by Destiny, Sam
Not that she seemed upset.
When he walked away, I was surprised she let him. I grabbed my keys and pulled the door closed behind me, then sat on the porch steps. I couldn’t remember ever having felt as old as I did at that moment.
“He wasn’t this bad in Atlanta,” I muttered, staring at the street ahead and the houses beyond it. I felt a small hand on my shoulder before Sarah sat next to me.
“He’s a teenager,” she whispered, but I just shook my head.
“I think I failed him. Might have from the beginning. Children need a mother, and he never had one. I was always busy, so I figured moving here would give us the break we both needed. I was so wrong. Maybe I should’ve just…” Hell, I didn’t know.
She hesitated, then entwined our fingers, drawing my hand into her lap. “You are a good dad, Knox, and nothing makes this easier. You can’t think having stayed in Atlanta would’ve been better. You did what you thought was right.”
I smirked. “I do that a lot, but it usually turns into a horrible mistake.” Like it had with her. I’d cared, just meaning to point out that she needed help, but it had backfired.
She didn’t smile. In the pale moonlight, I noticed a single tear rolling down her cheek. I reached out and brushed it way, startling her.
“You’re crying,” I pointed out quietly, and she touched her cheek.
“I am? No. I just… I’m… That’s why you told me to stay away, isn’t it? You knew, and you just… It’s not because you’re gay, or married, or anything else. It was because of Callum.”
“Gay?” I coughed. “What? How in the world did you get the idea I was gay?”
She waved her hand and smiled. “Callum said that yesterday, but… It makes sense now. His feelings were what you wanted to figure out.”
I brushed my thumb across the back of her hand, needing that small contact like I needed my next breath. “I think it was because you bothered to take an interest in him. You were sweet, but I know it’s your personality. He developed a crush, not caring about the age difference. Maybe I should’ve told you, but I didn’t see how you could’ve changed a thing.” I still didn’t. “However,” I continued quietly, “I’d like to imagine our night would’ve ended differently had you known. Like… You wouldn’t have felt as awkward and we could’ve shared the bathroom. I wouldn’t have gotten lost coming back to your room and I could have held you for a few precious hours.”
“Maybe. Or maybe it would’ve just pushed this to a later point in our fake relationship and you’d have still called me a creep, implying I had a deep, dark secret I couldn’t let go of…or whatever you thought was happening with that nursery.” She withdrew her hand and stood, but I followed.
“Or you would’ve shown me and explained. I didn’t want it to be fake, Sarah. Not that night, and not at any given time thereafter.”
She turned back to me at the end of the driveway as a car came up the road. How in the world had thirty minutes passed so fucking fast?
“Well, we won’t find out. Anyway, tell Callum I’m no longer patrolling this neighborhood. Dave made sure I got switched to another unit. He doesn’t want me around Callum. No idea what I’ll tell him about us. I mean…” She rubbed her forehead.
“I meant what I said to Dave earlier, Sar.” I stepped in, grateful she didn’t step back. Instead, she tilted her chin up to meet my gaze.
“You don’t know me and don’t really trust me, so…”
“I don’t need to know you to know—”
“Don’t. Don’t say it again because I don’t think you know what you’re feeling. Maybe you have the same problem your son does, and because I was nice to you, you feel something. I don’t think it’s what you think it is.”
I cupped her cheeks, exhaling in relief when she leaned into the touch. Then I kissed her, soft and tender, soaking up the feeling. I wanted her in my arms, wanted her to be there, wanted her to help me figure out what to do with my son.
I wanted to see her when I had a hard day at work and was tense, believing she’d be good at rubbing out my kinks.
Hell, I wanted her around because she grounded me and made me feel like I was finally home.
Suddenly, she pulled away and lowered her head. I kissed the crown of her hair and drew her into my arms because she looked as if she needed it.
“I can’t, Knox. I just can’t,” she whispered against my chest.
“I won’t go anywhere,” I assured her.
She stepped back and walked toward the car, shaking her head. At what? I didn’t know.
What I did know was no matter what she needed, I’d make sure she knew I was there and ready to help her out just to prove I wanted this, us, and I wouldn’t rush it, no matter how desperate I felt.
SARAH
“No, Knox, action movies don’t freak me out or remind me of work, and no, I don’t read crime novels. I have enough of that on my shift.” I chuckled and relaxed back into my car seat. Ever since I’d been repositioned to a different suburb, the nights were slow. While Eden was a rather small town, it still had more than enough crime to justify cops working at night.
Besides, I preferred the cruiser to possible station work any given day.
Especially since Knox had started calling me whenever I had night shift, talking to me about everything and nothing. I’d been hesitant about him and me, but he was acting like a total gentleman—and a friend, nothing more.
I hadn’t seen him in three weeks, which I was kind of glad about, even if I missed him. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that we hadn’t known each other long, but my heart still felt like we’d known each other for years.
“So, romance movies it is. And romance books. Do you need me to buy one so I can read it to you in case we run out of things to talk about?”
I laughed. “I don’t think that will happen. Besides, I have one here. I can read it to you if you want.” I didn’t want to because I wanted him to talk, but wouldn’t admit that.
“Nah. Hey, you know Hayden, right?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s the deal with him and his best friend? Are they an item?”
I perked up. “Why? Are you jealous? Do you want her…or him?” I was only messing with him, but he took it seriously.
“I told you, I’m not gay.”
“He’s handsome. I wouldn’t blame you. But as far as I know, Leah and he aren’t a couple. Never have been. They grew up together, going through kindergarten, elementary school, and high school together, then moved away to attend the same college. Leah’s been trying to get Hayden to ask out a nurse he likes. Katie is her name, I think.”
“You know Leah and Hayden well?” he asked.
“We all went to school together, but she always hung out with Hayden. Besides, this is a small town. I know practically everyone. Most people have lived here their whole lives. Why?” I was curious.
Knox sighed. “I don’t know. I cannot figure him out. All he can talk about is Leah, but when someone brings up that nurse, he blushes like hell and smirks, then changes the subject.”
“Leah and Hayden are like brother and sister. I think they were each other’s firsts, but that was purely for convenience and needing to get it out of the way. Leah’s dated a guy for a while. I don’t know how serious it is, but I know it’s not Hayden. It’s not love between them.”
Knox stayed silent. I wished I was there, by his side. How easy it was to imagine me straddling his lap, holding a glass of wine as he played with my hair, asking me all the things he did now.
Homey. Comforting. Serious.
In love…
“You know, I still cannot get over the fact that you don’t like steak,” he suddenly stated. I chuckled. That conversation had been last week, yet he brought it up time and time again.
“I was lying, you know,” I replied.
He snorted. “You were not.”
I was. I had said it just to rile him up and still grinned when I thought about how upset he
’d been. “I just wanted to tease you. You seemed passionate about it. Then you promised…I mean, threatened to feed me steak until I was convinced it was something good and I just couldn’t stop. I’m sorry.” I laughed when he huffed in indignation.
“You lied to me? Tsk, tsk, Officer Burke. Shouldn’t you always tell the truth?”
“Maybe, but I felt challenged and wanted to see how you’d react.”
He was quiet for a moment, then he softened his tone. “Come over one day and I’ll make you steak, then we’ll see if you were only messing with me. I miss you.”
My heart started a wild rhythm in my chest. I missed him, too. I wanted to see him, wanted to be around him…wanted to be in his arms.
After all, I’d been okay with him kissing me the second night we’d bought Callum home. But that had been just because the evening had been too much and I’d ended up a mess.
I wasn’t exactly upset about Callum kissing me, but more about the way he’d clearly tried to catch my attention by getting into trouble at all hours of the night.
“Forget I said anything,” Knox suddenly stated, trying to sound upbeat, but I clearly heard the defeat in his tone.
Damn, I’d been in my head for too long.
“I—”
My radio crackling to life cut me off.
“All units, an unknown number of teenagers seems to be involved in a fight on Langston and Rodwick’s. Need at least three units on scene.”
“This is Officer Burke. It’s just three minutes from where I am. I’m headed over,” I replied. “Knox—”
“I heard. Be safe, Sarah. I… I’ll worry about you, so message me when you’re home, okay?”
“It’s just a fight. I’ll be fine. It’s not my first and won’t be my last. I’ll catch you soon, okay?”
“Yes.”
There was hopelessness in his voice. I’d meant to tell him I’d love to meet up with him for steaks. Maybe I could just drop by after my shift, claim a kiss, then go home.
I started the car, making my way over to the scene, seeing a handful of the guys held knives—and were clearly intoxicated. I made a brief report to Denise, so she could warn the other officers, then got out of the car, my hand near my service revolver. I hadn’t used it so far, and definitely would try to avoid it, but you never knew when there’d be a direct threat to your life.
Another cruiser pulled up and two more officers got out. I nodded toward the group. There were maybe fifteen or twenty young men throwing punches, and as much as I’d love to say that was a rarity, it wasn’t.
We didn’t have gangs, but we had punks who thought they were stronger and cooler than everyone else. With hardly anything to do in town, they hung around basketball courts, the skatepark, or sometimes even broke into the high school.
I was about to say something to break it up when I spotted a face I definitely didn’t expect in this part of town or in this crowd.
For whatever reason, Callum was facing off with a guy whose blade shone in the cruiser’s light.
I closed my eyes for a second. I needed to get him out of here, then he and I would have a long talk about taking unnecessary risks to hunt fantasies.
If Knox couldn’t get through to him, maybe I’d have a little more luck. Someone had to, right?
* * *
KNOX
Fuck, I’m so tired of the doorbell ringing during the night.
Not that I was sleeping, or would mind seeing Sarah, but after too many nights where some officer or another had brought Callum home, I just couldn’t stand the way they looked at me anymore.
I wasn’t a bad dad. I just had a teenage son who was in love with a police officer—one who didn’t patrol around here anymore. Luckily, no one had started a file on him because they’d all seen Sarah and me at the ball.
Another thing I definitely had to thank her for.
I opened the door. “I’m sorry, Dad.” Callum threw his arms around me, his body trembling. Surprised, I hugged him back, meeting the officer’s eyes. He was a new one, making me assume he came from a different part of town.
“What’s going on?”
Callum had never apologized for coming home with the police. He’d even called me “dad”, which hadn’t happened in forever.
“He’s okay, Mr. Dyer, and because he had the scare of his life—just like some of the guys he’d been with—he’s getting out of being written up for drinking in public.”
“Again? Thank you,” I muttered.
The officer blinked. “Again?”
If he were from another part of town, and because no one here had recorded Callum’s recent acting out, no one else knew. “Another scare,” I explained quickly.
The officer nodded. “Well, this one might actually cost a life, so I’m guessing he’ll be thinking a lot about whom he hangs out with. Good night, sir.” He turned away, then stopped, looking over his shoulder. “Callum?” Concern swam in his eyes. “You’re a good boy. Don’t ruin your future. And pray for the officer.” The guy touched his hat, then he walked back to his car while I pulled Callum inside.
“Talk…now,” I demanded. If whatever he’d done had risked an officer’s life, we’d have huge problems. I’d be staying home to make sure he couldn’t go anywhere but to school and back here. Hell, I’d make his life miserable for weeks, perhaps months.
He wiped his face with his hand. “There were guys at the skatepark. They were cool. Then we all moved on to a basketball court in another part of town. It was still cool—until I realized we were in another group’s spot. They had knives. I wanted to leave right away, Dad, but I got cornered. I… I…”
I arched a brow. “You? How bad was it?” I eyed him, realizing there was blood on his shirt. “Jesus, Cal. Are you hurt?” I grabbed his shirt, but couldn’t find any holes. Knives would’ve left holes, right? They would’ve—
“Just as the guy charged forward, Sarah ran in front of me.”
My world tilted and I reached for something to hold onto, finding only the wall. He couldn’t have possibly said what I’d heard. “No, I talked to her just a few hours ago. She was fine.”
“Dad, you don’t look so well,” Callum whispered as I searched for my phone. Where had I last held it?
When I’d talked to Sarah, I was in the kitchen. My legs wobbling, my vision blurry, I made my way over to the counter. I could hardly focus.
I started to dial her number, but Callum’s hand covered the display. “She won’t answer, Dad. The blade caught her in the stomach. She was bleeding. There was blood dribbling out of the corner of her mouth. I… She protected me, Dad.”
I started shaking so hard, I nearly dropped my cell. I knew it didn’t sound good, remembering what the officer had said, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t hope she’d be okay.
She had to be.
“I asked her to come over for steak. I wanted to… She needed to see I care about her and meant everything I said. I…” My mind jumped from thought to thought and I couldn’t grasp just one.
Callum swallowed, touching my arm. I looked up at him. “You don’t look so hot, Dad. Do you need to sit down? Have some… I don’t know. Water or something?”
I gritted my teeth. “Why, Callum? Why that crowd if you knew they were going to be trouble? In fact, you should’ve been home.”
“I know, but… There is this girl. Aileen. She’s…”
“Your age? What about Sarah? Wasn’t that the reason you started all this?”
He blushed. “Yes, but… She didn’t want me, Dad. Never had, and Aileen…”
His crush was over. The very thing that had started this mess was over, so I didn’t need to walk on eggshells around him anymore. Would this have happened had he not fallen for her? Or had I intervened earlier? Maybe I shouldn’t have kept her away to begin with.
Fuck, I didn’t know. Now I wasn’t sure I’d ever see her alive again.
I spun, grabbing my car keys from the hook next to the front door and pulled it open—co
ming face to face with Dave.
“No.” The word ripped from my lips, coming from my heart. I knew why police officers came to the door. “No, Dave. No. I need to talk to her, need to…need to… I’m going to the hospital.”
“I came to pick you up. She’s alive, but barely. They transferred her to Ashton Community, and I didn’t think you were in any capacity to drive. Come on.”
“Can I come, too, sir?” Callum asked from behind me, sounding far away. Blood rushed through my ears, deafening me to anything else.
She’s alive, but barely.
God, I couldn’t handle this. Not when I hadn’t been able to tell her I loved her.
“Please, no,” I begged no one in particular.
* * *
The drive to Ashton would take us more than an hour. About halfway there, Callum fell asleep in the back seat. I admired a teenager’s ability to sleep at any given time and in any place. Dave cleared his throat.
“You know,” he started, “I thought something was off when you guys showed up at that ball. Then I wasn’t sure because of the way you touched her, watched her. That night we dropped Callum off, she admitted it was all fake. So I know you aren’t a couple or anything.”
I closed my eyes. “Yet you still came to pick me up.”
He nodded. “Most of the station demanded it, said it would be impossible for you to drive. I wasn’t happy about it, but the moment you opened the door, I knew it had been the right call. I’m thinking maybe you told yourselves it was all fake, but what there was…is between the two of you is very real. You’re a mess, Knox.”
I rested my head back against the seat. “Right after we moved in, Callum and I had a fight as she jogged past, so she stopped. Her smile… I didn’t know what it was then, but there was kindness and acceptance in her eyes. Like… I was enough, and she didn’t even know me. I never knew I was looking for exactly that until she stepped into my life. When she came by that same night with pizza, Callum took to her instantly.”