My Little Secret

by Anna J.

  “Then what am I supposed to do?”

  Frustration creeps up in my voice, and I’m about to act a damn fool. “What do you mean what are you going to do? Live in your damn condo where you been at.”

  I never even considered moving to Atlanta, but if that’s an out from dealing with Nevaeh’s ass, I might just consider it and see what Hotlanta has to offer. But what about Midori?

  She looks like she’s going to cry, so I soften my voice up a little. When we first hooked up, I’m not going to lie to you, I enjoyed her smothering me and all the attention she gave me. Now, I didn’t really like it, but people don’t just change overnight. I came at her with a different approach.

  “Nevaeh, listen, I’m sorry about that, okay? I’m visiting Atlanta to see what it’s about. I also have book signings set up down there, so I haven’t decided if I’m going to stay or not. I’m just going to chill for a few days to see what’s really good.”

  “But you’re coming back, right?” she asks in a scared voice, like she knows I’m not.

  “Yeah, I’ll be back. I’ve never been down there. I’m just going to see if I like it.”

  “And when are you leaving?”

  “Not sure yet.”

  “But you just said you had book signings scheduled. When is that?”

  “Nevaeh, honestly,” I reply with frustration again. She didn’t even get a chance to let me finish.

  “Okay, Jaydah. Can we just lie down and cuddle for a while? I just want to be held.”

  I let her simple ass get in the bed after setting my laptop on the nightstand, and we spoon while I watch television. I need to finish my damn book, but it’s cool, because her ass will be out in the morning.

  I end up closing my eyes by the time the news comes on, and all I can do is think about going to Atlanta and chilling with Monica. She said she had a sister who was cool as hell too, named Yolanda, so I can’t wait to hang out with her as well. She was telling me about this club called Masquerade, where all the ballers hang out, so we’ll see.

  By the morning, Nevaeh is already gone. When I get in the kitchen I see she left a note on the fridge letting me know she’ll be back later. Now, didn’t I just tell her I need some space? I snatch the note off the door and toss it in the garbage, making a mental note to call her before I step out.

  Hopping in the shower real quick, I handle my business before my mind and my hands started roaming. I just have some quick things I need to do today, and then I’ll be back in front of my computer. I’m distracted easily, and talking to Monica is proving itself to be a major distraction, so I’ll have to fall back from her for a second too, if I want to get this book in on time.

  Once I get to my car, my phone starts ringing off the hook. To my surprise it’s Midori. I start to let her ass go straight to voice mail too, but she has to be calling because something happened. Do I really want to know? I pick up the phone before I can make up my mind.

  “Hey, Midori, wassup?”

  “What are you doing later?”

  “Writing, trying to get my book finished up,” I reply, letting her know that I’m not in the mood for any company. That reminds me to call Nevaeh, so her ass won’t show up either.

  “Oh, okay. I’m at work. I just called to see if I could stop by later, you know, just to talk. It’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I could really use your shoulder right now.”

  I have to think hard on this because, do I really want to be in her business? I have my own shit going on, and I don’t feel like it right now.

  “Well, I’m doing a little running around right now. What time did you want to come by?”

  “Is six okay?”

  “Yeah, six is cool.”

  “Okay, I’ll pick up some dinner on the way.”

  We end our call, and I’m hoping she won’t be there long enough to have dinner. Driving out of my lot and to the expressway, I make a mental checklist for things I need to pack for my trip. Something is telling me that Monica has some shit up her sleeve that will have my head spinning, but I have a few tricks as well. My first stop will be Fetish down on Fourth and Bainbridge. They always have some good stuff.

  Please Don’t Go

  Midori

  It’s been a busy day at the office, but I make time to take a pregnancy test before I do anything else. It’s still in my pocket as a matter of fact. Something about it just doesn’t seem right. I don’t know where the guilt’s coming from, and I’m not sure I even want to figure it out.

  I make myself a note to check back on it after I’m done with my morning patients, but I still want a sample sent off because a lot of times the traditional stick tests aren’t accurate and blood is needed to get results that can be trusted. I copped one of those morning-after pills too, but for whatever reason I didn’t take it right away.

  Could it be that abortion I never told Ray about back in 2005? Jaydah took me over to this spot in Jersey that she knew about, so I wouldn’t have to do it over here in Philly. They didn’t even ask for identification. I just paid my three hundred, got up on the table, and the machine did its work. The only thing is, I bled so much from it that I ended up in the emergency room over there as well. (Jaydah had book signings in Newark, we had a hotel room.) I was bleeding so much, I could barely stand, and when I went to the ER, they had to perform a second abortion because the guy I went to didn’t remove all of the tissue he was supposed to.

  We were so scared because I was passing blood clots the size of tangerines, and the blood was so heavy, I was doubling up and changing soiled sanitary napkins every hour. It was horrible, and I remember Jaydah holding my wilted body in her arms while I cried and cried, not knowing what I should do.

  She rubbed my back and helped me in the bathroom because I was so weak. We ended up staying over there for a week, until I was able to get my head on straight, and it was a secret that we never spoke of again. She did her book signings, but she called me every half hour she was away from the room, to check on me. That’s when I knew she really loved me.

  I show up at Jaydah’s exactly at six. Before I got there I stopped past Pier 22, a little seafood restaurant in South Philly, and got her the Fisherman’s Platter she loves so much. I also got a pound of extra large shrimp and two pounds of crab legs so we can feast. Jaydah loved some seafood.

  I’m a little nervous when I get there, and when she opens the door to let me in, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to contain myself. For whatever reason, Jaydah just never wore real clothes in the house. I always laughed because, every time I asked her why she was never dressed, she’d say that clothes were for outside. It’s those quirky kind of things that make her unique. She has on a red thong and bra set, and she smells freshly showered.

  I didn’t come here to get into nothing, but I certainly won’t object if something pops off.

  “I bought all of your favorites. I know how much you love seafood,” I say to her, setting the bags down on the counter.

  She signals that she’ll be right back, and at the moment I notice that she’s on the phone. She gives me a quick smile and went and sat on her bed, leaving me in the kitchen.

  I start unpacking the food and getting out plates and stuff so we can eat when I heard her laughing into the phone. Who is she talking to that has her all giggling and shit? I creep up by the door to listen to what she’s talking about. Chancing a glance into her room, I see her lying on her back in the bed with her legs crossed while she plays with her hair and smiles on the phone. Whoever she’s talking to is the bomb, apparently.

  “So you can’t find them?” she asks, serious all of a sudden.

  I don’t want to get caught in the hallway, and know I should get back to the kitchen, but this is getting too good. Whomever she was talking to responds, and I can feel the mood get almost sad.

  “So when are you going to come here? I can help you find him.”

  I walk away at that point because, whatever it is, I really don’t want to know about it. I
have my own shit, and I don’t feel like hearing anyone else’s problems.

  She comes out of the room a few minutes later, and I act like I didn’t hear anything that was said. She sits down across from me and begins putting shrimp on her plate from out of the containers.

  “If I wanted you in my conversation, I would have had it right here,” she says to me with obvious agitation on her face.

  I’m shocked, but I strain to not show it on my face. Maybe she heard my footsteps or something as I approached the door. I don’t bother to respond, I simply continue to eat my food.

  The silence is awkward, and I think for a second that maybe I should just leave. It’s obvious that she has more pressing shit to deal with than me being here.

  “Okay, so I’m going to go. Maybe I’ll call you later,” I say, getting up to clear my plate.

  “So you came here for what exactly? To feed me?” Jaydah responds in a sarcastic voice followed by a laugh, as she continues to peel and eat her shrimp.

  “I came here to talk to my friend. I came here because I thought we still at least had that.”

  How could I have been so damn stupid? What made me think after all this time that I was welcome over here? Ever since Valentine’s Day we’ve been going through the motions, and my life has been a damn wreck. If it isn’t Jaydah, it’s Ray, and I’m so damn tired of both their asses.

  Instead of arguing with her, I walk around her and back into the living room to get my shit so I can bounce. I could have done without this bullshit, and I wasted my damn money. I go to throw my coat on, and Jaydah is behind me pulling it the other way.

  “Midori, don’t leave. I’m just being a bitch, I’m sorry. Stay and have dinner with me. Besides, I have some things I want to discuss with you.”

  I turn to look at her to make sure she’s sincere. I have my own problems, and I thought, if no one else, I could come to her and talk. We have a couple of years under our belt, and I can’t see a few lies ending all the good.

  I put my bag down and walk back to the kitchen, grabbing another plate. I hate her sometimes, but at the very same time there are so many things that keep me here.

  We sit at the table in silence, eating our food. I want to ask her what it was she wanted to talk about, but I don’t want to appear anxious. Besides, I know I can’t stay here but for so long before Ray sends the dogs out to look for me.

  We finish what we’re going to eat of our meal, and she tells me that she has to grab something from her office, and she’ll meet me in the living room.

  I’m nervous. Why? Not sure, but whatever it is, I’d rather know now, so I can deal with it while I have the heart.

  She comes back into the living room with a manila envelope. I wish for a second I could see through it.

  “So, in a few days I’ll be going down to Atlanta. I have some book signings lined up for a couple days. I’ll be looking around at some other stuff too. I’m thinking about relocating out that way.”

  “That’s perfect. I mean, the trip. I have a conference down there over the weekend. Maybe we can fly out together and share a room?” I say, totally avoiding the fact that she said she might be leaving me here. I smile, although on the inside I’m ready to bust her in her damn face.

  “Actually I’m staying with a friend of mine down there, but I’ll definitely hit you up when I get back.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, do that.”

  She’s dismissing me. I can’t believe that after all the break-up to make-up she is really about to end it for good. I put my head down for a second, but smile when I look at her. We’ve had some good times, that’s all that really matters. I can only hope that we can walk away from all of this with at least a friendship and on good terms. I just hope she isn’t leaving me for that model bitch.

  “So, what else did you want to discuss?” I ask, not really wanting to know.

  I don’t feel like any more surprises, and I want to share the results of my pregnancy test with her because I don’t know what my next step should be. Ray caught me slipping, and his little anniversary surprise worked. I’m just not sure if I should let him know or not.

  “I was out at an art exhibit with a friend of mine,” she says hesitantly.

  This must be really bad. I urge her to continue, bracing myself for the news.

  “Okay, so what happened there? You purchased a new painting or something?” I ask, allowing a laugh to escape from my throat, although I feel the exact opposite of what a laugh really means.

  She looks like it hurts her to even have to say anything to me, but I just need to hear it straight. I want to grab her by her shoulders and scream at the top of my lungs for her to say what it is, but I play it cool. Whatever it is, I need to be able to handle it.

  She doesn’t say a word. She just pulls out the contents of the envelope.

  Apparently Ray and Barbara are still seeing each other. I take the pictures from her hands, so I can look at them closer. They were all over each other, and it looks like they had been drinking. I’m so mad, I can’t even drop a tear if I wanted to. I just want to hurt somebody. That, in a nutshell, determines what I needed to do about my situation now.

  “They were at the exhibit. I don’t know who the woman is, I just knew she wasn’t you. I hope these help your situation.”

  Once again I’m speechless. I’ll have to thank her at a later date. Right now I have to go dig up in Ray’s ass right fast. I put my coat on and grab my bag. She walks me to the door and embraces me in a tight hug. I can feel that it hurt her to have to tell me about my husband, but I’m glad it came from her and not someone from my office.

  “Jaydah, thanks for everything. I hope after all this we can at least remain friends.”

  “Forever. Just go handle your business.”

  I give her a kiss on the cheek and roll out.

  I’m busting a hundred all the way home because I have a bone to pick with Mr. Raymond Hunter. I’m glad to see that his car is in the driveway. I resist the urge to flatten his damn tires as I come to a screeching halt and race into the house.

  I find my loving husband in the kitchen cooking dinner. He looks like he’s happy to see me, but the feeling isn’t mutual. I don’t say a word, I just set the pictures on the table and walk away.

  Once I get upstairs I begin packing a bag. Ray comes and stands at the door, trying to plead his case, but it falls on deaf ears. I have to do what I have to do for me.

  He fights me tooth and nail all the way to the car, and I end up leaving all the shit I packed in the house and getting in my car and rolling out.

  I start to go back to Jaydah’s but decide against it. Instead I call Sprint to change my number, then I check into a hotel. I’ll be cool. I’ll handle everything when I get back from Atlanta.

  Like You’ll Never See Me Again

  Jaydah

  I’m at the airport at seven in the morning waiting for my flight. I already had my luggage checked in and am enjoying a pretzel from Auntie Anne’s. It’s Valentine’s Day weekend, and to think just a year ago I was sitting outside my ex-lover’s house peering at her through binoculars. I have a feeling things would be a lot different with Monica, though. She just seems a lot more put together. Nothing’s official, but I have to smile at the thought of using all the new toys I have packed in my luggage.

  I decided to stay at her house for two weeks instead of four days. She has to come back to Philly anyway to handle some issues with her son. She still hasn’t told me the entire situation, but from what I understand, she gave her son up for adoption, but the couple supposedly dipped out on her, and her support checks are being returned. I don’t even feel like that kind of drama, but I’ll enjoy her ass for the moment.

  We’ve been talking all morning, and she said she would have a car pick me up from the airport. I can’t wait to see her.

  I have about ten minutes before my flight left, so I decide to go ahead and use the bathroom so I won’t have to on the plane. I make it quick because I know on
Southwest they call you by sections, and I don’t want to miss my call.

  When I get out front I grab my carry-on bag and get in line. The woman standing in front of me is the shit from behind. She has curves like, “Damn,” and her wrap is flowing. I can hear her telling someone that she’ll meet them in Atlanta, and her voice sounds familiar.

  I clear my throat to see if she will turn around, and to my surprise Midori and I come face to face.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” She smiles at me in surprise.

  I return the smile as well. “On my way to Atlanta.”

  “So am I. Where are you sitting?”

  “Fourteen A,” I respond as I straighten my bag up on my shoulder.

  “I’m in Fourteen B. This is too funny.”

  “That’s cool. We can talk while we ride.”

  I help Midori with her bag, and once we get settled, she grabs my hand and intertwines her fingers between mine like we always did when we sat next to each other. For the first time in a while she seems genuinely happy, but I don’t ask why. I’m just happy to see her smile again.

  We both get quiet like we usually do when the plane begins to ascend, and I pray silently for traveling mercy as we make our way to the ATL.

  It’s good seeing Midori, and I’d take her back in a heartbeat under different circumstances. We chat like old friends, and I miss her like you wouldn’t believe.

  Once the plane lands and we get our luggage, we hug in the airport and promise to hook up once we get back to Philly. I go ahead and get in the car Monica had arranged for me, and as I dig in my pocket for my cell phone, I pull out a piece of paper as well. It had Midori’s name on it, but the phone number was different. I smile before I tear it to shreds, not bothering to enter it in my phone. I am here to see what Atlanta has to offer. But if it’s meant to be, we’ll meet up again. Maybe then we’ll be right for each other.

  About the Author

  Anna J. is the author of three novels and six collaborations, including best selling work My Woman His Wife. She prides herself on being a “Philly Author,” where she still resides, and is hard at work on her next novel, dropping in September of 2009. You can also find out more about Anna J. by visiting her web site at: