Jess stared out at the blinking lights of a waking city. She continued even though she knew how much men hated it when women over-shared. When they got a little crazy and blurted all their feelings without taking a breath. But she couldn’t help it. The more he stood and watched her, the more she spilled. These were things she had never said out loud, to anyone.
“I’d been thinking about dropping out for two years, and I probably should have talked to someone about it before it got to this point, but I couldn’t really find anyone to listen. Just people to give me advice.” She sniffled, then laughed. “Useless advice. When I went back to clean out my apartment, to move out officially, the school made me undergo a psychiatric evaluation and an exit interview—the whole bit. Just to see if I was having a nervous breakdown. Their conclusion, I think, was that I am simply not cut out for the life of a physician. But I sometimes think I’m too cut out for it. I know what it’s going to take. I don’t have any illusions about what, exactly, it’s going to be like, and I know that I’m just not ready.” She cleared her throat and lowered her voice. “So, technically speaking, the school has put me on academic leave. Temporarily. I have a few months to come back. But I won’t.”
Finally, she turned to him. “Aren’t you sorry you asked?”
He laughed then, and he shook his head. “No.” His eyes were reflective, and he held her gaze for a long while. Then he said, “I am tremendously happy that I asked. And that you shared yourself with me.” He lifted his arm, as though to bring it around the back of her neck, but then he retracted, and he let it fall against his side. “You are going to do something amazing someday, Jess. I can feel it.”
“Well, that’s nice of you to say, as I’ve just been cataloging my failures for you.” The breeze flipped her hair back and she could feel her breath way down deep in her belly.
“No you haven’t. You’re simply telling me part of a story. A story that won’t end. You’re only to the part where the hero rises up, pushes off her obstacles, and saves the world. There has to be that part of the story. Otherwise, it’s not a story. You have to have something to triumph over, before you triumph.”
She shook her head. “But, Jake, that’s just it. I don’t feel like saving the world anymore. I am not the hero I thought I was.”
This was followed by a long silence. Then Jake said, “Well, if it’s adventure you need. If you need a pushing off point… a little help in embarking on the next part of your story, then you have come to the right place.”
Jess crossed her arms under the blanket and huddled inside.
He whispered, drawing closer to her. “I would like to take you on an adventure so complete, so consummate and absolute, that it is going to change the way you see yourself.”
It was a moment so quiet, so penetrating and intimate, that she felt as though she were floating somewhere above, looking down on herself.
“All you will need is a passport, a bathing suit, and a set of running shoes,” he continued. “And trust. In me. To do what I want with you.”
His voice, his words, made her swell with desire. She exhaled. “Ah, I don’t have a passport.”
“Oh.”
“I mean, you know, I’ve never needed one.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay. You won’t need one. I… can make a Plan B. A domestic Plan B.” He thought for a moment. “Just tell me… city, beach or mountains?
“Hmm. Not the beach.” She thought of herself spending the entire vacation in a swimming suit. Too embarrassing. And what would they do all day? “Cities, too chaotic.” And then she envisioned the gentle rolling hills, the way she felt, as a child, when she and her father had made it out to the foothills to hike, the way the ground soared up out of nothing at all. Mythical and mystical. “Mountains,” she answered finally.
“Mountains it is.” He bobbed his head and grinned.
“And Jake?” Her voice was small. “Will we have to fly? In a plane?”
“Yes.” He smiled. “We’re going to fly. Do you hate to fly?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never done it.”
“Well, then, this is going to be a bigger adventure than I thought. Just trust in me. That’s important. Vital.”
She imagined herself handing over complete control. All at once, she felt feathery and lithe, as though she could float along in the world, wherever she liked. “I want to tell you something, Jake. Just one thing more.”
He chuckled. “Okay…”
“You’re going to think I’m weird. But I…just need you to know. So that you know. It’s just…something I think you should know.”
“Okay.”
“Ack, I’m so embarrassed.”
“Good God, woman. Just tell me already.” His eyes danced playfully and she understood that, no matter what she might tell him, it wouldn’t matter. He would accept her.
“Okay, you know how I said that there were certain things in life I had never gotten to do, because I had immersed myself so deeply in school?”
“Yes.”
“Well…”
“Jess, for God’s sake, what is going on? What do you need to tell me?”
“I’ve… never been with a man.”
She snapped her head to meet his eyes. He blinked and nodded, prompting her to continue.
“It’s not that I’m not ready or that I’m saving myself for marriage, although I think at one point I was…I just, well, I haven’t gotten around to it.”
To this, he laughed and then he took her by the hand, with his gentle, skimming touch, and her body tingled from head to toe. “Well, then,” he said, “This might be the ultimate adventure for us both. If it’s right.”
He led her across the rooftop terrace, back through the French doors, which he closed behind them. Then, simply by swiping his hand along a touch screen panel, he drew the curtains and dimmed the lights. With the press of his fingertip, a series of flameless candles blinked to life.
The air was perfumed with lemon and hints of ginger. She felt her skin buzzing and she felt an opening, deep in the center of her, a feeling she had never known before.
“Jess,” he said, low. “Do you know what I would love to do for you right now?”
Her breath caught.
“I’d love to give you something. Something to help you know you can trust me.”
She watched him, her lips parted slightly.
“I’d love to give you a simple massage,” he said, “Nothing that will push you too far. Nothing that will make you do anything that you would ever regret.” His lashes swept downward, and then he lifted his chin and looked her straight in the eye. “I feel as though you’ve opened up to me, and I want to prove to you that I deserve your trust.”
She nodded, holding his gaze.
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
“Yes,” she answered, her voice resonant and sure.
He took a single step backward. “I’m going to warm some oils. Just undress for me, in the bedroom. Wrap yourself in a sheet, if you like, and then lie back, on the bed, on your stomach, and try to relax. Your only purpose is to be in the moment. To enjoy it. To capture each lovely, fleeting sensation against your skin. Then to let it go and open yourself up to receive the next.”
She did as she was told and when he returned to the room, she allowed her eyes to flutter shut. She felt the warmth of his body, low, near her feet, and he pushed on her heels and her soles, hard for a moment, then whisper light, and then he moved to each toe, caressing the shaft and then pressing hard on the pad.
She longed to feel his mouth on her skin, but he used only his fingertips, spreading the warm, fragrant oil along her body, gently slathering her, and then grinding into her muscles with his broad, strong hands. He pressed on her calves and massaged the backs of her thighs, hard, until she ached with anticipation.
After a time, he whispered, “Lie on your back,” and so she turned and bared herself to him. She met his eyes then, and she could see his desire. His breath came in burst
s, and his chest heaved, in and out. He stared into her eyes for a time, and then he sat back and kneaded the front of her thigh muscles, pulling and massaging all the way to the top and then moving toward her flat stomach. He squeezed at her waist, one hand on each side, and he bowed his head low, so she could feel his breath hot on her navel. She closed her eyes then and imagined herself floating on a vessel, on the open sea, rocking back and forth on waves of pleasure. There was a desire in her now so fierce, it was nearly torturous. How she longed to feel him inside her. To feel a man, to feel Jake, inside her at last.
His hands were against her skin, everywhere. Sliding with the oil, pushing against her. Sliding against her bare thighs. Faster and faster. From out of nowhere, she felt an intense, primal building, and then a magnificent crescendo. The intensity of the sensation shocked her, and she cried out. Then a release. A relaxation so profound. She felt his breath against her neck, a pinch against her earlobes and then there was only slipping, ebbing, falling into drowsy depths.
***
Jake
Wow. He had never brought a woman to completion with a simple thigh massage. Jess was going to be fun. He laughed to himself and turned on his side to face her, to witness her breath moving in and out while she slept.
For years, he had imagined going to bed with Jess Madigan. He had dreamed of sharing what he’d always considered the ultimate intimate moment with someone. But the moments he and Jess had just shared on the balcony, the moments of conversation, where she had spilled her fears and her secrets and her dreams—this had been far more intimate.
And now, following this, his desire for her was deeper than anything he had ever imagined. How badly he had wanted to enter her, to feel her encapsulating him, shielding him.
She was everything he had hoped, all these years. Yet she was more. Kind. Open. Generous. Willing.
He gulped. She was too much, in fact. The last thing she needed was a man like him. Especially now.
Maybe he should fly home. Right now. Nip all this. It would circumvent Elizabeth from coming to find him. His heart began to race. Jess’s peaceful face. Her full, pouty lips. That curtain of raven-black hair. How he longed to slide his hand inside it. How he wanted to devour her. To slide inside her and stay.
But he would have to settle on taking her away. For a brief moment in time. He would take her on an experience she wouldn’t forget. That’s all the next few days would be. His gift to her: A quick reminder of what life was about, just as he had done for others. It didn’t have to be more than that. It didn’t need to destroy either one of them.
But even as he thought it, he knew it wasn’t true.
Six
Jess
Jess’s eyes blinked open and her head felt scrubbed clean. She breathed deeply through her nose. She had never felt so content, so blissful, so…completely disoriented. The air smelled of orange oil, of mandarin and lime and other flavors besides. And she had no clothes on. Not a stitch.
Had it been a dream? That massage. Jake’s hands pushing up and against her, her muscles taut, and then…She smiled and turned her head. There he was, next to her. So close, she could smell him, that intimate scent. It was peppery. Just as she’d remembered. He was sleeping on his side, his hands near his face, as though he had drifted off while looking at her. A sense of fullness bloomed in her chest. They were going to go somewhere today. On an adventure that…what had he said? An adventure so magnificent it would change the way she thought about herself. Her heart pounded and she felt her face grow hot. How quickly life could change. She lay there for a time, simply watching his chest rise and fall.
A soft rap at the door. How long had they slept? Was it housekeeping already? She rose and went in search of a robe, catching her nude reflection in the mirror. Her body, tiny but tight. Her breasts large and pendulous. Her legs lean but muscular. She snagged a bathrobe from the hall closet and wrapped it around herself, lifting the lapel high around her neck and sniffing. Fresh, like cotton dried on a line.
The knock came again, a bit louder now, and Jake began to stir. Jess cinched the robe tight at her waist and scurried, faster, to the door. She would tell this person to go away, oh so politely, and then she would wake Jake with a massage of her own and she would see where that would take her. Never had she felt so free. So desirable, so desired. She laughed to herself. Something truly had become unleashed, unzipped, she thought, feeling the plush cotton of the bathrobe against her tender skin.
She cracked the door, expecting a woman with a loaded cart and a pile of towels. Instead, she came face to face with a magnificent set of breasts in an ice blue tank top. They belonged to the most perfect woman she had ever seen. Lean and tall, a long neck, her perfect head tilted slightly back. She had a wide, full mouth and quick, darting eyes, large and blue, and hair that tumbled over her shoulders in thick, honey blonde waves. She moved her eyes up and down the entire length of Jess’s body and then she flashed a smile, showing a line of perfectly straight, white teeth.
“Hello. Is this Jake Lassiter’s room?” Her tone was honey sweet with a tinge of…what? Disappointment?
Jess wasn’t sure what to say, so she crossed her arms and said nothing, and her skin prickled with vulnerability, from her head to her toes. This had to be the woman Monica and Andrew had told her about. From People magazine. From 60 Minutes.
“It’s okay, honey. He’s expecting me,” the woman said.
“Are you…are you sure?” Jess stammered. What was this? Did Jake and this woman have some kind of understanding? She had read about this happening. She had seen these love triangles in her Psych rotation from time to time. Was everything Jake said to her, last night…was it all just a line?
“Oh, he’s most definitely expecting me.” The woman drew her lips back in a tight line. She had clearly made her own assumptions about what Jess was doing there, naked but for the hotel-issued robe. Was Jess just one of many naked robed women she’d seen? Was this just how things worked for them? Was this just part of living fast and free?
“Is Jake still sleeping?” the woman was asking.
“I… I think so.”
“Well, by no means are you to wake him. Come and sit with me until he wakes up.”
“Pardon?”
The stranger sat and patted the cushion next to her on the sofa. “I slept at the airport last night, so forgive me if I drift off.”
Jess imagined, then, Jake waking and padding out of the bedroom, naked, sidling himself on the arm of the sofa and leaning his face toward this perfect woman, kissing her hello. To think, just a few moments before, Jess had planned to seduce him.
She looked at the floor, embarrassed by the thoughts and images and fantasies that had been running unbridled through her mind. The woman closed her eyes for a moment. Then she flicked her eyes toward where Jess was still standing, clinching her bathrobe closed.
“So, do you know this Andrew character?” she asked.
Jess was silent, her mind racing to formulate a response. This Andrew character?
“This…Andrew Madigan,” Elizabeth prompted. “The guy who got married.”
“Yes, I know him.”
“Well, did he have a good time at his little party?”
“I guess so. Yes I think so.”
“That’s good. Mission accomplished I guess, then.” She inhaled fully and closed her eyes once more, leaning her head against the back of the couch.
So that’s, in truth, what Jake had come here for. The stupid bachelor party. She had been an afterthought.
The woman popped her eyes open again. “Were you…uh… one of the wedding guests?” She wore a disdainful smile. Jess wanted to tell her that she had it all wrong. That she wasn’t that kind of person at all. The kind of person who would spend the night with someone she barely knew. But here she was, standing in nothing but a robe in Jake Lassiter’s penthouse suite.
She wondered if Jake had also spent some time with Kelly’s sister after the wedding. She wondered how
often, in a single day, Jake got what he wanted. She wondered how she could have possibly been so gullible to think that Jake had singled her out.
“Do you not talk…or what’s your deal?” the woman was saying. “I mean, yes, I know it’s awkward, you just spending the night with Jake and then here I show up before you’re even dressed, and I apologize for that. It’s just….he made me a promise, and I’m holding him to it.”
Of course she was.
Jess made a move to back away, to return to the bedroom. To get dressed. What she wanted to do was to run. Straight out the door, never looking back.
“Really. Don’t wake him,” the woman repeated. “Please.”
Jess wanted to die. She wanted the floor to open and suck her in. This was exactly what Grandma had warned her about. This was how it went with the rich and famous in L.A. They just jumped in and out of bed with one another. Supermodels. Everyone. And now here Jess was…unleashed—unzipped, in more ways than one.
Jess gulped.
“Listen,” the woman said, “I can tell I’m making you uncomfortable. So, just tell me, has Jake… told you anything?”
Come to think of it, Jess thought, he hadn’t said more than a dozen words all night. Jess shook her head tentatively. Told her what?
“Okay then. When he wakes, I just need to chat with him for a little while, and I’ll need to do it here, in the room. Alone. So, when he finally rouses, just let him know that Elizabeth is here.” She enunciated her name very clearly, as through Jess were a young child. “And then, when it’s time, you’ll just need to find somewhere else to be. Okay? Just for, say, twenty minutes. Thirty minutes, tops.”
Elizabeth stood and made her way to the door, still clutching her bag. “Now, again, please don’t wake him. He’ll be angry if you do.”
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