“Does no one else see how sexist and ridiculous it is that I can’t be left unattended for sixty seconds? But, apparently, it’s just fine for Ford to be out on his own?” He’d left this morning to pick up supplies for the bar in Seattle, and he’d gone completely alone. “He’s the one that someone tried to kill.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, tears filled my eyes. “Shit, shit, shit!”
My emotions were on overdrive, and I seemed to cry or yell at the drop of a hat. Maybe I was PMSing. I hoped that was it, because I refused to become this crazy person forever. Caelyn pulled me into a hard hug. “I’m sorry, honey. I know this is a lot. We’re all just worried.”
After I’d stayed in one of Ford’s guest rooms for two more nights, and he was free of his sling and on the road to recovery, I’d told him I was going back home. Ford hadn’t been happy. In fact, he called nightly to make sure I had locked all my windows and doors and set the alarm. We’d gone from sharing a scorching kiss to me feeling like he saw me as a little sister again. Sure, he touched me, even brushed his mouth against mine, but those lip touches only came in private, away from anyone who might cast judgment. And they were missing the heat of that first embrace.
Part of me was relieved by the sudden reprieve, but mostly there was a crushing sense of disappointment, of loss, for the thing I’d never had to begin with. I stepped out of Caelyn’s embrace. “I’m going to shut myself in the closet for at least sixty seconds and get my shit together. Do you think you can keep the sharks at bay in the meantime?”
Caelyn grinned. “I think I can handle sixty seconds. Much longer, and Hunter’s going to start asking where you are.”
I groaned. He was just as bad as Ford. “Do what you can.” I strode towards the closet, shutting myself inside. I leaned my forehead against the cool brick wall, taking a few deep breaths. “Get it together, Bell.” Maybe it was time for a vacation. I could empty my barely-there savings account and get myself as far away as that money would take me.
My stomach twisted at the idea of leaving Ford when all of this was going down. Sheriff Raines still didn’t have any leads. And while nothing else suspicious had happened, everyone was still on edge. I straightened, knowing if I didn’t get out there soon, Hunter really would come looking for me, and I didn’t want to bite his head off, too.
I grabbed the package of napkins and headed out. When I reached the bar, my steps faltered. Waiting there, and looking supremely pissed, were my parents. Okay, maybe my dad didn’t look pissed, but my mom made up for it. “Hey.”
I wasn’t sure what else to say. They had to have heard through the grapevine about my apartment being vandalized, and I hadn’t even gotten a call. It was a reality check. They weren’t a part of my life anymore, and chances were they never would be.
“Isabelle.” My mother spat my name like an insult. And it was.
I tried to hide the flinch but knew a flicker of it showed. “Can I get you a drink? A menu?” The entire half full restaurant had grown silent, taking in the show.
“As if I would eat here. It probably isn’t even up to code.”
“Heather…” my father warned.
Her head snapped in his direction. “What? It’s probably not.”
I clasped my hands in front of me, refusing to give in to her games. “All right. If you’re not here for a drink or a meal, why don’t you tell me what it is I’ve done to piss you off now. I can then tell you I don’t care, and you can get even more mad and leave.”
My mom’s mouth opened and closed again and again. “You—you are—did you know the sheriff came to speak with us?” I shrugged. “He wanted to know our whereabouts the night that your apartment was vandalized and the night that—that boy was attacked. I know that he’s asking because of something you said.”
I gave another shrug. “That’s what happens when you threaten innocent people with lawsuits. That’s what happens when you lie and manipulate.” She had made me believe that Ford wanted nothing to do with me. Had said he couldn’t live with the guilt of killing my sister and that he never wanted to see my face again. I could forgive her for a lot, for pressuring me to be someone I wasn’t, for not being able to love me for who I was, but I didn’t think I’d ever be able to forgive her for that.
My mother’s face reddened to an unhealthy level. “That Hardy boy never should’ve shown his face here again. And you—you will have nothing to do with him. That’s an order.”
I chuckled, but it was low and ugly. “Mom, I have everything to do with him. I always have.”
She gasped. “You didn’t. You wouldn’t.” She was assuming something that wasn’t exactly true, but I didn’t care. Ford was going to be in my life for the rest of it. It didn’t matter in what capacity. He was my family, more so than the woman in front of me ever was or would be. Her eyes narrowed. “You might as well spit on your sister’s grave. He killed her.”
“No, the rain killed her by making the road slick. That deer killed her by darting into the street. The truck killed her by driving at that exact time and not stopping fast enough.” My voice hitched. “I killed her because I sat in the front seat. No one killed her! It was an accident!” I screamed the last words so loudly, I swore plates rattled.
Heat blazed in my mother’s eyes. “It should’ve been you. Both of you.” Her voice cracked. “Not my beautiful Violet.”
Hunter appeared at my parents’ backs. “I think it’s time for you to leave, and I’m going to have to ask that you don’t return.”
“This-this is my daughter’s place of employment. I’ll come anytime I like,” my mom blustered.
“I’m not your daughter.” I said the words low, but everyone heard them. “You already lost one child. Congratulations, now you’ve lost another.”
My mother gasped and I couldn’t even look at my father. His reaction didn’t matter. He was too much of a coward to stand against his wife, so none of it mattered at all.
I took off towards the back door. Hunter jogged after me, grabbing my elbow. “Where are you going?”
“I need to be alone.” Hunter opened his mouth to argue but I cut him off. “Please—I’ll stay within sight of the back windows, but just let me pretend I have some sense of privacy. I just need to fool myself into thinking I can be alone for five minutes.”
He released his hold on me. “Okay, Bell.”
With a jerky nod, I headed out the back door, trying to escape walls that felt as if they were closing in all around.
33
Ford
I pushed open the side door to The Catch. Striding down the hallway, I slowly became aware of how quiet it was. I could hear every lyric to the seventies rock song drifting through the speakers. A flicker of dread trailed down my spine, and I picked up my pace.
The main room was about half-full, but all the conversations were happening in muted whispers. I scanned the crowd. Darlene was behind the bar filling a pitcher of beer. Caelyn was weaving in and out of tables. I didn’t see Bell anywhere. My rib cage seemed to tighten, making it just a little harder to breathe.
My gaze caught on Ethan and Pete at a table. I hurried over. “Where’s my brother?”
Ethan gestured to the back doors, and I saw Hunter standing there, staring out at the beach. “Hunt,” I called as I headed his way. He glanced briefly over his shoulder and then returned his stare to the ocean. My annoyance ratcheted up a few notches. “Where’s Bell?”
Hunter inclined his head to the beach. There was a figure sitting on a worn piece of driftwood, staring out at the water. “Why the hell is she out there alone?” I growled. “I asked you guys to do one thing. To not leave Bell alone. The cops have no idea who’s behind all this and we have no idea if they want to harm Bell, too.”
Hunter didn’t even give me the courtesy of his attention, just kept his eyes firmly fixed on Bell. “Her parents showed.”
The space between my shoulder blades tightened. “What happened?”
“What do you think happened?
They made a scene. That mother of hers is a real bitch.”
Dread, thick and insidious, crept through my gut. Nothing and no one got in Bell’s head like her mom. It had always been the case. Why a mother couldn’t see her daughter for the incredible, beautiful, unique being that she was, I’d never understand. Part of me had hoped that losing Violet would wake Heather Kipton up to what was right in front of her. Apparently, that wasn’t the case. “What’d she say?”
A muscle in Hunter’s jaw flexed. “She was pissed the sheriff came to talk to her. Berated Bell. Accused you of killing Violet. Told Bell she was spitting on her sister’s grave.” That dread intensified, adding itself to a healthy dose of guilt. Guilt for leaving Bell alone, now and eleven years ago.
“Don’t you dare take that shit on.” My brother spat the words in my direction.
“Take what on?”
“Vi’s death. It was an accident.”
“I know.” For the first time, the guilt I was feeling had nothing to do with Violet’s death. I knew that it wasn’t my fault. I’d done what I could to avoid the deer, the cliff, the oncoming truck. I’d done the best I could with what I had. It hadn’t been enough, but it wasn’t my fault. It was no one’s fault.
Hunter’s startled gaze jumped to me. “You do?”
“I do.”
“So you’re not going to run?”
Shit. I had messed things up so badly with my brother. He was just waiting for me to bail on him again. Just like Bell. I clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere, Hunt. I’m actually thinking about staying.” It had been circling around in my mind for weeks now. Bell had forgiven me, she was giving me a chance, and I could put up with nosy, judgmental islanders if it meant I had her.
His eyes widened. “Staying?”
“I’m trying to figure out a way to make it work.” It would take some creative configuring, some back-and-forth travel to LA, but I could do it.
“Does Bell know that?”
“I don’t want to tell her anything until I’ve got it all figured out.” The last thing I wanted to do was promise Bell something and then go back on my word. I didn’t think we’d survive it. Not to mention, the past two weeks had been hectic, to say the least. The bar had been packed, more with nosy locals wanting to know what had happened than anything else, but I’d take their money with a smile. I’d had to make trips to another island for follow-up doctor’s appointments since I didn’t think it was a good idea to make an appointment with Anchor’s only doctor—Bell’s father. My parents needed assurance that their son was safe and recovering. I’d hardly had a moment alone with Bell.
“I think you should tell her.”
“I will.” When the moment was right.
My brother gave me a slap on the back and then took hold of my shoulder. “I love her, too. And if you hurt her…” Pain flashed in Hunter’s eyes. “Just don’t.”
I stiffened. “There’s not—there was never anything like that between you two, right?” Bell had said there wasn’t, but something about my brother’s tone set me on edge.
Hunter scoffed. “No. Nothing like that.” His gaze drifted back to Bell’s form on the beach. “That doesn’t mean I don’t care about her, though. Just don’t hurt her.”
I swallowed hard. “I’ll do everything I can to prevent that from happening.”
“Good.”
I pushed open the back door and headed to Bell. My eyes scanned the surrounding beach and the trees that lined the shoreline. I hated how exposed she was, that anyone could’ve snuck up on her. I didn’t care how angry she was at her parents, it didn’t mean she could take risks with her safety.
My back teeth ground together in a steady rhythm as I got closer to Bell. I eased down next to her on the log, not trusting myself to speak yet. She didn’t even look at me, just kept staring out at the sea. I could feel a mix of energies coming off her in waves: pain, confusion, longing. I wrapped an arm around her, drawing her close. The twinge in my ribs barely registered now.
“How was the mainland?”
The question was so normal, so evenly stated, I almost laughed. “Is that really what you’re going with?”
Bell gave a little shrug and kept right on watching the crashing waves. “What did you want me to say?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe, ‘my mom is a crazy bitch, and I’m really hurting right now.’”
Bell was silent for a moment. “Saying it out loud doesn’t change anything.”
I sighed, rubbing a hand up and down her back. “It might not change anything, but naming it can take away some of the power.” Her eyes flicked up to mine for a brief moment before returning to the water. “I had a long talk with Vi at her grave after I got here. It didn’t change the fact that she was gone, but naming that guilt, saying out loud all the ways I’d fucked up…it took away some of the power the guilt had over me.”
Bell’s body melted into mine at my words, that release, the fact that she was leaning against me, it eased something in me. “I’m glad that helped, Ford.”
“But you don’t want to talk about your parents.” My heart broke for her, and I had the sudden urge to shake her mom and dad until they woke up and realized the damage they were doing to the one daughter they had left.
Bell toyed with a string that had come loose on her denim shorts, twisting it around her finger. “She’ll never understand me. She doesn’t want to. She just wants to hold onto her anger, because if she holds onto that rage, she doesn’t have to feel the hurt.” My heart cracked a little further, for Heather Kipton too, a woman who simply wasn’t equipped to handle this kind of loss.
“I’m sad for her, honestly.” Bell gave voice to the thoughts forming in my head. “But I can be sad for her, feel empathy for her, and still not want her in my life.” Bell looked up, unshed tears glittering in her eyes. “It hurts too much. I can’t do it anymore. Not even these casual, polite conversations when we run into each other in town. It’s all so fake, and when the real stuff bubbles up like it did today, when her true colors show, it’s just too painful.”
I pulled her closer against me, pressing my lips to her temple and leaving them there for a moment, needing to say all the things she wasn’t ready to hear. “You’re allowed to choose yourself.”
A single tear tipped over, cascading down her cheek. “Am I?”
“You are and you should. You don’t have to punish yourself by letting them spew venom into your life.”
Bell pressed her cheek into my chest. “Every time I take a step back from them, I feel so damn guilty. But today was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Mom’s mind…it’s too twisted, she’s created this story to stoke her anger, to keep it burning, and I refuse to be a part of it.”
“Good.”
“You don’t think I’m a horrible human?”
I pressed my lips to Bell’s hair, that scent that was hers alone mixing with the sea air and giving me my peace. “I think you’re the best human I know.”
She let out a little laugh, the action sending pleasant vibrations into my chest. “Let’s not get crazy.”
We stayed like that for a long time. Bell’s cheek against my chest, her body wrapped in my arms, just listening to the waves crash into the shore. I soaked in everything I could: her smell, the feel of her pressed against me, the sound of her breathing barely audible against the backdrop of the waves.
“I missed you, Bell.”
“I’m right here.”
She’d been right here these past two weeks but still felt so damn far away. “Will you do me a favor?”
“Depends on what it is.”
I chuckled. “Stay with me for a while.”
Bell groaned. “I don’t know…”
“Please. I need this. To know you’re safe. That your parents won’t be able to show up unannounced and blindside you again—” My words cut off because I realized that all of the overprotective worry had gotten me nowhere with Bell. She didn’t want to be sheltere
d, protected. “Bell, I want you with me. In my life. In my space. Yes, I want to make sure you’re safe, but I also just want you close.”
Bell was quiet for a moment before she spoke. “People are going to talk.”
“Let them.”
She tipped her head up to take in my expression. “Are you sure you can handle that?”
The ghost of my explosion outside Two Scoops still hung over us. I couldn’t lie and say it didn’t piss me off, but Bell was what mattered, not anyone else. “I don’t care about them. I care about you. Stay with me.” I held my breath as I waited for her answer.
“Okay.” She leaned in, pressing her lips to my stubbled cheek. Then she rose and headed towards the bar. “Come on, we’ve been slacking long enough.”
I shook my head as I stood, chuckling to myself. I guess honesty really did pay off in the end.
34
Bell
“Don’t you dare even think of lifting that,” I barked at Ford as he reached out for the bucket of ice I’d set in front of our ice bin.
Crosby chuckled. “Watch out, man, don’t want to get smacked with a ruler.”
I scowled at him. “He’s still recovering. The doctor said he needs to be cautious about lifting for another week.”
The smile on Ford’s face startled me. I expected him to be annoyed that I’d told him not to lift something, like it might be a threat to his manhood. Instead, he had the biggest, dopiest grin I’d ever seen. He pulled me to him, my arms instinctively going around his waist. He pressed his lips to my forehead. “You’re worried about me.”
My cheeks heated as I quickly glanced around the bar. We definitely had folks’ attention. I slipped out of his embrace and immediately felt the loss. Ford might have said he wasn’t worried about what other people might think of us together. Still, I didn’t want to risk someone else sharing their ignorant opinion with us. “Of course I’m worried about you. You have three bruised ribs and a dislocated shoulder. Not to mention the head injury.”
Reckless Memories Page 20