by B. B. Hamel
I come inside her, nice and deep inside her. We come together in bliss, filling her up, flowing between us.
I’ve never felt anything like it before. We collapse onto the couch, still tangled, sweating, panting, breathing. I feel her heart beating so hard, matching my own.
“Shit,” she whispers.
I laugh softly and kiss her. We linger in that kiss for a long time, arms and limbs wrapped around each other.
The world outside, it doesn’t exist for me. It just doesn’t matter. All I need, all I want, is her. My pet, my toy.
My Bailey, my girl.
The future, whatever it might be, isn’t in this room right here and now.
There’s just her. I close my eyes, feel her warm body against my skin, and refuse to let anything else touch me.
17
Bailey
I go home the next morning and I swear I can still feel him between my legs. It’s like a new pulse there, beating and beating, like I’m ready to take him all over again.
I think I could, if he wanted. I think I could have him inside of me, over and over, never stopping, never slowing down.
But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself.
The day passes slowly and I’m practically squirming my way through work. I keep thinking about him, about his hands on my body. I can barely wait to get off just so that I can run home, throw on some fresh clothes, and hurry off to the hospital again.
This should be work. Heading into the hospital late at night to study anatomy and go over this surgery should feel like another chore. But the more time I spend with him, the less it feels like it’s just one task I don’t feel like doing.
In fact, I’ve been looking forward to it. Not just today, but all week. Maybe because I know what it means for my mom, the closer we get to the surgery, but I don’t think that’s it.
Part of it, but not all.
I’m smiling when I walk into the room. I can’t wait to see his face, the way it lights up when I step into the room. I can’t wait to go over to him, maybe even kiss him. I mean, I shouldn’t, but maybe.
Instead, I stop in my tracks.
Nany’s standing in the front of the room. There’s a big machine next to her with all these complicated panels, dials, and buttons. She perks up when she spots me.
“Bailey!” she says. “Come here. This’ll be fun.”
Westin appears from behind the whiteboard, an apologetic look on his face. “Hi, Bailey,” he says.
“Hey, Westin.”
“Come here!” Nany practically grabs my arm and drags me along behind her. She’s strangely perky tonight, a little manic even. She’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt, not her usual hospital attire. “Look what I stole!”
I glance at Westin. He’s frowning and studying Nany with a thoughtful expression. I wish I could ask what he’s thinking but clearly he’s thinking about Nany.
“So this is what we need,” she continues. “It’s got suction, it’s got a million things. And look! Light!” She lifts a giant arm off the top of the machine, flexing the light up and out. She hits a button and it turns on, almost blinding with its stark whiteness.
“Very cool,” I say.
“I know, right? We don’t use these as often. This is an old one. But hey, it works, and it’s what we need, so who cares if it’s old? Right, Westin? You could do this surgery with one hand tied behind your back, right?”
She’s rambling a little bit, talking a mile a minute, and it looks like she’s even sweating.
“Sure, Nany,” he says.
“Great, yes, sure.” Nany grins, beams really. “Should we get started? I have so much to teach you, Bailey.”
“Yeah, okay,” I say.
“You two go to work. I’ll just sit over here and observe.”
“Lazy,” Nany admonishes.
“Not at all. I just love watching two pretty girls like you get down to it.”
I roll my eyes at him and I’m not sure what he’s getting at, but Nany just laughs.
“Oh, you idiot. Come here, Bailey.”
She draws me closer and starts going through the functions of the machine. As it turns out, it has most of the things we’ll need, suction and lights and vital sign monitoring. It’s not absurdly complicated, but there are a lot of functions and options, and she wants to show me every single one.
We spend almost an hour going over the machine four times. Top to bottom, she discusses what each thing does, has me turn it on and test it, and then moves on. We do that four full times, and she’s going a mile a minute the whole time.
Westin, meanwhile, watches quietly. I keep catching his eye, wondering what the hell is going on with Nany. Maybe she’s just manic because of how insane this all is. I mean, getting this machine for us down here was a huge risk. Maybe she’s just a little high on the excitement of it all.
But I don’t know. Westin doesn’t look happy, even though she is teaching me how to use everything. Despite how fast she’s going through it all, by the fourth time around, I feel pretty confident.
“Damn, girl,” Nany says as I wave the suction wand up. “You’re a natural at that. Look at you!”
“It’s just hitting a button then holding it,” I protest.
“Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,” she says, shaking her head. “It’s so much more than that. It’s so, so much more. You have to feel the wand, really feel it. Do you feel it, Bailey?” She gets close to me, puts her hand on mine. She starts to move the suction wand around in the air like we’re conducting an orchestra. “Do you feel that? God damn, you’re a natural.”
I frown and step away. She takes the wand from me and starts to wave it in the air.
“See, when you’re in a surgery, anything can happen, you gotta be ready. You gotta be ready to suction everything, you hear me, Bailey? Girl, I don’t think you’re listening, but that’s okay. This machine is loud as fuck.”
She shuts it off abruptly and looks at me.
“I think you’re gonna fuck this up.”
I blink and take a step away from her. “Excuse me?”
“You’re. Gonna. Fuck. Up.” She crosses her arms and looks flatly over at Westin. “Where’d you find this fucking girl, Westin? Is she dumb or something? Doesn’t know how to wave a fucking wand.”
“Okay,” Westin says, finally standing. “I think we’ve had enough.”
“No, listen, you arrogant asshole. Where’d you find her? I really wanna know.”
“You just got done saying how she’s a natural,” Westin points out. “And now you’re freaking out for no reason. What’s going on with you, Nany?”
“What the fuck?” She puts the wand down. “What the fuck are you saying, Westin?”
“I’m saying you’re acting erratically.” He cocks his head and frowns at her. “And I’m pretty sure you’re high.”
It snaps into place. The manic talking, the weird way she was touching me, the whole thing with the wand, the mood swing. Of course that’s it, she’s high on something.
“I’m not fucking high, Westin,” Nany says, getting defensive, her voice pitched up. “I’m not high, you bitch.”
“Nany,” he says, trying to be calm, but coming off like he’s pandering to her or something. “Please, just calm down. We’ll talk it out.”
“I’m not fucking high, you bitch.” She doesn’t move, she just glares at him and Westin looks back for one long moment.
Finally, I speak up. “Maybe we should end for tonight,” I say.
“That’s a good idea. See, like I said. She’s a natural.” Nany steps away from the machine, toward the door. “Look, there’s one thing though, before I go. I hate to do this to you, Westin, I do, but I gotta ask.”
“What?” he says, frowning. I can tell he’s uneasy.
“Look, I got a lotta things going on, you know? I got a lotta things, and I need a little money. Just a little bit, maybe a little down payment. Maybe like half? Up front, then half after the surgery’s done and the stuff
’s returned and we’re all good. Okay?”
We stand there in dead silence. Nany bounces from foot to foot, looking nervous, but not backing down. I can see sweat on her skin and her pupils are dilated wider than they should be.
Yeah, she’s high. I have no clue what she’s on, but she’s not acting like herself.
I wonder how long she’s been like this, but it clicks into place. That’s why she’s willing to do this job for such a small amount of money. She’s desperate for any extra cash because she’s an addict.
Oh, fuck.
We’re putting our future in the hands of a goddamn addict.
Westin walks over to his jacket, takes out his wallet, and pulls out a stack of bills. “Two hundred,” he says. “It’s all I have on me. I don’t have my checkbook here, either.”
“Two hundred? Bitch, I want a lot more. Like, a lot more. You know how much that machine costs? Double it. That’s how much I want.”
“Nany,” Westin says calmly. “If you call me a bitch again, this deal is over and you’re getting nothing.”
That shuts her up. She snaps her jaw shut and glares at him for a long moment. They stand there, staring, and I want to scream.
My future, Westin’s future, my mother’s life. They’re all in the hands of this fucking addict.
Oh, god.
“Fine,” Nany snaps. She walks over to Westin and takes the cash. “Fine, okay, fine. Two hundred now, the rest tomorrow night. Okay? Come with your checkbook or some shit. Cash, I don’t care, whatever. This is fine, this is okay. Two hundred now, the rest later.” She walks to the door, fidgeting a bit. She flips her fingers over the bills then shoves them into her back pocket.
“Don’t come tomorrow night,” Westin says.
She stops and turns to him. “The fuck?”
“Don’t come. We only need you to get the equipment.”
“Then how the fuck do you think I’m gonna get paid, asshole?”
“I’ll give you a check tomorrow. But don’t come here again.”
She stares at him then shrugs. “Okay, fine. Whatever. Like I enjoyed teaching this dumb shit anything about being a nurse.”
She glances at me and shrugs again. Without another word, she turns and leaves the room.
We stand there in shocked silence for what feels like an hour, but is probably more like ten seconds.
“Well,” he finally says. “I didn’t see that coming.”
I whirl on him. “Are you kidding me, Westin? She’s an addict.”
“Yep. Probably.”
“That’s why she took this job in the first place. She’s probably desperate for cash.”
“Yep. More than likely.”
I walk toward him, glaring daggers. “She’s going to get us thrown in jail, you realize that, right?”
“I realize that.” He sighs and sits back against a table, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “I definitely realize that.”
“What are we going to do about her?” I step in front of him, arms crossed over my chest. I’m so angry I could scream at him right now.
This was his idea. Nany was his idea. She seemed way too good to be true and she fucking is. She’s an addict, desperate for cash, and she’ll sell us out the second she realizes she can probably get the hospital to pay her off for turning us in. She’s going to send me and Westin to jail and my mom’s going to live with pain for the rest of her life.
“I don’t know,” he says softly. “I really don’t.”
“Pay her. Give her everything, all the money, up front. We’ll figure something else out. We can do it with just that thing.” I point at the machine I just spent the last hour going over in detail. “It should be enough, right?”
“Almost,” he says. “We need anesthesia, which is a lot harder to get a hold of, and a surgical kit. I can probably snag the kit, but the anesthesia will be harder.”
I clench my jaw. “We can’t do this without anesthesia,” I say to him. “Nany’s supposed to get that?”
“She’s supposed to help. I’m still working it out in my head.”
I throw my hands up in disgust. “Holy shit. You don’t even know how we’re getting it.”
“I’m sorry, Bailey, do you want to rob this hospital? Because as far as I can tell, you have no clue what you’re doing. Without me, this wouldn’t happen.”
I walk away from him, pacing, so angry. I feel it bubbling over. “She’s going to fuck us,” I say, turning to face him. “You know it’s true.”
“Maybe,” he says. “But maybe not. If I pay her, she might be happy for a while.”
“What happens after?”
He cocks his head. “What do you mean?”
“After we’re done, after my mom’s home. What happens if Nany decides to tell someone what we did?”
“There won’t be any proof.”
“I’m sure there will be. We’ll live with this hanging over our heads for the rest of our lives.”
He’s quiet for a long moment. “So do you want to call it off?” he asks me finally. “I can live with it. Can you?”
I stop pacing and stare at him. “Of course I can. I’ve gone so far for my mother. I’ll… I’ll go further.”
“I know,” he says gently. He stands and walks over to me. “Bailey, this is fucked. It’s gotten out of control and neither of us can stop it anymore. But at the end of the day, regardless of how insane Nany might be, we’re here to fix your mom.”
I look him in the eyes. “You’re here to make me your little fuck toy,” I say, almost spitting the words of him.
That seems to hurt him more than I thought it would. “Do you really believe that?” he asks.
“It’s true. That’s what’ll happen when we’re done.”
He clenches his jaw. “That’s how it started, you’re right. But if I remember correctly, you’re the one that was at my apartment last night. I seem to recall you being my little fuck toy and loving it.”
“Fuck you,” I say, barely stopping myself from hitting him.
“Yeah,” he says softly. “I thought so.”
We stare at each other for a long moment before I whirl around and storm out of the room.
That bastard. I can’t believe he’d throw last night in my face. He thinks he can say and do whatever he wants and nothing will happen to him, but my mother’s life is on the line here.
He’s such an arrogant prick. He thought he could control Nany but clearly he was wrong.
We’re so screwed. And I hate that bastard now more than ever.
I storm out of the hospital, so angry at him, but still disappointed that the night ended like this.
It’s not what I wanted. I didn’t want this at all.
Some little voice in my head is whispering: Go back, apologize, he didn’t mean it, just like you didn’t.
But I’m not turning around and I’m not apologizing.
We’ll do the surgery. We’ll keep training for it.
But now it’s back to business and nothing else.
18
Westin
I’m so pissed off that I let that argument get out of control.
We were both on edge because of Nany. There was no reason to lash out at each other like that, but we did. Fucking hell, I never should’ve said that about her coming to my place. I never should’ve thrown that back at her.
But when she said I was only in this to make her my fuck toy…
That might’ve been true at first. In fact, it was definitely true. Before I met her mother, when I only knew her as the sexy young thing that came into my office to ask for a favor, yes, I just wanted to take her. I want to have her body, use her up, make her feel good.
But things changed. So much has changed since then. I know her mother now, I care about her mother. I don’t want Myra to be in pain any more than she does and I’m willing to sacrifice myself to make it happen.
She should realize that by now. She should know that I’m not just some monster still in this for m
y own personal gain.
If that were true, I’d be out. I’d quit in a second. If this was just about sex, I’d run away as fast as I could, because fuck losing my license just for pussy. I can get pussy if I want it.
No, this is about Bailey and her mother. This is because I care about them, both of them. I want to do the right thing.
I hate that she doesn’t see it yet. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t, but that fight isn’t going to help things. Now she’s just angry with me and nothing’s changed.
We still have our little addict problem.
The next day, I come into work with a big check in my pocket. Nany’s working as well and she seems a little strung out, a little tired, but her usual self. I don’t talk to her much and she doesn’t try to press me on it.
I suspect she knows that we know now, but it doesn’t matter. She still needs money and we still need equipment.
I slip her the check sometime in the afternoon before I head up to my office for lunch. She just looks at it, opens it, nods once, and leaves. She doesn’t even speak to me.
I guess she doesn’t have to, but that’s not a good sign.
Fucking hell.
I’ve worked with addicts. I mean, not professionally. But plenty of addicts come into the hospital. It’s a normal thing, since the hospital is both full of drugs and full of people that can be scammed. Addicts slip into our world, trick us into thinking they’re in pain, and try to get as many pills as possible. Some are good and can get away with it, and some are terrible and obvious.
I’ve met all types of addicts, but in the end, they always fuck you over. One way or another, they fuck you, at least until they decide it’s time to stop living that way.
I don’t hate addicts. I get it, really. I understand having an impulse you can barely control. But most people find a way to live with it, while addicts succumb to it. They’re not bad people. It’s just a disease.
Still, it’s a disease that could cause Myra to have pain for the rest of her life. It’s a disease that could land Bailey in prison.