“But aren’t you lonely? Don’t you want someone to come home to?”
He places the banana in his lunch bag and shakes his head. “What your mother and I had can never be replaced,” he says in a quiet, somber voice.
Something behind his words worries me. Is he afraid to love again? “Dad, if you’re not dating because of me, then you have to know, I’m okay with it.”
He steps closer to me, and rubs his hands up and down my arms. “What we had can never be repeated. Ever. Your mother was and still is the greatest love of my life, and the only woman who’ll ever hold my heart. It would be unfair of me to try and start a relationship with anyone else when the only woman I’ll ever love has passed away. It’s not fair of me to mislead anyone.”
“But, you’ll be alone.”
“I’d rather be alone than live a life I wasn’t meant to live. I’ll never be able to commit to anyone else fully because I still love your mother more than anything in this world.”
“Don’t be afraid, Dad. It’s okay to try.”
His lips draw up into a smile. “Don’t think I’m afraid to try. I don’t want to try. I’m happy with the way life is for me.”
“But one day I’ll leave here, and I don’t know if I can, knowing you’ll be on your own.”
“My life is here. Yours isn’t. You’re only at the beginning of your journey. You need to experience the world, and live your life. Don’t worry about me. I’ll always be here when you need me, and this will always be your home. But no one will ever have my love the way your mother did.” He hugs me and kisses me on the head.
Dad’s words are controlled and deliberate. He means what he says.
“Okay, Dad,” I reply and hug him back. “But just in case you ever want to date again, I’m okay with it.”
“Good to know. But here’s the thing—I’m not and never will be okay with it.”
“Alright.” I shrug my shoulders as I step away from Dad. “I just wanted you to know if the time ever comes and you want to date again, I’m cool with it.”
“Thank you. Now, hurry up, you’re going be late and so am I.” It’s his way of saying he no longer wants to talk about it.
“I’m ready.”
Slinging my bag over my shoulder, Dad and I head out.
“Here,” he says handing me his credit card. “Considering I forgot to get money, buy whatever you want for dinner.”
“Dad, I have money. I still have some cash and some money in my bank from the last time you put money in there.”
“Sure?”
“Yes!” I nearly shout.
“I thought girls wanted to spend money by buying things they don’t need.”
“Seriously? You’re going to stereotype us? I’m seventeen, Dad. I’ve never been big on spending money. Has it really taken you seventeen years to figure this out?”
Dad pulls out of the driveway traveling toward school. “Good to know. Not a typical girl.”
“Ugh, stop saying that. Not all of us like to shop.” He glances sideways at me, and smirks. “I do know a few at school who do, but not all of us.”
The rest of the car ride is spent with Dad singing an Elvis song. When we pull up to school, he leans over and offers me his cheek. Giving him a kiss, I get out of the car and start walking into school.
“Hey,” he calls as he slowly drives beside me.
“Who are you and what do you want?” I tease.
“Love you!” he calls with a huge smile on his face.
“Yeah, you’re alright too.” I wink at him and wait a second before saying what he wants to hear, “I love you, Dad.”
His face lights up, that’s exactly what he wanted. “With all my heart,” he replies.
He sounds his horn once and drives away. Jared’s walking toward me and he waves to my Dad. “Dad’s wanting attention?” Jared flicks his chin toward Dad’s retreating vehicle.
“I think he’s a bit sensitive this morning. I told him I’d be alright with him dating again.”
“Really?” Jared’s brows rise in shock. “How did he take it?”
“Like I thought he would. He said he’ll never date again because he’ll only ever love one woman.”
“Gotta give that man credit. He loves hard and isn’t a manwhore.”
“He’s a good father,” I say as we walk down the corridor.
“Hey,” Katie calls toward Jared and me as she approaches us.
“You’re looking mighty fine today,” Jared says to her as he slings his arm over her shoulder. Katie giggles and her cheeks flush. “I love this skirt.” He pulls on her skirt. “But seriously, can it get any shorter?”
“Just want to show Tobias my best features.” Man, she’s really trying to land him. Doesn’t she get it? He’s not into her.
“What? You recorded yourself sleeping?” Jared teases.
“Hey,” she protests and lightly smacks him in the upper arm.
Shaking my head, I head to my locker. “See you in class,” I call to Jared and Katie.
Opening my locker, I push my bag in and take out my laptop and my math book. Slamming the door shut, I startle when I catch the gaze of dark eyes standing behind the locker door. “You scared the shit out of me, Tobias.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
We both start walking to math even though the first bell hasn’t sounded yet. “Nah, I just wasn’t expecting you.”
“So, I was thinking maybe I can take you over to my place this afternoon after school, considering you bailed on me on Saturday.”
Fire rises to my cheeks because I feel guilty that I didn’t ask Tobias to meet me. I knew he wanted to hang out, but I did what I always do. I hid away and didn’t involve anyone else. I can’t risk him knowing my secret and looking at me with judgment, or worse still, pity. My secret is exactly that, my secret.
Trying to avoid his eyes, I hesitantly shrug. I kind of don’t want to get involved with him. I don’t want him asking questions. I think that’s why Jared and I work so great as best friends. He’s always around, but I don’t have to tell him. At the same time, I know if I do tell him, he won’t judge me.
“I don’t know,” I stretch out. “I’m not sure.”
“Mom and Clara will be home. And I know you said Clara sounds like a cool grandma, so I want you to meet her.”
“I don’t know,” I say again slowly.
“Besides, she said if you don’t go to her, she’ll come here. And remember, she’s a motorcycle-riding old lady who will call you on it.” Smiling, I really love the sound of this woman. She honestly sounds like an awesome person.
“Ugh,” I grunt in frustration. He’s got me. I really do want to meet the woman who acts like a teenager instead of a grandmother. “Okay, but I want to be home by five.”
“I’ll make sure you’re there by four fifty-nine,” he answers.
“Okay then.”
“Oh, and one more thing.”
“What?” I look at him sideways.
“Well actually two more things. First, have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle before?” I shake my head. “Just hold on tight and don’t move around a lot.”
“Wait… what?”
“I came to school on my bike, so you have to come home with me on my bike.”
“Um, is it safe?” I ask worried.
“Safe and sound. I promise. I won’t do anything to freak you out.” He crosses his heart with his fingers. “Because Clara would kick my ass if I did.”
I can’t help but laugh. “What’s the second thing?”
“You can’t call her anything but Clara. Man, she’ll lose it if you try to call her Mrs. Baxter. It’s just Clara.”
“Okay, and your mom? What do I call her?”
“Call her Justine. She’ll insist on it.”
“Sounds easy enough.” The bell rings and we take our seats in math.
“Hi Tobias.” Katie calls as we walk out of school.
“Hey.” Tob
ias flicks his eyes toward her, then back to me. “Here, give me your bag,” he says as he tries to take it off me.
“I can carry it.” I sling it over my shoulder while we walk to the parking lot.
“Hey, Tobias. I’m having a party on Friday night, and I’m wondering if you’d like to come?” Katie persists.
“Nah, sorry,” he cuts her down immediately. “Got other things on,” he says to her.
“Oh, um.” Katie’s still walking beside us, but she seems to have gone quiet. This is so awkward. The tension between us all is stifling. She’s not getting it. She keeps showing interest in him, but he’s not reciprocating with the same enthusiasm.
I discreetly hit his arm, and he turns to look at me. ‘What?’ he mouths. Widening my eyes, I quickly look toward Katie and back to him. I’m trying to tell him to be a bit nicer to her. She’s trying, and he’s not.
Taking a deep breath, he turns to look at Katie. “You look nice today, Katie.” Her entire face brightens as if she’s seeing the sun for the first time in her life. “I’d love to come to your party, but I have to work. I gotta help my grandma with a few things.”
She smiles at him and takes a deep breath. “Oh, that’s cool. Just wanted to see if you wanted to come. But yeah, you gotta help your grandma. Anyway, see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
She breaks off and heads in the opposite direction. We get to Tobias’s bike and he grabs a helmet and gives it to me. “There are two helmets,” I say eyeing the other one.
“Yeah.” He shrugs not realizing where I’m going with this.
“Presumptuous much? What if I’d have said no to meeting Clara and Justine?” I put the helmet on and secure it in place.
“Nah, that was never going to happen,” he cheekily replies.
“Oh, really? I’m that predictable?”
“Not at all. But I know how much you want to meet Clara, and I know how much she wants to meet you. She would’ve ridden down here herself to kidnap you.”
I really can’t wait to meet Clara. She sounds like so much fun.
Tobias starts the bike, straddles it, and holds his hand out to help me climb on behind him. Once I’m on, he turns to me and says, “Hold on tight, and don’t move too much.”
“Yes, sir.” I mock-salute.
I can see the mirth in his eyes. He finds it funny. He slowly takes off with both my arms tightly around his waist. I close my eyes; I’m way too petrified to open them.
He’s not going fast. We’re in a residential area so the speed limit is low anyway. Opening one eye, I peek around his broad shoulders, and find he’s being careful. Becoming more brazen, I open both eyes and watch life go by as I sit on the back of Tobias’s bike.
He lets go of one of the handlebars, and cups his hand over mine. The touch is unusual, though not unwelcomed. My stomach flips with excitement, but I can’t quite work out if it’s because of him or the thrill of being on the back of his bike.
Whatever it is, I’m pushing the rush of adrenalin to the side. I refuse to give into it. Slightly moving my hand, I silently tell Tobias his touch—although not unwanted—isn’t something I’m ready for.
Tobias’s hand goes back to the handlebar, and I feel his body lean forward. I can tell he’s disappointed in my lack of a positive response.
It only takes another few minutes before we reach his house. It’s secluded enough so it’s not too close to his neighbors, although there are houses around. The front yard is neat and well-kept, and the house itself is made of weathered stucco with pale shutters on the windows and a gray tin roof.
He pulls up beside another motorcycle, a nicer one, but not too over-the-top. Holding his hand out to me, he helps me climb off the bike before taking his helmet off. He powers it down, pegs the stand down and gets off. “Did I scare you?” he asks while I pull my own helmet off.
“Nah, it was fun.”
A tight smile stretches his mouth, and I can tell he’s disappointed in how I pulled my hand away from his. “That’s good,” he says as he steps back and grabs my bag off my shoulder.
“Is that my grandson?” I hear someone call from inside in the house.
“It’s us, Clara. Ivy’s with me,” Tobias calls in return.
Suddenly I become nervous. My stomach knots and the palms of my hands sweat. My heartbeat quickens as I follow Tobias up the steps to his front door. I’m not sure what to expect of Clara, except, from what Tobias has told me, she’s a cool granny.
The front porch door swings open, and standing in the doorway is exactly the woman I expected. She’s tiny in frame and height, has bright pink shoulder-length hair and her arms are covered in two full sleeves of colorful tattoos.
She casts a cautious eye over me, taking in my appearance before she smiles. “You’re right, Toby; she’s pretty.”
“Nan!” he scolds her and ducks his face away from me.
“I’ll smack you on the back of the head if you call me that again,” she chastises Tobias.
I can’t help but smile at Clara. “Hello, ma’am,” I say as I approach the porch.
She turns to look beside her, then returns her gaze to me. “It’s Clara, Ivy. Nothing else but Clara.” She holds her hand out to me. When I reach out, expecting a handshake, she grabs me and brings me in for a hug. “This is the way we do things here.” She hugs me quite tightly, and even if I wanted to get away from her, I couldn’t. She’s very strong.
I burst into laughter. She’s squeezing me so tightly it makes me giggle. When she finally releases me, I step back with a huge smile. “It’s really a pleasure to meet you, Clara. Tobias has told me so much about you and Justine.”
“Of course, he has. And I can guarantee every word is true. Tobias doesn’t lie. Come on inside.” She holds the screen door open and indicates for me to enter her home.
The inside of the house is a reflection of the outside. It’s clean and neat, and everything is in its place. It’s small, smaller than my house, but it’s still clean and neat.
“Would you like a drink?” Clara offers as she heads out of the family room.
I don’t get a chance to answer. Instead she disappears. “Hey, you okay?” Tobias asks in a soft voice.
“I’m a bit overwhelmed.” I look around the room as I sit on the sofa. Tobias stands in front of me, and looks around his home. He’s nervous too. He’s dropped that ‘bad-boy’ persona he has at school, and he looks uneasy. “Do you want me to leave?” I question.
“It’s not that,” he responds as he looks back toward where Clara disappeared.
“What is it then?”
He visibly swallows and diverts his eyes to anywhere but me. “It’s just…” He takes a deep breath and looks away again.
“What is it?” Curiosity has taken over and I really want to know what’s going through his head. There’s an innocence to him, a softness I haven’t seen before.
“My family is super protective.”
I stare at him, tilting my head to the side. “That’s really good, isn’t it?”
“Super protective,” he stresses again.
“I don’t quite get where you’re going with this, Tobias.”
“They mean everything to me.” He points in the direction Clara departed. “Everything.”
I’m not sure what’s happening, but I feel like he doesn’t really want me here. Standing to my feet, I grab my bag from the floor and swing it over my shoulder. “If you think I’m going to do something to offend your family, you should have said something instead of encouraging me to come. I don’t want to stay somewhere I’m not wanted. I’ll walk home.” I head toward the door, but Tobias grabs me by my upper arm and swings me around so I’m looking at him. “What?” I question, frustrated.
“Don’t go, please.” A pained look flashes across his face. “I don’t want you to go, really. I want you to stay.”
“Then why are you acting so damn weird?”
Tobias steps back and runs his hand through
his hair. Nervousness takes over as he paces back and forth. “You’re the first girl I’ve brought home.”
Oh, um… okay. “You mean since you’ve moved here?”
There’s a long drawn out pause. “Nope, I mean the first girl I’ve ever bought home.”
What does this mean? “I don’t get it. What do you mean?”
“I don’t bring random chicks home, Ivy. I want you to like them, and for them to like you. They’re incredibly important to me, and you are important to me too.”
I used to think he just wanted to screw me and move on, but seeing him like this—something in the pit of my stomach tells me that’s not the case. I have to make a decision on what I want. More silence stretches between us.
He’s standing a few feet away, staring at me.
And I’m trying to decide if I should give him a chance, if he’s worth the risk of possibly discovering my secret. Stepping back, my legs find the sofa, and I sit on it.
“Say something, please,” he begs.
“Why?” I question. It’s a valid query. He’s turned weird from the moment I came into the house. This is confusing.
He steps closer, and sits beside me on the sofa. I notice how he brings his hand up to delicately stroke his tattoo. Stay strong.
Straightening his back and lifting his chin with an air of confidence, he looks at me. “Because our darkness belongs together.”
Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I crinkle my brows. “Wh-what?” I ask in a small voice. Does he know? Can he see my scars? Does he cut too?
“I don’t want us to be afraid anymore, Ivy. I want you to give me a chance to to prove I’ll never let you down.”
Staring at Tobias, I feel naked. Completely exposed and entirely bare.
Am I unprotected from the man who sits beside me? Is he more powerful than the demon who calls me to the blade?
“Here you go, homemade lemonade,” Clara announces as she walks into the family room carrying a tray with three glasses and a pitcher full of lemonade. She stops and notices the tension in the room. Tobias stands and takes the tray out of her hands and places it on the side table beside the sofa. I’m staring at the glasses, still wordless from what Tobias said. “Everything okay in here?” her tone changes, it doesn’t sound as upbeat as it was a few seconds ago.
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