“For your own protection, you probably should turn it over to the authorities. There’s a very stiff fine for not reporting discoveries of historical significance.”
The way folks were dropping dead lately and after being bonked on the head, she was beginning to wonder if she would be safer leaving Kauai altogether—but she wasn’t about to walk away and leave Uncle Louie on his own yet.
“It’s not even a whole person,” she said. “Maybe it’s not even from a burial site.” She re-wrapped the bone and replaced it in the back of the file cabinet.
“I’m talking legal protection,” Nelg said. “This was someone’s ancestor, you know, and now his femur is tucked in a file cabinet in the back room of a bar. Who knows where the rest of him is? Think about it. Would you want your great-great-great-grandfather to end up this way?”
“Not really.”
But she didn’t want her Uncle Louie to take the fall for something he didn’t do, either. From what Nelg just said, grave robbing on Kauai could be a serious offense that carried a lot of weight in court. Harold had “something” of Louie’s. Hopefully it wasn’t the bone—but if Harold had been blackmailing Louie…
“I should get back to Namaste,” Nelg said.
“I’d appreciate it if you’d keep this to yourself.” Em realized she had no guarantee that he wouldn’t talk about her dilemma to someone.
“Not to worry.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card.
“We’re going to explore the west side of the island now, but you can reach me on my cell if you need any more advice. I’d like to hear the outcome of this little mystery.”
She looked at the card in her hand. “Thanks, Professor. And if you find yourself having a burger breakdown, come on back. It’s on the house. Anytime.”
Professor Nelson left the office to join Namaste who was working on another fruit bowl.
Em stared at the file cabinet, wishing answers could somehow emanate from the femur hidden inside. She sat down in Louie’s office chair, closed her eyes and tried to think.
Harold had hidden the bone in his garage. Louie had been looking for something at Harold’s that he claimed was his, but that didn’t necessarily mean he was looking for the femur. Harold was Fernando’s gardener. Harold was killed shortly after he spoke to Fernando about fish bones. Fernando was killed on the night of his party. Wally inherited everything from Fernando—which gave him motive.
But Wally didn’t seem the type who could murder anyone. And he seemed genuinely distraught over his partner’s death.
Could the femur be from Fernando’s property? Or somewhere else? Who else knew about it?
Frustrated, she tapped her toe against the floor. She was usually steps ahead of the television detectives, or at least the television crime show writers. Apparently real life mysteries were a lot more complicated, especially when people’s lives hung in the balance. People she knew and cared for—like her uncle and Sophie and even Kiki and the crazy Hula Maidens.
She decided to wait until it was almost dark, slip over to Harold’s and look around. Maybe she would find evidence of digging on the property. It was a place to start anyway.
If she didn’t find anything, she’d have an opportunity to check out the grounds at Fernando’s the night of the memorial. The place was huge, but at least she could start searching the areas closest to the house and the beach and the soft sand where the professor had said there were likely to be graves anyway. She wondered how far down she’d have to dig.
Feeling better now that she had a plan, Em was about to go back into the bar when her cell rang. She waved to Sophie to let her know that she would be there to help out in a minute.
“The Tiki Goddess.” Em forgot she wasn’t on the bar phone.
“So, you’ve elevated yourself to goddess stature?”
Her heart flew into her throat. It was either her heart or regurgitation. Her ex was on the other end of the line.
She propped her right elbow on her left hand and walked over to the window. Staring across the back of the parking lot at the sunlit turquoise water beyond soothed her. She took a deep breath and let it go.
“This better be good, Phillip.”
“I’ve missed you, too, Em.”
She refused to respond.
“I want the Porsche,” he said.
“I sold it.”
“You sold my Porsche?”
“No,” she said, reveling in the whine in his voice. “I sold my Porsche. It was the only asset you left me with.”
“I’m desperate, Em. You know how much it costs to live in Newport Beach? Couldn’t you find it in your heart to loan me a little cash? I promise I’ll pay you back.”
“With what?”
“I’m trying to get my feet on the ground again. The economy sucks.”
“Actually, it’s much better and so am I. Which is why I’m hanging up now.”
“Wait!” he said. “Please, Em. I’m desperate.”
“Everything’s been settled for a long time, Phillip. It’s over. We’re divorced. D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D. “
He’d made his own bed and now he’d have to sleep in it alone—that or ask one of his bimbos to help him out. It wasn’t her fault that he’d mortgaged the Newport house on Linda Isle to the hilt and they’d lost it. The Deer Valley condo was gone, too. So was the boat.
“Damn it, Em. I never knew you could be so vindictive.”
“Just like I never knew someone could be unfaithful with so many women at once.”
“Someday you’ll be sorry,” he muttered.
Em was about to blow so she closed her eyes, leaned her head on her hand and rubbed her temple. “Look, I’ve got to go, Phillip. Don’t call and threaten me again.”
With that she hung up. Looking around Louie’s shabby office, it took a second for her to remember where she was and realized that until the phone call, Phillip and Newport Beach seemed like faded memories from a long ago nightmare.
She’d also realized how much she’d changed. She was no longer mourning the loss of her marriage or her money. She had a whole new life and friends and right now they needed her. She was a woman on a quest. She was a woman with bar to run and a femur hidden in a rusty file drawer and her only living relative was a murder suspect. So was she, for that matter.
Compared to the humiliation and embarrassment Phillip had put her through, things were looking up.
23
Fernando’s Big Send Off
The afternoon of Fernando’s memorial, Sophie grabbed a plastic bin of tablecloths out of her trunk and made her way up the curved stone path to the entrance of the Hideaway. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she ran into a life-sized cut out of the entertainer placed near the edge of the stream. Cardboard Fernando was standing front and center at the entry looking as if he’d come back from the grave in time to greet the arriving guests. Lei of all kinds—plumeria, pikake, puakinikini, orchid and maile had been draped around his neck.
Beside the photo, the biggest, tackiest wreath Sophie had ever seen was on display. Not only was it festooned with boa feathers, but a plastic baby grand piano was anchored in the center.
Beyond the memorial display, the interior of the home spread out like a posh five star hotel lobby. All the sliding pocket doors were wide open giving the impression there were no walls at all. She shifted the box higher and walked through the rooms looking for Em. Low white sofas banked by koa wood tables and piles of floor pillows were scattered around the living area. Sophie was so dazzled she had a hard time taking in all the art work and the architecture as she headed to the outdoor kitchen where Em was setting up buffet tables.
“Here are the linens.” She set the plastic bin down.
“Great. You can start spreading them out over the serving tables,” Em said.
Sophie began unpacking tablecloths. “Was Fernando’s shrine set up when you got here?”
Em nodded. She seemed even more distracted that usual. “Quite a jolt
, huh? I thought for a minute Fernando had risen.”
“Wally would be thrilled.”
“On the other hand, Wally might be bummed. Have you seen him?”
“Not yet. What’s up?”
“He’s dressed entirely in red. Fire engine red pants and shirt. Not only that,” Em reached for a stack of napkins in the bin, “he’s sandwiched between two male hunks.” She nodded in the direction of the bar. “Look.”
Sophie looked. Sure enough, there was Wally flanked by two muscular males. If they weren’t models, they had missed their calling. Their loins were swathed in scraps of fabric that resembled native tapa cloth.
“You can close your mouth now.” Em laughed.
“What a waste.”
“You can say that again.”
“What a waste.”
“Okay, enough ogling. Go ahead and set up the bar after you finish those tables. The guests will be arriving any minute.”
Sophie had been at the bar slicing lime wedges for about ten minutes when Kiki rushed in toting a load of garment bags made of aloha print fabric.
“Em told me that we could use a guest room for our dressing area.” Kiki glanced around. “Please tell me there’s just one room in this place that has walls. We need a private place to change.”
“Maybe the bathroom?” Sophie suggested.
“I hope so.” Kiki glanced around. “Where’s Louie?”
“Em decided tonight should be all about Fernando. Said this was too solemn an occasion for Louie to steal the show with his storytelling. He’s at home running the bar.”
“She’s probably right. But did she really leave him in charge of the Goddess?”
Sophie shrugged. “Yep, but Buzzy is supposed to be keeping an eye on things without letting Louie know.”
“Great. The stoned and the senile are watching the shop. Did you see the urn?”
“What urn?” Sophie straightened. Looked around.
“The one with Fernando in it, of course. It’s huge and it’s Waterford crystal. It’s on a table next to the wreath.”
“It wasn’t set up when I came in. I saw the wreath, though. Was the florist on crack?”
“I made that wreath.” Kiki ruffled like a rooster at a cockfight. “What’s wrong with it?”
“I’ve just never seen anything quite like it,” Sophie had to bite her cheek.
Kiki was all smiles again. “If you think that’s something, you should see our new outfits and the adornments I designed for our hair.” She waved her free hand around her head. “Aqua boas in honor of Fernando. Tall hoops of white ostrich feathers entwined with white fresh water pearls threaded on floral wire. And we all have new dresses. Flora has been sewing nonstop for three days.”
“I can’t wait.” Sophie had to turn away. She grabbed a bottle of blue Curacao. Louie had spent an hour coaching her on how to mix a perfect Fernando’s Hideaway.
“Where’s Em?” Kiki looked around.
“Getting stuff out of the truck.”
“Where’s Kimo?”
“He’s out at the grill.”
“I’d better find a place where we can dress.” Kiki started to leave but stopped and turned around. “By the way, Roland is dancing tonight.”
“The detective? Great.” Not. That’s all I need, Sophie thought, Detective Sharpe wandering around pretending not to be watching me.
“Wally had me book Roland. He said he saw a photo of a fire dancer on the front of Honolulu Magazine the other day and just had to have one.”
“He wanted the photo?” Sophie knew very well what Wally wanted. Riling Kiki was so easy.
“No. A fire dancer,” Kiki snorted.
“I don’t think the cop is mahu.”
“Oh, definitely not. But he does one hell of a fire dance. Just you wait.” Kiki reached for an olive in a bowl on the bar and popped it into her mouth. “These are better marinated in Grey Goose.” She leaned in closer. “By the way, have you noticed anything brewing between Em and Roland?”
Sophie frowned into the olive bin. “Like what?”
“Like…” Kiki fluttered her fake eyelashes, “…attraction. Serious attraction. Heat.”
“Maybe.” Sophie shrugged. One thing she didn’t need was a cop hanging around the Goddess all the time. He’d been there more than she liked already.
“Maybe? Just maybe? I think definitely.” Kiki’s head bobbed up and down.
“We’ll see,” Sophie said.
“We will, won’t we?” Kiki winked. “I think if something’s going to happen between those two, it just might be tonight at the torch lighting ceremony on the beach. I’ve arranged for some members of the canoe club to paddle Wally and the urn out to the edge of the reef. The canoe will be lit with torches at either end. The Maidens will be carrying coconut shells filled with burning lamp oil—reminiscent of the way the Hawaiians used kukui nut oil—”
“Em approved all this?”
“Why wouldn’t she? Besides, she doesn’t have to. I’m in charge of the entertainment and the choreography for the Hula Maidens—unless you can teach us a new dance. I don’t see what’s wrong with my plans for tonight.”
“The Maidens carrying coconut halves filled with burning lamp oil? Harold’s big finale comes to mind. Do you think Em and Louie need another disaster associated with the Goddess?”
“I brought a fire extinguisher, for heaven’s sake. And Kimo will be standing by with a blanket for stop, drop, and roll.”
“I don’t know, Kiki. It sounds like a recipe for disaster.”
“For someone so young, you worry too much.” Kiki popped another olive and headed for the interior of the house.
“If you lived my life, you’d worry, too,” Sophie muttered as she watched Kiki walk away. All she could do now was hope everything went off without a hitch.
24
Em’s Disappearing Act
So far so good, Em thought.
An hour and a half into the party and Fernando’s memorial was running as smooth as warm Tahitian coconut pudding. Kimo was on top of food prep and service. Sophie was fast and efficient behind the bar. Em found it easier to oversee things without having to worry about Louie, too.
The Maidens were another story. Big Estelle arrived upset. She had tried to leave her mother at home but as she drove off, she glanced in her rear view mirror and saw Little Estelle chasing her down the street on the Gad-About yelling, “Senior abuse! Senior abuse!” at the top of her lungs.
When all the neighbors came pouring out of their homes and took Little Estelle’s side, Big Estelle was forced to load her mother into their handicapped-equipped van and bring her along. Em made Big Estelle promise to keep Little Estelle from pulling another disappearing act.
Once the Maidens began to change into their new costumes, Kiki went into hyper-hysteria. It turned out Flora got confused and made all their new gowns a size smaller than ordered. No one could zip them up. Suzi swore that there weren’t enough safety pins in the universe to hold hers together. Lil sat down and started bawling. Flora made Sophie refill her water bottle with Bombay. The dresses were green, so Kiki quickly decided they could strip ti leaves from the garden and use raffia—she carried a purse full of supplies—to tie them together and fashion capes that would hide the open zippers.
When Em last saw them, the Maidens were headed into the garden to gather ti leaves. Little Estelle was trailing behind on her Gad-About trying to drive and balance a hurricane glass filled with a blue cocktail between her knees.
Em had just picked up a tray of Chicken Katzu Bites and was about to carry it out to the serving table when she found herself face to face with Roland Sharpe.
“You’ve got two black eyes.” His eyebrow did a hook, the forerunner to a frown.
“So I’ve been told.” She stepped around him, headed for the table. He followed close behind. When Em stopped at the table and finally looked up, he wasn’t smiling.
“What happened?”
Was the ed
ge to his tone there to hide concern? She couldn’t tell.
“I tripped and fell on my face,” she said. It wasn’t the right time to tell him about the bone. She didn’t know when exactly the right time would be, but certainly not in a crowd. Not as long as there was still the slightest possibility that Louie was involved. She needed more information before handing the thing over to Roland.
When she felt his hand on her shoulder, she nearly dropped the serving tray.
“What?” She turned around and Roland let his hand fall away.
“Your uncle didn’t hit you, did he?”
“Uncle Louie?” She couldn’t stop chuckling. They’d reached the long buffet table. She set the tray down between one heaped with teriyaki Spam and pineapple skewers and another of coconut-crusted shrimp. “Louie doesn’t even step on cockroaches. Somehow you’ve gotten the wrong impression of my uncle.”
“He seems to show up wherever there’s a murder.”
“As I said before, so do you. By the way, are you here as a guest or are you on duty?”
“Actually, I’m working, but not for the KPD tonight.”
“You’re dancing?”
He nodded. “A last minute request from Wally. Kiki didn’t tell you? I thought it would be a good way to keep an eye on things.”
“She’s in the middle of a costume drama right now. I guess it slipped her mind.” Em checked her watch. The ceremony at the beach was to start an hour before sunset. “How long will it take you to dress?”
His mouth actually lifted at one corner. “For fire dancing, I don’t dress, I undress.”
She would have thought dealing with Phillip’s I-want-the-Porsche-back phone call would have put her off men entirely but her attraction to Detective Sharpe totally surprised her. She almost found herself saying that she’d be happy to help him get ready.
“I’ll call you if I need help.” He was definitely smiling now.
Em shook her head. Was he reading her mind?
“Just don’t expect me to light your fire.”
Mai Tai One On Page 14