by Mia Carson
I sighed. “You don’t have to do that.”
“What if I want to?”
I swung my leg over and moved off his lap, sighing silently as I saw the bulge in his pants. “If that’s the best we can do.”
He kissed me on the head as I snuggled into his side. “If I take you to bed, I won’t leave, and that will hurt Mom’s feelings after I told her I’d be home.”
I took his hand in mine and held it against my chest so he’d stop slowly caressing my breast. That was making my desire for him stronger. “I understand.”
I sat quietly, thinking. It had only been a little over two months since he’d returned, and already so much had happened. I’d been horrified when he and Steve had words at Goodall’s, and him going after Steve at Dolly’s had been even worse, but in hindsight his actions warmed me deep inside. He believed in me and was protecting me and fighting for me.
He was totally back in the good graces of my family, and Abby was starting to adore him. She’d wanted him to read her story again tonight and was disappointed he wasn’t there to do so. He was such a good man, and he was winning the hearts of nearly everyone.
I’d nearly ruined everything. Not by being raped, but by not trusting him. I still felt guilty for not trusting him and going to San Antonio, but he’d forgiven me, and even that deep wound was beginning to heal.
I smiled as he kissed me on the head again. He was right. I couldn’t change that I’d been drugged or raped, and I couldn’t change that Steve hadn’t gone to prison for it, but I could change how people saw me. I was going to eat the elephant, and with Levi’s help, I was going to show Hamlinton I wasn’t the woman they thought I was, that I wasn’t a liar trying to blame Steve for my mistake. Steve might never serve time for what he did, but I decided that wasn’t the most important thing anymore.
What was important was proving that Levi and my parents had been right to believe in me. It might take the rest of my life, or perhaps I’d never convince everyone, but I decided that wasn’t important to me either. There were only two people whose opinion I valued, outside of my family and Levi, and they were William and Judy McCormick. If I could convince them I was a good person and wasn’t a liar, then I decided I wouldn’t care what anyone else thought.
It might take me a while to get there, but with Levi’s help, I thought I could. I smiled. Three months ago, I’d spent my days trying to keep my head down and not be noticed. Now I was contemplating giving the metaphorical finger to all those who continued to whisper about me. It was a very empowering thought. I just hoped I could get there.
“What are you thinking?” Levi whispered.
“How much I love you.”
“Really? How much?”
“More than you’ll ever know.”
He kissed me on the head. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I’d say the same about you.”
I smiled. “Abby asked about you tonight. She wanted you to read Goodnight Moon to her again.”
“Sorry I wasn’t here to do it.”
“It’s okay. She got over it.”
“She’s a sweet kid. She takes after her mother.”
“Despite all that happened, something good did come out of it.”
“Very good.”
I sat quietly for many long moments, tucked into Levi’s side, soaking up the feelings of love and support. “You should go. It’s getting late.”
“I don’t want to.”
I sniffed loudly in a single huff of mirth. “I don’t want you to, either, but I don’t want you falling asleep driving, and I don’t want your mother upset at me. You’re trying to win her over to not thinking I’m a bitch, remember?”
Levi sniffed out a laugh. “I remember. Don’t worry. I predict by this time tomorrow, she will have a whole new attitude about you.”
“And if she doesn’t?”
“She will, Ella. Don’t worry. Dad is already starting to come around to the idea that you’re going to be part of my life again.” He paused. “Did I tell you that Rebecca and Kamron completely supported me taking a piece out of Steve’s ass for groping you?”
“No. They did?”
“Yeah, and told Mom as much, too. I know progress seems slow to you because you’re the one having to carry the load, but we’re starting to win.”
I nodded. “The load isn’t nearly as heavy since you got back.”
“And it will get lighter still. You’ll see.”
I sighed as I pulled myself out of his embrace. “It’s almost midnight. I have to get up in the morning, and you still have to get home.” I kissed him slowly. “Thank you for coming by and telling me the news.”
He said nothing but caressed my face with gossamer lightness. He used to do that all the time, and I didn’t realize how much I’d missed it. Levi was a toucher, at least with me, and I loved it.
“I love you.”
I smiled. “I love you too, but you have to go now unless you’re going to stay,” I replied.
He stood and walked to the door. He paused and pulled me into a long, loving, kiss. “To keep me warm tonight,” he whispered before he opened the door and stepped outside.
I waited, secretly hoping he would change his mind and come back, but when he backed out of my drive, I sighed and padded lightly down the hall to my room. I tumbled into bed and switched off the light. I lay in the darkness, eyes closed, waiting on sleep.
I sighed as sleep began to pull at me, wondering how Will and Judy would react to Levi’s news. I didn’t know, but the one thing I did know was that I wasn’t looking forward to facing them again. The disapproval on Judy’s face when I’d brought Levi home had been hard to take. It was almost as if my own mother disapproved of me.
I hoped Levi could win them over. I thought I could learn not to care what anyone else thought about me, with the exception of Will and Judy. I did care what they thought of me, almost as much as I cared what my own parents thought. If I could just win them over, I was confident everything would be alright.
21
Levi
I entered the kitchen to the wonderful smell of eggs, bacon, and coffee. Today was going to be a glorious day, I just knew it.
“Morning,” Mom said. “What time did you get home last night?”
I grinned at her slightly disapproving tone. “About 12:30. I told you I’d be late. Where’s Dad?”
“Talking to Raymond Calhoun. He’ll be here in a minute.”
“What’s he talking to old man Calhoun about?” I asked as I sat down in my traditional place at the table.
“He called last night. He wants some help finishing up.”
I grunted. I was surprised to hear that. I thought we’d finished all our contract harvesting yesterday, and all that was left was bringing the 9870s home and prepare them for storage. Looked like I had a little more work to do.
“How’d it go last night?” Mom asked as she slid eggs onto plates.
“I’ll tell you both when Dad gets here.”
She must have heard something in my voice because she paused a moment, watching me, before she dropped the skillet into water and pulled biscuits from the oven.
“Good, you’re up. We have about two days’ work for Calhoun,” Dad said as he stomped into the kitchen. “He wants to get the last of his crop in while the weather’s still good and not take a chance on the rain their predicting for the weekend.”
“Okay. We’ll get’er done.”
“You’re in a good mood this morning.”
I grinned. “Yeah. I have some news. I’d have told you last night, but you were in bed. I talked to Catherine Meyer last night.” I paused to make sure I had their attention. “She straight up admitted she drugged Ella’s beer.”
There was a long moment of silence as Mom and Dad looked at each other before looking back at me.
“You’re sure?” Mom asked.
I gave her my ‘of course I’m sure’ look. “One Ambien tablet stolen from her mother. She dropped it in Ella’s seco
nd beer. She said it wasn’t malicious, that she only wanted to help Ella relax because she’d been moping for a week, but she definitely did it.”
“And Steve?” Dad asked.
“He didn’t know about the drug, not until later.”
Mom stared at me. “Ella was telling the truth?”
“Every last word of it,” I said, all the cheerfulness gone from my voice to drive the point home.
Mom and Dad looked at each other again. “I’ve been so ugly to her. How will I ever face her again?” Mom asked, glancing between Dad and me.
“You start by apologizing,” I suggested.
Mom pursed her lips. “Levi, I’m so sorry! I—”
“She’s the one you need to apologize to, not me.”
Mom nodded. “I know, and I will, but I’m still sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you said she was telling the truth, and I’m sorry I didn’t believe her. It’s just that—”
“I know, Mom. She’ll understand, but you have to make this right.” I looked at Dad. “Both of you.”
Mom and Dad stared at each other for a long moment, saying nothing. “You’re right,” Dad finally said with a firm nod, breaking the silence.
“How will she ever forgive us?” Mom asked. She looked like she might cry.
“Don’t sell her short,” I suggested. “Go to Dolly’s. You don’t have to make a big production of it, but go and apologize to her there in front of everyone. Let people see you do it.”
“I don’t know,” Mom said, shaking her head slightly in denial.
“You’re right,” Dad said at almost the same moment. “That’s what we’ll do.” When Mom looked at him, he nodded in encouragement. “We owe her that at least, Judy.”
“I’m so ashamed.”
“Here’s your chance to make it up to her. Trust me, she’ll understand. She knows how it looked. The important thing now is to get this mess behind us.”
“Do you really think she’ll forgive me?”
“She forgave me, and what I did was much worse.” I smiled. “I think there’s a pretty good chance.”
Mom sat quiet for a long time. “She was like my own daughter, and when she really needed me, I turned my back on her.”
“Everyone made mistakes,” I said softly. “You, me, Ella, all of us. Ella understands she made herself look guilty by the way she acted. She blamed herself for going to the barn in the first place, and for what happened afterwards, and for hurting me, and a bunch of other stuff that wasn’t her fault, but we can get past this. I know we can, because Ella and I did.”
Mom nodded. “I was so afraid she was going to hurt you again,” she said, sniffing back tears, “and it was me all along. I should have been there for you, and for Ella.”
I stood up and pulled her into a hug. “It’s okay, Mom. Everyone makes mistakes…even moms.” I held her a moment before I stepped away from the hug and looked at her. “If you talk to Ella just like you did to me, it’ll all work out.” I smiled at her. “Trust me.”
She nodded and sniffed again. “Okay. We’ll do it today, at Dolly’s, just like you suggested.”
Dolly’s was the spot in town where people came to socialize and swap stories and gossip over coffee. If they apologized there, that would ensure the news rippled through town.
I pulled her back into a hug. “Love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, Levi.”
As we ate breakfast, I gave them a thumbnail of how I got Cat to spill the news, leaving out all the catfighting and the ‘I wished I’d had sex with Cat in high school’ bits. They didn’t need to know those details.
After breakfast, Dad and I spent a few minutes discussing the best way to get the combines to the Calhoun farm. Driving a combine on the road was a pain in the ass because it was so wide it made it difficult for cars to pass, but removing the headers was also a hassle considering we could drive the machines there in less than an hour. In the end we decided to just drive them, headers attached, and we’d work around the cars as best we could. This was farm country and drivers were used to large pieces of equipment trundling down the roads.
The combines were already in a field halfway to the Calhoun farm, but it took us almost an hour to reach the field we were going to harvest. The grain truck was already there, as was a Case IH tractor with a grain cart. I looked the field over as we edged off the road and crossed the ditch into the field. Old man Calhoun sent us everything we needed, but to get it done in two days was going to be tight, really tight.
We pulled to a stop and left the machines idling as we walked out into the sorghum to check it for dryness. It was nearly ten, but the grain was still a little on the wet side.
“Does he expect us to drive the grain car and the combines both?” I asked as I pulled another sample of grain from a plant and rubbed it between my fingers to see how easily the grain separated. This example was better. The moisture was almost there, and we could probably start harvesting anytime.
“He said he’d have someone out to run the cart and truck.” Dad dropped the seed in his hand and wiped his hand on his pants. “I think it’s good enough. Let’s get started or there’s no way we’re going to finish this tomorrow.”
I nodded in agreement as we walked back to our idling machines. I didn’t think we’d finish it tomorrow anyway, and I knew we wouldn’t if someone didn’t show up to help.
We’d just finished cutting around the edges of the field to give us room to turn around when one of Calhoun’s farm hands showed up. I knew someone had arrived when I saw the Case belch smoke as it started and moved. I was about half full, but if this guy was competent he’d pull in beside one of us and let us unload now so Dad and I wouldn’t have a full load at the same time.
It was almost three when I saw a CF pickup working its way across the field. I was on the backside, farthest from the road, so the truck went to Dad first. Dad stopped for a moment, probably to talk to the driver, before he started moving again. The truck was waiting on me as I approached the end of my row. The driver was in the way, the dipstick, so I had to cut to the end and back up so I could get around the pickup for the next pass.
I slowed the machine to idle and put it in neutral before I stepped out on the platform above the big drive tire on the front. Steve stepped out of the truck. The big CF on the door stood for Calhoun Farms, but in school, those of us who didn’t like Steve much claimed it stood for ‘cluster fuck.’ The last thing I wanted was to talk to him, but technically, I was working for him.
“How’s it feel to be working for me?” he yelled up.
“Your money’s as green as anybody else’s. How’s it feel to have to ask for my help?”
“We don’t need your help.”
“Oh. I guess we’re here just for shits and giggles then. Maybe if you spent more time working and less time sitting on your ass in that pickup, we wouldn’t need to be here.”
“I’m the foreman. I don’t work in the fields.”
I nodded knowingly. “That must be why your dad, the owner, does, huh?”
“I came to tell you to pick up the pace. If you don’t, you’re not going to get done.”
“We’re going as fast as the machine can clean, unless you want a lot of trash in your grain.”
“I think you’re sandbagging us to charge more.”
“I think you’re an idiot because we charge by the acre, not time. But hey, if you want us out of here, just say the word. We’ll unload and be on our way.”
“What will your dad think of that?”
“After what I told him this morning, I think he’d tell you to shove your sorghum up your ass.”
He glared at me. “Cat called me last night.”
“Good for her. You and Cat have a lot to talk about?”
“She said you came to see her. I want you to stay away from her.”
“No problem.”
“And don’t start spreading a bunch of rumors. If you do, you’ll be sorry.”
I
smiled down at him. “I’m not going to be spreading any rumors,” I said, putting special emphasis on the last word.
He glared at me, clearly understanding my implication. “That shit she told you was all a lie, just like she said. I don’t know what she sees in you, but she said all that stupid shit trying to get you to fuck her.”
“If it’s all a lie, why are you so worried about it?”
“I’m not.”
“You’re not?” I grinned down at him again. “Then why’d you drive all the way out here to confront me about it? You know what I think? I think the truth is starting to come out and you’re scared shitless. You and Cat both. Cat drugged Ella, and she passed out and couldn’t give consent. That makes you a rapist, Steve, and Cat is at least culpable, if not an accomplice, and guess what? There’s no statute of limitation on rape. You’re in real danger of pulling time, maybe Cat too, and you’re both about to piss yourselves. That’s what I think,” I said, just to get into his head. I had nothing that would stand up in court, but he didn’t have to know that.
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!”
“No? I think I do, and pretty soon everyone in town is going to know you for what you two are. Lying pieces of shit. I think your life is about to become a living hell.”
He pointed at me, his face twisted into a sneer. “You start spreading those lies and I’ll kick your ass!”
I started down the steps, jumping the last one to the ground. “You want to have a go?” I challenged as I walked toward him. “Then come on, big man. Nobody here to save your whiny ass this time. It’s just me and you.”
“Are you threatening me? I’ll file harassment charges!”
“Nobody’s heard me threaten you. It’s your word against mine, and I’ll deny I ever stepped off that machine.” I glared at him, my smile mocking as I tried to taunt him into making the first move. “How’s it feel to be on the receiving end, Steve,” I sneered, stressing his name.
“I mean it, McCormick! I’ll fuck you up!”