by Mistletoe
"Oh." Ariana's face twisted and her brow puckered. This was not a woman to conceal her feelings. She thought for a while, then turned back to Emilia. "Why have you never married, Lady Emilia?"
the question didn't seem to trouble the noblewoman. "I suppose I never met a man I wanted to marry." She paused and gazed over the frozen loch. She didn't look unhappy, but Taran recognized her expression as familiar. Who did she remind him of? "I had many suitors in my day, but when their proposals of marriage came— and they inevitably did— I couldn't accept. I wanted more, you see."
Ariana sighed. "I understand, perfectly." Taran watched Ariana's small face as she, too, gazed out over the frozen loch. What had she hoped for during her life in Wales? Her words indicated that like Emilia, Ariana had a vision of the man she would love. His heart felt low and heavy in his chest. Maybe mat explained her withdrawal from him. She had desire, but not whatever image of love she cherished.
Ariana shook her head as if to rid her mind of unpleasant thoughts, then pinned her attention back on Emilia. "Has the lack of a husband made you unhappy, Emilia?"
Their hostess arched her brows. "It has not. I have seen my cousins and girlhood friends marry, and to be honest, many chose unwisely. Oh, they picked men of good standing, men of wealth or breeding But I see their faces now, and they look so tired, as if all the success of their match was lost in that lonely space that forms between two unhappily wed people over time."
Ariana slumped miserably between Taran and the older woman. Emilia noticed her downcast expression, right away, for Ariana had no skill at deception. "What troubles you, dear child?"
She glanced at Taran. "Do you fear your family's reaction to…" She paused as if broaching a sensitive subject. 'To the choice you have made?"
Ariana peeked up at her, confused, but Taran took Emilia's meaning She thought they were secretly betrothed, and fearful of her Welsh family's reaction. Taran patted Ariana's shoulder. "In my cousin's family, it is customary on the Christmas holiday to find one person whose life they might better, and help that person. Because we have seen no shadow of pain at your household, Ariana fears she has failed in that effort."
Ariana straightened and looked at him in amazement. "Brilliant!" Taran rolled his eyes and she coughed, sputtering, then turned with a broad smile to Emilia, who looked confused. "My cousin is quite right. Don't you know of anyone nearby who is suffering and might benefit from our help?"
Emilia shook her head. "I am sorry, but no. I, too, have found joy in my life by bringing such help to my neighbors." She looked proud. "I have done so well that I fear your family's custom isn't likely to be needed here." She smiled and patted Ariana's cheek again. "But don't worry, dear. After what you've been through, I'm sure your family will understand."
Ariana sighed, and it sounded like a moan of despair. " suppose so." She sat back in the sleigh as they rode home and watched the darkening sky. Taran sat close beside her, as one by one, bright stars appeared. It would be a perfect night, clear enough to see forever.
Emilia looked tired, but she invited them to dine with her. Ariana fished more for possible hidden unhappiness in their cheerful hostess, but found none. Taran spoke little. Defeat seemed inevitable. Tomorrow, he would be gone, returned to a world he barely remembered. Ariana would be left again in her Welsh village.
She was brave and determined, but he doubted she had learned anything in the Vale of Snow that would protect her from the raging onslaughts of battle that had troubled the land she had come from. The assaults of the English in her time were relentless. She would be vulnerable, and this time, there was nothing he could do to save her. Nicholas would recruit neither of them again.
After dinner, Emilia wished them good night and retired to bed, leaving Ariana and Taran alone in the great hall. They stood silently together before the fireplace, staring into the flames as if they viewed the vision of hell.
Ariana seized a deep, shuddering breath, then turned to Taran. "We have failed."
He couldn't argue, but neither could he speak the words. "I can think of no other effort we might make at this late hour."
Tears welled in her eyes, but she didn't cry. "If I thought it would help, I would hunt the whole night through." She bowed her head. "But I see no hope now. There is no one left but us."
"If we must accept this fate, then you must be careful once you're returned to Wales, Ariana."
She didn't seem to care. Her lips formed a move and her chin thrust out. Every time he looked at her face, her sad expressions tore at his heart. He could watch her face forever, and read every emotion there, and never tire of the sight. "You were in grave danger before Nicholas rescued you. If you must go back, then you must take care."
"I would have escaped. I had already loosed my binds and was well on my way to breaking free."
Taran frowned. Her self-confidence would see her killed. "A warrior was coming for you, my dear. He bore an ax."
Ariana eyed him suspiciously. "How do you know?"
He hesitated, men turned his attention to the fire. "I was with Nicholas the day he chose you."
He felt her staring at him, and he knew when she moved closer to his side. "Truly?" She paused, seemingly amazed that he hadn't objected.
He had kept this secret for many long years. Many times, he had resisted the temptation to tell her the Until. Partly for her pride's sake, and partly to hide his own interest. But tomorrow they would be separated, forever.
Taran faced her, and he felt raw inside. "Can it be, after all this time, that you don't know?"
She was trembling, but she shook her head. He wanted to hold her, but he couldn't move.
"It wasn't really Nicholas who chose you, Ariana."
He looked into her eyes and saw the cool thrill of recognition form inside her. Her lips parted and her breath came in a shuddering gasp. Veiy slowly, she reached to touch his face. He felt her palm against his skin and the infinite tenderness she possessed.
"Taran…" Her voice came with the sweetest wonder he'd ever heard, and he knew that no distance, not time or space, could ever keep him from loving her. "It was you."
Chapter Five
"Why didn't you tell me?" She couldn't stop trembling. Taran looked both extremely vulnerable and strong. He had chosen her. "Why?"
He gazed up at the ceiling, and she realized he was shy. "Nicholas had let me watch those people who were being considered. I was studying warriors in your land to learn what armor and weapons they used. As I was watching the English army invade a Welsh village, I saw a girl. All the townsfolk were fleeing, running from their homes in terror. But this girl was running into it. I cannot tell you how frustrated I was, to watch that girl and not be able to help her. I watched her go into a burning hut, and I wondered what inside could be so precious."
Tears dripped down Ariana's cheeks. "A doll."
He smiled and nodded. "A doll. But not her own. I watched in wonder as she brought the doll to a weeping child, and I knew I'd found a truly great soul."
Ariana sniffed and dried her cheeks on her sleeve. "But I don't understand. That happened when I was a young girl. Nicholas didn't rescue me until I was twenty-three."
"That is true." He seemed hesitant to continue, but their time together was so short, and she had to know. 'It takes a lifetime to earn such an honor, and not all candidates are selected."
"You watched over me."
He didn't meet her eyes. "I feared for you. A child so brave would turn into a woman utterly without caution, and a penchant for risking her life for others."
Ariana frowned. "You found me foolish."
Taran grinned. "I found you familiar. I had been the same, after all." He looked into her eyes and she saw his heart shining there. "I thought you were the bravest, most beautiful woman who ever lived. I could do nothing to help you, nothing but watch. I wanted you to live fully and to be happy, but every time I spotted a man courting you, I endured such an agony of jealousy…"
He stopped
, but warm happiness flooded through Ariana. " do not recall giving you much cause."
"It didn't take much. I watched you pining for men I considered far beneath you. I watched you through heartaches, and I watched you try to love men for whom I knew you felt nothing."
"I wanted love so badly," she admitted. Her brow furrowed as she remembered the young woman she had been, ages ago. "But after even my most ardent of my infatuations passed, I felt nothing. No flicker of real passion remained. What I felt had never truly been love. Those who pursued me I cared for, but I could never muster the feeling I believed I should have."
"Your life in Wales ended too early. You would have found it, otherwise." He didn't sound entirely happy about the prospect of her discovering love. "You may find it still, when you return."
"Taran." She waited until he looked at her, and she smiled. "You know better."
"It is possible." He seemed nervous. "You are a beautiful woman. There's bound to be someone, eventually, worthy of your heart."
She shook her head. "You know better."
He moved away from her and braced his arms on the mantelpiece. "Once… once I thought differently."
Ariana went to him. All her fears gave way to a woman's tenderness. He had watched her, and he had cared enough to be jealous when another man sought to claim her, enough to watch her for many years. "If I go back to Wales and live a hundred years there, I will never find the love I hoped for."
He glanced at her, his dark brow furrowed.
'You can't know that."
"I know it, better than I know anything," She laid her hand on his shoulder and touched his long hair. "I cannot find it in Wales, because I already have it here."
He didn't speak, but his chest rose and fell with sharp breaths. "Ariana."
She rested her head against his shoulder and felt the power and tension flow inside him ,rI have been such a fool."
He turned and drew her into his arms, holding her close, surrounded by the fear of what they would lose. 'It was I that was a fool, Ariana. I should have told you."
"Why didn't you?" She looked up into his beautiful face, a face that had become so dear, not because he was handsome, but because he was part of her, a part she would never forget, no matter what kept them apart.
He pressed his cheek against her forehead, then kissed her. "Pride, I suppose. I didn't want you to feel beholden to me. I hoped you would want me for myself, and that you'd come to recognize that we were the same, more right for each other than anyone else could ever be."
Wonder filled her. It seemed too good to be believed, too much beyond even her fondest dreams to be trusted. "I was afraid you were toying with me. I wanted to believe so much, and I did not trust myself. And because other men have spoken sweet words to me, made promises that had no weight, and left me feeling foolish for ever having trusted in the first place."
Taran ran his hands through her hair as if he coveted each strand. "I cannot say I haven't spoken such words to women before. But until I met you, I had no idea what they meant. Ariana, I didn't know how much I could lose, that without you, my life would be empty."
His words felt like a dream. At last, he said everything she had longed to hear. At last, her heart filled with the love she had kept at bay for so long. But it had come too late, and now nothing could keep them together.
"I am so afraid." She bit her lip and stopped, but he ran his finger along her cheek.
"Of what,Ariana?"
She closed her eyes, but tears slipped out and dripped to her cheeks. "I'm afraid I'll never see you again. I wanted to go on as we were, fighting and being near each other all the time. But we haven't found anyone suffering, and tomorrow is Christmas Day. They will come for us and send us back to where we came from. And I will never see you again."
He looked as if he wanted to believe her, but still held some wariness, some terrible inner fear. "Does it truly affect you, the thought of being separated from me?"
"It is the worst pain I have ever known." She was crying, but she had to tell him, now, before she lost him forever. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him close. "All I wanted, I found the moment I first saw you. It was fear, the most awful fear I've ever known in my life, that kept me from saying so. I was waiting for you to prove that you really wanted me, but now I know nothing you could have done would have been enough. I thought I was safer at a distance; fighting with you was easier than laying my heart bare before you."
"I found that, too."
She peeked up at him, doubtful. " always thought you hated me."
He smiled. "So much that I lifted you off your feet and carried you to my bedroom and made love to you all night?"
A spasm of embarrassment and delight twisted through her. "I didn't think you hated me that night" She paused, suddenly shy. "I didn't think at all that night"
"It was the happiest, most wonderful night of my life. But somehow, it went wrong." He looked down at her and she saw anguish in his eyes. "I have never known why."
"I didn't dare to trust you, so I pretended not to care."
"I gave you no reason to trust." Tears welled in the warm depths of his brown eyes. "You were the gift to my life, and I destroyed it, all because my fear dominated my love. Have we really been so young that protecting ourselves means more than the magic we might have found together?"
She nodded, sniffing, "Now we will lose each other, and the chance we had will be lost."
He sighed. "One night left… after all the nights we might have had."
One night. Ariana backed away from him and stood beside the giant Christmas tree. "If one night is all we have…" She closed her eyes and tipped her head back. This night would have to be timeless; it would have to last her forever. She looked at him, and saw that he felt the same. "Taran, fear has ruled me. It has ruled us both. I need to know that you want me more than you fear me."
He stood there by the fire, tall and strong, so beautiful, her heart ached to look at him. "And I need to know that you trust me more than you doubt."
A shiver ran through her, because she knew this was their last chance. They had one night, and that was all. She felt small and alone in the center of the room, reaching for a man who would be gone before daybreak. "Then I tell you now, I want you, more than I have ever wanted anything." Her voice quavered with emotion, but she didn't cry or allow herself to beg. "I will go to my room and I will wait for you. If you come to me, I will take you in and I will love you with all my heart, and give you all myself But you will have to come to me on your own, because it is your desire— not because I've thrown myself at your feet."
His dark eyes burned with conflicting emotion. "Ariana, are we not making this more painful? If I come to you, if now-— at last— we share all that we have feared to share, won't losing each other be that much worse? Wouldn't a taste of what we might have known be worse than simply dreams?"
"I can't say that it won't." She swallowed hard.
He still wanted to protect himself, and her, from the pain they would feel. And she couldn't blame him.
She met his gaze and held it. For a timeless while, they looked at each other, and in his eyes, she saw all that might have been. She saw herself and Taran together, happy, in love. She saw herself with his black-haired baby in her arms. She saw herself, a woman beyond doubt, finally able to trust, and in love for all time to come.
She looked at her feet and imagined herself alone, tormented by might-have-beens and the knowledge she had thrown away her one true chance at love because she had been afraid.
Ariana closed her eyes and turned away. She didn't look back as she left the room and climbed the long staircase to her bedroom. She undressed as if held in a trance, then lay on her bed staring at the ceiling.
She felt the same agony of waiting she had endured the night before.
But this time, her door was unlocked.
For the first hour, every sound brought her upright, her heart pounding with expectation. When the nex
t hour passed, expectation turned to merely hope. When midnight approached, hope had turned to despair.
She tried to sleep, to forget, but she knew how close they had come to sharing something wonderful, and with each second that ticked by, that she was losing him. Ariana sat up in bed and stared out the window into the night. There was no moon, but the stars seemed bright enough to cast shadows over all the surrounding landscapes. Frost stuck to her window, closing it in slowly, and she saw her own heart, desperate to live and to feel, slowly frozen because she was alone.
Her long hair fell loose around her face and shoulders. The frost spread like diamonds over sand, and one by one, each star disappeared from her view. Ariana bowed her face into her hands and wept. She cried until her throat was raw, until her face stung from her tears.
At last, Ariana rose and wiped the frost from her window, straining to see through the pane. Taran's window was dark, and her grief nearly crumpled her to the floor. He was not going to come. Still, nothing she did could stem her wanting. After so long searching, denying, and hiding, she had finally found her true love. No other man would ever do now. Separated by a lifetime, by time and distance and hearts too frozen to feel, Ariana would still love him.
With that grim certainty, Ariana sank back on her bed. Night encircled her, bright and clear with a thousand stars looking down though the window. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to relax.
Just as sleep was about to overtake her, the door creaked, then opened. Ariana lurched upright in bed, her hair falling around her face like a veil. She shoved it back, breathing so fast that she felt dizzy. The light from the hallway illuminated Taran's tall, powerful body before he closed the door behind him.
He carried a thick candle, which he set on her bedstead. He didn't speak. Her heart beat so fast that she barely breathed. His dark eyes seemed to glow, and the fires of her own body kindled in response.
She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her anus around them, fearful despite her desire. He had really come. She hadn't expected him, not in her deepest heart. But now he was here, and she had no idea what to do next.