And what was he going to do to get her out of here?
Jackie couldn't have said what had made her utter that one little three-letter word if she sat up all night analyzing her thoughts.
Maybe it was the fact that she had been on pins and needles for days, and Suzy was the only person here who didn't seem to think that she was here to steal something or someone who didn't belong to her. It had been obvious from the get-go that Charlotte resented having her place as sole woman in the household usurped.
And Steven?
Jackie didn't even want to think about him. He was a confusing set of contradictions, clearly not happy to have her here—something she couldn't really blame him for—but also bent on being a gentleman, so that she kept forgetting that they were enemies.
She kept wanting him to smile at her, to like her.
That was a mistake. She had spent far too much of her life trying to win over people like her parents and Garret. She had learned how to be content with her own company and that of her many friends who, unlike her parents, didn't require her to jump through burning rings of fire for a little attention.
Some people just weren't worth longing for.
So why did her heart pound so hard when Steven looked at her? Why did she get misty-eyed when he insisted that Charlotte treat her fairly?
"Because you're an idiot who obviously has grown shallow," she told herself later in the privacy of her own room. "Because you're no better than any other woman, falling for a pair of broad shoulders and getting swept away by a man who knows how to touch a woman and make her burn."
Well, no more. She was here to see Suzy and to get to know Suzy. And she would not apologize for calling Suzy hers. She knew the little girl could never really be hers, but for just this short while she could pretend.
And Steven Rollins could just… well, he could just think what he liked, and he could certainly stay out of her mind, that's what.
For half a second she wished he, would kiss her so that she could follow through on his orders and hit him, even though she had never hit another person in her life.
And then in the next second, she just wished he would kiss her.
Which was probably why the next few days were going to be long and hard and frustrating.
Chapter Six
The next day, as he went about the business of moving cattle, Steven tried to stop thinking about what was going on back at the ranch house.
After Jackie had uttered the fatal word yesterday, things had gotten more than a little stilted. He had taken her to Suzy's room, but there had been a sizzle in the air. He had been angry, and Jackie had been unrepentant.
At the supper table that night she had watched as Charlotte fed Suzy. To his amazement, Charlotte had glanced over at Jackie, who was studying the mealtime ritual, and had unexpectedly held out the spoon.
"Would you—maybe you'd like to feed her?" Charlotte had suggested.
No, Steven had thought, even though he didn't utter the word. Jackie had glanced his way, but he refused to say anything. He wasn't going to give the woman any excuse to challenge him in the courts by telling everyone that he had denied her access to his daughter. Instead, he just meant to watch her very carefully.
Her lashes had floated down prettily, covering her pale cheeks. "I'd—I'd like that," she told Charlotte. "Show me how. You make it look so easy."
Charlotte had preened. "Nothing to it. You just stick the spoon in her mouth and she does the rest. Even a man can do it," Charlotte said, indicating Steven. "Show her, Mr. Rollins."
And Jackie had looked at him as if he contained the keys to the universe. For a brief second, his chest felt tight and his blood pulsed quickly, a fact that only made him angry at himself. He was half tempted to be sullen and refuse the request, but Suzy was hungry and he didn't want any arguments taking place in her presence.
He slid his daughter over carefully to face him. "Hey, pumpkin," he said. "How 'bout a bite of peas?"
Suzy had smacked her lips and he had scooped the food up, holding it close as she opened her mouth like a baby bird. "Good girl," he said as she swallowed it.
His daughter smiled and glowed.
He turned and saw that Jackie was watching the two of them as if they had just performed a magic trick. For half a second he was tempted to think that he had misjudged her.
"She's such a sweetheart," Jackie said. "You must feel blessed to have her."
He did, but he didn't like the covetous tone of the lady's voice.
Still, he wasn't about to give her any excuses to accuse him of reneging on their deal. He turned over the spoon. She scooted close. The lily of the valley scent of her washed over him. Womanly, sweet.
He watched her closely.
She clutched the spoon as if it were a weapon capable of inflicting pain on Suzy. She scooped up a tiny bit of peas.
Charlotte snorted. "You'll be here all night like that."
"I don't mind," Jackie said. "I could do this all night." And she offered the food to Suzy.
Suzy laughed and batted at the spoon. Peas splattered all over Jackie.
Steven reacted instantly, picking up a napkin and wiping at the food that had landed on the midriff of Jackie's white blouse.
Immediately he realized his mistake. Her skin was warm. She gasped at his touch.
He dropped the cloth. "Sorry," he mumbled. He caught a glimpse of her troubled eyes, and he got up from the table and left the room.
For a few moments, there was silence. Then gradually he could hear sounds resuming, Jackie murmuring soothingly to Suzy. Suzy cooed in return.
She was wooing his child. He was letting her. All because he was afraid of his own reaction to the woman.
Steven took a deep breath and stepped back into the dining room. What he saw took his breath away. Jackie had Suzy in her arms. His daughter was resting on Jackie's arm, reaching up and playing with Jackie's hair.
Jackie kissed Suzy's little, flailing hand. She closed her eyes as her lips met the baby's skin and, for a moment, she looked as if she was in pain. But she quickly shook her head.
When she opened her eyes, she looked straight at him. A hint of pink climbed up her throat.
"I guess—I'm pretty new to all this. Holding a baby must be old hat to you."
He shook his head slowly. "It never gets old."
And then Suzy turned and saw him. She squealed and held out her arms to him.
He swung her high against his chest. He couldn't miss the look of longing in Jackie's eyes. She wanted his child. She coveted his daughter. Her lovely eyes were haunted and filled with loss.
He damned whoever it was who had found the paperwork that revealed the hospital's mistake. If he had never known—if she had never known—they wouldn't be here like this.
He wouldn't be wanting to comfort her, nor would he be desiring her and hating himself for that desire all at the same time.
If only they could get through this time without getting in too deep.
"I'd better put her to bed," he said.
For a minute he thought that Jackie was going to ask to come along, but then she simply nodded and bit her lip.
"This is much more difficult than I thought it would be," she said.
"You can say that again," he told her and then he turned and walked away. He resisted the urge to go back and comfort her.
The next day Steven left the house early and intended to stay out late. He didn't even go back for the noontime meal when the other men did. It was best for all concerned if he kept away. That way he wouldn't let his anger get the best of him—and he wouldn't let his desire get the best of him, either.
"That Jackie sure makes a mean lasagna," Ben said when he came back after lunch. "You should have had some. Probably none left by now."
Steven tried to ignore his friend. He mumbled something unintelligible.
"Yeah, and she sure has a way about her, too. Must have even soothed Charlotte, seeing as how she let the woman cook and watc
h the baby for a while."
A niggling sense of unease drifted in.
"You mean, watch the baby while Charlotte cleaned, right?"
Ben frowned, making his face even more wrinkled. "What's wrong with you? Charlotte needs to get out and get things done now and then. Usually she takes Suzy with her. It was probably a nice break for her to go to the store without having to worry about anything but the shopping."
The vague sense of unease deepened. It became a river of anger and distrust. "Are you telling me that Charlotte left my daughter alone at the house?"
Ben shook his head. "You know Charlotte would never do that. And I already told you that she left her with Jackie."
Which was virtually the same thing.
Steven swore beneath his breath. He dropped the tool he was holding, headed for his truck, climbed in and started the engine.
"What in hell are you doing?" Ben asked. "We're right in the middle of work."
Steven leveled a stare at his friend. "I just remembered that there's something I have to do. This won't take long."
Trouble or no trouble, courts or no courts, mistake or no mistake, he couldn't live like this. Jackie was a woman he had kissed, one he had desired, but none of that meant anything. It was just the way of a man without a woman in his life.
But Suzy…she was life and breath and everything to him. And if anything ever happened to her…if anyone tried to take her and disappear…
Life had taken so many things from him, but this…Suzy was different. He could not bear to think of anything harmful touching her.
He drove across the range like a madman, the truck bouncing and barely staying upright. When he pulled into the yard in front of the house, gravel flew in ten different directions.
Vaulting from the cab, he didn't bother shutting the door. Instead, he raced up to the porch and pulled the screen door wide.
"Suzy!" he bellowed, half afraid that she wasn't there. "Suzy!" The heels of his boots clicked as he moved quickly across the hardwood floor of the living room.
"She's sleeping," a soft voice called from the kitchen. "Or at least she was."
He could have taken Jackie at her word, but he ignored her and walked to his child's room, stepping more softly this time. Pushing the door back, barely daring to breathe, he peeked in and saw her there, her little face relaxed in sleep, the air whooshing in and out of her tiny lips in a gentle flow.
His knees felt as if they could buckle beneath him. He made his way back to the kitchen and plopped down in a chair.
The world felt like the inside of a black tornado. No, it felt like it might after a tornado had passed and he realized that he and his were still alive.
He dropped his head in his hands. The room was silent. Very silent. Dreadfully silent.
And that was when he looked up and saw what he had done.
Jackie's fingers felt cold and numb. Her body felt empty. Her heart was like a stone that had dropped to the bottom of the deepest, darkest part of the ocean.
There had been many times in her life when she had been misunderstood or ignored or chastised. But no one had ever accused her of doing anything criminal or deliberately hurtful, especially to a child.
He hasn't accused you of anything, she told herself. But she knew she was wrong. It was obvious by the way Steven had moved into the house in a panic that he had thought she had somehow harmed his child—or kidnapped her.
In a way, she couldn't blame him. After spending just a short time with Suzy, she coveted his child. She longed for one of her own.
Slowly, very slowly, Jackie took deep breaths. She tried to go back to the task she had been doing when Steven had arrived. She did her best to concentrate, to keep her hands from shaking.
Holding the knitting needles tightly, she concentrated very hard on looping the yarn around one, then inserting the needle through the loop and catching up the strand.
The needles clicked and she dropped the stitch.
Hot tears flooded her eyes.
Oh, damn.
She blinked and bit her lip and stared at the fallen stitch as if the world was ending. Clutching the needles even tighter, she tried to think what she was supposed to do in this circumstance. She knew, but she just couldn't seem to remember.
"It's nothing," she whispered. "Just a mistake. Fix it."
She tried. She really tried. And then a big warm hand closed over her own.
Jackie looked up through a mist into Steven's dark, unfathomable eyes.
For a moment, he looked as if he was going to apologize. Oh, please, no. If he did, she would know not to believe him. She wasn't sure she could keep the mist at bay if that happened.
"What are you doing?" he asked gently, bringing his other hand up so that he was holding both of her hands loosely in his, and the knitting lay abandoned on her lap.
She couldn't keep staring into his eyes. "I'm—I—I have a book," she said, gesturing with her head toward the book that lay open on the table. "I'm trying to teach myself to knit. I've never learned, but knitting…it's such a…it's the kind of thing that women do for those they care about. It's special because it comes from the heart. I thought…I just wanted to leave something special for Suzy when I go. I thought I might make a blanket."
They both glanced down at the tangled pale yellow yarn with the loose crooked stitches.
"That's a fine idea," he said, and his voice sounded a little broken. She wanted to look at him. She was afraid to look at him.
Instead, she shook her head. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at this kind of thing."
"You don't have to be. It's the thought that counts. It's always the thought that counts," he repeated. "Jackie, I—"
"Don't," she said suddenly. "Don't say what you're going to say. Don't explain. I know what this was all about. I know why you're here."
"I was wrong."
"No. You were being a father."
He placed one finger under her chin and gently forced her to look at him. "I was wrong," he repeated. "I should have known you wouldn't do anything to hurt her."
She shook her head and her skin slid against his. "How could you know?"
He twisted his mouth. "Well, for one thing, I did check you out, you know. After we talked the other day, I did a more thorough check. You're so clean you should squeak when you move."
She tried to smile, but then he brushed her cheek with his palm and all her thoughts disappeared.
"And I've seen the way you look at her," he continued. "That was the reason I was worried."
"Why?" The word came out on a broken sigh.
"Because you look at her as if she's everything you want in the world."
Jackie dared to look directly into Steven's eyes. They were dark and concerned and she felt both safe and totally discombobulated being this intimate with him. "I do want a baby," she said. "I don't think I ever allowed myself to think seriously about it before, but now…I just know. But, Steven?"
He waited.
"I would never hurt her, and taking her from you would definitely hurt her more than anything anyone could do. I wouldn't do that to you, either. I can't tell you how much I'm touched by the love you show her."
"A father—"
She cut him off by placing her fingertips gently over his lips, even though she realized it was a tactical error. Touching him this way made her remember that kiss. Still, she didn't want him to tell her about a father's duties. She knew that not every father felt a duty to his children.
"What you feel for her, how you treat her is special," she said slowly and carefully. "Believe me." And she refused to say more. "I honor that, and I wouldn't attempt to damage it, no matter how envious I am."
"You'll find a man. You'll make a child." His voice grew rough, his eyes dark.
"I don't think I want a man."
"Well then, you'll have a child another way."
She studied him. "I think I will, but that doesn't mean I'll ever forget this one."
And he took h
er hand from his lips, turned her palm and dropped a deep kiss on it. The sensation went through her. She trembled and did her best not to lean into him. "Thank you," he said.
"For what?"
"For caring about her."
"How could I not?"
He nodded tightly. "Then thank you for not insisting on more than the two weeks."
She swallowed hard, then also nodded. "It would be too hard…on all of us, but…I still have twelve days." And somehow she managed a tremulous smile.
"Then you should make the most of them," he agreed.
"I'm trying."
"I'll make it easier."
"How?"
He rose to his feet and drew her up with him. "If you want to really get to know Suzy, then you need to know the world she lives in, and not just here in the house. My daughter is being raised on a ranch. If you know what that entails, then in years to come you can imagine her here. Tomorrow I'll give you a tour of the rest of Rollins Acres."
"Thank you. I'd like that. I want to create lots of memories in the time I have left."
"Then we will."
His voice grew deep, and for a moment Jackie wondered what kind of memories he had once wanted to create, what dreams he had dropped. She wondered why he never wanted to marry again. He was a handsome man and a kind one with a touch…
Well, it was better not to think about that. But the truth was, he was the kind of man most women would want in their beds and in their lives. And he didn't want a relationship.
She wondered why, but she didn't ask. After all, she had her own secrets. And one of her secrets was that she enjoyed Steven's hands on her far too much.
Nothing I can do about that, she thought as he went back to work and she went back to knitting and babysitting. Besides, it was nothing to worry about. He was going to take her on a tour of the ranch. They would probably be riding horses or maybe just driving around in a truck.
Nothing romantic in that, so there wasn't a thing to worry about.
Chapter Seven
"This is going nowhere," Merry said to herself.
Their Little Cowgirl Page 6