Comeback

by Jessica Burkhart

  “Perfect,” Khloe said. “It’ll go gorgeous with your eyes.”

  “Thanks!” I smiled. “And you?”

  She rifled through a few shirts in her closet before pulling out a crisp navy blouse. “This one?”

  “Love it. The dark blue will stand out with your light hair.”

  “Win. Thanks, LT.”

  We each grabbed zip-up hoodies to cover our show shirts while we got our horses ready in the morning. Neither of us wanted to run back to Hawthorne for a clean shirt if Whisper or Ever decided to use one of us as a Kleenex.

  We hung up our clothes on the outside of our closets. I took my show boots—already polished—from their bag in the closet and put them and socks by the door. Khloe did the same.

  “I’m setting the alarm for four,” she said. “That sound right?”

  “Our first classes are at eight . . . add time to get dressed, groom, tack up, warm up, extra time for anything crazy—yep, four is perfect.”

  Khloe set her alarm clock on her nightstand and I did the same. I even set my phone alarm. There was no such thing as too many backups on show day.

  “I’ve got to take off my nail polish,” Khloe said, holding up her hand. Her nails were neon orange.

  “Good idea.” My own nails were bare. I’d skipped painting them this week. I knew it would be a waste of polish—I’d just peel the polish off whenever I got anxious. “I’m going to see if Ana or Brielle are around to talk for a few minutes.”

  Khloe smiled. “Everything’s going to be fine tomorrow, Laur. Better than fine. I know you’re scared, but I’m not worried about you. Brielle and Ana are going to say the same.”

  I picked up my computer and sat on my bed with it in my lap. “Thanks, Khlo. You may not be worried about me, but I am. This is my first show with Whisper. I don’t want to let her down. Or myself.”

  “You won’t.” Khloe’s tone was firm. She picked up a bottle of polish remover from her nightstand and grabbed cotton balls from the bathroom.

  I put my hands on top of my computer, trying to take even breaths to keep my heartbeat from speeding up. “What if I wake up tomorrow and freeze? What if I don’t even make it to the arena? What if I somehow got sick so I couldn’t show? I could have backed out.”

  Khloe sat in the center of her bed with her back against the wall so she was looking directly at me.

  “Did you?” she asked.

  “No. You know I’m showing tomorrow.”

  “Okay, so you didn’t ‘somehow’ give yourself the flu and pull out.”

  I twisted my necklace. “I’m so afraid that I’ll mess up and use the days I couldn’t ride as an excuse.”

  Khloe soaked a cotton ball with pink-tinted polish remover. “What do you mean?”

  “If I bomb in every class,” I said, “I’m afraid I’ll tell myself it was because I missed practice during the days I was sick. But the real truth is probably that I wasn’t ready to show in the first place. That the outcome would have been the same no matter how much practice time I had. ” I paused, trying to breathe.

  “You know you’re ready.” Khloe put heavy emphasis on each word. “You know it in your gut. Laur, you got sick for a lot of reasons. You were exhausted and run-down. You were and are stressed about tomorrow. Who knows—maybe it was none of those things and you caught a random bug.” She paused, staring hard at me.

  “I—”

  She shook her head and kept going. “But not one of those reasons was because you somewhere in your deepest subconscious wanted to get sick, magically contracted the flu, and gave yourself an out to either scratch from the show or use it later as an excuse if you needed it.”

  I stared at Khloe for a minute, digesting everything she’d said. “Khloe,” I finally said, “I don’t know what to say. You said all the right things. I am so nervous about tomorrow, but I want to do it. I never wanted to get sick—I hated every second of it.”

  “I know. I was here. Don’t tell me how I almost had to lock you in our room to keep you from sneaking into the stable with a hundred-and-one-degree fever.”

  We smiled at each other. I giggled. “If I’d gotten past you and Christina, I’d probably have gotten lost in my fever haze and ended up at the steps of Blackwell or something crazy.”

  Khloe laughed. “Oh, puh-lease. It wouldn’t be an accident if you ended up at Drew’s dorm.”

  Grinning, I rolled my eyes. “Maybe not on a normal day. But sick, gross Lauren would definitely not have wanted Drew to see her all sweaty and germy.”

  “Point,” Khloe said.

  “Thanks, Khlo,” I said softly.

  “Go make yourself a cup of tea before you do anything else,” she said. “That’s an order.”

  I saluted. “Yes, ma’am. I couldn’t have come up with a better idea myself.”

  Khloe went to work on her nails. I picked up my phone from the end of the bed. Before I went to the common room, I opened BBM and typed a message to Ana, then copied and pasted it to Brielle.

  Lauren:

  U around? Meet me on IM to talk in 5? Rlly nervous abt 2mrw.

  I pushed aside my computer and left my phone on the bed. Khloe didn’t want anything from the common room. I put on black slippers with multicolored hearts and walked down the hallway. Lights blazed under doorways and music streamed softly from some rooms. Others were quiet, with nothing but the glow and faint sound of a TV. Some had no lights or TV.

  I entered the common room, and a few girls from the second floor were sprawled in front of the TV, watching a horror flick. A zombie staggered across a field, chasing a limping girl. Not my genre at all! I couldn’t even watch silly horror movies that most people giggled over, because the fake blood was so bad. I smiled at the girls, one with a blanket pulled almost over her eyes, and kept my own gaze off the TV.

  I put just enough water in the teakettle for one cup of tea so it would boil fast. From the cabinet next to the stove, I took out my white mug with a hot-pink heart on it. A packet of Splenda went into the cup, and I grabbed my tea box. Something ultra-calming was a necessity. While the water heated, I went back and forth between two Celestial Seasonings teas: Sleepytime and Honey Vanilla Chamomile. Finally I settled on my first instinct—Sleepytime—because it had a mix of herbs that would hopefully calm my semi-upset stomach.

  “Ahhh!” a girl screamed suddenly.

  I jumped at the sound, and my hand swung over the counter, knocking over a metal napkin holder. The girl who had screamed now had her head completely covered by the blanket.

  “Zara!” Another girl paused the movie and yanked the blanket off her friend—presumably Zara. “Other people are in here! You totally scared that girl in the kitchen.”

  Zara, brushing black bangs out of her eyes, looked up at me from her spot on the floor. She blushed. “Sorry! I’m such a wimp about these movies. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “It’s totally okay,” I said, righting the napkin rack. “I couldn’t even watch the screen when I came in. I’m so scared of horror movies—I probably would have screamed from here if I’d looked.”

  Zara smiled. “As part of my apology, we’ll keep it paused until you’re done.”

  “Oh, no way. That’s so nice, but keep watching. I don’t want to stop your movie.”

  The other girls shook their heads. “We can wait a minute,” said the brunette holding the remote. “It’ll be good for Zara. We really like her, and it wouldn’t be the best thing ever if she had a heart attack.”

  I laughed with the rest of the girls. “Okay. But only because we don’t want the common room to be invaded by EMTs.”

  The teakettle whistled, and I turned off the burner. Steaming water went into my cup, and I turned off the light.

  “Have fun,” I said to the girls on my way out.

  “If you hear ambulance sirens, you know the movie was too much for Zara,” one of the girls said, laughing. Zara stuck out her tongue.

  Giggling, I left the common room and went back
into my room. Khloe looked up at me when I came in. I told her about Zara and the movie, making her face red with laughter.

  My phone blinked. There were BBMs from Ana and Brielle.

  Ana:

  Online! Here 4 u, LT!

  Brielle:

  Get logged on!!

  I opened my laptop, woke it up, and logged into IM. I snuggled under my covers while I waited for my log-in to finish.

  Brielle and Ana were both there.

  Laur:

  Hiiii, guys!!

  ItsAna:

  LT! Hi, B!

  Bri~xo:

  Lauren! Hey, Ana!

  Laur:

  I’m so glad u were avail 2 chat. I rlly needed 2 hear from my best friends rite now.

  ItsAna:

  Of course we’d be here 4 u. Tmrw’s a big day. Talk 2 us.

  Bri~xo:

  I’m rlly glad u BBMed us, L. If we didn’t hear from you, A and I had already decided 2 call.

  Laur:

  Ur such good friends. I can’t stay up late. But I can’t sleep, either. I’m so nervous. Keep seeing Red Oak. Skyblue. The ambulance. Ugh.

  ItsAna:

  That must be rlly hard 2 deal w.

  Laur:

  Trying 2 stay busy. But the images aren’t the worst part. Tmrw is my first show @ CC. I don’t want 2 be a disappointment. I’ve been working so hard & I don’t want 2 let down my team. What if they’re all expecting the LT I’m not?

  Bri~xo:

  They’ve got someone better—the LT u are now. L, u r not that rider. Ur better. Ur careful. Considerate of urself & ur horse. Tmrw’s going 2 prove that.

  ItsAna:

  Exactly. Ur *riding* will prove that. Not whether u get a blue ribbon or no ribbon.

  Laur:

  I know I’m not the rider I was @ R. O. & I’m glad. Just worried I won’t have the guts 2 ride @ all.

  ItsAna:

  YES, you will!!

  Bri~xo:

  You totally will!

  Both messages came simultaneously.

  Laur:

  LOL.

  ItsAna:

  Double LOL.

  Bri~xo:

  It’s gotta b true if A & I both said it.

  Laur:

  So true.

  ItsAna:

  R u having tea?

  Laur:

  U know me. *grins* I’ve got a cup next 2 me. Khloe made me have tea before I got online.

  Bri~xo:

  That makes me like her even more. Seems like a rlly good roomie.

  ItsAna:

  Srsly! L!! Bri got to meet her! What about me?! *pouts*

  Laur:

  Aftr the show, I’ll so introduce u 2 via Skype. Promise, A! *extends pinkie*

  ItsAna:

  *shakes pinkie*

  Bri~xo:

  What classes do u have tmrw?

  Laur:

  Trail riding & dressage.

  Bri~xo:

  Trail riding will b sooo fun! & dressage?? Laur, u and Wisp r going 2 do so well!

  ItsAna:

  Agree 100% w B. Dressage is who u r. Trail riding is going to be a class u’ll heart from start to finish.

  I paused in thought. My fingers hovered over the keyboard for several seconds before I wrote back.

  Laur:

  I’m excited abt trail class. But dressage is a little different. *I* have the dressage background. Whisper doesn’t. We’ve worked SO hard & she’s amazing & with time & even more work, she’ll become an even better dressage horse. But she’s new & young. I guess I’m afraid to push her 2 hard 2 be advanced or not to ask her for enough bc I’m afraid I can’t execute certain moves the way I used to.

  ItsAna:

  This makes a lot of sense, L.

  Bri~xo:

  Thanks 4 telling us something so personal. Rlly. U already have ur test memorized 4 tmrw, right?

  Laur:

  Yep. Bc it’s a schooling show, Mr. Conner gave any of us doing dressage the option of having someone call the moves, but I wanted to memorize my test like I would for any show.

  ItsAna:

  Wouldn’t expect anything less from you. Now, go back and read what you just wrote.

  What? I did what she said.

  Laur:

  Okay . . .

  ItsAna:

  U already have the test *memorized.* That means u’ve DONE it. Many, many times.

  Bri~xo:

  Exactly!! Thank u, Ana! See, Lauren?? There won’t b any surprise moves. Nothing Wisp can’t do. Nothing that u haven’t done recently. U’ve already chosen EVERY move for the test. & if ur memory is still as crazy-sharp as it was when u were here . . . you’re set. Just do the test.

  I sat back against my desk chair. It had taken a long IM chat with my besties from home before the obvious had been pointed out to me. I never would have come to that conclusion on my own.

  Laur:

  Don’t even know what 2 say. I didn’t even think abt that. Not 4 a sec. Doesn’t mean I’m not still scared, but it makes me feel a zillion x a million better that I know exactly what 2 expect when I enter the arena. Thank you!!! I owe you both. Big-time.

  Bri~xo:

  Don’t worry. We’ll collect. J So glad u feel better!! YAY!

  ItsAna:

  Happy 4 u, L!! U r going to enter ur classes tmrw as Lauren Towers, intermediate rider for CCA on Whisper. Doesn’t that sound amaze?

  Laur:

  It rlly, rlly does. I can’t thank u guys enough.

  Bri~xo:

  Unless u want 2 talk more, go drink ur tea & get some sleep. A & I will b thinking abt u tmrw & my phone will b glued 2 my side.

  ItsAna:

  Mine 2. U can do this, Laur.

  Laur:

  *giant hugs* Okay. Going to log off and do exactly what u said. I’ll let u know how it goes!

  ItsAna:

  U better!! Xx

  Bri~xo:

  B waiting by the phone.

  I logged off and took a big sip of tea. It felt good in my stomach, but nothing compared to what Ana and Brielle had just told me. I had two of the best friends in the entire world, and I couldn’t wait to see them. More immediately, I couldn’t wait to make them proud tomorrow.

  I shut off my computer, put my tea on my nightstand, and looked at Khloe. She smiled, blinking sleepily at me.

  “Your friends make you feel any better?” she asked.

  “So much better,” I said. “I think I’m actually sleepy.”

  Khloe tossed her issue of Young Rider to the floor. “I’m so happy, Laur. You’re going to be amazing tomorrow.”

  “Thanks, Khlo. I know you’re going to shine in your classes. I can’t wait to see.”

  We smiled at each other, double-checked our alarms, and turned off our lamps at the same time. I closed my eyes, afraid to see flashes of my accident. Instead I envisioned the first moment I saw Whisper. She’d been held by a groom, tacked up and ready for me to ride. I knew, deep down, before I’d even settled myself in the saddle, that she was special. But was she for me? It didn’t take me long to find out.

  After I’d bought Whisper, I had several conversations with Kim, my old riding instructor at Briar Creek, about her young age—she was only five—and how it was both a wonderful opportunity and a challenge. Kim had been advising me through the entire buying process, and she’d put her SOA (seal of approval) on Whisper.

  Whisper was younger than most horses who competed at the level I had on the show circuit, and she hadn’t had much experience in the show circuit. None at the level that Skyblue and I had reached. Kim had told me the reality that it would take years of training to make Whisper a solid event horse. She saw the same beauty that I did in the situation—I’d get to train and grow with Whisper.

  Not one image of Red Oak entered my mind before I fell asleep.

  WAKE UP!

  BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

  Ding! Ding!

  Khloe and I slapped our alarm clocks and turned on our lights. There w
as no haze, no early morning sleepiness. I looked at Khloe and knew she felt the same way.

  “Show day!” Khloe sang. She yanked back her covers and put her feet on the floor.

  “Oh, my God. It’s really here. We’re showing. Today.” I blinked at the clock. 4:02 a.m.

  Khloe got up and sat at the end of my bed. I’d scrunched my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.

  “How are you feeling?” Khloe asked. Her brown eyes met mine. “It’s okay if you’re scared. More than okay. But I know you’re going to be amazing, and so is Whisper.”

  I took a minute to reply, considering how I really did feel. It wasn’t what I’d expected.

  “I’m scared,” I said. “More nervous than I’ve ever been before a show. Even when I went up against nationally ranked riders. At the same time, I’m excited. I get to show with Whisper, and I’m proud of everything we’ve done together. That makes me want to get into the arena.”

  “I’m sorry you’re nervous,” Khloe said. “I think it can act to your advantage, though, and keep you on your toes.” She smiled. “I’m really happy that you’re looking forward to your classes with Wisp. Trail is going to be a fun class and dressage, hello!”

  I smiled. “Same for you. I love that we’re doing the same classes even though we’re not competing against each other.”

  “Me too. C’mon.”

  Khloe pulled me out of bed and, giggling, we started getting ready. After we’d taken turns washing our faces at the sink, we got dressed.

  I sat on my bed to pull on my shoe boots. My BlackBerry button blinked.

  I opened BBM and there were new messages.

  Taylor:

  Wanted 2 say good luck, Laur. (Why do these things start so early, btw?!) I know u’ll be great. Tell me how it goes!!

  I stared at the message for a few seconds. Then I wrote back, typing fast.

  Lauren:

  OMG, I can’t believe u got up @ 4am 2 msg me. That was so sweet, Tay. Thank u. TTYL.

  I opened the other message.

  Mom & Dad:

  Morning, honey. Dad and I wanted to wish you good luck again. You and Whisper are going to do so well, and we’ll be thinking about you! We love you so much. Xoxo Mom and Dad

  They’d called last night and left a voice mail because I was already asleep. It was nice to have their voices on my phone in case I wanted to replay the message later. I locked my phone and put it in the kangaroo pocket of my sweatshirt.