Well, that lucky feeling she’s going on and on about is turning my stomach into knots. I have no idea what to do with all the whispering going on around me. So I slide down even further in my seat and try my best to focus on the professor and her lecture for the final.
“You’re being weird,” Nina says as she meets me on the sidewalk to go to the Union for lunch together.
“How am I being weird?” I ask.
“Well, for one, you didn’t even look at me. You still haven’t. You just keep staring straight ahead.”
I sigh and turn to glance at her. “People are watching me.”
She balks. “What are you talking about?”
“Look around,” I whisper and go back to facing forward. “There’s tons of people looking at us.” At first, I thought it was all going to my head. But then a few girls would wave and I realized that I was the only thing in their sights. Goodness.
Nina does an obnoxiously slow perusal of our surroundings. “Okay,” she relents after a moment, “people are being creepy and staring at you.”
“I told you!”
“Just hold your head high and pretend you have absolutely no idea what’s going on.”
“That’s what I’m doing,” I deadpan. “What else am I supposed to do? Run around flipping everyone off that’s freaking me the hell out with all the staring? That would just cause more of a scene.”
Nina bends over at the waist as she shakes with laughter. “That’s a good one, Lila. I bet some of them would turn away if you flipped them off, though.”
“Not enough of them.”
“So,” she says in a cheerful voice, “beyond the creepers. How was your breakfast.”
I roll my eyes at her. “It was fine.”
“Did you talk to him?”
“I told him we needed to talk.”
Nina gapes at me. “Those are the words of death! Please tell me you didn’t say it like that.”
I stare at her in bewilderment. “Of course I did, because we need to talk. How does that make it sound like words of death? No one is dying.”
“It makes it sound like your relationship is dying.”
“You’re being dramatic,” I roll my eyes. “It does not sound like that.”
“It does, too.”
“No, it really doesn’t.” I yank on the door handle to the Union and hold it open for her to go through first.
“Thanks.” She leans her head around the wall to where the seating for the Union is at. “Fine, then go ask him.”
“Ask who what?” I sigh and lean around the corner to see that there’s practically no tables to sit down and have lunch at.
“Your boyfriend.”
Looking around again, it takes me a moment to spot the table in the thick crowd of people. They’re sitting in the far back corner of the room, two giant circular tables shoved next to each other to accommodate as many of them as they can fit.
“Come on, let’s grab food and join them,” Nina says.
“What if he doesn’t want us to join him?” I ask.
Nina glares at me. “You left the apartment this morning feeling better about this whole thing. What happened? Did something else happen after he brought you breakfast? Did more skanky girls come up to you?”
“No,” I sigh. “But after everything that’s happened over the past twenty-four hours, do you really think Killian would want to eat lunch with me?”
“Um, hello Debbie Downer, he brought you breakfast this morning. Clearly he thinks you two can patch up this unnecessary, but kind of necessary, fight that stemmed from those bitches,” Nina says strongly. “So, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”
I’m almost afraid to ask, but I’m curious about what she’s talking about. “Do what exactly the easy way or the hard way?”
Nina huffs, “Fine, we’ll do this the hard way.”
I have absolutely no idea what she’s talking about. She’s basically speaking a foreign language to me right now. Nina grips my wrist in her hand tightly, and then starts to drag me across the seating area at a quick pace.
I clutch my hurt hand to my chest and glare at her as we come to a stop next to the football table. A few of the players nudge each other and two empty chairs magically appear for us to sit down in.
“You do realize that my splint doesn’t come off until next week, right?” I continue to glare at her.
“But did you hurt it on the way over here?” Nina smiles sweetly.
“No,” I frown. “Because I pulled it close.”
“So then you can’t be upset with me, because your hand is okay.”
“That is not how that works,” I huff. “And we didn’t grab any food.”
“Here,” someone shoves a plate of chicken nuggets and French fries in front of me.
“Up,” a familiar voice says and the guy who offered me his food is suddenly hurrying out of his seat.
I’m about to say something when Killian drops down next to me and I realize the football player he dislodged is now taking a seat between Alex and Ian, who bother tower over the poor guy.
“How was class?” Killian asks, dropping his arm behind my chair.
“Oh, you’ve gone viral all over campus,” Nina interjects into our conversation. “Everyone’s been talking about how you brought Lila breakfast this morning.”
“They are?” Killian looks shameless as he smiles. “Good.”
Good, he says like he’s some overprotective caveman. He’s definitely still got that whole excessive protectiveness thing down to a T. I should have known that him becoming my boyfriend would only make it worse.
“You're apparently ‘Boyfriend of the Year’ now,” Nina adds.
I give her a look that she completely ignores.
“What?” she says defensively. “There was a poll about it on Facebook earlier and he won.”
I shove a French fry in my mouth and pray for this conversation to be over.
“I have a poll on Facebook?” Killian chuckles.
“Yeah!” Alex hollers from down the table. “I voted for you.”
“Me too!” Ian nods his head.
“You are all ridiculous,” I tell them.
“But you know you agree,” Killian teases. “I'm the best boyfriend ever, in the history of ever.”
I don't know if it's from how this whole day began, or if it's his use of a trying to make me laugh, but he succeeds and I forget the dulling ache that had come about from yesterday's Union scandal.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Killian
I have a plan.
Albeit, a pretty shitty plan. The whole goal is to show Lila that she means something to me in a public, but semi-subtle way, so that she knew what happened at the Union yesterday wasn't true.
She also said we needed to talk.
Which is a huge red flag if I ever saw one. Normally it would be me saying that to some chick who read too much into what we were doing. I can definitely say that I feel like a prick now, because being on the other side of those words is gutting me.
I unlock the apartment door and let her enter first. She drops her stuff at the end of the couch and flops down, careful of her sprained hand. As cautiously as I can, I sit down next to her.
She gives me a funny look before saying, “You're acting like I'm a feral cat about to tear your apartment to shreds. What gives?”
Okay, maybe I am giving off that vibe. “You said this morning we needed to talk. I guess I'm just steeling myself for whatever happens.”
Lila, once again, gives me a funny look. “Wow, okay, Nina was right.”
Nothing is ever good if the phrase Nina was right comes out of anybody's mouth. “She's not,” I say quickly. “I mean, I know you were with her when you saw those girls, but I swear nothing happened. Alex and I were trying to have a heart-to-heart after my fuck up last weekend when those girls came over. I have no idea what they said to you, but I guarantee you that it's false. And Alex will tell you the same thing if yo
u don't believe me and want to ask him.”
“I meant that Nina was right when people take the whole we need to talk phrase and think the worst,” she explains. “The other stuff, it was just blindsiding. No one's ever approached me like that before. Or said anything like that to me. It hurt.”
“I know,” I blow out an aggravated breath. “And honestly? I probably would have flipped out and jumped to conclusions and climbed out my bedroom window if the roles were reversed.” I pause. “Actually, I don't think I'd fit my shoulders out the window, so I probably wouldn't climb out it.”
“Okay, that was a little ridiculous,” Lila agrees. “A little too much, but in my defense, it was Nina’s idea.”
Of course it was. Lila probably would have tried to hide under the covers on her bed until I stopped beating on the door.
“And then Ian found me. And made me think about it some more without freaking myself out about it.”
Thank God for Ian. Always, always take his advice.
“And I wanted to apologize for climbing out the window and leaving my phone in the fridge, but I can’t be sorry about thinking what I did. It’s something that I’ve always questioned about this.”
“That's fine,” I sigh. “I probably shouldn't have pushed it on you so much. Or at least should have told you how I feel.”
Lila eyeballs me. “How you feel?”
I run my hand through my hair. “Obviously, I like you. I wouldn't want to be with you if I didn't like you. But you're also the only girl that could make me think that a relationship is for me. I've never had that gut feeling about anyone else. And I doubt I ever will. And it sucks that you can't see that to know that whatever those girls told you is a lie.”
Lila chomps down on her bottom lip and rolls it between her teeth before letting it pop back out. “I just freaked out.”
“Which is fine, but the least you could have done was let me explain myself.”
“So you could tell me it's true? Or talk me down off the ledge of fear? What if it was true? I didn't want to know that.”
“Lila,” I try and interrupt her, but she keeps barreling full-steam ahead.
“And then if it wasn't, I was the crazy girl who climbed out of her window to escape her non-crazy boyfriend. So it's a lose-lose situation on my end. Well, it's not, but it seemed that way at the time.”
“Are you finished?” I ask her calmly.
“Not yet.”
I bite back a grin at her stern words. Here I am trying to put her at ease and reassure her she's the only one I want, and she's trying to do some form of an apology it seems.
“Anyways, I calmed down. And I believe you that those girls were just trying to start drama and that you didn't want that one girl all over you. So no, I don't need to talk to Alex.”
I wait a beat, but she doesn't say anything else. “Okay, now can I talk?”
“Sure.”
I pull in a deep breath, trying to figure out a way to best phrase this. Somehow all the words I thought about saying last night just slip from my mind as I look at her.
She's so kind to others, even without knowing them. She gives them the benefit of the doubt, even if it tends to backfire on her more often than not. It's just her way of viewing the world that seems to pull me in. That happiness and yet the fear that keeps her rooted in place, that fear that someone like me, someone she's seen flit from one girl to the next in no time, could somehow take a second glance to someone that's been there all along.
And that's solely my fault. She should have known it from the beginning that this wasn't just some idea of a fling. That I wasn't just trying to gain her as a girlfriend just to shove it in her face. I've always been upfront with all the girls beforehand. And there's never been a problem until I realized just how much I want Lila.
“You can't ask to speak and then not speak, Killian!” Lila huffs.
I crack a grin. “I got distracted.”
“By what? You're just staring at me.”
“Exactly.”
Lila’s whole face goes red and then she looks away from me. Why she's embarrassed I'll never understand.
“You're amazing,” I tell her finally, “for putting up with my bullshit.”
“What bullshit?”
“The girls,” I explain. “I've never been serious with them. Always made it a point that it wouldn't be serious when we hooked up. I mean, that's exactly what I wanted. And then everything changed.”
Lila frowns a little at me. “I changed you?”
“Not really. Well, okay, kind of. But not how you're thinking. I guess I got my wake up call after Jared forgot to dump you. And it pissed me off how the guy's you date treat you. And then when you wanted to be like me, that's when it hit home. That I liked you. That I didn't think anyone would be good enough for you.”
“Even you.”
I run my hand through my hair. “Yeah, even me.” I remember telling her almost exactly that the day we had the backyard cook out. That she needed to be sent to her own little island so I could keep a piece of my sanity in check.
Turns out that wasn't going to work. She could drive me insane being on the opposite side of the world. And I doubt she'd even be sorry if she heard she'd drove me crazy.
“But I want to change that. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one good enough for you. Duh.” I lean back and give her an ornery grin. “I mean, after all, who else do you know that stops pre-sex to go make sure his favorite girl is okay and then takes her out to buy her a milkshake?”
“Oh my God,” Lila laughs. “I'm never going to live that down. You're the greatest best friend anyone could ask for.”
“And boyfriend wise?” I ask. I steel my shoulders, ready for one of two things to happen: she tells me that it's too much being with Mr. Popularity or that I'm actually a fantastic boyfriend.
“You have your moments.”
“Way to kill my ego, baby doll.”
“So, we're good?” Lila asks and runs her non-injured hand down her leg. She must have sweaty palms. Not that I blame her, this conversation could have easily turned brutal had it been with anyone else but her.
“I don't know,” I tease and tilt my head from side to side. “There's just one more thing.”
“I'm not going to run out the door and hop on top of a table to declare that you're my boyfriend,” Lila immediately replies. “I can deal with people staring, or try to at least. But I am not going to make a fool of myself just to make you feel better about my insecurity in this.”
I laugh at her serious tone. “Babe, that's great.” I rub at my eyes in case I start to cry from how hard my body is shaking in laughter. “But that's not what I was going to say.”
She gives me her signature get on with it then look. Something she accomplished back in sixth grade, if I remember correctly.
“Come to the sportsmanship dinner with me. It's in a few weeks.”
“Okay,” Lila says slowly.
Crap. She's probably thinking of last year when I ditched her to bring some random football groupie. “As a date. My date. So I can show you off, but to people you basically already know.”
“You want to show me off...to our friends?” If I'm not mistaken, it's her now that's trying to hold in laughter.
“Is that so bad?”
“It's an interesting approach seeing as how they already know me,” she points out.
“So? That's the whole point. They're our friends. If you're going to care about what anybody else thinks, then it should be them. Not some strangers who you should give a rats ass about.”
Lila smirks. “I can see your point, I just think you’re a dork because of it.”
“A cute dork, right?”
She pats my leg that’s close to her’s and chuckles. “Sure.”
Well, that was reassuring. “That’s the best response you can come up with?” I ask.
“Is this where you want me to proclaim my undying devotion to you? I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware we were staring in a R
om-Com,” Lila teases and stretches out on the couch beside me. “Do you want me to braid your hair next?”
“You’ve been hanging out with Alex and Ian too much,” I snort. “They’re making your sarcasm more prominent.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Absolutely not. My friends are your friends.” I narrow my eyes at her. “When do I get to meet the hippie art people?”
She rolls her gunmetal eyes. “I don’t hang out with a lot of people, you know that. I’m a hermit.”
“That’s true. We’ll have to break you of that. My girl shouldn’t have to hide in her apartment so she’s not seen with me.”
“I’m not scared to be seen with you.”
“You’re not?” I ask in surprise. I definitely thought that those girls would have shut down Lila’s resolve enough that it would take some coaxing to get her to go out in public with me.
“I’ll go to your dance. I’ve eaten lunch with you how many times in these past two months?”
Fair point. She has been tending to come out more to eat with me. Or to see me at practice. A bit of pride swells up inside of me. Lila has been trying in more ways than I actually thought. “You like me,” I grin broadly.
Another roll of her eyes makes my lips twitch. “Of course I like you,” she says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“Enough to still be my girlfriend?”
“Okay.”
“You’re really busting up my ego, baby doll.”
Lila laughs and says, “I’m sorry. It’s just today went not how I envisioned. And I know that it’s my fault, because I’m the one who didn’t talk to you. So it just feels weird to be okay now.”
“Do you not want to be okay? I can cause a fight if you want.” I sit up straight and narrow my eyes at her. “I do not like the way you eat pizza like a dude.” It’s a total lie, but she pauses long enough to laugh at me.
“I don’t eat pizza like a guy!”
“You do,” I nod my head. “But it’s actually pretty cute. You just kind of shove whatever you can fit into your mouth.”
Lila slaps both hands over her mouth and speaks behind them, “Are you serious? Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”
The Wrong Way: Hanson University: One Page 20