“What’s wrong?” he asked.
I shook my head, feeling foolish. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Anna?” He stayed close, not taking his hands off me.
“Hm?”
“Have you ever felt as if you were fumbling around awkwardly when we’re together?”
“Um . . .” I thought about it. “I guess not.”
“Exactly. Some things come naturally, so don’t overthink it. I’m going to take care of you.”
Oh, my. Major chills.
“But,” I whispered, “I want to take care of you, too. You have to show me what to do.”
His smile was wickedly sexy. “I’m not as hard to please as you might imagine. But don’t worry—I’ll show you anything you want.”
I swallowed a dry lump in my throat.
“Also . . .” He cleared his throat and sounded serious now. “Two days ago when Father told me he was sending me to seek you out . . . I went to the doctor first. Just in case anything were to happen with us—not that I thought it would, but I just wanted to be sure.”
“Oh,” I said as it dawned on me and I thought of Marna. “To make sure you’re really . . .”
“Sterile, yes. And I am.”
The thought of getting pregnant hadn’t crossed my mind. Even after everything with poor Marna and Jay. I was grateful he’d thought of it.
“Thank you,” I whispered. My knees were trembling. Seriously, I could not get my body under control. Those bedroom eyes were short-circuiting my functioning abilities.
“Anna . . .” Uh-oh. His voice was low and gravelly.
“Hmm?” I cleared my throat.
“Remember when I told you I wanted to introduce myself to every freckle on your body?”
Mesmerized, I nodded, not trusting my voice.
“Well, it’s time.”
I couldn’t breathe. Kaidan closed his eyes and inhaled. When he opened them again, they were half-lidded, and a rumble came from the back of his throat.
“You smell so damn good.”
He grasped my hand and led me back through the bathroom to the main room. Blood rushed through my body. I stared at his strong back and shoulders. My husband. The boy who’d stood at the summit, ready to die for me when my life was threatened.
He let go of my hand and went to his bag.
“I asked Marna to pick up a few things for us—some clothes for tomorrow, food and whatnot. She said she downloaded mood music as a gift. I’m a bit frightened.” He pulled out a music dock and set it up, clicking an MP3 player into place and pushing Play. A popular romantic song came on.
Kaidan made a face. “Country music?”
“I love this song!” I laughed when he groaned.
“Maybe we should listen to my playlist instead.” He reached into his pocket, but I shook my head, not in the mood for heavy metal.
“Come on, Kai . . . my freckles are getting impatient.”
He straightened, standing tall, and his eyes crashed into mine as his badge spun and pulsed. My heart banged at my own bravery, then stumbled inside my ribs as he came closer, bringing with him a cloud of incredible earthy, citrusy pheromones.
“Well then. Let’s not keep them waiting.”
I expected the tearing-off of clothes to begin, but instead he kissed me like we had all the time in the world, his mouth and tongue warming me, then heating me. He moved me backward as we kissed, until my bottom hit the edge of the bed. A tickle began at my hips—the feel of his fingers gathering the silk of my dress upward, slowly.
I was breathing hard when he finally pulled it over my head. I kicked off my shoes, sending them flying. He let me lift his shirt off him, but stopped me when I went for his shorts.
“Not yet.” Again with the wicked grin.
He reached behind me for the clasp of my strapless bra, and as it fell a rush of self-consciousness made me cover my chest. He narrowed his eyes, and I felt like I needed to explain, even though he’d seen me naked already.
“They’re . . .” I couldn’t even say it. No doubt Kaidan had seen all kinds of rockin’ bodies in his time. Mine would not be one of them—at least not in this department.
He put his hands over mine and looked at me very seriously.
“I assure you, they’re perfect.”
He gently pulled my hands away. My chest heaved with nervous breaths as his eyes trailed down, took in the sight of my nearly naked body, and then closed. When they opened they were as stormy as ever.
“Like I said. Just right. On the bed with you now.”
Nerves. So many nerves.
I climbed onto the bed and the sweet torture began as he lay on his side next to me and continued taking his time kissing me. I tried to squirm closer, but he laid his hand firmly on my hip to keep me in place. When his mouth moved down to my shoulder, I let out a moan and saw him smile. He kissed a tiny freckle there I’d never paid attention to in my life. Then, slowly, he made his way across my collarbone and down my chest from one side to the other. My fingers were buried in his hair.
Kaidan made good on his promise. My freckles were very happy, spoiled rotten even, but the rest of me was desperate and jealous. And he’d barely gotten started. When he got to my lower stomach, I was breathing way too hard.
He bypassed my lacy white panties, keeping them on, and I was certain now he was trying to send me into a state of insanity. His mouth landed on my inner thigh. My hips bucked and I made a really embarrassing sound of yearning.
He chuckled and pushed my hips firmly down. Again. Not funny. Then continued working his way down my leg.
I whispered, “Please,” needing so much more.
“Not yet,” he said, all maddening slowness.
I whimpered when he rolled me to my stomach and brushed my hair aside. My back felt ultrasensitive to the caress of his warm mouth. I clutched the downy covers and tried to control myself. How was he not going crazy? I knew he must be because I could smell his pheromone cloud of zesty, sweet oranges and limes around us, but his self-control was incredible.
My lower back was particularly sensitive and I gasped as he kissed me there. When he got down to my panties I felt his teeth gently bite through the lace, and he emitted a low growl. His fingers tightened on my hips and I smiled into the downiness.
“Take them off,” I said.
He didn’t hesitate, pulling down the lacy cloth.
I dared a peek over my shoulder and saw him staring at my naked body.
“My God,” he breathed.
I flipped over and he loomed above me, both of us breathing hard. I stayed very still as Kaidan gave me a stare, starting from my rumpled hair all the way to my red-painted toes. I curled my finger through his belt loop and tried to pull him down to me, but he released my finger, lifted it to his mouth, and nipped it with his white teeth.
“I’m not done yet.”
I fell back, as his mouth lowered to my stomach again, working his way down.
Oh, wow.
Over that next hour I learned Kaidan was true to every claim he’d ever made about being good at what he did. It wasn’t fair to the rest of the world that a man like him existed. My body was spent as if I’d run a marathon, and considering that Kaidan was still mostly dressed, I knew he was just getting started.
System overload.
As he lay next to me now, leaning over me, placing angelic kisses on my lips, I was barely conscious enough to unscramble the single thought running through my mind.
I’m still a virgin.
“You can nap, luv,” he whispered.
That cleared my head. This was no time for napping! I pushed up on my elbows and glared at him. It must not have been scary enough because he chuckled.
“It’s your turn,” I said.
His chuckling stopped and turned to a heated stare as I moved closer to him. I leaned in and nuzzled his ear. He pulled my hip closer.
“My sweet little vixen.” I heard the arousal in his voice, so I licked his e
arlobe, and he hissed, trying to roll on top of me, but it was my turn to push him back.
No sex yet. I wanted to do to him what he’d done to me.
This time when my shaking hands went to the buttons on his shorts, he didn’t stop me. I could feel his racing heart against my shoulder. He let me undress him, and in that moment, as I acquainted myself with all of him for the first time, I learned the power of being a woman—the weakness in his eyes brought on by my touch—and the underlying trust and love I saw there. My nervousness disappeared, replaced by curiosity and a desire to make him happy. It brought me tremendous satisfaction as he reacted and lost himself in the caress of my hands and my lips.
Afterward we showered in the moonlight, lost in our new knowledge of each other. But each kiss and touch was overshadowed by one repetitive thought.
I’m still a virgin.
We wrapped ourselves in towels and went back in, eating sandwiches on the bed while Kaidan made fun of the pop love ballads on Marna’s playlist. Funny how he knew the words to so many of them.
When we finished dinner, I looked at the clock. Kaidan had walked to the window and stood staring out, towel still around his waist. I refused to let him think too much. I didn’t want any insecurities of his to rise up between us.
“Hey,” I said softly. “It’ll be midnight soon. Our wedding day is almost over.”
His face clouded, and my stomach tightened.
I stood on the far side of the bed. “Come here.”
Kaidan walked over slowly, keeping his eyes on me in my towel. When he got to the other side of the bed he put his joined hands on top of his head and eyed me across the king-size expanse. He made me feel crazy in so many ways.
I reached for the edge of my towel, and before I could think too much about it, I pulled it off, letting it drop to the floor. The cloudiness in his gaze turned stormy. I crawled across the bed toward him. I watched the surprise and lust flash across his features as I reached him and raised up on my knees to face him. My heart was beating overtime.
“Are you scared?” I asked him.
The master of lust seemed to have lost his cool because his response was a grunted, “Hm?”
“Been too long?” I cocked my head to the side. “Out of practice?”
He hadn’t been with anyone in eight months. For Kaidan Rowe, that was an eternity.
His eyes got wider than I’d ever seen them, full of indignation, and I felt a rush of mean potency in my blood. Acting as the vixen he often called me, I reached out and pinched his nipple. Hard.
He let out a small holler and grabbed my wrist. With my other hand I tore off his towel. In a movement too quick for me to comprehend, he was on top of me, pinning me to the bed.
“You win,” he ground out, breathing hard.
I wanted to laugh at the thrill of my victory, but his seriousness snuffed that urge. I tried to move my hips up to him, but his body pressed me down. I stroked his cheek, which had grown a five o’clock shadow, and he rested his forehead against mine. I felt his worries creeping in—the deeds of his past haunting him.
“This is right, Kai. We love each other.”
He closed his eyes. “I’d do anything for you.”
“Just love me,” I whispered.
“I need you to know this is different for me. I’ve never felt like this with someone. I don’t just love you, Anna. I adore you.”
I kissed him, and when he pulled away his hair hung around his eyes in sexy strands. I knew from the deep look he gave me that this was about to happen.
“Don’t look away from me, Anna,” he said.
I nodded. Nervous. Excited. “Okay.”
“If you need to stop—”
“Kai. I’m not fragile.”
“Right.”
I watched him swallow, then close his eyes as a shiver ran through his body. When he opened his eyes again, color poured through the air around him—the vivid, hot pink of passionate love.
Kaidan was showing me his colors.
It was my turn to swallow hard as I beheld the special gift he was offering. Under his thick aura of love was a strand of gray worry and even darker self-loathing. I wished I could make those go away, but only he held that power. Still . . .
“It’s beautiful,” I whispered.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered back.
I hitched a leg around him to pull him closer. He shifted above me, his body powerful and graceful. His hips curved toward mine and I moved to meet him, gasping at the contact. I never took my eyes from Kai as we became one.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
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CHAPTER FIFTEEN
DANCING WITH LIGHT
My goal had been to stay awake with Kaidan all night, but I must have dozed off because I woke at three a.m. with that eerie feeling of being watched. Moonlight streamed through the curtains, and I found Kaidan sleeping soundly next to me. I looked around the room, but saw nothing out of the ordinary.
It must have been a full moon because the night seemed brighter than normal. There were no streetlights. And then, suddenly, the light shifted and dimmed. Something was out there. My heart raced as I climbed silently from the bed and went to the window.
In the darkness, trailing through trees away from our cabin, was a spirit of light. An angel! Wonderment swirled through me like a windstorm. I didn’t want it to leave. I wanted to know why it’d been at our window and what it wanted—who it was.
I slipped on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, and slid my feet into flip-flops. Kaidan didn’t wake up. He must have been really tired, and I couldn’t say I was surprised. Hopefully I could sneak out and make it back without disturbing him. I left our cabin in silence and took off running toward the woods.
The spirit was fast, only a dot of light now. I followed it in the direction of the Grand Canyon. I could see the nearest cabin down the road, but no lights were on. Only a crescent moon and a huge sky full of stars lit my way, so I opened my night vision to get me through the pine trees on the dirt trail. I couldn’t see the angel anymore.
This was really stupid of me. I knew better than to go out in the open at night. As I berated myself, the trees tapered off around me and I stopped and stared.
Whoa.
Fifteen feet away from me was a wooden railing, and then darkness. Nothing. It could have been the edge of the earth. I moved closer and felt a dizzying sense of vertigo until my hands grasped the rail. It was monstrous. Eerily majestic. Scary, even. Deeper and wider than I could comprehend. With my supernatural vision I could just barely make out layers of earth in the canyon walls. I wished Kaidan were at my side to see it.
From the corner of my eye I saw a shooting star. My heart thumped and I stared at the white light as it moved with graceful speed through the sky. Definitely not a star. It seemed to be dancing its way toward me, loving the open space provided by the canyon.
I held my breath as it got nearer, feeling that same awe I’d felt when angels had entered the summit in New York. Such indescribable beauty and peace, like everything was okay, and all of my worries were silly and inconsequential.
As its gossamer form neared, a song blossomed in my mind—a sound more enchanting than children laughing and choirs harmonizing. My heart grew wings.
The angel descended until we were face-to-face and I was overcome with clear, pure emotion. The spirit wore a fine cloth around its body, golden hair long and windswept. I met its perfect, angelic face, and while I didn’t recognize her visually, my heart cried out. . . .
Mother.
Through our telepathic bond I asked, Are you . . . Mariantha?
She smiled. “Yes, my sweet daughter. We finally meet.”
Her voice was the most tender sound in the universe. I felt a brief flashback to my days in the womb when I heard her singing. It was her human voice, but her angelic soul had been shadowed within it.
Words couldn’t express what it meant to have her there at that moment. I could see why Dad’s soul had been drawn to hers. She was like a sweet wind of comfort that beckoned and pulled, sweeping me closer.
“I keep watch over you when I can, Anna, though I’ve only been given permission to visit this special night. We have been celebrating your marriage.”
“You have?”
I must have looked stunned because she giggled. At least I think it was a giggle—it sounded like light, jingling chimes ringing, and it made me smile.
“Oh, yes. We rejoice when love endures. I believe you already know the truth of life, my dearest Anna. That love is the strongest force. The binding substance. The element worth existing for. That is what makes you pure of heart.”
I didn’t know what to say. I felt buoyant and light, lifted by peace. Because she was right. I did know the truth.
“Never doubt it,” she said, and her voice sounded like song in my ears.
A bright star flashed far out in the sky, making my heart jump. Mariantha noticed it, too.
“I cannot stay.” She circled me, again like she was dancing, and I turned to follow, together, spinning. Then she looked up toward the trees. “Your young man searches for you. He is frightened.”
Oh, no!
“Kai!” I called to the air. “It’s all right. I’m at the canyon.”
I pushed my hearing into the trees and heard him running down the path. I met him at the edge as he emerged barefoot, wearing only a pair of shorts. He looked around wildly, eyes landing on my mother.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. I went into his arms. He was short of breath as he stared at her. I took his hand and led him to the lookout point.
“Kaidan . . . this is my mother, Mariantha.”
His eyes got huge. He bowed his head and said, “It’s an honor to meet you.”
I couldn’t hear her, but she must have been talking to him, because he looked up at her shyly and thanked her. Then she spoke to us both.
“I must go. Guard your love, for it will lead you through the darkness.” She turned to me. “You are ever in my heart, Anna. I love you always.”
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