by Kim Linwood
Other than the being dumped part.
A few years ago I wasn’t madly in love with a certain beautiful funeral home director.
“You know what, Dad? Maybe you should save this talk for Bran.” I almost feel bad suggesting it. Almost.
Just because I’m done with letting him play us against each other doesn’t mean I’m done driving my brothers crazy.
“Bran’s different.”
“Yes, he is. He’s never going to fit into a corporate mold, but that doesn’t mean he’s useless. He’d really be a much better fit as the face of Graves, especially since I’m going to be busy with the new line of funeral homes.”
“Hmmm.” The fact that Dad doesn’t deny it right away means he’s actually thinking about it.
If I was a kinder brother I might text Bran to let him know what’s coming. Nah.
“One year,” Dad declares suddenly.
“What?”
“I’m giving you one year to prove you can handle this. I’ll even put Ax in charge of monitoring your progress since you seem to resent my input so much.”
“Dad…”
“No, you were right about at least one thing. It’s time for you boys to start carrying your own weight around here. From here out this project is yours. So if you end up digging your own grave, that’s on you.”
“I’m sure you’ll give me a good discount on my funeral if it comes to that,” I comment dryly.
He laughs. “You know your old man. Do you really think I’d do that?”
It’s not until I hear him sound more relaxed that the tension goes out of me. This conversation was a long time coming, and in spite of how hard I’ve worked at making my own way, I’d been avoiding it.
This is my chance. The chance for my weed to fail or flourish on its own merits, and if it wasn’t for Sadie, who knows how long I would have coasted through life.
“Oh, I know you. You’d do it, but I’d never hear the end of it. You’d come back and haunt me until you felt you got your money’s worth.”
I reassure him that I won’t forget about Maryland and then check out of the hotel. It’s a couple days late, but it feels good to finally be heading back to Sadie. Better than good.
It feels right.
36
Sadie
Delicate petals crush between my fingers as I scoop a fallen flower off the viewing room floor and hold it to my face to inhale the sweet scent. There are a hundred things to do, but one stupid flower has me frozen in place with tears welling up and my throat on fire.
“Sadie, I can handle this if you need some time.” Zoe puts a hand on my back, rubbing it in small circles. “Nobody expects you to do everything today.”
“I thought I was okay, but… the flowers. You know?” I take a deep, shuddering breath and wipe away my tears. “Maria’s supposed to do the flowers.”
God, I wish Maria was here to do the flowers.
Josie did a beautiful job, though. She and her family have done the shop proud. Maria would love how the room looks like a garden of wildflowers. She loved the artistry of doing traditional arrangements, but I know she always said that when it was her time, she didn’t just want orchids and lilies, she wanted to be surrounded by the incredible variety of nature’s beauty.
She’d love this so much.
“Why don’t you go take a minute in your office? I promise not to scare anyone away.” Zoe tries to gently take the flower out of my hand, but my fingers won’t let go.
I shake my head. It’s important that I do this. “No, no. I’ll be okay, it just hit me kind of hard there for a second.”
“All right. But let me know if there’s anything I can do, okay?”
“Sure.” I hesitate before saying my next words out loud. “Um, you haven’t seen or heard anything from Carter, have you?”
She blinks at me in surprise, and if I’m not mistaken, there’s just the barest hint of sympathy in her eyes. “No, should I have? Was he supposed to come?”
“He promised to try.”
“I’m sure he’ll be here if he can.” Zoe reaches out and gives my hand a squeeze. “Unless you think there’s another reason he hasn’t been around lately.” The gentle tone of her words almost makes them hit harder.
“I… I don’t think so, but I don’t know. We finished up the paperwork and then it feels like he vanished. He’s tried to call a couple of times but I’ve been too stressed out about Maria to answer. What if he’s going to break things off?” I immediately feel bad for whining about my own problems when I should be thinking about Maria and helping Josie and the rest of their family.
“Don’t ever tell him I told you this, but I think you’re selling him short. You knew he was part of a bigger company. Even if he sets up an office here, he’s still going to be doing a lot of traveling. Give him a little more time before you decide he’s a jerk again.”
My phone chimes, reminding me to start moving everything into place. “You’re right. I just let myself get used to having him around and after weeks of wishing he was somewhere else, it’s hard to have him gone when I need him.” The chime rings again. “It’s time.”
As we walk past the viewing room, I send a glance at Maria’s coffin. Zoe did an amazing job, as usual. Maria looks just as beautiful in death as she did in life, but the vibrancy is gone from her face, and her eyes will never again crinkle with laughter or mischief. Her body is still here with us for a short time, but her spirit has moved on.
Zoe and I close off the rest of the rooms as people start trickling in to pay their respects. I smile and motion down the hall to show everyone where to go. There are plenty of familiar faces, every one of them someone whose life was touched by Maria. My throat closes up, and my chin starts to tremble. Arms wrap around me, and for a second I think it’s Carter.
“It’ll be okay,” Zoe whispers.
For several long moments, I cling to her. She might not be my biological sister, but she’s the best one I could ever ask for. “I know. I’ve got you.”
“Exactly.” Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears, something I’m not sure I’ve ever seen. “Let’s do this.”
By the time the ceremony starts, the room is so packed that I’m glad the fire marshal is one of the mourners, because otherwise we might be in trouble. Zoe had to scrounge up every extra chair in the home, and there are still people standing against the back wall. Everyone loved Maria, and being surrounded by the feeling of shared grief and support is incredible.
When Josie stands up to speak, she looks at me and I can tell she’s barely holding it together. I put my hand over my heart and she nods, taking a deep breath. “We’re gathered here today to honor my grandmother, Maria Garcia. I know if she was here today, she’d be so happy that you all came. And then she’d have some choice words about the quality of the peonies. I know, grandma, but they aren’t in season.” Josie laughs sadly and the room chuckles quietly with her. “Just like the flowers she devoted her life to, there wasn’t a single thing in this world that she couldn’t make better, simply by being there.”
By the time she’s done, and her mother has said a few words of her own, the whole room is in tears. They ask if anyone else has anything to say, and my feet move forwards before my brain has a chance to stop them.
What am I doing? I’m already a wreck. If I get up there and have to see all of those teary eyes, I’m going to break down before I even get out my first word. But I’ve moved now, and I can’t turn back. Maria was important to me, and not a single person here will think less of me for crying.
When I get to the front, I have to pause for a long look at Maria’s peaceful face. I know the funeral is for those of us left behind, but I owe her this, even if she’s no longer here to collect. Swallowing thickly, I turn and face the crowd.
They’re all looking at me. Josie, her parents, Lena and her family, even Zoe and Kenny by the door. This is going to be harder than I expected.
My hands clutch the sides of the lectern.
The words I’d intended to say are rattling around in my head, refusing to settle down and come out. Twice, I open my mouth to start, only to close it again.
I’m saved from gaping a third time when the door handle clicks next to Zoe, quietly, but loudly enough that most turn to look. It opens and reveals Carter. A brief murmur goes through the room.
My knees wobble a little, and my knuckles go white.
He came.
It only takes a moment before his eyes find me. He’s dressed in a classic black suit. For anyone else, he would look amazing, but for Carter, he looks uncharacteristically rumpled. Like he had to rush to get here. His presence grounds me and his steady gaze gives me something to focus on while my nerves settle. I was struggling to figure out how to begin, but now I’ve got his strength to draw on.
I can do this.
I need to do this.
I clear my throat. “Maria Garcia was my surrogate grandmother.” Was. My voice catches. Carter works his way closer along the wall, never taking his eyes off me. “Many of you know my family and the Garcias have known each other and worked together a long time. My parents wished dearly to be here as well today.”
Josie and her family nod in understanding.
I need to continue before I break down. “But to me, Maria was always so much more than a business contact, or friend. From the first time I entered her shop as a young girl, she welcomed me as warmly as she would any of her own grandchildren, and she continued to do so for the rest of her life.
“To me, it was everything. She supported me. She encouraged my artistic side. I can’t even tell you how many paintings I have of flowers that I did in the back of her shop after school. She was always there for me, whether it was with a kind word, or a plate full of food. Growing up in a working home, times were always hectic, and that was okay, but in Maria’s shop, time moved at its own, more relaxed place. There was always time to stop and smell the roses, as she would say with a glint in her eye.”
Closing my eyes, I take a pause to gather myself. When I open them again, Carter’s just off to my left, lending me support. With a brief nod, I acknowledge him before continuing.
“She was our florist for as long as I can remember, but more than that, she was my friend. As I grew up, her friendship grew with me. She patched together my teenage heart with more kind words, and yes, more plates full of food.” Josie laughs, nodding. I’m sure she remembers all the times the three of us were gathered around Maria’s table, complaining about boys or worrying about the future. “She helped shape me into the woman I am today, and I’ll never forget her.”
Oh God, I can’t do this anymore. I had a few more things to say, but tears are already streaming down my cheeks. I start to back up, hoping to get away before I make even more of a mess, but I bump straight into someone’s chest. Carter’s arm goes around my waist. He whispers, “You’re doing a great job.” He squeezes a little, lending me closeness and strength. Right now, that feels better than I could ever have imagined. “Go on.”
Taking a step back to the lectern, I sniffle indelicately and raise my head. We’re all gathered here for the same reason—to pay respect to this wonderful woman. I’m far from the only person feeling emotional today, and now that I’ve got backup, I feel confident enough to finish my speech.
“Maria gave me my first job that wasn’t here, and when I decided to move away for school, she and my parents threw me a party that a few of the people here might remember because they were there, and a few because it kept them up until the wee hours of the morning. When I was away, she sent me a care package every month, things she thought I might need, and yes, more food.” Everyone laughs, even me. “I blame at least ten of my freshman fifteen on Maria.
“When I moved back at twenty-two, she immediately decided that it was time to get me married, like any proper grandmother. Right until she got sick, she was happily meddling in my love life, and even in the hospital, she was more worried about my current relationship than she was about herself. I guess what I want to say is, I’m going to miss her with all of my heart, and I know my life wasn’t the only one she touched like that. I can only hope that she filled all of your lives with the same love and spirit she did mine.”
That’s it. I can’t do anymore. I turn and bury my face in Carter’s shirt, sobbing hard. His strong arms wrap around me, holding me close in his embrace. “That was beautiful,” he murmurs softly into my hair.
I expect him to walk me away from the microphone, but he clears his throat and steps forwards without letting me go.
“I didn’t intend to say anything today,” he starts in a much steadier voice than mine, “but since I’m up here, I feel like I should.”
His hand strokes my back comfortingly, as he continues. “I didn’t know Maria as well as Sadie, but from the way she speaks of her, I wish that I did. I can see the joy she brought to Sadie’s life, that’s enough for me to know she was a very special woman. I said I didn’t know her very well, but the truth of it is, if it wasn’t for Mrs. Garcia, I might never have met Sadie. I stopped into Forget Me Not one morning on business of my own, and I walked out looking forward to what I hope will be the last first date of my life.” He pauses for a moment, but when he continues there’s wry amusement in his voice. “I know she’d regret not being able to provide the flowers for our wedding, but I’m sure wherever she is, she’ll be looking down on Josie and lending a hand.”
There’s some whispering in the audience, and I’m feeling a little faint from the sudden—very public announcement—of our relationship status. Wittville isn’t the smallest town in America, but it’s plenty small enough for people to be interested in what Carter’s saying.
I’m a blubbery mess by the time Carter leads me off to the side and down towards the back. Most people probably assume it’s because of Maria, and they aren’t wrong, but I’m also shocked that Carter basically went up in front of everyone and announced we’re not only serious, but marriage level serious. My brain examines what he said as the next person stands up to speak, and by the time the last goodbyes are spoken, I’m still not sure what to make of it.
Carter drives me to the cemetery when we’re done, following right behind Frank and Arthur driving the hearse. We stand back quietly for the interment. Josie and the rest of Maria’s family gather around her grave with the priest as they lay her to rest.
When everything is done, I push away from Carter, who lets me go, reluctantly. “Thank you for coming.” I look up at him with a nervous smile.
He looks down at me with such sad kindness that I don’t even see a hint of the cocky man I basically loved and hated in equal amounts when we met. “You needed me, and there’s no place I’d rather be.”
My heart squeezes and thumps so hard I wouldn’t be surprised if he could hear it. “I didn’t think you’d make it. I wasn’t sure you wanted to.”
Carter puts his hand to my cheek and wipes away a tear. “Of course I came, and I spoke with Zoe and Kenny before we left. They’ll clean things up so I can take you home. You’ve done your part today.”
“Oh no, I shouldn’t let them—”
“Shh.” He puts a finger to my lips. “They’re fine.”
I nod. “Okay.” Any other day I’d insist on helping out, but I’m still so raw inside, and the temptation of having Carter there to lean on is too much.
I reach into my pocket before we go, pulling out the poor little crushed flower I picked up earlier. With a heavy heart, I place it carefully on the top of the headstone. The weight of my grief still hangs over me, but now that she’s been laid to rest, there’s a feeling of closure, too. Maria was full of life, and she’d want us to go on living ours. The best gift I can give her, is to keep my heart open to the man standing beside me.
“Let’s go.” I hold out my hand and Carter takes it.
37
Carter
It doesn’t take long to get Sadie back to her condo. It’s one of those developments that’s new, but designe
d to blend in with the older houses in the area. Maple trees line the peaceful street, and it’s quiet aside from the occasional sound of children playing. I pull into her driveway, but from the look in her eyes, her thoughts are a million miles away.
I walk around the car and open her door, holding out a hand. “Come on, let’s go inside, okay?” Maybe I shouldn’t be inviting myself in, but she shouldn’t be alone right now.
Sadie shakes off her daydreams and puts her hand in mine. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
She digs her keys out of her purse and lets us in. The last time I was here, we said goodbye at her door, so I’m curious to see what her home looks like inside. It doesn’t disappoint. The design is open and modern, and her furniture is simple. Lots of pale wood and glass. Almost boring, but that’s only because the furnishings are secondary to the real focus.
The walls are full of art in every size and style imaginable. They shouldn’t all work together, but Sadie’s put together a mosaic of color and design that manages to look playful and organic instead of simply overwhelming.
It feels like Sadie.
“Do you want something to drink? Water? Coffee?” She kicks off her shoes at the door and wanders towards the kitchen.
“You should relax. Let me do something. Just tell me what you want and where to look and I’ll do it.”
She shakes her head. Her hair is up in a tight twist, and I want to pull it down so I can run my fingers through it and watch it move. “No, it’s fine. I think it’s good for me to have something to do. Once I sit, everything’s going to come crashing down, you know?”
I follow her around the open counter that divides her kitchen from the dining area. She rummages through a cabinet and pulls out a bag of coffee. Her hand is shaking, and I don’t like how pale she is.
“Is this okay?” she asks. “I’ve got… oh, I’ve got pretty much everything. Or we could go out, I suppose. Maybe we should’ve gone back to Josie’s and—”