Ben didn't cry but he could feel his mum shaking beside him as she tried to hold back her own tears. If his dad had been there he would have known what to do. His dad was the only one who had really understood her.
Later they went to the Village Hall where Nicholas had provided food and drink. All large gatherings happened at the hall and there were a large number of mismatched chairs and tables for the occasion.
"Where are the boys?" said Ben as Mary sat down beside him. She had given him two sons a year ago, Adam and Zack, non-identical twins.
"They're with my parents," she said and put a hand on his leg. "How are you holding up?"
"I've been better," he said honestly. He was always honest with Mary.
She squeezed his knee.
He tried to smile at her but found that all he could do was not cry. She smiled sadly as if she understood, although she was an only child and both her parents were still alive. Mary and Cora had never been close but then no one had been close to Cora since her marriage to Nicholas.
Mary went with him to find his mother who was sitting at the council table with Nicholas accepting condolences from a steady flow of people. He stood back a little to watch and no one saw him. She seemed to be holding up okay, maybe in a few days she wouldn't remember any of this and that would be for the best.
He took a bottle of whiskey from the bar and a couple of glasses. He found an empty table and sat down with Mary. She didn't speak to him, seemed to know that was what he needed. He filled up a glass and handed it to her and she sat sipping the amber liquid while he did his best to get drunk.
"Ben."
He looked up and saw that Mary had gone. It was getting dark and he was still in the Village Hall, a half-empty glass of whiskey clutched in his hand, drool on his chin.
A chair scraped and somebody sat down. It took a moment for his eyes to focus and for him to see who it was. "Aaron," he said. His voice was croaky and it hurt his throat to speak.
"How are you feeling?" said Aaron.
Aaron was a few years older than Ben. His dark hair was run through with grey and white and pulled back in a ponytail. The beard that covered his face was similarly coloured.
Ben shook his head. "I've been better."
"I'm sorry for your loss," said Aaron and poured what was left of the whiskey into a glass. He smelled it, shrugged and then poured it down his throat. "Your sister was a good woman," he said and wiped his arm across his face.
"Yeah, I know," said Ben. He didn't feel much like talking.
"If there's anything me or Karen can do just say the word." Karen was Aaron's wife. A slim red headed woman who had been one of Cora's few friends.
"Thanks man," said Ben.
They sat in silence for a while. Ben wished that he would just leave him alone. The gathering seemed to be winding down. He looked around the room and couldn't see his mum or Nicholas anywhere. There were fewer people and no one had lit any lamps.
Eventually Aaron stood up and clapped him on the back, right between the shoulder blades. For a moment he thought he was going to throw up but he managed to hold it down.
"Listen man," said Aaron, "I know this isn't the time but when you're feeling up to it come by and see me. There's something we need to discuss."
He nodded, not really thinking about what he might be talking about, just wanting him to go.
"Sorry for you loss," he said and then he was gone.
Ben stared into the darkening room for a while until Mary returned. He looked up at her and managed to smile. Just seeing her made him feel better. "Are you ready to go?" she said.
"Yeah," he said. "Yeah I am."
He pushed back the chair and stood up too quickly. His head felt to big for his body and the room started to spin. Mary grabbed his arm and held him steady. Eventually he felt ready to move.
She led him across the room to the door with his arm over her shoulder. People called to him but he didn't hear what they said. She led him out into the cool dark night. There were no clouds in the sky and the slight breeze cut right through him.
"The kids," he said as if he had forgotten all about them.
"They're staying with my parents remember," she said.
He nodded, it sounded like something she would have told him but he couldn't remember it.
She helped him down into the boat which wobbled reassuringly beneath him as he sat down. She climbed in and he watched her row.
The candles on the river burned blue. It had been Cora's favourite colour and made him feel as if he'd missed some sort of ceremony. "I shouldn't drink," he said.
He couldn't see Mary's face clearly in the darkness. "You had a good excuse tonight," she said between breaths.
"Let me help you," he said and leaned forwards to grab an oar. The boat rocked alarmingly and for a moment it seemed as if it would turn over and deposit them both in the icy cold river.
"Sit down," she said sharply and he obeyed her.
When the boat had settled she started to row again.
4
"Is he warm enough?"
Mary leaned over him and put her hand down Zack's top to feel his chest. Adam was in her arms and she continued to jiggle him without missing a beat. "He's a bit cool. Maybe sit by the fire?"
He stood up slowly and walked to the fiercely burning wood stove. The air was thick with heat and he could feel himself sweating but somehow the boy was cold.
Zack's mouth began to curl up, to reveal his pink gums and new teeth. He didn't make a sound but his body became rigid and Ben could tell he was about five seconds away from total melt down, all because he'd gotten up to move him somewhere more comfortable.
He rocked gently back and forth and whispered 'shhh' into his ear continuously until his face started to relax and his body once more went limp.
Ben sat down. He felt as if he hadn't slept in a week. The boys had only been sick for a couple of days but two days without sleep seemed like a lot. They had been confined to their boat but the doctor had visited and told him there was something going around the village and that a lot of the little kids were sick.
The world had taken on the aspect of a dream. Everything seemed painted on and unreal. He yawned.
"How's he doing?" he said because if he didn't say something he thought he would fall asleep.
"He's alright if I keep jiggling him," she said.
Mary seemed able to handle the lack of sleep a lot better than him. She yawned but she still had the energy to move around non-stop. At times he occupied himself thinking up excuses to leave her to it and get some sleep. He never would though.
"Knock, knock!" said a voice at the door.
He turned to see his mum there. Suddenly he couldn't tell how much time had passed between Mary speaking and his mum arriving. It seemed like no time at all but he doubted she would have been able to get aboard without him noticing if he had been awake.
"How are you getting on?" she said, walking down the stairs and closing the door behind her.
"Hi Hannah," said Mary.
Ben just sighed.
"I thought as much." She put a tattered canvas bag on the table, he could just about make out the faded Tesco logo on it.
"What's in the bag mum?" he said.
She smiled. "Something to make little heads feel better." She took out a bunch of green leaves and held them up as if they were magic. "It's Lemon thyme."
He shook is head and looked over at Mary.
"Trust me," said his mum. "Can I use your kettle?"
"Be my guest," he said. The gust of cool air she had brought in with her was making him feel a little more awake. He stood up and carried Zack over to the kitchen to watch her work.
Zack mumbled and groaned in his sleep as the kitchen filled with the high tone of lemon. It was starting to make Ben's eyes water and cleared out his sinuses.
"Done," said his mum.
She held up a cup of yellowish green liquid with steam rising off it.
"Let that co
ol down and we'll see what they think of it," she said.
Mary yawned and her whole body seemed to shudder.
"Can I have a hold?" said his mum.
Mary nodded but couldn't speak until the yawn had passed through. She handed Adam over.
"You need to rest," said his mum. Then she turned to Ben, he was feeling quite numb again, the reality of the boat and the people in it was starting to dissolve. "You too," she said.
"I'm alright," said Ben.
"Nonsense, you're falling asleep on your feet. Let grandma take over for a bit."
Ben looked at Mary, eager to take his mum up on the offer. She apparently didn't have the energy to protest. She nodded and turned towards the bedroom. She walked like a zombie along the narrow corridor and a few moments later Ben heard her collapse on the bed.
"You too Ben," said his mum.
He nodded and carefully placed the sleeping Zack into his crib. He mumbled something and went stiff but after a moment relaxed and continued to sleep. Ben looked at him, convinced that he would wake up screaming at any moment but he turned his head away and continued to sleep.
Ben stretched as best he could in the boat. He suddenly felt more awake and unsure whether he would be able to sleep. "I'm just going to get some air," he said.
His mum turned around to look at him, she seemed surprised that he was still there. She shrugged and got back to gently rocking Adam.
The day was dark, damp and cold compared to the hot house they had created inside. A low mist floated across the river and made it seem creepy and unwelcome. Ben took in a lungful of cool clean air and felt energised by it.
There were lights on in other boats. Coughs and sneezes were carried by the gentle breeze. He couldn't see anyone else and he felt alone in the world.
He stepped onto the jetty and it wobbled beneath him. He felt a queer desire to get into his little raft and go for a row around the village. But at the same time tiredness engulfed him and suddenly even going back inside seemed like more effort than he could manage.
Something splashed in the distance. His first thought was that it was a duck landing on the water. Water birds were rare around the village because they were a sought after delicacy. If ducks had returned then it meant the whole village was out of action. It would make a welcome feast when they had recovered though.
He considered going in for his crossbow. Duck soup sounded like a fine dinner. Then he heard another splash and another, too regular to be birds landing. It took him a moment to realise that he was hearing paddles in the water. It seemed he wasn't the only one abroad that afternoon.
The splashes got louder as the boat got closer. Ben was struck with a sudden desire to hide himself so that he could see who it was without being seen himself. He stood his ground though and soon enough the boat came around the corner and emerged through the mist like a ghost.
A yellow lamp burned dimly on the front of the boat and he could see two figures aboard. He watched and he waited, part of him convinced that they would pass by without noticing him.
Mumbled voices broke through the dense fog. He couldn't hear what they were saying. About fifty metres away the boat changed direction and shortly after he realised it was coming towards him.
"Holla Ben," said a voice, clear and awake it sounded as if it came from another world.
He put a hand over his eyes and peered into the gloom. A figure now stood on the boat waving at him. He raised his arm and waved back but it felt unnatural. The whole experience felt slightly surreal but he put that down to the stillness of the village and the fact that this was the first time he had been outside in two days.
The boat pulled up beside his dock and he grabbed hold to stop it moving off. The standing figure was Aaron and he climbed off before the boat was still. The other man was Anthony Kelly, someone Ben knew to nod hello to but who he had never shared a drink with. Between the three of them they got the boat tied.
"How are you?" said Aaron offering his hand. Ben shook it, a little baffled by their appearance. He wondered if he had arranged to meet them and then forgotten about it. "You know Anthony?" He pronounced it with a soft th.
Ben nodded and they shook hands. Then he waited for an explanation for the visit.
"We won't keep you long," said Aaron. "How are you holding up with the kids?"
"Okay," said Ben.
"Karen sends her love."
Ben just nodded.
"We've got a proposition for you," said Aaron.
Ben became suspicious almost at once. "What sort of proposition?"
"No one knows these rivers like you Ben, we need someone who can navigate for us."
He nodded. It wasn't an uncommon request. Although he now worked reconditioning old boats and salvage he still occasionally got asked to help plan a journey for the people who had taken his place. Now and again he even went out with them but a simple trip would not have required a visit like this. He was suspicious. "What sort of trip?"
"I'm not going to lie to you Ben, it's a long one."
He said nothing and waited for further explanation.
"It's London."
He shook his head. "Not going to happen Aaron, not now."
"Just listen for a minute," said Anthony. "Just see if it sounds like it's worth it to you."
"I'm sure it's worth it," said Ben. "I just won't be on the crew." It would take weeks to get to London and he couldn't be away from Mary and the twins for that long. Plus it was dangerous, no one really knew what was beyond Reading now, it had been years since they'd had news from that way.
Aaron sighed. "Just let me speak, you don't have to decide anything today."
"I've already decided," he said.
"Humour me."
He shrugged.
"We need drugs," said Aaron. "We've got all this natural remedy shit but pretty soon people are going to get sick with something that can't be cured with a few weeds."
Ben thought about his mum, how she was losing her memory. He thought about Mr Cizent who was in his fifties and complaining about chest pain. "Why London?" he said.
Aaron looked at Anthony and Ben knew that they had done more than pluck the location out of thin air. They knew, somehow they knew that they would find what they needed there. "We've got a map," said Aaron.
Once upon a time, Ben thought, his father had led him, Cora and his mother to Sanctuary based on a map. "If you've got a map why do you need me?"
"Rivers change, they burst their banks, they dry up. We need someone who knows the river with us if we have to change route."
"And you can fight," said Anthony.
"I've never..." he began
"Hunt then," said Aaron. "We can't carry enough food for the journey so we'd need to hunt along the way. Hunting isn't much different to fighting."
"You're expecting trouble?"
"Biggest city in the country?" said Aaron. "I'm not going to lie to you Ben, the place is probably crawling with vamps."
In his younger days, after his fathers death and before he settled down with Mary, Ben had proposed a trip to London. It had seemed like the logical next step. He had been taking longer and longer trips, staying out for weeks at a time.
The trouble with a journey to London then, as now, was that it couldn't be done alone. The General at the time had been a woman called Esther. Esther barely tolerated the salvage operation. He had suggested to Esther that the trip might mean the discovery of communities similar to their own and if not then at least they would open a supply channel that wouldn't be exhausted until long after they were dead. She wouldn’t be convinced.
"It's a long way," he said, "and dangerous."
Aaron and Anthony nodded and he saw the similarity in the gesture. Were they brothers, he wondered.
He had to admit that he was intrigued by the idea and if Nicholas was prepared to support it maybe there was merit in it. He didn't see eye to eye with Nicholas about much, but he had to admit the man was smart.
"Ben?"
"There you are," she said.
"Is everything okay?" he said.
"What? Yes of course everything's okay. What are you doing out here?"
"I told you I was coming to get some air."
"Did you?"
"We'll leave you to it," said Aaron.
He turned and saw Anthony untying the boat.
"Think about what we said."
Ben nodded and they set off in the boat. He turned back to his mother who was standing there with an expression of 'why did I come out here again' on her face.
"Come on mum, lets get you back inside."
She nodded and he pushed her in ahead of him. The warmth wrapped around him like a sweaty blanket.
The two boys were asleep in their cots by the sofa. The lemon leaf, or whatever it was called, seemed to have done its job. The colour was back in their cheeks and when he touched their foreheads they felt less clammy.
Aaron was right, they had been lucky this time (and maybe not everyone had) but eventually someone would come down with something more serious and they would end up dead. It might be him, or worse still, Mary or one of the boys. He sat down in the armchair by the cots. He didn't feel much like sleeping anymore. It wasn't that he didn't think that they could succeed without him but that he felt sure they would if he was with them. He was out of practice but some things you never forgot.
Then he looked at his boys, sleeping peacefully for the first time in days, and he didn't know if he could leave them. It might take months to travel to London and back, they might start walking and talking without him there to see it.
Something crashed to the floor and he jumped. He realised he must have fallen asleep or at least into a daze. His mum was in the kitchen staring down at a saucepan that had fallen on the floor. He stood up, yawned and walked over.
"Are you alright mum?" he said.
"My hand," she said, more confused than upset. He looked at her hand and wrist, they were wet and already starting to turn red. He realised the pan must have been full of boiling water.
"Shit," he said to himself. He touched her shoulder. "Wait here mum.
The Bitter End Page 6