“What a waste,” said Miru.
Both of my little sisters were hardly considerate. Whether it was to Odaira-sensei or the professor, everything they said was so rude.
“I’m really happy that I’m able to show everyone my collection-noda. That’s actually why I asked you to come-noda. Or well, I just decided that now-noda. All’s well that ends well-noda!”
“Why are you so fixated on 2D, Professor?” asked Kuroha.
The professor got a puzzled look on her face. “...? I’ve been around 2D things ever since I was little, so I guess I just became that way without thinking about it-noda. Was it different for you, Kuro-chan?”
In the 23rd century, everyone grows up surrounded by 2D characters, so people don’t need any special reason to come to love them. On the contrary, people who react coldly to 2D like Kuroha are very much in the minority.
“You’re a very current-day person, Professor, loving 2D as much as you do,” said Kuroha, stressing the “current-day” in a certain manner, but the professor didn’t seem to notice.
“Of course I am-noda! My entire reason for becoming a scientist was to one day travel to the world of 2D!”
To travel between dimensions...
It was a goal that many a scientist had challenged, but none had succeeded. It was humanity’s ultimate dream. There were many people in the 23rd century who would have loved to move to the world of 2D.
As an example, sometimes my classmate Sugawara-kun would sob to himself, “I wish I could live in the 2D world, too...” He would even cry in class. His beloved girlfriends were 2D characters, so it was only natural, after all.
The professor was trying to help save the poor little lost lambs like Sugawara-kun. How wonderful!
“And that’s also the reason you didn’t buy any physical objects like figures?” I asked.
“Figures are 3D-noda. They aren’t 2D, so they don’t count-noda!”
I was right!
“The time traveling marshmallows were supposed to be dimension traveling marshmallows-noda. So they’re actually a failed invention-noda.”
“Even your failed inventions are amazing breakthroughs... You really are a genius,” I said.
“You’re flattering me-noda. Well, I’m not going to lose to anyone when it comes to passion-noda!”
When I looked at the professor’s big smile, I really got a sense of her. Her passion is the source of her genius to create things!
I was so moved that I started to shake, and Miru tugged on the professor’s sailor uniform.
“How did you know where we were, Meguri?” she asked.
“I used this-noda.”
From her little pouch, she pulled out something that looked like a retro-game light gun. It seemed like she called it the “Meguri Gun.” The scope on the gun could be used like a radar and would let you find out where any human who had eaten a marshmallow was.
“Why is it in the shape of a gun if it’s a radar?” Miru asked.
“That was a request from the sponsor-noda. They’re going to make it into a toy and sell it-noda.”
I gathered that the professor was sponsored by a very prestigious, legendary toy company that went back more than 200 years. It was called TAKARA TAMI or BONDAI or something like that. “I need a sponsor to help pay for my research-noda. I’m aiming for my ‘Meguri Gun’ to be the number one ranked toy online-noda. I’ll make it a limited edition, and when it goes on sale, it’ll sell out in a flash-noda!” The professor puffed up her chest with pride.
Ooh, a limited edition!
Kuroha seemed a little exasperated, and asked the professor, “Why didn’t you just use a marshmallow? You can use them to go anywhere you want, right? There wasn’t any reason to send a letter.”
The professor answered immediately without any hesitation. “I don’t have any marshmallows-noda!”
We were all at a loss for words.
“...Whaaaat?! Then we can’t go back to the future?!” I cried.
“Well, technically speaking I do have marshmallows, but they’ve already gone past-noda.”
“Gone past what?”
“Their expiration date.”
The strength gave out in my legs.
“Um... You’re saying that the time traveling marshmallows have an expiration date? They’re not some candy sold in a store, they’re an invention of yours, right?” complained Kuroha.
“What are you saying-noda? Yes, they’re my invention, but they’re also a proper food product-noda. Of course there would be a expiration date to guarantee the quality taste-noda! Well, I didn’t realize they would expire myself until just recently-noda,” said the professor without a hint of guilt.
Past their expiration date... So that’s why we couldn’t use our marshmallows any more.
“I could just make some more of them, but I hardly have any ingredients left-noda. I maybe have enough to make them two or three more times-noda. These marshmallows aren’t something I can just make simply, so I decided that the next time I make them, I have to make sure we solve the crisis-noda.”
The crisis. The word echoed through my body.
“Crisis... You must mean...”
“Of course. Just as you all deduced, because a certain individual stole the manuscript for the work that formed the inspiration for Oniaka, history was changed-noda.”
The professor had traveled to the Heisei era in order to solve the crisis herself. She must have known something crucial about what had happened.
“I understand. We’ll do everything we can to help. With that radar, you must know where the person is who’s behind it, right? Let’s hurry up and go catch them!” I said.
“Well, about that... They also stole a cape that lets you avoid detection from my radar-noda. I used the radar to figure out that they were in this time period, but thanks to that cape, I don’t know their exact location-noda. I can’t just use the marshmallows to warp right next to them-noda...” The professor bit her lip, clearly frustrated.
“So who exactly is behind all this?” I asked.
My pulse jumped into high gear. Finally, we would have the answer to who was behind the curtain, pulling all the strings.
Who is it? What are they after?
The professor turned to me as I awaited her answer with bated breath, and she spoke in a meek voice.
“Sadame Choumabayashi. My older brother.”
＊
On a certain day in the 23rd century, in Kuroha’s room...
“Kuroha, it’s this month’s edition of Literary Gal. There’s an article describing the changes to Japanese over the years through translations of the Man’yoshu.”
“The changes to Japanese... Hmm, that sounds like a worthwhile read.”
Special Issue! Literary Gal May 2202
“See the changes to Japanese through translations of the Man’yoshu”
Original Text: 7th-8th century
籠毛与 美籠母乳 布久思毛与 美夫君志持 此岳爾 菜採須児 家吉閑 名告紗根 虚見津 山跡乃国者 押奈戸手 吾許曾居 師吉名倍手 吾己曾座 我許背歯 告目 家呼毛名雄母
komoyo mokomochi fukushimoyo mibukushimochi komowokani natsumasuko ihekikan namerasane soramitsu yamatonokuniha oshinabete warekosowore shikinabete warekosomase warekosoha norame ihewomonawomo
Bascat, bascat-faire, spade, spade-faire weld, pack thee erb, maid. Wah fram thy, priva nem? Yamato lond alle, catre ma. Vist brood rul ma. Nem eh hom tall, maid tall nem yee?
Modern Japanese Translation: 20th century
籠もまあよい籠をもち、ふぐしもまあよいふぐしを持って、この岡に菜をつまれている、娘子よ、家がどこにあるか聞きたい、名を言って下さい。大和の国はすべて私が治めている。広くゆきわたって私が治めている。私こそ家をも名のるから、娘子も家をも名をも言って下さい。
Kago mo maayoi kago wo mochi, fugushi mo maayoi fugushi wo mot
te, kono oka ni na wo tsumareteiru, musumego yo, ie ga doko ni aru ka kikitai, na wo itte kudasai. Yamato no kuni ha subete watashi ga osameteiru. Hiroku yuki watatte watashi ga osameteiru. Watashi koso ie wo mo na noru kara, musumego mo ie wo mo na wo mo ittekudasai.
What a nice basket you have there, and a nice trowel as well, young lady picking herbs on this hill. I ask of you where you are from, and what is your name? I rule over all of this country of Yamato. All the vast and wide land is under my control. I shall tell you who I am and of my house, so now you shall tell me your name and where you are from.
“Whoa, that old Japanese was written entirely in kanji. The translation into modern Japanese seems a lot closer to current-day Japanese, but... Kuroha, do you understand what this is about?”
“Yeah... It seems like some important person is questioning a girl.”
“Oh...? Ah, next is a translation by some ‘masked translator’ into current-day Japanese.”
“‘Masked translator’? Who could it be?”
“Who knows? They’re ‘masked,’ after all. Maybe they just didn’t want to stand out.”
“I’m interested now. Let’s have a look.”
Current-day Translation: Year 2202
でたひと→わたくし←えらい！
でたひと→おなのこ
いるいる いるいる おんにゃのこ←なのはな つみっこ◎
ちっこいおてて→かごとくし
おうち どこ？ どこ？
おなまえ にゃあに？
わたくし とっても えらいひと♂
おしえなかったら あとちゅける∞
もいちど ゆうけど
あとちゅける∞
おなのこ「これでゆるして」
いやん なにそれ しろいぬの
まさか まさかの おぱんちゅちゃん？
おなのこ おぱんちゅ てにかける
ぬぎぬぎ ほかほか
ほっかむり☆
おもらし おぱんちゅ アンモニ・ａ←さーびす
detahito→watakushi←erai！
detahito→onanoko
iruiru iruiru onnyanoko←nanohana tsumikko◎
chikkoi otete→kagotokushi
ouchi doko doko?
onamae nyani?
watakushi totemo erai hito♂
oshienakattara atochukeru∞
moichido yukedo
atochukeru∞
onanoko: “korede yurushite”
iyan nanisore shiroinuno
masaka masaka no opanchuchan?
onanoko opanchu tenikakeru
nuginugi hokahoka
hokkamuri☆
omorashi opanchu anmoni-a←saabisu
COMESIN → MEE ← VIP!
COMESIN → GIRL
LOOKY HERE LOOKY HERE GIRL ← FLOWER PICKY◎
TINY HANDS → BASKET N DIGGER
WHERE FROM?
WHAT NAME, TELL MEE?
MEE VIP BIG DEAL♂
TELL MEE OR MEE GETCHU∞
SAY AGAIN
MEE GETCHU∞
GIRL: “SORRY HAVE THESE”
OH MY WHITE CLOTH WHAT?
RLY ORLY PANTYCHAN?!
PANTIES GETCHU!
FRESHLY STRIPPED SO WARM
SOO WARM☆
PEED PANTY AMMONI AHH←SAHBISU SAHBISU
“‘Ammoni Ahh,’” I finished reading.
“...”
“What’s the matter, Kuroha?” I asked.
“That translation is insulting,” she said.
“Huh?”
“What the hell?! It’s translated completely wrong!”
“Is it, really?”
“Of course it’s wrong! Panties didn’t even exist in that era!”
“Oh yeah? I wonder who translated it.”
“Isn’t it completely obvious from the writing style?”
“Yeah... It does seem a lot like Odaira-sensei. But there are tons of people out there who copy his style. The many authors out there who use a similar method of writing are called the ‘Odaira Children’.”
“For goodness sake... It’s no wonder people like you would believe that panties exist in the far past,” she snapped.
“But it says right there that the panty part is just fan service. It’s an extra bonus, that’s all. More bang for your buck.”
“That’s not what a translation should be,” she fumed.
“Why are you getting so angry about this?” I wondered.
“Just so you know, I’m thinking about being a classical literature translator when I grow up.”
“I’m sure that the things you translate will be true to the original work, but I doubt they’ll be fun to read.”
“That’s not true! I’ll translate them into something fun!”
“Then you’d better add some panties.”
Chapter 3 - Chronicles of Myself
“Wh-What did you just say?!”
The culprit is actually the professor’s brother!
Hearing that secret revealed caused me to be at a loss. It was quite a shock, to be sure, but I hardly knew anything about the professor’s older brother, so I didn’t really know how I should react. The one thing I was sure of was what we had to do.
We’re gonna find this Sadame Choumabayashi (let’s be polite and call him Sadame-san), and capture him! We’re gonna chase after him together with his little sister, the professor!
“This is my brother-noda,” said the professor, showing us a picture.
It was an illustration of a little anime girl with smooth, silky skin. She was wearing a school swimsuit and doing stretches.
Th-That’s Sadame-san?!
“Oops, wrong one-noda,” said the professor, laughing it off as she took out a different picture. This one looked like the right one.
The picture showed a young man, with sharp eyes and hair that was standing up every-which-way as if he’d just gotten out of bed. He had deep wrinkles in between his eyebrows, like he was dissatisfied about something.
“He’s got horrible bedhead and seems really mad. Did you forcibly wake him up and then immediately take this picture or something?”
“No, that’s pretty much how he always is, and he makes his hair like that on purpose since he thinks it looks cool-noda.”
“I wonder what 2D character he styles his hair after?” I asked. In our time period, it was a given that your hairstyle was taken from a 2D character. I had styled my own hair in a very intellectual way based off the main characters of orthodox style literature.
“I doubt that he used a 2D character as the basis for his hairstyle-noda.”
Seriously?! That was all I needed to know to understand how different this person’s worldview must have been to our own.
The professor explained to us about her brother (on second thought, let’s call him Mr. Bedhead) and his crimes. It seemed like Mr. Bedhead had secretly eavesdropped on our conversation and had found out that Ani MAJI Mania was the inspiration for Oniaka. He had then used the professor’s marshmallows for evil by stealing the manuscript. She said that all of his actions were written down in the diary which he had left behind in the future.
“This is completely a premeditated act of terrorism. His motivation? I can surmise it. He must truly revile the orthodox literary style. It seems as if he worshiped his ancestor Torahiko Touji and wished to become an author himself,” said Odaira-sensei with a grimace.
Could you get any more selfish?! ...Wait, did Sensei just say something about an ancestor?
“If Mr. Bedhead’s ancestor was Torahiko Touji, then that means...”
“He’s my ancestor too-noda. Torahiko’s real name was Kouzou Choumabayashi-noda.”
Aha! So that’s what it was!
“I figured that my brother, who revered his ancestor, would surely come to this cottage-noda. That’s why I’ve been camped out here-noda. But it seems my
deduction was in error-noda. I’ve been here the entire time and he’s never shown up-noda. I thought I would show him my collection and surprise him-noda.” The professor sighed.
I see, so that’s why you were here at this hut.
“Don’t you think that Sadame-san would get even more furious if he saw what you’ve done to his beloved ancestor’s cottage?” said Kuroha, looking around at all the overflowing moe goods.
“I just wanted to see my brother go bright red with rage-noda!”
Mr. Bedhead seemed like he truly hated moe and the orthodox literary style. But...
“It doesn’t matter how much he hates the orthodox style — stealing that manuscript was too cruel! Wasn’t there something else he could have done? Ani MAJI Mania is filled with Yuzu-san’s feelings!”
Of course I was also angry as someone who loved orthodox style literature, but what I really couldn’t forgive was the act of stealing innocent Yuzu-san’s novel that she had worked so hard to write. It felt as if all of Yuzu-san’s feelings had gone to waste.
I took Yuzu-san’s hand and yelled, “Yuzu-san, I promise you! I’m going to win back your manuscript from Mr. Bedhead, no matter what! And then I’ll make sure that the future returns to being the Oniaka future!”
“Oh, my... Thank you so much, Gin-san.” Yuzu-san slowly began to blush. “Um, you’re being really kind, but there’s something you’ve been mistaken about all this time, Gin-san. Ani MAJI Mania isn’t about my feelings, it’s about—”
“Onii-chan, you said you’re going to win it back, but what if he has already thrown it away?” Kuroha interrupted Yuzu-san in a hurry, as if she were trying to cut her off.
“As long as we capture him, we should be fine-noda,” the professor said. “We just have to go back with the marshmallows to the time before he stole it and get it from there-noda. On the other hand, unless we catch him, there’s no telling what he might do, so we can’t rest easy-noda.”
Since Mr. Bedhead had the marshmallows, it would be difficult to make sure he couldn’t get in the way. That was why we had to capture him and make sure he couldn’t go anywhere.
My Little Sister Can Read Kanji: Volume 2 Page 5