by Sandy James
“She’s with the only person who can help her through this,” Dani announced.
Since he figured that person was him, he shook his head. “She’s not here.”
“You’re her husband,” Dani said, “but you’re not who she needs right now.”
“Well, then you’re her best friend,” he tossed back.
“She doesn’t need me, either.”
“Then who?”
“Tiffany. I’ll bet my last tube of lipstick she’s with Tiffany.”
* * *
The grave finally looked acceptable, but it had taken a lot longer than Beth had expected.
She smoothed her hands down her jeans, then winced. She was a mess, covered in mud and grass stains. She easily dismissed her sorry condition. It was worth it to look disheveled since she’d gotten that way fixing Tiffany’s grave.
Weeds. The darn thing had been covered with weeds. The headstone was in place, but with nothing but a slab of gray granite with her sister’s name to mark where she lay, there was no way Tiffany would rest in peace in a place so grim.
Beth had jumped right back into her Beetle and hightailed it to Walmart, where she’d bought a ton of supplies. Once back with her sister, Beth had worked on the grave like a madwoman. Clearing the weeds. Planting the flowers. Putting up a shepherd’s hook.
Then she’d tackled the area adjacent, a small piece of land covered in white rocks with a stone bench and a statue of an angel. Weeds were overgrowing the rocks, and the statue had a light covering of moss. She’d had to weed and scrub the bench and statue. The whole time, she’d complained to herself about the poor care the cemetery took of the grounds and vowed to find the caretaker and give him a piece of her mind.
Now she stood with her mud-caked hands on her hips and was pleased with what she’d done. The grave was now marked by a border of purple and yellow pansies, Tiffany’s favorite flowers. The weeds were stuffed in the empty gray sacks for Beth to toss in the trash can when she left. The bench and statue gleamed, and the rocks were cleared of the annoying weeds.
Then her smile slowly fell. All the hard work was done, which meant she had to start thinking again. Although the thoughts were painful, she could no longer block them.
When she’d awakened that morning, she’d lain there, staring at Robert as he slept. Even with bed-ruffled hair, the man was so handsome. So masculine. Part of her wanted to reach out to him, to let him comfort her through the heartache that seemed too much to bear.
But then she’d remembered that he didn’t love her, not really. His declaration had been nothing but empty words, a point proven when he was under oath. He’d been a good man and stepped up to marry her when she’d needed to strengthen the adoption petition. Now there was nothing to hold that marriage together. Emma was gone, and she wasn’t coming back.
Beth still loved him. More than anything in the world—including Emma. Emma might be the daughter of her heart, but Robert was so much more. He was her mate, the man she wanted to spend this life and eternity with, and she had to let him go. She wouldn’t use guilt to keep him. The time had come to set him free.
The act of calling Alexis had been painful. Sniffing back tears, she’d asked the lawyer’s assistant to start an annulment so Robert could get his life back. The reason for the marriage no longer existed, not since Darren had taken Emma away. So while Beth was at it, she left a message for Alexis to drop the adoption petition. Why should she keep ripping her heart out over and over to fight a battle that was already lost?
Lost. That was exactly how she felt. Entirely lost. Adrift with no buoy in sight. Everyone she loved was leaving her. Her husband. Her daughter. And her sister.
The grief slammed into her, so strong she sank to her knees and let out a wail that sounded harsh to her own ears. Tiffany was dead. Up until that moment, Beth hadn’t accepted that fact. Her sister was gone. She was never ever coming back.
Folding her arms across her waist, Beth cried in big, choking sobs. All the memories assailed her. The way they’d played as children. How they’d shared so much as adolescents. The love they’d had for each other as women. The agony was too much to bear.
Not only had she lost her sister, but Emma was gone, too. She was going to be raised by a man who didn’t know her instead of the aunt who loved her with every piece of her heart.
And Robert. Even thinking about walking away from him renewed her pain until all Beth could do was rock and cry.
Tiffany. I need you. But you left me.
* * *
How much time had passed? Seconds? Minutes? Hours?
Beth opened her eyes, letting the sun that warmed her face into her heart for the first time in what seemed like forever. Weeping had been exactly what she needed, a way to expel the grief, the bile that had smothered her for far too long.
How many times had she advised a troubled student to let her feelings out so that she could think clearly? Seemed as though she’d finally taken her own advice.
Arms still wrapped around herself, Beth thought hard about where she would go from here. It was as though suddenly the path was crystal clear. The real Beth, the one who loved life and tried to find good in everything, talked to her now, whispering until that voice rose to a shout.
Emma was still her daughter, would always be her daughter. Beth might not be able to see her every single day as she wished, but she wasn’t going to allow Darren to keep her away from Emma. Not by a long shot.
Nor was she going to walk away from Robert Ashford. The reason they’d married might have changed, but they’d exchanged vows. He might not love her. Not yet. Didn’t matter. She was determined to try to make a good marriage with him. She loved Robert, and there was no way he could make love to her the way he did without a depth of feeling that approached love. No, he might not love her now. But he would. She’d make sure of it.
Her biggest problem was where to start. Ah, yes. Another phone call to Alexis. Beth could plead temporary insanity and ask for the lawyer to forget everything she’d said this morning. There would be no annulment, and that adoption petition was still in play. Until the court said Emma didn’t belong to Beth, she did. And Beth would enjoy every darn minute of time they had together.
She needed Robert. She needed Dani. She needed the Ladies. Life might be a steep uphill battle for a while, and there was no way Beth could fight it by herself. She needed allies. She needed friends. And she needed her husband.
She lifted her head and spoke from her heart. “I can’t do this alone.”
A hand settled on her shoulder. “Then don’t.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The moment he opened the passenger door, Robert had heard Beth crying. No, not crying. Wailing as though she were in the worst pain of her life. His first instinct was to sprint across to her where she knelt on Tiffany’s grave.
Dani slid from behind the wheel and hurried to him. She held him back by grabbing his upper arm. “Wait. Just give her a minute to let it out first.”
He glared at her. “She needs me.”
“Of course she does. But what she needs first is to get rid of the grief. If you go running to her before she can do that, she’ll just bury it again, probably deeper than before.”
“Why?”
“Because she’ll feel like a burden to you if she cries on your shoulder. That’s just how Beth is. She’s strong for everyone else, but she never wants anyone to be strong for her.”
“That makes absolutely n-no sense,” Robert insisted. “I’m her husband.”
“And I’m her best friend.” Dani gave him a pinched frown he had a hard time deciphering, a cross between angry and empathetic. “Look, Beth might’ve married you, but she hasn’t accepted you as her husband. Not really. She’s depended on herself for so long that she can’t stop cold turkey. Let her work through this; then we’ll all be there for her.”
His gaze went back to his wife. She was crying and rocking on the cold ground. He wanted to go to her so badly. “Sto
p talking in riddles, Dani. I’m going to Beth.”
“She loves you.” Why did her words sound like an accusation?
“I love her.”
“She doesn’t believe that.”
The news didn’t come as a surprise to Robert. Beth had shown him in a lot of ways that she thought he’d only married her for Emma. The fact that the judge had cut him off before he could add to his stupid statement in court must have made Beth doubt him even more.
Well, he hadn’t married Beth just to be Emma’s father. It was damn well time to make her understand that!
Dani let go of his arm. “Look at her. Now, you can go.”
He glanced back to his wife, and he immediately saw the change. Instead of appearing so damned defeated, Beth had risen on her knees. Although she still had her arms wrapped around herself, she’d turned her face to the sun. There wasn’t a smile on her face, but the pain was clearly gone. If he judged her mood right, she had found a shred of hope and was holding it in a death grip.
Robert strode across the grass, for once not showing the proper respect by skirting around the graves. He needed to get to Beth, to let her know he would never agree to an annulment and to try to get her to continue the fight for Emma. Most of all, to let her know exactly how much he loved her.
Just as he reached her, she said, “I can’t do this alone.”
His heart swelled with love. She hadn’t given up. Far from it. He set his hand on her shoulder. “Then don’t.”
Beth gasped and whipped her head around. “Robert!” She scrambled to her feet and threw herself into his open arms. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered in his ear.
Every inch of her seemed to be covered in dirt. He didn’t care. He pressed his lips to her temple and squeezed her tightly. “You’ve got n-nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s s-sorry.”
Leaning back, she gathered her brows as she searched his eyes. “You? Why? I’m the one who disappeared on you. I’m the one who… If you only knew what I’d asked Alexis to do—”
“I know.”
“You do?”
He nodded. “I talked to her when I was looking for you. She t-told me you wanted an annulment and that you were giving up on Emma’s adoption.”
“I didn’t mean it, Robert. I didn’t. None of it. I love you. I love Emma. I’m not giving up on either of you.”
He cupped the back of her head and tugged until she laid her cheek against his shoulder. A cowardly thing to do, but he didn’t want her to see the tears blurring his vision. “I’m not giving up on you, either, B. Ever.”
* * *
Beth watched the scenery go by with little interest. Her impatience to have some privacy with Robert made her wish he’d break every speed limit. They needed to clear the air much the same as shedding her grief had helped her see the true world again.
After assuring the Ladies she was fine and had finally crawled out of the black hole of depression she’d sunk into, she wanted nothing more than to be able to talk openly and honestly with her husband. As always, they’d understood. At least the Ladies had. Ben and Connor kept giving her strange looks as though they weren’t sure if they should put her on a suicide watch. She’d spent more time explaining her grief to them than she had Robert. There were a lot more things she was ready to say to him, most of which needed to be said in private.
Once everyone had left, Robert and Beth got into her car. He drove Beth to a service station close to the cemetery so she could clean up. Although there were still stains on her clothes, she’d been able to shed most of the dirt and scrub her hands and face clean.
The drive back home seemed to take forever. Robert drove, but he spent the whole trip back to Cloverleaf holding her hand. He didn’t say anything, perhaps because he felt the same as she did, wanting to be able to stare her in the eyes as he bared his heart. She sure hoped that was what he was ready to do, because she was going to give him total honesty.
A late-model sports car she didn’t recognize was parked in their driveway. When Robert pulled up alongside it, Beth gasped at seeing the driver—him, and a car seat. “It’s Darren.”
“And Emma.” Robert killed the engine and opened his door.
Beth scrambled out of the car, hurrying to where Darren was pulling Emma from her seat. She looked so sad until her gaze caught Beth’s. “Matka!” She extended her arms and kept twisting her hands and stretching her fingers toward her. “Matka! Matka!”
Tears pooling in her eyes, Beth took Emma into her arms and hugged her tight. Emma tangled her fingers in Beth’s hair and clung to her like chewing gum on the bottom of a shoe. “I missed you, Em.”
Emma finally settled down, laid her head against Beth’s shoulder, and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Until she saw Robert. Then the acrobatics started all over again. “Bobber! Want Bobber!”
Beth surrendered Emma to Robert, and she wasn’t at all surprised to see tears in his eyes as well. She’d been right in thinking the fight for their daughter was far from over. This bond wasn’t going to be broken. Even if they couldn’t have Emma with them all the time, they’d find ways to share her with her biological father.
She turned her attention to Darren, a bit surprised to see him staring at the ground, his hands in his back pockets. It was an expression an experienced teacher knew well—one of contrition. “Why are you here? Emma’s supposed to be with you all week.” Then she thought of Kelly and wondered if Darren brought Emma here out of necessity. “Did Kelly go into labor or something?”
“What Kelly did was leave,” he said, finally letting his eyes meet hers.
“Leave? You mean she walked out on you?”
He nodded.
“Why?”
He heaved a sigh. “She’d had enough of me, said she didn’t even know me anymore.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have taken Emma away. I was just pissed, okay? I mean”—he dragged his fingers through his hair—“Tiff didn’t even tell me! For shit’s sake, how could she have Emma and not even tell me?” His face grew red as he continued the rant. “I would’ve been there for her. I know I was a jerk in the past, but I loved Tiffany. I would’ve helped her.”
Robert came to stand at Beth’s side. Emma had relaxed against him, and her eyelids were at half-mast. Soon, she’d be asleep. “Why did you and Tiffany break up?” he asked, his voice whisper soft.
Darren answered in kind. “I told her a long time ago that I didn’t want kids. Ever. And I meant it. Even told her I’d made an appointment for a vasectomy. She got… upset.”
“Did she know how you felt?” Beth asked. When he shook his head, she sighed. “No wonder she didn’t tell you about Emma. She figured you’d think she was trying to trap you or something.”
“But she should’ve told me!” Darren was near to shouting. He glanced at Emma and lowered his voice. “I really would’ve been there for her.”
“I don’t doubt that,” Beth said. “What’s done is done, though. Emma’s your daughter.” Then she remembered Kelly. “You never had the vasectomy.”
“I damn well did,” he said with a nod.
“But Kelly is—”
“Pregnant. I know. The baby’s not mine.”
“Yet you’re still marrying her?” Robert asked before Beth could.
“I have to. She needs me. At least, I hope she does.”
None of this was making any sense, and she could see the confusion in Robert’s eyes as well. “Why don’t we all go inside? We can put Emma down for a nap and talk.”
* * *
Robert could hear Beth and Darren talking softly as he came down the stairs. He’d been with Emma longer than he’d expected, changing her diaper, holding her, rocking her. He simply hadn’t been able to leave her there, no matter how peacefully she was sleeping.
As soon as they figured out what the hell was going on with Darren bringing Emma back, Robert was going to sit his wife down and talk some sense into h
er.
He nodded to Darren when he sat down beside Beth. When Robert draped his arm over her shoulders, he was pleased that she leaned closer against his side. Whatever catharsis she’d gone through at her sister’s grave had brought his wife back to him. Thank God.
“Catch me up,” Robert said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Darren has changed his mind about wanting sole custody of Emma,” she said so matter-of-factly he had to blink a few times to let the words sink in.
“Really?”
Darren nodded. “Like I told you outside, I was pissed that Tiff had lied to me. She knew I didn’t want to raise a kid.”
Robert understood how the guy felt. He hadn’t wanted children, either. Not when he was younger. Thankfully, he’d never considered a vasectomy. A scalpel near his balls? He cringed at the mere thought of it.
He couldn’t help but ask, “If Kelly’s baby isn’t yours, why are you two engaged?”
“Kelly didn’t know I got snipped.” Darren’s voice held a note of sadness. “We broke up a while back. She had a one-night stand with her old boyfriend. We were back together before she found out she was knocked up.”
And what could he possibly say about that little tidbit of information. “Oh… um… sorry.”
Darren shrugged. “My problem, not yours. The guy’s a bastard, and I’m not letting him near Kelly or that kid, even if she’s not with me now. That’s what finally made me understand what you’re going through.” His gaze wandered to the stairs. “Look, Kelly’s kid isn’t mine, but it is. And Emma might be my kid, but she’s not. Get it?”
“Not really,” Robert admitted, even though Beth was nodding.
“You want to know her, but you don’t want her to live with you,” she said.
Robert stared at her. “You got that from ‘Emma might be my kid, but she’s not’?”
“I think so.”
“Beth’s right,” Darren said. “All Emma did at my place was cry and ask for you two. At least I think that’s what she wanted. She kept saying ‘Matka’ and ‘Bobber.’ Not sure what those mean.”