I shook my head. “No, I don’t. He gave that away to Bianca.”
He waved his hand around. “Please. He may have lost his head over her, but you, darling, you have the ability to destroy him.”
“I don’t think so.” I tried a small bite of the carrot cake. It wasn’t half bad.
“Let’s start with another question. Tell me why you love him.”
I looked up from my cake into Beck’s green eyes. Such passion lived inside of them. I don’t know why English men get a bad rap for being emotionless. Beck was quite the romantic. I sighed. “There are a hundred different reasons, but none of them matter now.”
“That’s rubbish.”
I felt tears forming, but I held them at bay. “When we were growing up, he always saved a seat for me at lunch. And during gym, when he was the team captain, which was more often than not, he chose me first, even though the best I could hope for was to not fall flat on my face.”
Beck chuckled.
“And he emailed me every day when I lived in Paris. I was homesick and unwilling to admit it, but it was like he knew. Not even my family communicated with me so frequently. He would write things like, ‘Please don’t become like the French women who don’t shave their legs.’ Did you know Chris plays the piano, too?”
Beck grinned, but shook his head no.
“It’s true. His Gran taught him along with me, but the only time he would play was when we did duets.” My favorite was “West Side Story Medley.” He would try his best to trip me up, or grab my hand while my fingers zipped across the keys. The thought reminded me of what I had just read. The tears crept up again. “He sold her piano. She wanted me to have it, but he put it on the auction block for Bianca. I loved that piano and the memories it created, and he gave it away, just like me. He only cares about himself.”
Beck sat up, business like, and brushed off his sleeves. “Now, I don’t know about any piano, and I agree Chris is an arrogant arse, but I can’t let you lie. Mind you, I’m not making excuses for his neglect of Allie and you. I’ve warned him the long days were going to catch up to him, but you have no idea the pressure he’s been under. I know he didn’t want to worry you, but when one of the investors for the Addison deal fell through, he bought in with his own money. And it’s taking longer to get tenants to fill the spaces than we originally projected, making the other investors jumpy. Chris has been wining and dining potential tenants every night, and during the day tracking down any possible lead, all while trying to sell and lease other properties. You don’t know how many times he’s commented that he’s put his family’s finances in jeopardy.”
I sat back, astounded by the news. I thought he was exaggerating when he wrote about possible bankruptcy. “Why didn’t he say anything? He knows I don’t care about how much money he makes.”
“But he does, and he cares for you. I have a feeling if you dig deeper into that journal of his, you might get some more insight. You owe that to yourself and Allie.” He was protective of his goddaughter.
“So you’re advocating my snooping?”
“No love, I’m saying you might want to get the whole picture before you muck things up.”
“They’re already messed up.”
He reached across the table with his masculine hand and took mine. “He doesn’t deserve you. I’m doing this for myself. I’m going to have to start polishing my resume and finding some real work if he doesn’t quit acting like a petulant child.”
I knew he was all talk. He was as loyal to Chris as I had been over the years. And he was a hard worker. He put in almost as many hours as Chris. “We’re not staying together.”
He squeezed my hand. “I wouldn’t wager on it. But if not, I’m still happy to play second best.”
I squeezed his hand harder. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“It’s my own fault. I knew it was a one-off chance, but you, gorgeous, were worth the risk.”
I blushed and turned to the desserts on the table.
“It was always a lovely shade on you.”
I bit my lip and ignored him. I tried to eat some more cake while he returned calls and emails. Like Chris, he was attached to his phone, but today I was glad for it. I hadn’t realized the stress Chris was under. I wished he would have told me what was really going on. For Chris’ sake, I was glad Beck was there to pick up the slack while Chris recovered. At least I hoped he was recovering. The hospital was performing another CT scan that afternoon to see if the swelling was under control.
In the meantime, I had some reading to do.
Chapter Seven
I wasn’t sure how long I would have access to Chris’s journal, so I started where we became husband and wife.
I married Jaime over the weekend. I finally understand why they call it making love. There wasn’t time for a real honeymoon, but this weekend of only her and me was incredible. Best honeymoon I’ve ever had. Until this morning, I’ve never had the urge to skip a day of work, but watching her sleep in our bed, I can’t think of any other place I would rather be. She’s beautiful. And she’s mine.
I felt myself internally heat up thinking back to those first days as husband and wife. I was surprised he wrote something so intimate, but I had felt the same way. It was the best weekend of my life. Any worry I’d had about our future melted away during the course of those couple of days. Everything about it felt so right. For a while, he tried his best to come home at a decent time, and as soon as Allie was sound asleep, we were wrapped up in one another in true newlywed fashion.
I read on, and for many more pages it was mostly business related. I began to see the worry creep in about the Addison building. Contractors were sloppy, or untimely; the costs were sky rocketing. He questioned cashing out the annuity he had purchased with the sale of his grandparent’s estate. Allie and I were considerations in it.
I hope I haven’t robbed my family of our financial security. I’m trusting in my research and trends. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work for us. Allie and Jaime deserve that. And when it’s all settled, I’ll take Jaime on that honeymoon I promised her.
From what Beck said, it still wasn’t settled. That made the trip to Italy we would never go on more surprising. I didn’t need the trip or lots of money. Allie and I just needed him. He probably didn’t understand that because he grew up with both money and doting grandparents. I never had money to throw around, and even being married to Chris, I lived within a budget. I drove him a little nuts with it, but I didn’t marry him for money.
I still remember with fondness our fight over what kind of car he was going to buy me. He didn’t want Allie being driven around in a death trap, as he called my ancient car. He wanted to put me in some luxury SUV, but I wanted a simple sedan. He finally gave up taking me to car dealerships. He came home one night with the keys to a Volvo and the next day he had my car towed away. I think he donated it to some charity for veterans so I wouldn’t protest.
He kissed me on the cheek while pressing the key into my hand. “Please accept the car. I want you and Allie to be safe.” His sincerity was apparent.
Moments like those bridged the gap for me. They gave me incentive to make our marriage work despite our differences and expectations.
The Addison deal, and some other minor contracts, began to consume his journal entries. I skimmed through them, only picking out pieces like this one.
I should learn to never underestimate Jaime. While I find her to be irresistibly beautiful, she tends to dress outside the norm.
I laughed to myself and looked down at my paisley-patterned pants. I knew he would be shaking his head at them if he could.
I wasn’t sure what she had in store for my company’s Christmas party, so I purchased a little black number that I couldn’t wait to see on and off her. She, of course, had other ideas and wanted to surprise me. When I came home tonight to change and pick her up, I had second and third thoughts of going at all. I wanted her all to myself. How does she
do that? Her dress was nothing like I would pick out, but it was her, complete with the fact she got it at Goodwill.
I loved that gold-toned off-the-shoulder gown. I was afraid he wouldn’t like it, but I knew in an instant he did. He crossed our bedroom in a few strides, and before I knew it, I was redoing my hair. “Your skin is begging to be kissed,” he growled as his fingers found themselves tangled up in my locks.
She was a vision, and won everyone over with her stories from abroad and her natural way of pulling people in. Then she entertained the crowd when she played the piano in the foyer of the hotel where the party was held. She played Gran’s favorite “Alla Turca” by Mozart. Jaimes was masterful. Why was I ever worried she wouldn’t fit into my world? I don’t think Bianca did so well considering her knowledge of real estate law. Come to think of it, her bulldog attitude didn’t play out well with my colleagues.
It certainly didn’t sit well with me. I felt like she pushed Chris around and that bothered me more than anything, that and her blasé attitude toward her daughter, my daughter. She was happy to let the nanny raise her.
I wanted her all to myself tonight, but Allie wasn’t feeling well when we picked her up and now I’m watching the two of them sleep next to me. Allie never slept in my bed until Jaimes came to live with us. It’s inconvenient when I want to make love to my wife, but it’s not a bad sight— Jaime holding Allie against her with that hair of hers fanned out against the pillow next to mine. Jaime amazes me with her ability to love. I’m not sure I could love a child that wasn’t mine the way she has. As far as Allie is concerned, Jaime is her mother. I wish I were a better father. I love Allie, but I’m not sure I’m cut out for the day-to-day dealings of parenting. Maybe as Allie grows older, it will get easier.
If he had doubts about having more children, he should have been honest with me. Or I should have been honest with myself. I could see with my own eyes how hard it was for him, but I blamed it on Bianca and the way she handled the situation. I thought that with me it would be different. If he saw how happy I was being a mother, he would match my feelings. And mostly I thought he would want to create a little person with me.
I took a break from reading when a couple of nurses came in to take Chris for his scan.
“We’ll have your husband back to you in no time at all,” the dark-haired one spoke.
I smiled close-lipped. I had heard the term husband more in the last couple of days than I had the whole time we were married. It was cruel. Chris added to the cruelty by doing his best to make sure we stayed married. Since he was contesting it, I had to prove grounds for divorce. Tennessee did its best to make divorce as difficult as possible. I hated that we had come to this point. I had planned on never being divorced. My parents, and each set of their parents, were married for a millennia, and I only made it two years. Even Bree and Caleb, who’d had a rough go, were working through it. But Caleb had always done his best to put family first. At least he was trying.
I returned phone calls to the insurance company and filled out more hospital paperwork while Chris was gone. I prayed the scan showed improvement. The longer they kept him sedated, the more nervous I became. And what if he had brain damage or memory loss? What if he didn’t remember Allie or me? I could use it to my advantage. I could tell him we were moving, he was a strict nine-to-five worker, we had a love for the ages, and he desired nothing more than being a husband and a father. Somehow, I didn’t think it would work out that way.
He would wake up and we would still be getting divorced. Bianca would continue to be the love of his life. As for me, I would have to find a way to move on, to remove a piece of me, the part we shared for the past twenty-some years. The worst of it was we could never go back to being best friends. That hurt more than anything. I valued our friendship above all.
Chris was wheeled back in a half hour later.
“Dr. Little will be in shortly to talk to you,” the nurse informed me.
I nodded in acknowledgment. I was learning “shortly” or “soon” at the hospital meant something entirely different in the outside world. I decided to dive back into the journal while I waited.
Jaime and I have been married for a year. It seems like a lot longer—I can’t remember my life without her.
He’d had the most romantic bouquet of flowers delivered to me on our first anniversary. I still had them, dried and preserved.
Work has been insane. I haven’t had time to stop and think, but Jaime made me take notice today. I can’t believe how sexy she is sometimes. I should have married her a long time ago. Let’s just say, fantasy fulfilled.
I appreciated him not delving into any graphic details about that day. That day I enlisted Beck’s help making a fake appointment for him at the bane of my existence, the Addison building. I set up a picnic lunch in one of the empty suites, but we never did eat anything. That’s all I’m going to say.
It was also a reminder of the kind of person she is. We’ve been arguing more and more, yet she overlooked that and made our anniversary memorable. She’s not happy with all the time I spend at work. I’m not, either, but it’s the way it has to be right now. She doesn’t realize all that’s at stake. She knew when she married me this was my life. This is what I do.
That’s what he does.
And I did know what was at stake.
~*~
Dr. Little walked in shortly—two hours later. “Mrs. McKay.”
“Please, call me Jaime.” I meant that.
He smiled and approached Chris’ bedside where I sat. “I looked over the results of the scan and he’s moving in the right direction. The bleeding has stopped and the swelling is down. Tomorrow we will begin to titrate off the sedation and run another EEG to look at his brainwave activity. If we see positive signs there, he could be awake by late tomorrow afternoon.” He clapped his hands like it was a done deal. “Do you have any questions?”
Lots, but my own brain wasn’t functioning correctly at the moment. “Uh . . . Will he be . . . uh, normal?” That sounded uneducated. I wanted to pull out my degrees and prove to him I could actually string two words together intelligently.
At least he grinned. “What is normal?” A doctor with a sense of humor. “All signs point to him making a full recovery, but let’s take it a step at a time.”
“Yeah, okay.” I heaved a heavy sigh.
The doctor exited and I turned my attention to Chris. “It’s just you and me,” I whispered. “Probably for the last time.” I took his hand and wished he could hold mine back. “I just want you to know how much I love you, and I can’t bear to think of my life without you. I’m not sure why I was never enough for you. I hope someday you’ll find yourself again. That you’ll see what’s right in front of you before it’s too late.” I kissed his hand and held it close. It was all I would have of him after today, but in that moment I could pretend he was my Christopher one more time.
Chapter Eight
I told Allie a story over the phone before she headed off to bed. I couldn’t leave Chris. If he awoke tomorrow, this would be our last night together. From here on out, our only interaction would involve parenting Allie.
“Tell Daddy I love him whole lotsies,” Allie instructed me.
“I will, baby doll. I love you whole lotsies.”
“I love you, Mommy. I want you to come home.”
“I know. I’ll be home tomorrow. Did you have fun at the zoo?”
“Uh-huh. We saw giraffes and parrots and monkeys.”
“That sounds like fun.”
“Can we go there and watch a movie on the grass?”
“Maybe on Saturday. Let’s see how Daddy is doing.”
“Can Daddy come?”
“No baby, he’s going to be here for a while.”
The doctor had visited again and said that even after he woke up, they would keep him for several more days. That wasn’t going to go over well with him.
She began to whimper.
“Honey, it’s going to be
okay. I love you soooo much!”
“I love you, Mommy.”
I could picture her lower lip quivering. “Sweet dreams. Let me talk to Grandma.”
She sniffled some more before she handed the phone to my mom. She was breaking my heart. I hated being away from her.
“Hello,” my mom answered.
“Hey, Mom. How was Allie for you?”
“She’s a peach.”
“I really appreciate you staying the night. I hope Dad is all right with it.”
“He can fend for himself for one night.”
I’m not sure if I ever saw my dad cook anything except on the grill. “Thank you.”
“How’s Christopher?”
“They’re hoping to bring him out of sedation tomorrow afternoon. They have to run some more tests, though, before they feel comfortable moving forward.”
“Well, try and get some rest. Don’t worry about Allie. We’re having a great time.”
“Kiss her and hug her for me.”
If anything, at least I got Allie out of the deal. What a weird turn of events. Whoever thought I would be raising Bianca’s daughter? To be honest, I didn’t think Bianca would mind. She had never bonded with Allie. I thought after Allie was born Bianca would change her tune, but Chris was the one getting up with her and taking care of her until they hired a nanny. He had no idea what he was doing, and I had some calls in the middle of the night to ask my advice. I tried my best not to laugh when he changed her diaper one night but forgot to put a new one on and then fell asleep while feeding her. He woke up real quick when he felt a warm sensation. I think the nanny was hired two days later.
It was right after they had brought Allie home from the hospital. I was surprised I was invited over. I could understand Bianca’s hesitation. I didn’t hide the fact that she wasn’t my favorite person very well. I had a terrible game face, and I didn’t appreciate the way she treated Chris. It was like she was in some weird competition with him. There was a time when she put him down in front of all of us because she got an A in a class that he got an A- in. Who cared? And for some weird reason, she liked to point out that she was older than us. But mostly I hated the way Chris changed after he met her. His life became a competition against her and himself. Who made the most money each month or who had the biggest clients. It was weird and unhealthy.
Christopher and Jaime (Pianos and Promises #1) Page 7