by Mia Carson
I angled my truck to a stop at the curb. I had to park a half-block from Dolly’s, and it took me a solid fifteen minutes to reach the door as people stopped me on the street to welcome me home. I made some good friends while I was in the service, but these people were closer to family than friends.
I opened the door and entered Dolly’s, taking a deep breath as the door swung closed behind me, the smell of coffee and food bringing back a flood of memories. I took a table by the window so I could look out on the street and watch the cars pass. Raymond Calhoun, Ted Wilkens, Roger Corbin, Dolly Hinkle, and more, all the people I’d known my entire life, stopped at my table to welcome me back. I’d been expecting that.
What I didn’t expect, however, was Ella. After the well-wishers had broken up, she stopped at my table and placed a menu in front of me along with a glass of water.
“Levi,” she said softly, her eyes low.
“Ella. How you been?”
I hadn’t seen her since the day I boarded the bus to begin my career in the Air Force, but she was lovelier than ever. Time had softened her slightly, but she’d turned from a pretty girl into a beautiful woman. She looked tired, and the spark that used to inhabit her eyes was missing, but she still took my breath.
“Okay. You?”
I knew that her marriage to Steve hadn’t happened, and I also knew that her accusation of rape hadn’t gone anywhere. It had turned into her word against many, and eventually the whole affair had been swept under the rug. I hadn’t talked to Mom and Dad about her much, preferring to avoid the subject as much as possible.
“Not bad. I suppose you heard I was back.”
“Yeah. I was surprised to hear that. What happened? Originally you were going to stay in until you retired.”
“Yeah, well, things change.”
She nodded. She looked so sad. She’d hurt me, hurt me badly, but as much as I tried, I couldn’t hate her.
“What can I get you?”
I didn’t even look at the menu. “Still have the open-faced pot-roast sandwich?”
“With a side of fries, gravy over it all, sweet tea to drink?”
She remembered. “Why not?”
“I’ll put it in.” She started to turn away, but then faced me again. She licked her lips, but she still couldn’t seem to meet my gaze. “It’s good to see you, Levi. I’m glad you’re back.”
Before I could answer, she hurried away. I watched her, my eyes tracking her as she hurried about, taking orders, delivering food, and ringing people out.
Dolly’s fare was simple, filling, delicious, fast, and inexpensive. Five minutes after Ella took my order, she slid my plate in front of me, leaving my ticket face down.
“Thank you,” I murmured, but she didn’t answer as she hurried to another table. I’d caught them in the middle of the lunch rush and she didn’t have time to dally.
The sandwich, a thick chunk of roast resting on two slices of white bread and drowned under a thick layer of brown gravy, was as good as I remembered. I ate slowly, speaking to those who spoke to me, but mostly I watched Ella. I noticed her looking at me several times, but each time I caught her watching, she’d lower her eyes. It was almost heartbreaking, the guilt I saw on her face.
I finished eating and dropped a ten on the table as a tip as I carried my ticket to the register. It was more than a fifty-percent tip, but it felt right. Mackenzie, the other waitress rang me out.
“Good to see you back, Levi.”
“It’s good to be home.”
“We should get together sometime and catch up.”
I smiled and nodded. Mackenzie was a year younger than me, but I still remembered her from school. “Maybe.”
“I get off at two-thirty today.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I replied as she placed my change in my hand.
I walked out with a grin. Mackenzie had been adorable in school, but she’d grown out of that and was hot as hell now. Maybe I should catch up with her. Before I hadn’t paid much attention to her because of Ella, but I’d fuck the shit out of her now. Who knows? Maybe something would come of it.
I sat down in my truck, but I didn’t reach for the key. I stared out of the windshield at nothing for a long moment. Seeing Ella had stirred up all kinds of mixed feelings. I was afraid my sudden surge of lust for Mackenzie was the result of wanting to hurt Ella. While I didn’t mind stabbing Ella in the heart so much, it wouldn’t be fair to use Mackenzie like that. I was done using women that way.
I started my truck but immediately switched it off again. “Goddamnit!” I growled as I shouldered the door open.
I stomped back into Dolly’s and glanced around. Mackenzie’s face lit up when she saw me, and Ella seemed to collapse in on herself. I moved through the café toward the two women.
“Can we talk?” I asked Ella, ignoring Mackenzie.
Both women looked surprised that I’d returned to talk to Ella. “I can’t. I have to work.”
“When do you get off?”
“Eight.”
“Can I see you after you get off?”
Ella glanced around. “Why?”
I took her arm and pulled her from the register to quiet corner. “I have to hear it from you. I can’t let this go until I do.”
“What’s done is done, Levi. I can’t change it.”
“I’m not asking you to change it. I just want to hear what happened from you.”
Ella glanced around. Everyone was staring, but I didn’t care. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I do. Just talk to me. If after that you want to tell me to go fuck myself, I’ll respect that. But you owe me this.”
She glanced around again. “Okay, this one time.”
I nodded. “I’ll be here when you get off.”
She didn’t look happy at all, and she still wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I have to go,” she said as she squeezed past me. “I have work to do.”
I returned to my truck and backed out of the parking space. I was getting more and more angry. I slammed the truck into drive and buried my right foot, the rear tires screaming in protest as I rocketed away. I kept my speed reasonable until I cleared town, but then I put my foot down, the truck bellowing as it strained for speed. Why was I so upset, and why was I taking it out on my truck? I wanted to hit something, or fuck some bitch raw, anything to release this rage choking me.
I should turn around, go back to Dolly’s, and take Mackenzie up on her offer. I could take her back to her place and try to make her scream as I fucked the shit out of her. What did I care? I’d fucked so many women I’d lost count. They meant nothing to me, so what was one more? The speedometer had just touched ninety when I slammed my hand hard into the steering wheel.
“Fuck!” I roared.
The pain in my hand snapped whatever had a grip on me. I lifted my foot and allowed the truck to slow. Even after five years, the ache of Ella’s actions still choked me. Maybe talking to her and finding out why she’d stabbed me in the back would give me release, or at least I could start hating her to give me a target for my anger and pain.
Why couldn’t I let it go? I wanted to. I thought I had. I assumed I was starting to settle down because I’d finally worked off, or fucked off, the hurt. But that was before I saw her today. I think if she’d given me the finger, I could have taken it better than the look of sadness and guilt on her face as she watched me.
“Fuck me,” I sighed. What was wrong with me?
I was still musing over my reaction when I turned into the long drive that led to my house. It was a typical Texas farm house. Dad built the place about twenty-five years ago, when Mom was pregnant with Kamron. It was a one-story, red brick sitting in the middle of a five-acre plot that held the house, Mom’s garden, the two equipment sheds, and four large grain silos. Mom was buzzing back and forth on the riding mower and I felt guilty. I should be doing that instead of out running around, getting my undies in a twist over something I couldn’t change.
&
nbsp; She pulled to a stop beside my truck and killed the engine on the John Deere mower. I smiled. So many memories were tied up in this place, like the fact Dad wouldn’t buy anything but John Deere, from the most expensive piece of farm equipment all the way down to the riding mower.
I recalled the time he’d had to borrow a tractor because the small utility tractor we used for light jobs and gardening was out of commission while we waited on a backordered wheel bearing to be delivered. The little Massey Ferguson we’d borrowed to till Mom’s garden had done a fine job, and he’d allowed he could stand to have it on the place…if he painted it green.
“Why don’t you let me finish that?” I asked.
“Oh, poo,” Mom replied with a grin and dismissive wave. “Who do you think mowed when you weren’t here?” I knew she was right, and she did most of the mowing even when I was here since I was usually busy in the fields. “How was your trip to town?”
“Okay. I bumped into Ella at Dolly’s.”
“Oh. You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m going to meet her after work.”
“Levi, why? Why do you want to do that to yourself?”
“I need this, Mom. I need to find out why she did it.”
“What difference does it make? She did, and that’s all that matters. Why are you trying to open old wounds?”
“I have to.”
She lowered her head as her mouth pulled down at the corners. “You’re not a little boy anymore, and can make your own decisions. Just be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”
“We’re just going to talk. Once I hear it from her, maybe I can put it behind me.”
“It’s been five years. You need to let it go.”
“I’m trying! I thought I had, but seeing her again…” I shook my head. “If we’re both going to live here, I can’t avoid her. Maybe this will help.” I decided to throw her a bone. “Mackenzie Brusche wants to get together and catch up.”
“Why don’t you? She seems like a sweet girl, and she’s cute as a button.”
“Maybe I will, but I need to do this first.”
She sat on the mower, holding my gaze for a long moment before she seemed to make up her mind about something. “If you have to do this, then you have to. Just be careful,” she warned again before she twisted the key to start the mower.
6
Ella
I had known Levi was coming home from the Air Force. The whole damn town knew. I hadn’t expected to see him so soon after he arrived, though. When he’d walked in and sat down at one of my tables, I’d nearly died. I had almost asked Mackenzie to take him because I knew she’d love the chance wait on him.
The last time he lived here he was off limits. Everyone in town knew he was mine, but now he was fair game. All the unattached women in town around my age were panting for him. As much as I didn’t want to have to face him, I decided I had to eventually. At least here he probably wouldn’t call me a whore. He was a McCormick, after all, and they had too much class for something like that.
What really bothered me was how nice he was to me. He wasn’t exactly warm and welcoming, but he didn’t seem to hate me. Maybe he’d gotten past my betrayal. I hoped so. At least one of us had.
The hell of it was, despite what had happened, I’d never stopped loving him. When he’d walked in, everything came flooding back. He’d always been a good-looking guy, but now… Oh… my… God! If they were to put his picture on an Air Force recruiting poster with the words ‘come fly with me’ underneath, half the women in America would be in the Air Force recruiting office the next day.
The Air Force had been good to him. He’d filled in, bulked up, and his shirt fit him in all the right ways. Better than the way he looked, and that was saying something, was he now had a confidence and swagger to his walk that hadn’t been there before. He’d left a kid, but he’d returned a man.
I was relieved when he’d left without making a scene. It had taken two years before I was allowed back in the McDonalds, and I wasn’t anxious to repeat that experience, especially at my job. When he’d come back in, I thought he was coming back to take Mackenzie up on her offer, but he’d surprised me when he blew right past her to corner me.
I didn’t want to rehash the past. Getting pregnant out of wedlock didn’t carry the stigma it once had, but I’d alienated nearly everyone in town when I went after Steve for rape. When I couldn’t prove what I was saying, the whispers had started. This was Texas, and while everyone was unfailingly polite, I was frozen out. My circle of friends dried up, opportunities closed, and I was now the bitch that tried to blame someone else for her mistake. For the longest time, the only ones who stood with me was my family. Hamlinton respected them for that, but that respect hadn’t trickled down to me. When I’d stopped pursuing the rape charges, the town had seen it as me finally owning up to my responsibilities.
After Abby was born, Steve agreed to paying a small stipend in child support, and the entire matter was eventually forgotten. I was only now starting to be accepted by the town again, and I wasn’t anxious to return to the oh-so-polite shunning I’d endured before.
I was terrified of what Levi might do. Will and Judy McCormick had been instrumental in turning the town against me. They hadn’t done it on purpose, but I’d hurt their son, and therefore they wanted nothing to do with me. Where the McCormicks went, so followed the town, especially when it was the popular opinion anyway. If Levi started stirring the pot again, I could be right back where I started.
The rest of my shift, I worked in sick fear. I was trapped. I had no skills and was barely making ends meet. If it weren’t for the help of Mom and Dad, I’d still be living at home. I couldn’t leave, and if Levi decided to take revenge on me, staying would be nearly intolerable.
The lunch rush was down to a trickle when Levi walked in at 7:50. The heaviness in my stomach swelled until I thought I was going to puke. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? At eight o’clock sharp I made my last rounds to top off glasses, then with shaking hands, clocked out. I hadn’t told Mom that Levi wanted to talk to me, and she would be expecting me to pick up Abby in less than thirty minutes.
My car was parked in the back, but I knew if he saw me go out the back, he’d think I was trying to dodge him. With no other option, I held my head high and marched to the front door. I just wanted to get this over with. He stood as I approached and held the door open for me, ever the gentleman, the bastard.
“I have to go get Abby,” I said as soon as we were on the sidewalk.
“That’s your daughter?”
“Yes. So make this quick.”
He glared at me. “Why so hostile? I haven’t done anything to you.”
I sagged. “I know. I’m sorry, but Mom is expecting me.”
“Where do you live?”
“Why?”
“Because I want to talk to you, and I don’t want to do it standing on the damn sidewalk, okay? I thought, since you needed to get your little girl, I’d meet you at your house. If you don’t want to tell me where you live, we can meet somewhere else if you prefer.”
“This isn’t a good time, Levi.”
“Okay, fine. Name the time.”
I held his gaze and could tell he wouldn’t let this drop. I sighed. “I rent a trailer at the corner of Fourth and Southwest. 401 Southwest.”
“Over by the retirement home?” he asked.
“Yeah. It’s blue and white. I’ll be there in about an hour.”
“I’ll be waiting.” He watched me a moment before he continued. “I’m not looking to cause you any more trouble. I just want to hear what happened in your own words. After that, if you never want to see me again…” He shrugged.
I sighed. I owed him that much. “Abby is a little shy around strangers.”
“I won’t bite her, I promise.”
I didn’t want to, but a flicker of a smile touched my lips. “Just don’t be surprised if she hides from you.”
He took a step back. �
��I’ll see you in an hour.”
I walked to my car. The entire drive to Mom and Dad’s I debated telling them I was meeting Levi. I finally decided I would. They’d eventually learn about it anyway, and they’d want to know why I didn’t tell them. Nothing stayed secret very long in Hamlinton.
“How’s my girl?” I asked as Abby flew into my arms. I picked her up and gave her a noisy kiss on the cheek. “Were you good for Grandma?”
“Yep!” Abby chirped. “She let me feed the chickens!”
“Thanks again, Mom.”
Mom nodded. “She’s no trouble at all, but the chickens are getting fat.”
I snickered. Despite everything I’d been through, Abby was the light of my life. She was a real charmer and already had her Grandpa wrapped tight around her little finger. I’m sure every parent thought their child was beautiful, and I was no different, but everyone who saw Abby said the same thing. And now that she was out of the terrible twos, and already in her fours, she was a real sweetheart to boot.
“Want something to eat before you go?” Mom asked.
I shook my head. “Levi is waiting on me.”
“Levi? What’s he want?” Mom asked, her voice cold.
“To talk.”
Mom frowned. She wasn’t a big fan of the McCormicks anymore. Only the Calhouns and the Meyers, as a family, ranked lower. “About what? Haven’t they done enough?”
“He said he wants to hear my side of the story.”
She rolled her eyes. “A fat lot of good that’ll do.”
For some reason her attitude annoyed me. “Of all the people involved in this mess, Levi is the most innocent. He hasn’t done anything, and when I bumped into him this afternoon, he was nothing but pleasant.”
“I don’t trust them, not anymore, not after the way they treated you.”
I patted her on the arm. “It’ll be okay.”
“Want your Dad to go with you?”
I was horrified at the idea. Absolutely nothing good could come from that meeting. I forced a smile. “No. I’ll be okay. He just wants to talk. I’ll give him ten or fifteen minutes to say what he needs to say and then I’ll kick him out.”