And to find Julep standing there.
“I’m sorry to come so late,” she said, her tone low and respectful for once in her life. “I just…I know there’s a lot unsaid between us and I figured we should just get it out of the way. Clear the air.”
I wanted to send her away, but I didn’t. I gestured for her to come inside as I juggled Mattie, moving her into a more comfortable position as I returned to the rocking chair.
“She’s gotten bigger.”
“They do that.”
“And Stevie? How is she?”
Having nightmares. But I didn’t want to say that out loud. And it really wasn’t true anymore. Since we came home and Knox moved in with us, Stevie seemed to be coping so much better than she had without Knox around. Knox thought it was the idea of a stable home that was doing it. I was pretty sure it was Knox. She and Stevie had a bond that had come on quick and hard that nothing was ever going to break. And I loved to see it.
“What did you want, Julep?”
“To apologize.” She studied the surprise in my expression for a moment. “When I’m wrong, I admit it. And this time I was wrong.”
She’d taken a seat on the couch, perched on the very edge with her purse on her lap. She reminded me of the church ladies who used to come by to check on my mom when my sister was little. Always so much judgement wrapped up in a pious deed.
“I was with Colby that day. We argued about her memories of her stepfather. I…I knew I didn’t protect her. Ronald was a powerful man, and she wasn’t the only one he was hurting. I was weak, and I will always regret my role in the things that happened to her. But I honestly didn’t know the depth of it all. And I hated it when she told me. Hated myself for what she told me. It was the worst moment of my life, hearing her tell me those things.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
She seemed surprised, but she didn’t acknowledge what I’d said. Instead, she just continued.
“I’d left my purse there. I came back to get it and I found her in the hot tub. There was another glass on the table, and I thought…I really did believe you’d been there. I really believed that you’d killed her. And the idea that you might hurt my babies…these beautiful children…”
“I would never do that.”
“I know.” She stared down at her hands. “When the grief faded and logic returned, I realized I knew that. But then I thought…I believed she’d killed herself. And the guilt was overwhelming. So I told myself that I’d fix everything if I could just do right by her daughters. I realize now that taking them from their father was not the way to do that.”
I looked down at Mattie, nestled nicely in my arms. I leaned down and kissed her forehead.
“I love my children. I would never hurt them. I would never do anything that would endanger them.” I sighed, thinking about Janis. “If I’d known who she was, what she was…”
“You couldn’t have known.”
That was what Knox kept telling me and I was slowly beginning to believe her. I kissed the baby again to hide the emotions boiling just beneath the surface.
“I want to be a good father. I want to give them everything they need to be good people. And I know that means allowing them to know their grandmother.”
Julep’s face brightened. “Yes?”
“Of course. I want to put all this behind us. I want to make things right. It’s what Colby would want.”
She nodded. “And this girl? Knox?” I stiffened a little, not ready for a fight. But then she smiled. “I see how she is with Stevie. You’ve done good there, Dunlap. Colby would approve.”
“I hope so.”
I walked her to the door a moment later, the baby sound asleep against my shoulder. Knox was coming down the stairs as we said our goodbyes. She moved up beside me and scooped the baby out of my arms, carrying her over to her portable crib in the corner of the living room.
I opened the door and turned to Julep. “Sunday. Come over for the afternoon.”
“I will.”
She stepped out the door and I was about to close it behind her when a skinny, awkward young man came sauntering up to the door.
“Is this the Spencer residence?” he asked in a deep voice that had a distinctive southern drawl to it.
“It is. Who are you looking for?”
“Drake?” Knox said from behind me.
The man standing on my doorstep caught sight of her and something happened to his dopey expression. He suddenly became handsome. Bright. And when I turned, I could see something on Knox’s face that I’d never seen before. And it scared the crap out of me.
Drake. The ex.
Chapter 25
Knox
“You don’t have to do this,” Dunlap said to me as I stepped around him.
“I do, actually.”
I pulled the door closed behind me, gesturing for Drake to lead the way down the hall. We sat on the top steps of the emergency stairs, sitting close enough to touch, but not touching.
I hadn’t spoken to him since I left for boot camp. And we didn’t really speak then. It was more tears and kisses, promises unspoken that burned in my chest even now.
There was a simple gold wedding band on his left ring finger.
“I’m not sure what to say now that I’m here,” he said.
“You could start with why you’re here.”
“Sherilynn. She misses you, Knox. With a passion that’s killing her.”
I shook my head. “She made her choice.”
“It wasn’t like that, Knox. We didn’t set out to fall in love. We just…she missed you desperately. She’d come out to the school and we’d talk because we were the only two who really knew you, who could really talk about you. We would go for walks, talk about all our memories of you. And then…” He shook his head. “I wish I could say that we were drunk or that we’d heard you were missing in action or something like that. But I can’t.”
“You just fell in love.”
“Yeah.”
“Did you ever love me?”
“Oh, yes.” He said it as if I asked him if he ever liked chocolate. He reached for my hand but pulled back at the last moment. “I loved you so much it scared me. Every time I looked at you, every time I touched you, my heart was about to break.” He sighed. “It’s different with Sherilynn. When I’m with her, it’s like pulling a warm blanket up over me, you know? It’s comforting.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, thinking about my sister and all the times I sat with her like this, talking her through a broken heart, a bad math test grade, a fight with her best friend. I thought about my sister as a grown woman, thought of her having children with this man I thought was my whole world. And then I thought about the man and children in the condo behind us, of the way it felt when he looked at me.
“I loved you,” I said. “I thought that you were everything. When I found out what you’d done, I was broken inside. I did things I’m not proud of. I hurt myself because I couldn’t deal with the hurt you’d caused.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your apology. I thought I did. For a long time, I thought I did.” I looked at him. “But now…if there hadn’t been you, I wouldn’t have what I do now. So I guess I owe you a thank you.”
His eyebrows rose. “Really?”
“I’m in love with a good man who treats me well. And you’re in love with a woman who makes you feel safe. So I think it all came out well, don’t you?”
He looked thoughtful for a long minute. “All but the fact that you’ve never met your nephew and nieces. Or spoken to your sister in five years.”
I tilted my head slightly. “I’ve been angry.”
“Are you still angry?”
I had to think about it, really think. But then I realized that I wasn’t. I was hurt. I was broken. But I was healing.
Dunlap had done that.
***
Dunlap was sitting on the couch as we walked through the door.
“I’m sorry about the short notice, but I’ve told my sister she and her family can camp out here for the night. Is that okay?”
“Your sister?”
He stood, watching the slight woman with hair just as red as mine come into the condo with a baby on each hip. There were still tears on her cheeks, but she was smiling so wide that it belied those tears.
“Of course. The more the merrier.”
No questions. No hint of confusion or misunderstanding. Just a welcoming smile.
And that was how I knew he would forever be my one.
~~~
TAMING KNOX (Gray Wolf Security, Texas Book 3) Page 16