A Poisoned Land (Book 1: Faith, Lies and Blue Eyes)

by Craig P Roberts

  “That’s not what Leon said to me before he—”

  Owin interrupted the slurs, asking, “What happened that night in the forest?”

  “I’ll let you both talk,” Docháran said as he stood. “I’m heading back to my pod. Tomorrow…we do more of this…” He smiled at Saul and pointed to the smoking stick. He took one last puff before dropping it into a wooden cup on the table. It hissed as it hit the water.

  Owin thought he better say something. “Em, bye. I’ll be right behind you.” Docháran had already staggered through the round door and closed it before Owin had finished his sentence. He turned back to Saul, who took another breath of the smoking stick, puffing rings and staring at them as they drifted, fading away into nothing. “Can I ask you anything?” Owin blurted out.

  Saul smiled and laughed, which set off a couple of coughs, then gave a long sniff. “Yyyyyessss,” he said, with his lips still moving randomly after he spoke. Cough. Cough. Long sniff.

  It must be that smoking thing that’s messing with his head, Owin thought, watching Saul stare off into the distance of the room. “What happened that night?”

  “What night?”

  “With Leon…”

  “I’ve spent many nights with Leon.” Saul laughed.

  It’s not funny, you idiotic fuck! “You know what I—”

  Saul interrupted, putting a finger on Owin’s lips, “Shhhh, okay, okay, I know. Cool your pan, Owin.” He stared at Owin with mis-matched blue eye and brown eye. “Leon was infected, so I had to fire, and so did you. The Mister commanded it, so it had to be done.” His eyes still stared. Owin felt like Saul was trying to read him like a scroll, but a laugh, a cough and a sniff broke the silence.

  “We had no choice.”

  “We had no choice,” Saul agreed, staring at the far wall again. The fire crackled in the background, gently filling the silence.

  “Did you see her?”

  “See who?”

  Obviously the goddess, you thick shit! “The goddess!” Owin tried to stay calm but Saul’s lack of mind was beginning to frustrate him.

  “She was a false goddess though. That’s what you meant, right?” Saul winked.

  What are you getting at? “Did you see her?”

  “Yes, she was dead though. Mior’s arrow went right through her back and chest. She bled out. Leon said she spoke to him.” With every word Saul said, he stared at Owin with narrow, unblinking eyes. “She told him it was all a lie and he believed her. That’s why I shot him…” It was as if there was bait set for Owin, and Saul was waiting at the end of the line to reel him in. Owin felt like he was being tested and he didn’t know the right answers.

  Owin paused, staring at his brother as he puffed rings of smoke in front of his face. At least I know I did the right thing then. Leon was clearly infected. “Then we both did the right thing.” As Owin said those words, Saul sank back into his chair as if the conversation was of no interest anymore.

  “You can believe that if you want to, little brother. You keep telling yourself that.”

  Saul’s mutterings hurt. “You shot him too!” Owin raised his voice.

  A breathy laugh came from Saul. “I was ten steps away from him and shot him in the leg. If I wanted to kill him, I would have.”

  He missed on purpose! “You disobeyed the Mister! You believed Leon’s lies!”

  “Then let the Mother strike me down where I sit!” Saul hailed to the roof with his arms outstretched. “Come on, Mother. Kill me right now where I’m sitting.”

  He’s gone fucking mad too, Owin thought, as he watched his brother slur to the ceiling. “Shouting at the Mother isn’t a sin, so She won’t just strike you down, you fucktard!”

  “Well here’s my sins for you, Mother: I’m smoking the green leaf, I’ve touched myself nearly every night for the last six years, I’ve skipped your teachings twelve times and your mind would be blown to find out what Frazer has been doing for me since the last moon-turn!” he shouted at the wooden roof again. “Oh, and one other thing, I don’t think you’re real…That’s probably the main sin, really!”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?! And what does Frazer do to you? Actually, don’t fucking tell me. I don’t give a fuck!” Owin stood up and left his brother sitting on the soft seating, staring at nothing, with his smoking stick hanging out of his mouth.

  Owin took a shortcut back to his pod, feet storming across the field through the long grass. When he got back to his bedchamber, Ro was already in bed. He lay on his side with his arms wrapped around himself, facing the wall.

  No greeting was offered from his brother. “You alright, Ro?” Owin asked.

  Silence. If it wasn’t for Ro’s thumb, tapping out a rhythm on his shoulder, Owin would have assumed his brother was asleep. He went over and sat on the bed, putting a hand on his brother’s elbow. “Ro, what’s wrong? Are your ribs sore still?”

  “Don’t fucking touch me!” Ro yanked his arm away as if Owin’s touch scalded him. He winced in pain, grabbed his ribs and strained to sit up, pushing Owin off the bed.

  Owin walked back over to his own sleeping place and sat opposite his troubled brother. “Could the Mister not do anything for your ribs?”

  “He did the usual healing prayer but that was it. Nothing else,” Ro said, as he stared at the floor.

  “Aw well, that worked for me with the cut I had on my chest,” Owin chirped, trying to cheer up his brother who was acting so strangely.

  “Well it’s done fuck all for me!” The two sat opposite each other on their beds for a while, staring at the same point on the floor.

  I don’t know what to say to him. What the fuck’s wrong? Owin tried to apply reason. “Did Frazer take the piss after beating you or something?”

  Ro laughed a skeptical breathy laugh and shook his head. He went to lie down, painfully edging himself lower. Owin rushed over to help and this time was allowed to assist. Ro’s head reached the pillow. “Thanks,” he said, followed with a mindful look on his face. “Last night, did you hear me…hear me do stuff?”

  “Do stuff?” Owin racked his brains, trying to figure out what Ro was talking about.

  “When the Mister was giving me the healing prayer, he said he saw me do stuff last night.”

  “In this room? What do you mean? What stuff? Just tell me what he said and I’ll help you.”

  “Right, if I tell you, you’ve got to shut the fuck up with your ‘oh you’ve sinned’ shit, okay?”

  If you’ve sinned then it’s not me you have to worry about. “Fine, just tell me.”

  Ro paused, staring at the roof. “Last night, and other nights too, I’ve…” He took his right hand above his pants and made a sign like he was pleasuring himself.

  “You can’t do that here. The Mother teaches us not—”

  Ro punched his bed with both fists. “Fucking Mother, Owin! Shut the fuck up and just listen to me!” His voice was breaking up.

  Forgive him, Mother, for using your name in vain, Owin prayed for his distressed friend. “I’m sorry,” he lied, “just tell me what happened.”

  “The Mister said he saw me through the Mother’s eyes and that he must cleanse me and take away that sin.” Ro might have been in tears; it was hard to tell because Owin could only see the side of his face.

  “Well that’s good. Why are you crying then?”

  “It doesn’t matter. You’ll just say something to piss me off.” Two more punches from each fist, pounded the bed.

  What the fuck is up with him? “You’re already pissed off, just tell me. I want to help!”

  “The Mister made me do it in front of him.”

  “Do what?”

  “Fuck sake…” Ro’s voice was shaking. “He told me to do what I did here in my bed ‘in his presence’ so he could ‘cleanse me and save me from my sins’. He said it was the only way to save me from the abyss.”

  Owin lost count of the punches that followed.

  If he’s forgiven in the Mother
’s eyes, then why is he so upset? “The Mister saved you from your sin, so you don’t need to worry about going to the abyss. He’s here to guide us away from that fate.”

  “I don’t give a Mother’s fuck about sinning, you thick shit! It had fuck all to do with helping me! That old fucker made me do it just so he could watch. He was enjoying it, I could tell. It was like he was watching some goddess in his visions but it was me he was…” He paused.

  Owin couldn’t believe Ro could be so ungrateful. “The Mister wouldn’t do that for himself. If it needed to be done to cleanse you for your sins, then he was doing it for you. How can you doubt him?”

  Ro flipped and began to scream and shout, telling Owin to get out of the room. The punches fell. Curses spat from his mouth like venom. Owin ran out of the bedchamber leaving his brother’s twisted, red, spit-covered face, wincing in pain.

  The Mister only does things to help us, you ungrateful shit, Owin thought, as he slammed the door and walked to the communal area, throwing himself onto the large soft seat. He pulled a cover over himself. Obviously it would be awkward doing that in front of the Mister but if it wipes clean his sin, then it has to be done. The Mister probably didn’t want to do it either, but if he’s sinned then he had to be cleansed!

  The pod creaked more than usual at this time of night, probably because Ro’s screaming woke every brother within fifty leagues. I’ll talk to the Mister tomorrow about it. He always manages to explain things to me so they make sense. Then I can make Ro feel better about it.

  Early the next morning, Owin knocked on the Mister’s chamber door before most of the other brothers were out of bed.

  When the young brother went in, he found the Mister at his desk, writing. He lifted his head with a smile, saying, “Ah the young Owin! Do take a seat.” The Mister studied Owin’s face for a moment. “What troubles your heart?”

  “Ro was really upset last night about what happened and I was just—”

  The Mister interrupted and his eyes narrowed, asking, “What did he say to you?” His hands fumbled with each other on the desk.

  “He told me how you helped him cleanse his sins and I couldn’t get through to him that if you said it must be done, then it must be done. You see through the Mother and She speaks through you. He was just so…ungrateful.”

  The Mister’s hands slowed the more Owin spoke. He smiled. “You are strong, Owin. The Mother has clearly put great strength in you. Rojames is weak and does not see things clearly as you do.”

  “I’ll help him become stronger. I swear to you and the Mother.”

  “You are a good soul, Owin. A good soul.” The Mister stood and walked around his desk with pursed lips, clearly thinking. “What Rojames did was sinful and the act that I had to perform with him will wipe away his sin. I rarely perform it. The only other situation I would use it, is with the chosen brothers. I wish you to have this honor, Owin. It will bring you further into the light of the Mother and it will show Her that your seed is pure.”

  I could be on the Hidden Womb and lying with goddesses! I need to show my strength! “Yes Mister, please tell me what I must do.”

  The Mister instructed him to disrobe and turn around. Owin did this without question. He asked the young brother to prepare himself for cleansing.

  He must mean to get myself hard, Owin thought, feeling some awkwardness building as this was not the vision chamber. This goes against everything I’ve been taught, but I trust the Mister. He did as he was told. As he let his clothes drop to the floor he suddenly became aware of every bare piece of skin on show. The Mister commanded him to turn back and kneel. He’s looking at it. Owin’s cock began to go soft. He touched himself to bring himself back up again.

  “Good, Owin, now finish the deed. Look into my eyes throughout and you will be one of the chosen.” The Mister towered over the kneeling brother. Owin looked up at him and did the deed as he was told. He wanted to close his eyes to picture a goddess but he knew the test was to keep his eyes open and fixed on the Mister. “Do not look down or break your gaze, brother,” the Mister said, putting a hand on Owin’s face. He said a silent prayer with his lips.

  He looks angry, Owin thought and got thrown off. “Am I doing it wrong?” he asked, not breaking his rhythm or interrupting his stare into the Mister’s eyes.

  “No, Owin. You are showing your want for the goddesses well. Finish the deed.” The Mister seemed confused or distracted; Owin couldn’t tell which, but did as he was told.

  When he reached the point of unleashing his seed, the drive to look away was strong. He forced himself to stare into the Mister’s eyes so he could be one of the chosen. “Ahhhh thank you,” Owin blurted as he shot. He noticed he stained the Mister’s black robes. As the feeling calmed, he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

  “Stand and turn away, Owin.” As he turned to face the desk again the Mister spoke with a hand laid on his back. “Mother bless this brother and see him as one of your chosen. He has proven his worth with this act and wishes to teach others.” The prayer finished. Owin felt hands running softly over his body. “I am very proud of your achievement today but we mustn’t speak of this to the others as they will be jealous of your assent to being chosen.”

  “I promise I will not speak of this,” he vowed to the back wall. There was silence as the hands blessed his back and rear. Why isn’t he speaking? I want to put my clothes back on. “Thank you again, Mister. Do you know when I will leave for the Hidden Womb?”

  The hands stopped moving against his body. The Mister told him to cover himself again and to sit.

  It’s bound to be soon, he hoped, as he pulled his clothes back on.

  The Mister didn’t seem to be troubled by the stain that Owin had made on his robes. He sat back down behind his desk. “Owin, you are not ready yet to go to the Hidden Womb. It will be three, perhaps four years before that can come to pass.” The Mister spoke as if the idea was of no importance.

  It was like a cage had shut around Owin where he sat. “But you said I was chosen. If I’m chosen, then I don’t need to do anymore. I’m ready now, you said so yourself!” His voice was rising.

  “You are chosen, yes. Chosen to be watched more closely by the Mother. It will take more sacrifice from you and more acts of testing like the one you have just completed. We will not speak of this anymore.”

  As he raged back to his pod, Owin felt a hatred for the Mister he had never felt before. He said I was chosen but he won’t let me leave for the Hidden Womb! The Mother has chosen me, not him! She is the one with ultimate control. She’s the one who gave me the strength to save Leon. She’s the one who came to me in that red glow. It must have been a sign from Her! She’s the one who shows me the visions and gives me the power to experience that pleasure. The Mister just talks! He continued to stomp along the winding raised walkway that cut through the grass and heather fields.

  When he reached the top of the gradual slope, on his right, he saw the pod, and on his left, the coast. Baskie’s boat will be down there on the beach. For the first time in his life, he thought about leaving the island. The Mother would guide me to the Hidden Womb if I’m truly chosen.

  Without any further thought, he walked down the slope, cutting through grass and purple heather, towards the beach.

  Baskie’s small wooden boat lay beached halfway between the ridge and the water. While pushing the boat towards the water, his feet kept slipping in the sand, causing his face to plummet dangerously close to the wooden sides. After many near face-plants, the weight of the boat subsided and it began to bob up and down in front of him. He hopped in and sat facing out to sea. With his back to his old home, he pulled the oars in, lifting them over the edge of the boat and swinging the wide ends out over the water. He clipped the shafts into the grips which stopped them from sliding. The hard wooden plank was barely suitable to sit on, causing him to shuffle around uncomfortably.

  His heart skipped as he heard a voice. “You know you’re facing the wrong way…” Baskie
shouted from behind him, back on the beach. “You could have asked before trying to steal my boat,” he continued with a slight quiver in his voice.

  He must have seen me and followed. Owin didn’t move, he just looked up to the sky. Mother, please don’t let him go back and tell the others about this, he prayed, silently.

  “What was the plan anyway? Row to Narscape, get raped, then come back once you run out of food?”

  “What’s Narscape? And what is raped? And…I don’t have any food,” Owin admitted.

  “You can’t leave. You don’t have a clue what’s out there!” Baskie said, through a breathy quivering laugh.

  “I’ve been chosen. The Mother will guide me.” Owin tried to stand to turn to face Baskie but felt himself losing his balance, so he settled for spinning around on his arse.

  “Well at least She’s guided you to sit the right way now…oh wait…that was me…”

  Owin didn’t know how to respond. Who gives a fuck what you think?! He knew the Mother would guide him and keep him safe. He just had to have faith in Her.

  “I’ll help you find what you are looking for. I was leaving soon anyway, but you have to listen to everything I say because it’s not the same out there—away from this island.”

  Maybe the Mother has sent him to guide me. It is a bit weird why the Mister let’s him come and go while the rest of us must stay, or go and never return. The Mister must have realized Baskie would help me. His spirits began to lift. The Mister has planned this all along!

  Baskie waded out to the boat and climbed in.

  As the pair sat in the small wooden boat, Owin watched his green home grow smaller as the still water grew wider around him. He turned away from the island, mainly to hide his cloudy eyes from Baskie. He looked across the endless expanse of crystal-clear water. It looked as if the world curved ever so slightly. Of course he knew it didn’t, but his eyes were being tricked by the horizon stretching across his entire view.

  “Are you okay?” Owin heard over his shoulder. “It’s not like you’re never going to see the place again. I mean, I come back all the time. I’ll look after you and we’ll find the place with the women that you’re looking for. I know lots of places.”