times to get a bearing on his surroundings. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out so he closed it again. After another moment he opened his mouth and spoke.
“I think starting with the waltz would be best.” His voice came out husky and he cleared his throat when he was finished. She felt a little relieved that they would not have to confront the situation just yet. She slowly nodded her head in agreement.
“Good choice,” she said with a small smile. Her comment was referring more to the fact he had avoided the intense subject rather than the choice of dance.
“Now the waltz has three-four timing. There is no music so I will count it out as we go,” he offered. “Miss Darla always has this one dance,” he explained.
He pulled her close to him and their faces were practically touching. He swallowed hard from nerves at her closeness and looked at their hands clasping so he could concentrate. His brow furrowed slightly in distraction.
“It is a dance that requires the partners to remain close to each other. We will start off slow then quicken the pace once you progress,” he advised before they began to dance.
Unbeknown to them, Garrick had approached the door and stopped when he heard them speaking. He had overheard their conversation, waiting anxiously to hear the result of Annie’s insinuation. To his dismay nothing came of it and he almost kicked the door at Eli’s foolishness. He left irritated, completely forgetting that he needed to speak with Eli.
Baden stood outside, close to the window of the library. He leaned his arm against the stone wall of the manor and rested his face into his hand trying to regain his composure. He had ventured forward when the lesson had started and quickly became panicked by their conversation. What would he have done if they agreed to be married?
Before he could answer himself he realised he was out in the open. He glanced to check that no one had seen him then went back to the cover of the trees.
He sat on the ground, leaning against a tree with his hand on his heart. He realised that he could not do it, he could not stand by whilst she fell in love with someone else. The question was, what was he going to do about it?
CHAPTER 27
The night of the dance came. Annie and Eli had not spoken to each other about the issue of being married but continued their own internal debate of the subject. What she didn’t know was that Eli had purchased a ring.
Annie had felt as if she had learned every dance known to man before the night came and Eli was impressed that she had accomplished every dance he had shown her.
When it was time to leave for the event, he waited patiently at the bottom of the stairs for her in his suit. He hated dressing in the extravagant attire that was required at social events but he wore them to perfection. Garrick stood off to the side ready to take them to the party.
“Have you forgotten anything, Sir?” Garrick asked. Eli tugged at his high collar for a bit of relief.
“No, I have everything,” he answered, distracted by his discomfort. With a subtle smirk on his face, Garrick presented Eli with the small, black box that held the ring.
“Are you sure you have everything, Sir?” Garrick questioned mockingly. Eli stopped what he was doing but kept his hand around his collar as he looked at the small box.
“I am not sure if tonight is the best night.” Eli made the excuse nervously.
“It is,” Garrick encouraged a little sternly.
Before Eli had a chance to refuse he heard Annie’s bedroom door open. He grabbed the box in panic and shoved it into his pocket just before she reached the top of the staircase. He
resumed his previous position and looked up to her. His eyes opened wide when he saw her standing in one of Antoinette’s flattering creations.
The bust line was just the same as all other dresses of the fashion and fit nicely against Annie’s body. Her sleeves were short to fit just past her shoulder and very slightly puffed. The colour was ivory and the dress was made from a lovely, soft silk.
The modest pattern was stitched in black and sat at the bottom of the skirt. It curved and swirled into lovely points all the way around. Small floral designs sporadically sprouted from the lines and made it look even more feminine. The rest of the material was plain but that made it even lovelier.