Instead of cheering her accomplishment, however, Sam pouted and Nate looked like his truck had been repossessed. All because they were leaving a little later for Vegas and he couldn’t go with them.
Irritation crept in, tarnishing Ronnie’s jubilant mood—which wasn’t right. She was entitled to be elated, and, dammit, they should be elated for her.
“Sam,” Ronnie said, sounding more sour than she’d intended, “why don’t you return Big John to the stables and saddle Comanche. We can start practicing. We have a lot to accomplish today and tomorrow.”
No sooner had Sam ridden off than Ronnie turned to Nate. “What’s wrong with you two? Aren’t you happy for me?”
“Of course we are.”
“If that’s acting happy, I’d hate to see you when you’re miserable.”
“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s sit. You can tell me all the details.”
Nate took her by the arm and walked her to his truck, which he’d parked with the tail end facing the arena. He lowered the gate and hopped on, then sat with his legs swinging and patted the spot beside him. Ronnie settled in next to him, marginally mollified.
“I also have a potential buyer for Comanche. After Nationals, of course. I wouldn’t expect Sam to switch to a new horse this late in the game. And I met several people interested in either horse training or barrel racing lessons.”
“Besides the Can Chasers?” Nate asked.
She beamed. “These are contacts from both days at the Poco Dinero. It’s been a good weekend for me.”
“Congratulations.” An odd note had crept into his voice.
“I meant to tell you all this last night. Not the part about the Can Chasers, they just called. The rest of it. Only I, we, got sidetracked.”
She leaned her shoulder into his, the playful gesture affectionate and comfortable and a reminder of the old days. With so many wonderful things happening to her, she was feeling more than ready to move forward with Nate and take their relationship public. No one would be surprised. Certainly not her family—they’d be ecstatic.
“Right,” Nate muttered.
She drew back to study him, utterly baffled by his glaring lack of emotion or enthusiasm.
“Nate, what’s wrong? Did something happen between now and this morning? Unless I’m mistaken, you seemed pretty insistent that we see each other.” The unthinkable occurred to her. “Have you changed your mind? Do you regret last night? Because I don’t. I realize I might have come across as overly cautious. But we talked it through. We agree to go slow. And with me landing all this new business, it feels like things are falling into place for us.”
“Reese fired me this morning,” he said softly.
“What? Why? I don’t believe it. Fired you?”
“Technically, she let me go. She’s going to hire a full-time nurse for Theo. In light of his fall yesterday, she’s convinced he needs someone with medical training.”
“He’ll hate that.”
“Probably.”
“What did he say?”
“I don’t know. She hadn’t told him yet and asked me not to say anything. I assured her I’d stay through the transition. She’s calling in-home nursing services tomorrow.”
Ronnie pressed her hands to her cheeks. “Where are you going to go? Did she say you have to move?”
“I assuming I do. Our original deal was me helping with Theo in exchange for rent and board. And to answer your first question, I don’t know where I’ll go. That will depend on my job situation.”
The solution seemed obvious to Ronnie. “Move in with me.”
“Not this soon. We agree to go slow.”
“Okay, stay in your trailer. Park it out back by the stalls and paddock. My setup isn’t that different from Frankie’s. You can hook up to the water and electric, and there’s plenty of room for Breeze. It’ll cost you nothing.”
“I don’t take charity,” he said firmly.
“Then pay me rent. Or, better yet, come work for me. You’re great with Sam. I’m sure you’ll be just as good with my other students. And with more horses to train—”
“No.”
His brusque response confused her. “Why?”
“There’s no way I’m going to work for you.”
“I see.” She sat up straighter. “Because working for your girlfriend is demoralizing and beneath you.”
“That’s not the reason.”
She didn’t believe him. “You need to swallow your pride, Nate.”
“If I had any pride, I wouldn’t be living in a trailer.”
“You lost your job through no fault of your own. Let me help. You can pay me back later.”
“I don’t want us to start out with me being indebted to you. That’ll grow old fast, and you’ll start resenting me.”
“Ask Dad or Theo for a job.” Another good suggestion, in Ronnie’s opinion. “I’m sure they’d give you one.”
“The Small Change isn’t hiring. I overheard Theo and Enrico talking the other day.”
“They’ll find a job for you.”
He shook his head. “Apparently I do have a shred of pride left. I won’t take a job manufactured for me because I’m dating the foreman’s daughter.”
“You’re being stubborn.”
“I’m not opposed to acting on leads. If your dad or Theo know of anyone hiring, I’ll definitely follow up.”
She thought he was splitting hairs but didn’t argue.
“In the meantime, I’ll extend my search outside Mustang Valley to Rio Verde and Casa Grande.” He adjusted his cowboy hat, pushing down on the crown. “Maybe the west valley.”
“Casa Grande and the west valley? You can’t commute that far. You’d have to quit the Poco Dinero.”
“I’m hoping to find something that allows me to continue working for Bess on weekends.”
“Meaning, we’d only see each other two days a week?” Hardly a promising start for their budding relationship.
“If it comes to that.”
“We just got back together and now you want to leave.”
“I need a job, Ronnie.”
“You could have one. With me or at The Small Change.” God, she sounded like a petulant child.
“I gave you my reasons. I was hoping you’d respect them.”
“I do respect them.”
At what point had their discussion taken such a wrong turn? They should be celebrating her good fortune, not contemplating the possibility of Nate leaving.
“I don’t get it,” she said. “I’m offering you a place to stay and paying work. I wouldn’t be supporting you, I’d be helping you. It’s what people who care about each other do. If the situation was reversed, you’d do the same for me.”
“I’d be taking advantage of you,” he insisted. “You weren’t considering hiring anyone until I told you I’d lost my job with Theo.”
“Doesn’t make it a bad idea.”
“If you and I move ahead in this relationship, it’s important to me that I contribute my share.”
“If?” She resisted the urge to pull away and instead hear him out.
“When you and I were together, I had a lot to offer. Now, I have next to nothing.”
A very unpleasant thought struck her. “Do you blame me for that?”
He stared at her in disbelief and shock. “Why would you think such a thing?”
“Because me walking out on you was what sent you into a—what did you call it? A tailspin.”
“How I handled you walking out was my decision, and I didn’t make the best ones. That was hardly your fault.”
By now, Sam had emerged from the stables riding Comanche. They entered the arena, joining the other barrel racers there to practice. She didn’t appear to notice the tension escalating between Ronnie and Nate as she trotted past
them.
“I went out on an emotional limb for you,” Ronnie said when Sam was beyond earshot. “Trust me, that wasn’t easy. And what happens? You reject me.”
“I’m not sure why you’re upset,” he said. “I’m thinking me finding work out of town fits right in with our plans to go slow.”
“What I’m hearing is you’re leaving—which has been your track record of late—and trying to let me down easy.” She was baiting him but unable to stop herself. He was rejecting her, whether he admitted it or not.
“Wow, that was below the belt.”
“It’s as if you don’t care enough about me to fight for us.”
From his startled look, she might have slapped him. “That’s the same way I felt when I came home to find you and all your stuff gone. I thought you didn’t care enough about me and our future to stay and fight.”
“You didn’t come after me.”
“What were you doing?” His tone was one of incredulity. “Putting me through some kind of test?”
She swallowed a groan. “Not a test. That was the wrong thing to say.”
“You told me yourself, you didn’t answer my calls and texts because you were afraid you’d weaken and say yes if I asked you come back.”
“That was true. For a while. But then I kept hearing all the things your mom said to me in the hospital and started questioning myself. Before long, I believed not only was I responsible for the miscarriage and unfit to be a mother, I was also undeserving of your love.” To Ronnie’s dismay, she choked on the last sentence.
“You couldn’t be more wrong.”
“Feelings and emotions aren’t always logical. That doesn’t change the impact they can have on our decisions and our lives.”
They were both silent for several moments before Nate asked, “Did we rush things?”
“I think we did. We had a lot of issues that were never resolved.”
Tears stung her eyes as a wave of loss and despair consumed her. They hadn’t been back together a full day, and already they were on the verge of breaking up.
“Not entirely.” He exhaled a long breath. “I want to be ready for a commitment with you. I’m just not sure I am.”
“You seemed sure this morning.”
“My outlook has changed.” His demeanor had gone from angry to defeated. “Having the rug pulled out from under you does that.”
“You aren’t giving us a chance,” Ronnie protested, very much aware their roles were reversed from six years ago. Then, she’d been the one eager to flee, and he’d been the one fighting to stay together.
“You deserve more than a guy with a part-time job and an old horse and who lives in his trailer.”
“You have much more to offer me than that,” she insisted.
“It’s taken all this time, but I finally understand why you turned down my proposal. You weren’t in a good place then to make a commitment, and I’m not now.” He took her limp hand in his and rubbed the knuckles with the pad of his thumb. “What if we...gave each other some space while I look for a job and you focus on your business? Neither of us needs any added pressure right now.”
“Are you sure you don’t mean permanent space?” The question tore from her throat.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Ronnie.”
She peered at him through her tears. “That isn’t an answer.”
“Try to understand. Until I’m happy with the person I am and the direction of my life, I can’t make you happy.”
That was almost word for word what Ronnie had told herself when she was leaving Nate.
“What if Reese hadn’t let you go?” she asked. “Would we be having this conversation?”
“I think so. If not today, eventually.”
Removing her hand from his, she pushed off the tailgate and landed on her feet. “I’d better help Sam with practice.”
“Are you going to be okay?” Pain filled his eyes.
“Of course. We were together for one day, Nate. Not even one day. Let’s call it a fling to get each other out of our systems.”
She walked away then, fully aware there was no getting him out of her system. She’d tried before, and failed. After the past few weeks, it would only be harder.
* * *
NATE REACHED HIS hand across the table he shared with Spence Bohanan at the Poco Dinero. “Can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.”
Spence returned the firm shake. “Glad I could help.”
Nate motioned for the waitress to bring their lunch tab. When Spence offered to pay, Nate insisted, “I’ve got this.”
Spence’s buddy owned a racing quarter horse farm in Florence, about an hour or so from Mustang Valley. The man was looking to hire a stable manager. Not exactly Nate’s line of work, but as a favor to Spence, he’d agreed to interview Nate.
“You’ll like him,” Spence continued. “He’s a straight shooter.”
“Just glad he’s willing to consider me. Reese hired full-time nursing help for Theo, starting tomorrow.”
“Call me if you need a place to park your trailer for a couple days.”
“I hate to impose.”
“You’re practically family.”
“That’s a stretch.”
“I disagree,” Spence said. “Without your help, Sam wouldn’t have qualified for Nationals.”
“Ronnie deserves all the credit. It’s a shame Sam didn’t make it past the first round.”
“Does anyone their first time there?”
“Not often.”
Sam and Ronnie had arrived home last week. While Sam had started out well in Vegas, she was outperformed by older and more experienced competitors. As a result, the teenager was more determined than ever to qualify again this coming year on Big John. Everyone agreed the horse would be competition ready by February. March at the latest.
Spence set down his empty beer bottle. “Look, it’s none of my business, but Ronnie’s taking whatever happened between the two of you pretty hard.”
“Yeah?” Nate tried to hide his interest. “What did she say?”
“You know Ronnie. It’s what she doesn’t say.”
He doubted she’d told Spence and the rest of the Hartmans about what had transpired between them. Likely, they were making educated guesses. But it was true that when Ronnie felt bad she clammed up.
According to Sam, Ronnie was busy working long hours with her clients, new and old, and the East Valley Can Chasers. Nate was glad; she deserved the success coming to her.
“Probably just as well I’ll be relocating.” And he would be, one way or the other. If not this job, he’d find another one.
Spence reached for his jacket. “Florence isn’t that far. And aren’t you staying on here as bull riding manager?”
“If possible. Just depends.”
A stable manager’s schedule could be hectic. Long and late hours if one of the horses was sick or injured.
“You can’t avoid Ronnie forever,” Spence said.
“I’m not trying.”
“The hell you aren’t.”
Nate and Ronnie had crossed paths only once during the past eight days. It happened when he’d visited Sam the day after her return from Nationals. Running into each other at Frankie’s had been a surprise and after recovering their composure, they’d been civil. Even cordial.
He’d wanted to talk, but it wasn’t the time or place for a private conversation. Besides, Ronnie had thrown up all sorts of invisible barricades. What else was new?
Well, she was understandably hurt. As she’d said the other day when they had their argument, she put herself out there only to have him reject her. Nate knew better than anyone how that felt.
Did she realize she’d done the same thing to him? He was curious but not enough to ask.
He missed her more th
an he’d thought possible and, despite everything, had almost pulled her aside at Frankie’s to tell her he’d reconsidered. The next moment, he’d come to his senses. Nothing had changed, and they were no more ready for or capable of a lasting relationship than they had been before he’d lost his job as Theo’s caregiver.
That didn’t stop Nate from feeling the break anew. Each day it was a struggle for him to rise and put on a smiling face. This time, however, instead of loading his truck and trailer and heading for parts unknown, he was determined to stay—at least until he found a new job—and battle the dark cloud hanging over him.
What would have happened if he’d accepted Ronnie’s offer to stay with her? Granted, he did have his pride, but he wasn’t someone who believed in double standards. Both partners in a relationship were equal, deciding together on their personal definition of equal. Ronnie felt similarly, which was one of the reasons winning a title had been so important to her. She’d wanted to bring that accomplishment into their relationship.
Had her desire to be on equal footing with him been the reason she’d competed at Nationals when he’d asked her not to? He hadn’t blamed her for the miscarriage, but neither had he assumed any responsibility. Maybe he should have, for putting unrealistic expectations on her.
“Call me after the interview,” Spence said, standing up and donning his jacket.
“I will.”
Nate didn’t leave with Spence. Rather, he went to find Bess. He’d informed his boss he was looking for a job, assuring her he wouldn’t leave her in a bind. They’d discussed various courses of action should Nate be unable to continue as bull riding manager.
The second weekend of rodeo events had drawn about the same number of people as the first, which was encouraging. The locals who hadn’t returned for a second time were replaced by out-of-towners traveling greater distances.
It was too early to predict whether future attendance would increase or decrease. Bess remained the queen of optimism, claiming the Poco Dinero was the only place in five hundred miles offering both recreational bull riding and barrel racing. If she added bull riding lessons, the saloon would be one of a kind.
The Bull Rider's Valentine Page 17