by C. B. Stone
“Jaelynn, how do you feel about it?” Fay asks.
“I guess I’m okay with it,” she responds hesitantly. “As long as I get to stay with Noah. I don’t want anything to happen to him.”
I reach out and squeeze her hand. The idea that she is so concerned about me when really, I’m the one protecting her, is sweet.
“For now, at least, you two won’t be separated.”
“For now?” Jaelynn and I chorus in unison.
“We can’t make any promises, but if at all possible, you will be staying together and remain somewhat safe while the fighting happens.”
Still, I don’t like the sound of this “for now” bit. But what can I do? I finish enjoying my breakfast, giving thanks for the small pleasures, make sure Jaelynn gets enough to eat. Then we pack up our things and get ready to move out. Fay sends about 200 troops off in another direction, directing them to split in again in about 5 miles, before we set off for the next town ourselves. Little by little, our army will be chipped away until just the two of us plus a few guards remain. The thought of that blows me away, and scares me too. Sure, I know I’m no longer a trained fighter, but the idea of sending other people off to fight this war doesn’t sit right with me either. I sigh heavily, trying my best not to allow thoughts of the future weigh me down. I know God has a plan, even when I can’t see it.
XI
FAYNE Pythe
I’ve been the commander of my own army since I turned the legal age to be declared as such. My father prepared me for this role, teaching and drilling me relentlessly and endlessly. And while many initially questioned whether I was given control of the army merely because of who my father was, no one questions that now. Not after seeing me in action. Not after seeing me lead not from the rear, but from the front, fighting and bleeding right along with my troops.
I have proven my worthiness many times over, and have the scars to show for it. I have fought long and hard to earn my place in this army, to earn their trust, respect, and loyalty. And being a good, just military commander is one of the most important goals in my life. I’ve long given up hope of finding a suitable husband and having children – these soldiers are my children. And I fight for them as though their lives depend on me. Because in most cases, they do.
I’d give my life for anyone of my fighters without a second thought, no question. But there is one particular fighter I hold in the highest of regard.
Calden Atar. He, like me, was born and bred to fight in the army and he puts his job as an officer and leader first and foremost. He is also the one person I trust more than anyone else in this world. Growing up, fighting, and bleeding side by side for as many years as we have, I suppose it’s only natural.
Calden is the one, the only one, I trust to go with Jaelynn and Noah, to keep them safe. I myself would defend the two of them with my life, sure, but my place is on the front lines with the rest of my fighters. If I send my army to war, I believe down to my core I had better be right there beside them, ready to fight, ready to die for them without hesitation, as they are for me.
I try to tell myself that I’ve chosen Cal because he is the one I trust most. But there is a whispering voice tickling the back of my mind, asking me if I’m sending him away from the bloodshed because I trust him or because I want to keep him safe. To keep him alive.
Cal smiles at me as we walk in silence. He doesn’t know my plan, not yet. And he won’t like it, not one little bit. We are both fighters to our very cores. We live for battle and for defending our world. But I also know that Cal, as much as he will dislike it, won’t argue with my orders. I smile inwardly. Well, he will argue, we are always bluntly honest with one another, but he’d never disobey my orders, no matter his feelings on them.
And now’s the time to break the news. I stiffen my spine as we walk, mentally preparing myself.
“In the next day or two, we need to split off,” I tell Cal calmly.
“Seems a bit risky, but I understand the need,” he responds, keeping his eyes on me. “How you propose we split up?”
“We already sent some of the troops over to Wellington to round up their army, and we plan on meeting up near there,” I say. “Me and the rest of the troops will join them. You, with those you choose to take with you, will take Jaelynn and Noah to Dove’s Peak where there’s a house waiting. You are to watch over them and keep them safe until this is all over.”
Cal’s mouth falls open in surprise, and I’m certain his words of protest will soon follow. Cal is never one to shy away from sharing his opinions with me. Though, he always has the good grace to share those opinions in private. I brace myself for the litany of things wrong with my plan I’m sure he is about to unleash. Instead, he surprises me, and leaves me with my mouth hanging open this time.
“If you say so, Commander,” he grits out, choosing to use my title instead of my name, which screams how angry he is with me more than any yell could.
It’s an act of respect for him to obey my orders, even though deep down, we both know he doesn’t want to.
“May I ask why you’ve chosen me for this job? Not that I question your leadership, I’m just curious why I’ve been picked to leave your side when I know you need me for the coming fight.”
There is hurt in his eyes, as if being sent away is a personal assault on him. Though I know he knows better, he looks at me like I no longer trust in his abilities. I give a hard shake of my head.
“This has nothing to do with you or your abilities, Cal. I need you to know that. On the contrary, I trust no one more, other than myself, to keep Jaelynn and Noah safe,” I insist. “And since I can’t accompany them myself, you’re the only person I can turn to.”
His jaw clenches, and fire flashes in his eyes, but he says nothing. He merely nods and keeps whatever thoughts he has about the situation to himself. Well that’s a change. I want to reach out and take his hand, to reassure him this is the right thing to do, but it wouldn’t be professional. It would only be personal, and I can’t afford personal entanglements right now. Not with so much hanging in the balance.
We continue to walk in silence, the only sounds dry twigs snapping and dead earth crunching beneath our boots. With an army the size of ours, it’s hard to be completely quiet at all times. With so many fighters, stealth isn’t a realistic option.
Thankfully, we don’t have to be absolutely silent just yet. But soon, as we approach closer to Ministry territory, the sound of our feet will likely give us away. Which is why we need to break apart sooner rather than later. Smaller units can move faster and quieter than one massive body of fighters.
“Why not you?” Cal asks, breaking the silence and glancing over at me.
I look straight ahead, unable to meet his gaze.
“Never mind,” he says, his voice softer than before. “I don’t even know why I ask.”
And with that, Cal speeds up, moving ahead of and away from me. I can tell by the stomp in his steps he is angry. As if to underscore the point, he swipes at the tree branches in our path a little harder than necessary, clearing the way for us to follow. Watching him storm away, I feel something in my heart I have never felt before. Though usually very cognizant of my thoughts and emotions, I am hard-pressed to identify what this is I’m feeling. It isn’t pity, not exactly, but it feels very similar. All the years of fighting have created a hardened shell, but underneath there is something more. Something I, myself, have never had a chance to examine, let alone understand. After all, I am bred to be a fighter, a warrior, and feelings only complicate what I was born to be. I sigh. If only I’d had a mother who could have instructed me in the ways of emotions, maybe I’d recognize this deep-seated pain killing me inside. Maybe I would know how to talk to him. Maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t be so alone.
******
Noah
“What do you think that was about?” Jaelynn asks as we walk a few steps behind and to the side of the commander.
“What’s what about?” I ask, her vo
ice pulling me out of my reverie with a guilty start.
I glance around, blinking. I haven’t been paying attention to my surroundings at all as we walk. I’m still thinking about how soon, we will split up, about how soon, the Army will be fighting a war. While me and Jaelynn are off hiding in relative safety. My lip curls. Like cowards.
“That other officer,” Jaelynn observes. “He and Fay were talking, and he stormed off, obviously upset by what went down. Fay doesn’t look too happy either.”
I look ahead, seeing a man stalking off, away from everyone else, chopping tree branches with his sword with gusto. And yes, Jaelynn is right, he doesn’t look happy. He is hacking at the poor tree limbs as though they are enemies on the battlefield. Turning my gaze to Fay, I don’t see anything there but her typical, blank expression.
“No clue,” I shrug. “But Fay looks fine to me. Normal.”
“Of course she does,” Jaelynn huffs, rolling her eyes. “You’re a boy.”
“Hey now, what’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.
Though I know it’s probably silly, I’m hurt by this accusatory, slightly condescending tone in her voice. As far as I know, I haven’t done anything wrong to deserve it.
“You’re clueless when it comes to things like emotions,” she insists, staring straight ahead and biting her lip, obviously not wanting to look at me. “You take everything at face value, and don’t seem to understand it could be more there than meets the eye. Not everything is on the surface. Like with Fay- yes, she appears to be her normal self, but look at her eyes. The eyes never lie.”
I do is I’m told, though Fay is staring straight ahead, making it impossible to see anything Jaelynn is talking about.
“I can’t see her eyes from here,” I grumble. “I’m sorry if you think I don’t have a clue when it comes to emotions, though. I always try to see below the surface, and know things often are not what they appear to be.”
I fall into a hurt and somewhat sullen silence. I’d always thought I was more understanding and more emotionally driven than most. For a male anyway. What was I missing? Was Jaelynn trying to tell me something? Looking over at her, her face is not blank. It’s actually the exact opposite of being blank. Her forehead is creased and she is biting her lip so hard, I fear it might bleed.
We don’t speak for a few moments, but it just about kills me. What is on her mind? What is she saying by not saying anything? I don’t want to invade her privacy by reading her thoughts, but it’s maddening not knowing what’s going through her head. It’s not like we are going to get any quiet time for a true heart-to-heart any time soon. Still, I need to know.
“Jaelynn, what’s going on? Is – everything okay with you?”
She nods, but I know she’s lying. It’s written all over her face, and I know for a fact that something is definitely roiling beneath the surface with her right now. Grabbing her hand, I stop her from walking and turn her body so she is looking at me. I stare intently into her eyes, trying to read the thoughts and emotions behind them, without actually eavesdropping inside her head.
“Jaelynn, talk to me,” I insist.
The soldiers who are walking around us in a protective ring, stop short, looking at us questioningly. I cast a look at Fay and she motions for the soldiers to continue while she stays back with us, though giving us a small measure of privacy by staying a few yards away. The army continues walking in columns that split around us, like we are a tree in their path.
“It’s just that –” she starts, but stops and glances in Fay’s direction, and lowers her voice, “I just can’t believe you wanted to leave me.”
“Leave you?” I echo, brow furrowing. “Jaelynn, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“When we have to split up. You wanted to go ahead and fight, leaving my side. Leaving me alone. After all we’ve been through, I just can’t fathom —”
“Jaelynn, that wasn’t about leaving you,” I interrupt her. “It was about fighting this battle. It has nothing to do with you. I don’t want to leave your side at all. I swear it.”
“But- it seemed like the war was more important to you than I am,” she admits, tears starting to form in her eyes.
I pull her close, hugging her, trying to communicate somehow that it isn’t that simple. I consider opening the link in our minds, pouring my thoughts and feelings in, but I refrain. I’ve been trying to respect her space and not invade her privacy. Even though she has the ability to keep the link closed, she doesn’t, so I’ve been doing it for us. Mostly.
In any case, doesn’t she realize if we don’t win this war we’ll all be dead? That is the biggest reason that fighting, that winning this war matters so much to me. Winning the coming fight is so important because I can’t imagine any harm coming to Jaelynn. I can’t imagine my life without her in it. It isn’t that this war is more important than her, but that this war is for her. And everyone else too, of course. But ultimately, without this war, there’d be no more Jaelynn and for me, there isn’t a fate I can imagine that would be worse than that.
Stroking her hair, hugging her close to me in reassurance, sudden realization punches me in the gut. She has no clue. She has no idea how I feel.
She doesn’t realize I lie awake at night watching her sleep, that I hang on her every word because her voice lilts with music and magic. She doesn’t realize that the feeling of her skin sends electric shock waves through my body every time we touch, shockwaves that are nearly overwhelming. Never in my life have I met someone so beautiful, so kind, or so good in this entire world. But here she is, all but crying because she has no idea how much she matters to me.
I smile ruefully, finally understanding she’s been right. I’m not very good at this whole emotions thing. At least, not at being able to communicate them anyway.
I know I have to fix that though, I know I have to make her understand just how important she is to me. Stepping back, I lift her chin up, bringing her gaze level with mine. I smile, a genuine smile from the heart. And mine just about trips over itself when she smiles back. Mustering my courage, in that moment, I do exactly what I’ve dreamed about doing since the day I met her and every day since we’ve started this incredible journey together.
Leaning closer, I gently, ever so softly, press my lips to hers, clinging for the barest of instants. It’s a chaste kiss of course. But within that kiss, I strive to convey to her all the feelings I can’t bring myself to say aloud, all the feelings that wash through my body like the most powerful of waves in the ocean, all the feelings I’ve never adequately conveyed to her.
“Jaelynn,” I whisper, still holding her close, “If I had my way, I’d never, ever leave your side again. It’s just that I can’t imagine losing you if we lose this war. And I’m willing to die if it means keeping you safe.”
Jaelynn gasps and look surprised. The tears welled up in her eyes break free and roll down her cheeks. Her lips tremble, and she looks so vulnerable, yet so beautiful. I have the strongest urge to wrap her up in my tightest embrace and never let go of her again.
“I- I don’t know what to say,” she stumbles, winding her arms around my neck and laying her head on my shoulder. She continues to mumble into my neck, “I never want to leave your side either, Noah. I just didn’t understand why you wanted to go off and fight so badly. I honestly had no clue how you felt.”
“Now you do,” I smile, rubbing my cheek against hers and feeling the dampness of her tears against my face. I run my hand up the nape of her neck, tangling my fingers in her hair and tug her back to look up at me.
“And you claim I can’t read your emotions.”
Jaelynn lets out a soft laugh and grins up at me. A grin that is filled with a bounty of both love and fear. She pushes away from me slightly and looks away, her cheeks turning bright red.
“I’m sorry about that,” she offers sheepishly.
And to prove that she is forgiven, I pull her close and kiss her again. Hundreds, even thousands, continue to walk
around us, leaving us alone as though on a small island in the middle of the streaming river of humanity that is Fay’s army. And for a moment, we really are in our own little world. Just me and Jaelynn.
And Fay. Of course.
I look up and catch her eye, and that’s when I see it. The flicker of sadness that started this whole conversation with Jaelynn. But as soon as I look at her, she turns away and passes us by as she falls into step with the rest of the army. “Come on you two lovebirds,” she comments dryly. “You don’t want to get left behind.”
And just like that, any sign of emotion that was evident in the commander’s face is gone, like it’d never been.
XII
MARCUS
“How can we miss thousands of troops on the ground?” Grayburn grumbles disgustedly. “I mean, seriously, we have the best equipment known to man, the most sensitive radar and probing devices, and yet we can’t manage to find a convoy of troops literally made up of thousands?”
I roll my eyes at my partner’s ignorance. Yes, the Ministry has some of the best technology around, but even so, the Darklands are so vast, there is no way you can find even an army that large without them giving off some sort of electrical signal as an indicator of their position. Without that signal, trying to find the Bethel army in the Darklands is like trying to find the proverbial needle in a haystack.
Besides, while technology can seemingly do anything we want it to do, I don’t believe for a second that it can trump God’s power. And God quite obviously doesn’t want His people to be found. So there’s that.
What I know and my partner doesn’t though, is that there have been some electrical signatures cropping up. They’ve been weak and sporadic but they give me an idea of where Jaelynn and the troops are headed. Except I don’t report them. So there is that as well. I can’t help but smile inside with a small measure of satisfaction.
“The Darklands are larger than anything you can imagine, Grayburn,” I observe mildly. Echoing my thoughts from earlier, I offer, “It’s like finding a needle in a haystack out there. Just be patient. We’ll find them.”