I sat up all the way and tossed my hair to the side. “Where else would I be?”
“How’s our bug?”
“She misses you.”
His eyes misted up. I had rarely seen him so emotional.
I laid Benny the cow next to him. “She wanted you to have this.”
A tear escaped from his eyes, making my own water.
“Jaimes, I screwed up.”
I didn’t disagree.
“I love you.” Despite not being able to speak well, he said it with conviction.
Tears rolled down my face. He did his best to reach up and wipe them away. His normally smooth hand felt dry, but I welcomed the touch.
“I want you to divorce me.”
I was startled by his statement. I pulled back and shied away from his touch.
He took my hand. “I want a redo.”
Chapter Twelve
I readied my classroom for open house night. It still seemed surreal. The last few weeks had been nothing short of tumultuous between moving, Chris’ accident, new teacher orientation, in-service meetings, getting Allie ready to start kindergarten, and lesson planning. That didn’t even begin to cover the emotional upheaval I was experiencing. Chris had it in his head that we should divorce, date, and remarry.
I dropped and sorted the Lummi Sticks in their appropriate bins hanging on the wall near the xylophones. I felt like taking the brightly colored sticks and whacking Chris on the head with them, but the accident had already rattled his brain enough apparently. Who thought like him?
I was stapling together my class rules, bio, and recorder order forms (I couldn’t wait for that section—I was stocking up Tylenol) when Chris came strolling in. He wasn’t really strolling. It had been three weeks since the accident and you could tell he was still feeling the effects of it. He walked slower, his dislocated arm was still stiff, and there were some faint signs of bruising on his face. He was dressed up in his suit and tie, but it was at least nice to see him while the sun was still out. In fact, he was early. The open house started at five and it was only four.
He came in all smiles and approached me at the piano. One of the perks of the job. It wasn’t a grand piano, but it was a sturdy, in-tune upright. He had a small gift bag in his hand. He kissed my cheek and I allowed him to. I had been cautious to allow any physical affection.
“Hi,” I greeted him.
He grinned. “The lady working the front office didn’t know you were married or know of a Jamie McKay, Ms. Seger.” There was mischief in his tone.
I shrugged. “It seemed irrelevant to mention I was married, and if I remember correctly, you didn’t care whether I took your last name or not.”
That took the mickey out of him, as Beck would say. I hadn’t meant to. He swallowed hard and the color drained from his face. “I was, and am, honored you took my last name. Bianca wanted to keep her last name. I wanted you to have the same choice.” He tilted up my chin. “Believe me.” He gazed into my eyes. “I love you, Mrs. McKay.”
I sighed and nudged him away. “Says the man trying to rush our divorce through.”
He moved closer to erase any distance. He lowered his voice. “How can I marry you again if I don’t divorce you?”
“And who says I’ll be saying yes?”
He leaned down and brushed my lips.
I trembled at the touch.
There was a gleam in his eye when he pulled away. “Where’s our daughter?”
I took a second to catch my breath. Would he always have that effect on me? “She’s in the gym playing with some other of the teachers’ children.”
He handed me the gift bag he had been holding. “Good luck tonight. Dinner afterwards?”
I nodded my agreement.
He strutted out the door.
I was only going to dinner with them because he would have Allie until Sunday. I was happy he was taking her fifty percent of the time, but I missed her and I wanted to spend every possible moment with her. And maybe with him, too. I looked inside the bag he brought me and pulled out an aquamarine shirt that read, “I teach music, what’s your super power?” I smiled and shook my head. My Christopher bought that shirt. I had missed him. He was making his appearance more and more lately.
I was nervous about meeting the parents and my new students. If this was only piano and voice, I would have felt more confident. But at the elementary level, I had to teach a variety of percussion instruments and, of course, the basics. I was used to teaching the basics with beginning level piano students, but that was in a one-on-one setting. Large classes were a whole other ballgame. I had been practicing with Allie, teaching her how to play the xylophone, tambourine, and how to count the beats by clapping. I was still teaching her piano and she had Mary Had a Little Lamb and Hot Cross Buns down.
I loved being in a house where not only did I have room for my digital piano, but Allie and I could both play it without worrying about the neighbors being bothered by it.
It was five now, and show time. I smoothed out my maxi dress and took a deep breath. Within minutes, students and parents began to filter through the room. I began to relax as I shook hands and talked with the eager children. The “Ms. Seger’s” sounded foreign to me, though. I had to keep reminding myself that was me. I had grown accustomed to Jaime McKay. I was still so confused.
The object of my confusion entered with my ray of sunshine and sanity. “Mommy,” she called. That was one name I never needed to remind myself to respond to. Allie ran to me and hugged my legs. I was talking to a mom who obviously had a musical background. She was proposing that our school should put on a musical. It was something they did at her child’s previous school in Ohio. I was intrigued by the idea. “I’ll think about it and run it by Dr. Jansen.” He was our principal.
Mrs. Farris, I believed her name was, smiled. “I hope we can work together on this.”
I just wanted to get through my first day of school. I couldn’t think about producing a show at the moment. I nodded and smiled down at my girl, who was clinging to me. Chris had joined us, too.
“Did you like Mr. Scott?” I asked Chris.
“Seems competent.”
“I love Mr. Scott,” Allie threw in. She had already gotten to know her new teacher while being my helper the last week setting up my room.
A few more parents trickled in and I greeted them with my family by my side. Chris and Allie’s presence was comforting. When the last parent left, Chris whispered in my ear, “I’m proud of you.”
I turned and met his face, which was inches from mine. “Thank you.”
He leaned in and kissed me, once, gently on the lips. “How does Margot’s sound for dinner?”
“Are you sure? They change their menu every day and you may not like what they’re serving.” Margot’s was the cutest French café. I adored it.
“You’ll like it, and that’s all that matters to me.”
I reached up and felt his forehead. “Are you feeling all right? I think that bump on the head addled your brain.”
He took my hand. “No. It has me seeing clearer than I ever have before.”
I didn’t get the chance to respond. Allie was pulling him away. “Daddy, I want to show you how I play the piano.”
He grinned and followed her. I loved watching the two of them together. He sat on the bench with her and listened to her play her little tunes. I almost cried, though, when he placed her on his lap and played for her. I hadn’t heard him play in forever. He played “Scarborough Fair.” It was a little rough, but I had never heard anything more beautiful.
Allie clapped when he was done. “Again, Daddy.”
He kissed her cheek. “Later. Let’s take Mommy out to eat.”
Our eyes met from across the room. Yearning was written in his features. My pulse raced. He was changing the rules on me and playing for keeps. The ball was tossed in my court, and I had to decide what the winning move was, staying or leaving?
Chapter Thirteen
Did bug fall asleep okay? I texted. She didn’t like the separation and begged me to go home with them when we left the restaurant. It tore at my heartstrings.
She’s sound asleep next to me.
I was surprised, but pleased, to hear he let her sleep with him. I knew it wasn’t his preference. I missed her next to me. I missed him more. Goodnight. I sank down into my pillows and grabbed my body pillow for comfort. I still wasn’t sleeping well alone. My phone buzzed again.
Favorite memory from first grade?
I bit my lip and smiled to myself. We hadn’t played that game in forever.
Jimmy Hershel gave me dandelions on the playground and kissed me.
That weasel?
Hey, he was cute when we were six. What’s yours?
My grandpa took me to Cape Canaveral to watch the space shuttle launch.
I bet that was amazing.
It was. Favorite memory from fourth grade? he asked.
I thought for a moment. Becca Day and I sang and danced to Singing in the Rain for the school talent show and came in second place. You?
My grandparents bought me Bear.
I loved that dog. I was so sad when he passed away. I was in France when it happened.
Me, too. Favorite memory from sixth grade?
That was easy. When I met you. I wasn’t ashamed to admit that, even with our uncertain relationship at the moment. He was my person.
You stole mine.
I smiled and pressed the phone against my heart until it buzzed again.
Favorite memory from senior year?
So many to choose from, but I would say our senior trip to Washington D.C. How about you?
When I kissed you.
You were drunk, so it doesn’t count.
Maybe drunk on you. I remember every second of it, from the way you tasted like cherries, to your soft skin, and how your hair fell down around us. I could have kissed you all night. I should have.
I wish you would have.
I want to kiss you all night, every night.
Chris.
I know. We have some things to work out. I love you.
Do you really?
My phone rang.
“I love you,” were the first words out of his mouth.
“I don’t know if I can believe that.”
“Why?”
“Because the whole time we were together you never said it, and now all of a sudden you love me?”
“Jaimes, how could you not know I was in love with you?”
“Where do I begin? When you asked me to marry you, you said we were just skipping to the friend part. Or the fact you never said it? You were at work more than at home. Or how about the fact that you had a baby with Bianca, but you don’t want to have one with me?”
He paused. I could hear his steady breathing. “Jaimes, when I asked you to marry me, I was so afraid you would say no. And you did. I came at it the wrong way, I know, but I wasn’t sure how you felt about me. People around us had told me for years that you were in love with me, but it didn’t make sense. You were off dating and traveling the world. I knew I had one shot left, and I didn’t want to come on too strong.”
“Were you in love with me then?”
He blew out a heavy breath. “I knew I wanted to be with you. Up to that point I had been fighting my feelings for you for so long, I don’t know how to explain how I felt about you then. But our first night together after we were married, after I made love to you for the first time, nothing could have been better. I finally let myself have what I’ve always wanted.”
Those words warmed me to the center of my being, to the point I felt breathless, but . . . “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Did you know that Gran and Grandpa C loved you?”
I was thrown off by the question. “Yes . . .”
“Did they ever say the words?”
I thought about it for a second. I couldn’t recall them ever saying it. “I can’t remember.”
“Those weren’t things we said to each other, but we knew because of how we treated each other.”
“Like working all the time?”
“I’m sorry, Jaimes. I got in over my head with the Addison deal. I was trying to keep us from financial ruin. I made a mistake, lots of mistakes. But when that car hit me, the only thing I thought about was you and Allie; nothing else mattered to me. I’m closing a big deal with the building next week and after that I’m cutting back my hours.”
“What about more children?”
He paused, and paused some more. “I want to give you what you want, but I don’t know if I can. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m trying to be the best dad I can be to Allie. That’s all I know right now.”
I let those words sink in. I was trying to process them. I didn’t know why I magically thought he would change his mind on the subject. I’d read how he felt about it in his journal.
“Jaimes?”
“Goodnight, Chris.” I needed to think.
“I love you,” he trailed off.
I loved him, too, but was it enough?
~*~
The first week of school was in the history books. I was exhausted, but I was still meeting Bree for dinner. She needed the girl time, and I needed to not be in my empty house. Allie was spending Thursday through Sunday with Chris. He picked her up after school and they headed off to some indoor trampoline place. Allie had been talking about it all week.
Chris, true to his word, was spending more time at home, or at least with Allie. He had promptly picked her up after school on his days. I hated that we had his and her days. Chris and I were talking every night, but nothing was settled. We really hadn’t discussed our relationship, at least the husband and wife one—he was acting more like my friend. We talked about work, his physical therapy appointments, and Allie. Even the last couple of days as he had picked Allie up or dropped her off at school, he was polite, but showed no physical affection toward me. For Allie, it was all hugs and kisses, which was how it should be.
Maybe it was for the best. I didn’t think rationally under the spell of his touch.
I met Bree at a Greek restaurant near downtown. I almost laughed at her, she was way too dressed up, but she didn’t get out much being a stay-at-home mom on a tight budget. She looked good, though, in her short black dress with heels to match. She was also rockin’ an updo. I was glad I didn’t change into my yoga pants like I’d wanted.
She was already seated and sipping on some fruity cocktail when I showed up. I sat across from her and smiled.
“It’s been one of those days,” she lamented.
I could relate, but I wasn’t going to be drowning my frustrations in alcohol. “Water with lemon for me,” I informed our server. I gave my sister-in-law my full attention. “So, tell me about your day.”
She took a break from her drink and sighed. “Let’s see, Emeline changed her outfit ten times this morning because they were either too scratchy, itchy, or ugly. She was late to school. Then Caleb called this afternoon to tell me his company is doing another round of layoffs and his position could be on the chopping block.”
Ouch. So maybe my life wasn’t all that bad. I reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “What can I do?”
“Be my designated driver tonight.”
“I can do that.”
She turned back to her drink and spoke into it. “My dad offered him a job at his car dealership.”
My eyebrows shot up. “In New Jersey?”
“Yeah.”
“What does Caleb think?”
She shrugged. “He’s a Southern boy at heart, but the money would be better and I . . .”
“You want to be near your family,” I finished for her.
She gave me a glance and half smile. “I like you.”
I knew my parents were part of their marital problems. My mom loved to be in everyone’s business.
“I like you, too, and I think New Jersey is a good idea.”
“Me, too, but enough about me. How’s your teaching gig?”
“I survived my first week and we only had a few melt downs. I’m still not sure why the color of the stick matters to some kids, but wow. You would think I was torturing some of them. Maybe Chris has the right idea only having one.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Do you really believe that?”
I looked down at my menu. “I don’t know.”
“Are you still going through with the divorce?”
That was a good question.
Chapter Fourteen
“Jaimes.”
I heard what sounded like retching. “Are you okay?”
More retching.
Allie picked up the phone. “Mommy,” she cried. “I have the throw-ups.”
No wonder Chris was puking. He could handle everything that had come spewing out of Allie over the years, but vomit was his kryptonite.
“I’ll be right there, baby doll.” I threw on a pair of shorts to go under my night shirt and ran out the door. And I possibly took a second to internally gloat over the fact Chris had to deal with her illness. Served him right. I had hoped she wouldn’t get the stomach virus that was already plaguing the school. I was told this was par for the course. I was downing Airborne like crazy and washing my hands as often as I could. I worked in germ land.
It was late at night, so the traffic was light. I hadn’t been back to the loft since I’d moved out. I didn’t know why I was apprehensive about it. Maybe because there was so much shared and lost there.
My space in the parking garage was still reserved for me. I parked and hustled up to rescue our daughter. I had to knock on the door. I had left him my key. I thought back to that moment when I handed it to him. He held on to my hand like a lifeline. His eyes begged me to stay, but he never said the words. I had pulled my hand away and he held on until he touched the tips of my fingers.
Chris opened the door and leaned on it. His face lacked color. “You can say it, I’m a wimp.”
I smiled and walked past him. I laughed when I saw my baby lying on the loveseat with every pot, pan, and bowl Chris owned surrounding her. “How many times has she thrown up?”
Christopher and Jaime (Pianos and Promises #1) Page 10