Lisa dropped me off and I only had five minutes to clock in. When Lenora saw me coming in she looked down at her watch and told me to hurry up because I was going to be handling returns. I didn’t mind. I knew where everything was located, and walking around made the day go by faster. There were three shopping carts full of returned items. I would be busy at least until lunch.
After lunch, they put me on the express lane because it was becoming busy. I hadn’t even had a break. By the time they tried to give me one, it was going to be time to go home. Lenora came over and tapped me on my shoulder at four and said, “I need you logged off your register. Come to the back. It’s important.”
“Okay,” I said, startled. I turned my register light off and told the man who was next in line that he was my last customer.
My nerves were getting the best of me. I was a wreck, trying to figure out why they would take me off my register. What was going on? I hoped I hadn’t forgotten to give someone the right amount of change again. As I scanned each item, I tried to remember any errors I may have made. Each beep of the register had me jumpy. Finally, I logged off and walked to the back of the store. “Your sister’s fiancé called. He said it was an emergency and for you to call home because your sister is in the hospital.” Her fiancé? I figured Lenora was talking about Lisa’s boyfriend, Mikey. What could have happened to Lisa? I couldn’t gather my thoughts or belongings fast enough.
“Did he say what was wrong?” I asked Lenora.
“No,” Lenora responded.
I thanked her and clocked out. I pulled out my cell phone and called Mikey.
“Mikey, what’s going on with Lisa?”
“She is at the hospital. Your aunt Darla is with her.”
“What hospital? What the hell happened?”
“Man, I don’t really know. Just meet me at UPenn.” I told him okay as all kinds of thoughts ran through my head.
I caught a cab to the University of Pennsylvania hospital. I went to patient information. As soon as I exited the elevator, I saw my aunt Darla, her husband, and Lisa’s best friend, Yvette.
“What’s going on, Yvette?” I could tell by the expression on their faces that it was something bad. Real bad.
“She took some pills,” Aunt Darla said.
“Some pills?” I said, shocked, as tears began to stream down my face. “How many? What for? Was it an accident? Her head has been bothering her lately and she’s been getting migraine headaches.”
Yvette butted in and said, “I don’t think it was an accident. She left a letter and she took a bunch of stuff. I called her around three when school was out and Kyle said, ‘My mommy sleep.’ I said wake her up, and then he said he couldn’t. So I called back again and then Miles said she looked like she was dead because she wasn’t breathing. I thought the boys were exaggerating, but then I called back and I told them to smack her to get her up because it was really important. I heard the smack and Kyle told me she was still asleep. So I drove over there and they opened the door for me and I found her unconscious in the bed.”
“So what are they saying? Is she going to die? Where is she?” I asked as my aunt Darla came up and started hugging me. I broke down, almost falling on the floor.
“Lisa is in a coma. They have her in intensive care. She is down the hall and it doesn’t look good. You can go in there, but you have to calm down,” Yvette said, as my aunt Darla tried to hold me up. I tried to get myself together as I walked in Lisa’s room.
Lisa was hooked up to all these monitors. I cried quietly as I touched her hand. It felt cold. I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t see my sister hooked up to all those machines. I started crying hysterically.
“Calm down, Zakiya. Don’t count Lisa out. She might still make it. We just have to wait and pray,” my aunt Darla said as she held me up and walked me out of the room to a seat in the family waiting room. I tried to get my thoughts together.
Tears began to fill my eyes. “Where are my nephews?” I asked Yvette and my aunt Darla.
“Mikey’s mom has the boys. I had them call her and then I told her what was going on,” Yvette said as she attempted to console me, too. I saw Mikey coming down the hall and I became instantly mad. I tried to contain myself, but I just couldn’t. I broke down and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. My chest was heaving up and down and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t take it. First my mother and now my sister. I kept asking myself why Lisa would do something like this. She knew how hard it was on us to grow up without a mother. Why would she do this to her children and to herself? It didn’t make any sense. When our mom killed herself, everyone was always pointing and staring and feeling sorry for us. We never had a mother to give Mother’s Day cards to or celebrate the holidays with or comfort us by simply telling us that it was going to be okay. We had different dads, and neither one of them was around for us. So why would she think it was okay to do it to her boys? I thought as I cried uncontrollably, sobbing on my aunt’s shoulder.
She gave me some tissues and hugged me. She told me it was going to be okay, and then asked me how Lisa had been acting the last few days. As I tried to sit up and wipe away my tears, I collected my thoughts and said, “I thought she was happy. Like really happy. She had music blasting and she was cleaning up, folding clothes, and bagging up clothes for the Salvation Army.”
“That’s strange. If she was happy, why would she try to kill herself?” Aunt Darla asked.
“Actually, it is normal before a person attempts to commit suicide. They usually get really happy and give away their prized possessions. They get this euphoric feeling. I learned it in my psychology class,” Yvette said.
“Really? I didn’t know that; I could have stopped her,” I said as a doctor came over to talk with us. He introduced himself as Dr. Mead. We all gathered around him in a huddle as he began explaining Lisa’s condition.
“The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours will be touch and go. Anything can happen. However, does she have a will, or do you know what her final wishes were?”
Final wishes! I couldn’t take any more. I walked away. This was way too much for me.
“Second generation is crazy,” I heard my aunt Darla whisper as I walked away. I looked back at them. “Did she hear me?” she asked Yvette. If they were supposed to be supporting me, they were doing a bad job of it. Mikey stood up and walked down the hospital corridor, throwing his arms up at the ceiling and letting out a long, loud sigh.
I walked out of the hospital and saw Mikey. He was pacing and smoking a cigarette. I wanted to be mad at him, but it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t pull the trigger, but he did give Lisa the ammunition. He was the one who made her want to kill herself. He always made her sad. Damn. Why couldn’t he just do right by her? That’s all she ever wanted. As he approached me I had mixed feelings. I wanted to hit him, but I just gave him a hug and started breaking down again. He hugged me back and said, “It’s going to be okay, Kiya. She is going to make it through this shit.”
“I hope so. I don’t know what I would do without her,” I cried as we separated.
“I know everyone thinks it is my fault, and to an extent it may be. But listen, I got Lisa. I love her. I don’t want anything to happen to her or my sons,” he said, shaking his head.
“So why do you keep doing stuff, Mikey?”
“Your sister be tripping. I go get my hair cut and she accuses me of being with another woman. I put on cologne and she asks me who I’m trying to smell good for. Last week, she came down to the pool hall and busted my car headlights out because I was playing against my man and his girl, and she thought the girl was with me.”
“Well, you have to do something to make her feel more secure. So she won’t think anything.”
“I’ve been trying, Zakiya. Come on, you know your sister be acting up for no reason.” I knew he was telling the truth, but still, maybe if he hadn’t cheated in the past, then she wouldn’t always accuse him. It didn’t
matter now. What mattered was just praying that Lisa made it.
I wanted to see my nephews, but I knew they were going to ask questions and I didn’t have any answers. I had to seriously think about the future. If Lisa died, there would be so many things that had to be addressed. Her funeral arrangements. Who would take over the house? Would Mikey fight me for the kids? God, I didn’t know how I would handle all of this.
By the time I came back upstairs to the family waiting room, my mom’s youngest sister, Tina, had arrived from Maryland. She used to come and get me and take me out when my mother was alive. I hadn’t seen her in years. She had her hair cut short and it was dyed honey blond. She was wearing a pink velour sweat suit. She always was the somewhat fashionable sister. Her husband was older. He did something for the government in D.C. I knew he made a lot of money and she didn’t work. As soon as she saw me she gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. The rest of the night we prayed and hoped that Lisa would make it through.
Chapter 5
Zakiya
For the last two days, I had just been crying. I mean crying hard. You always take things for granted until something bad happens. I didn’t know what I was going to do without Lisa around. It was already so difficult. I was just trying to deal with it. I was on my way back to the hospital when I saw Mikey’s number come up on my cell phone. I was scared to answer. I couldn’t bear to hear any bad news. I just couldn’t. Damn it, Lisa, why? I thought. I pushed his call to voice mail and then he called back again. I looked down at the ringing cell phone, picked up, and said, “Mikey, don’t tell me any bad news. I couldn’t take it. I really couldn’t.”
“It’s not bad news. Lisa is up.”
“She is? Oh, thank you, Lord. Oh my God, I’m on my way down there now.”
I rushed down to the hospital. I was so happy that Lisa was conscious. When I walked in her room, Lisa was sitting up looking normal. She didn’t appear like anything was hurting her. She saw me and she smiled. I walked in and gave her a hug. I wanted to remain calm, quiet, and pleasant—but I couldn’t. I couldn’t act like what she just tried was okay.
“Why would you do this?” I asked angrily.
“I don’t know. I felt hopeless. I felt like I wanted to give up. I don’t have a job, I have all these bills, and Mikey wasn’t acting right. I don’t know; I just lost hope.”
I wanted to scream at her, but I used a normal tone. “So killing yourself would make it all better? Who is going to take care of Kyle and Miles? Your children need you. That is so selfish. You had everyone so scared. If you don’t care about yourself, you should at least think of them.”
“I know, Zakiya, I know. I’m not going to do it again. I’m glad I wasn’t successful.”
“I’m so mad at you,” I cried. “You’re so fucking dumb, Lisa. I told you to leave him alone. If Mikey’s the problem just leave him.” I knew I was supposed to be nice to her, and not cuss her out, but I couldn’t hold it in. I was so upset at her. I walked out of her room and went down the hall, crying. Aunt Tina followed me. She came behind me and began consoling me.
“Calm down, Kiya. It’s going to be okay. Let’s go to the cafeteria. I want to talk to you anyway.” We took the elevator down to the second floor. She asked me if I was hungry and I said no. She ordered herself soup and insisted that I have a sandwich. I wasn’t hungry, but I hadn’t eaten in days, so I let her order me a tuna sandwich and an ice tea. Once the sandwich was in front of me, I began to nibble on it.
“What are you doing with yourself?” Aunt Tina asked.
“I’m working at the market.”
“And what else?” she asked.
“That’s it,” I said. I knew she was trying to change the subject. Take my mind off of Lisa, but right now was not the time.
“Listen, don’t take this the wrong way, Zakiya, but you need to be doing more with yourself.”
“Huh? I’m going to go back to school, probably in the fall.”
“I think that is a good idea, because I told Lisa to go to school before she had them babies and she didn’t listen. Now look at this mess. You need to get a better job and get in school. Do you understand me? If not, you will end up with a life of nothing, with a no-good man like Mikey. Lisa needs to break up with him. He is bringing her down.”
“I know. I know, but she won’t leave him or listen to anyone.”
“Well, she needs to listen to somebody, ’cause he ain’t shit. He is in and out of jail, doing whatever he wants to do with his money, while she’s struggling,” she said, upset.
“You’re right. He don’t help her at all.”
“I know. See, that’s a problem and I don’t want you to get caught up like that. I’m going to tell you what’s gon’ happen. You’re gon’ sit around here and meet one of these little boys and you’re gon’ wind up pregnant. Then you’re gon’ be talking the same stuff Lisa’s talking about. And it’s gon’ be too late. You’ll be stuck with no way out. Is that the kind of life you want for yourself?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head.
“I think you should get out of Philly. I think that you should go stay with Vicky.”
“I’m not moving. Lisa needs me.”
“No! You need you, and . . . um . . . You know she’s in LA now.”
“I thought they lived in Florida.”
“No, they moved to California. She’s doing real good out there and she got a real nice place. Her boyfriend is a white guy. I think he’s like a producer of movies, and I’m going to buy you a plane ticket. And you are going to go! Because I’m going to tell you something—time don’t wait for no one and you are nineteen. You are not in school. You need to be having fun, living your life, seeing the world. But all you’re doing is working in that market and taking care of Lisa’s kids. And Lisa’s depression . . . that stuff is contagious. If your mom was living, she would be telling you the same thing.”
“B-b-but . . . ” I stuttered.
“There is no ‘but,’ Zakiya. At least just try it out for a few weeks. Zakiya, you don’t have any children or responsibilities. You’re going to listen to me and you’re going to go. I’m going to call Vicky now.”
Before I could say no, she had dialed her on her phone and passed it to me.
“Zakiya, how are you, hon?”
“Hey, Aunt Vicky. Y’all living in California now?” I asked.
“Yeah, we are in Los Angeles. You need to come out here. You would love it. The weather is pleasant all year round. It is so busy and everyone is doing something with themselves. Tina told me about everything that’s going on out there. Why don’t you come out here for a while and get away? Jade and I would love to have you.”
“I might. Thank you for the offer, Aunt Vicky. I have to think about it,” I said as I gave the phone back. I heard Aunt Tina say, “I’m going to make her come, Vicky. I’ll call you when I buy her ticket.”
She couldn’t make me do anything. If I didn’t want to go to California, I didn’t have to. I hadn’t seen my Aunt Vicky and cousin Jade in years. They were always moving. They lived all over the country. Vicky was my mom’s second to youngest sister. She was always on the go—city to city. She was a makeup artist, a dancer, a singer . . . and a bunch of other things.
I remember growing up, my mom was always so happy when Vicky would come into town because she always had some fabulous story to tell my mom. Like where she had been and who she was working for. My aunt Vicky was blessed with the gift/ability to never work too hard and always had a rich boyfriend to take care of her.
Chapter 6
Adrienne
I was in the middle of my overnight shift. In front of me were stacks of charts and paperwork that I had to complete. I only had the next four hours, but I would need at least six days to complete it all. I was counting down to 7 a.m. when I could go home and go to sleep like a normal person. Some RNs preferred nursing homes, but I didn’t. I hated working nights. It used to be easy—no visitors, everyone asleep—but lately it
seemed like the overnight shifts were when all the residents decided to go crazy. It was a very depressing place. I hope to grow old someday, but I hope my daughter doesn’t send me to a retirement home. It is the worst.
Just two days ago, I had two patients die on me in the middle of the night, and if the residents aren’t passing away, then they are falling. What that equals for me is a lot of paperwork. Nursing homes are really the last stop, the end of the line, before, well . . . going home literally. I’m trying desperately to get back in a hospital, but haven’t come across the right position. Some people don’t come and visit their parents, others come and yell at them the entire visit or yell at the staff about what we are not doing right for their parent. My response for that is, How about you take them home and take care of them yourself? Then you can make sure they have everything they need.
Kalisha, a CNA, came to the station and handed me a menu. “Dina said do you want to order with us?”
“Where are y’all ordering from?” I asked as I opened the trifold menu. “Probably from the pizza place,” she said as I stared down at the menu. Nothing looked appealing and I wasn’t really hungry. Plus, I knew I shouldn’t be eating at night, but I decided to order something anyway, just in case I got hungry later. Dina, another nurse I worked with, called down from upstairs. She was in her midthirties, but still fun. We helped each other out covering for each other when were late or needed a nap.
“I want a chicken cheesesteak and French fries,” I said to Kalisha as I closed the menu and went back to my charts. “Tell her I’ll be up with the money. I have to go to the ATM.”
A few moments later when the phone began ringing I knew it was Dina asking for the money for the order.
“Adrienne, I need you to come upstairs.”
“I’m about to bring the money up. Give me a moment, Dina.”
“No, I need help with Mrs. Fein. She’s hanging at the elevator doors, trying to leave again. And I can’t calm her down. You know she likes you.”
What's His Is Mine Page 4