Chapter 69
Zakiya
It’s been a few weeks since the baby died. Everyone keeps telling me I will get over it, but I haven’t yet. I keep thinking about the plans I made that included the baby. Jabril is doing fine. He just said he was going to get me pregnant again, but I don’t want to ever get pregnant again. I never want to go through all this heartache and pain ever again.
Since I came home from the hospital I haven’t been able to do anything. Jabril has been there for me and is trying. But I’m a wreck. Every time he is about to leave to go anywhere I start crying and I don’t know why I feel like a baby, but I just do. I just feel so sad, like I don’t want to move on. My phone was ringing, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but since it was Elena, I answered.
“What are you doing? I haven’t heard from you,” she said.
“I lost the baby. I’m not pregnant anymore.”
“Oh no, chica. You okay?” Elena asked, her voice getting elevated.
“No, I feel like shit. I just want to die. I swear I just want to die.”
“No, don’t say that. You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do mean it. Every night I just get up and think my life would be so much better if I wasn’t here. I actually think of how I’m going to do it.”
“Do what, Zakiya? Stop talking crazy.”
I started sniffling. “Elena, I’m so not playing. I don’t have anything to live for. I can’t even have a baby, right? All women can have children. I’m worthless.”
“You’re not worthless, Zakiya.”
“Yes, I am and Jabril hates me. Do you know how much Jabril hates me?”
“He doesn’t hate you. Where are his uncle and mom?”
“They’re not here. I don’t like his dumb-ass uncle anyway. I think he is happy my baby died. You should have seen the smirk on his face when I first came home. I’m just tired. I’ll call you later.”
After I hung up, I walked into the bedroom. I was really done with life. I just wanted to die and be with my baby and my mom. I couldn’t wait to see them.
Chapter 70
Adrienne
When DeCarious tried to call me, I had three words for him: Call my attorney. Then I turned my phone off. I didn’t have time for him. He had his chance to make a deal with me. He wanted to do it his way, so now he would pay. So he wouldn’t talk to me. I guess he figured that he would have his mama do his dirty work for him because Miss Anne was ringing my phone. I answered the phone like, I don’t want to talk to you, either, bitch.
“Yes, Miss Anne.”
“Hi, Adrienne. How’s Asia?” This bitch ain’t called me in forever. Now she wants to ask about her granddaughter? Get to the point, I thought.
“She’s good. What’s up, Miss Anne?”
“Adrienne, I was just calling to talk to you. I have to be honest with you. I don’t like what’s going on with you and DeCarious. Either y’all going to be together or not. But either way, y’all gonna have to find a way to come to some type of agreement without anyone getting hurt.”
“Miss Anne, you need to tell your son that. I have been trying to work things out with him. And he is the one who doesn’t want to compromise. I didn’t want a divorce—he does.”
“Okay, then maybe you can come down here and you two can sit and talk.”
“No, it’s too late, Miss Anne. I’m done.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I am. No one is thinking about me or really concerned about Malaysia. So I’m done talking. I will see him in court.”
“Okay, Adrienne, if that’s the way you want it. I just don’t understand why it has to end angry. You both have to do what’s best for Asia. One more thing—if you continue to work out of greed, Adrienne, everything around you will collapse. I guarantee you.”
“Miss Anne, I have to go.” She could give that same tired speech to her son. I wanted at least a million dollars, which wasn’t a lot if he wanted me to sign the annulment papers.
I drove down to my attorney’s office. She said she had some good news for me. I walked into her office. Her receptionist offered me something to drink. I was too nervous to drink anything. He was on the computer checking e-mails. He said that Ms. Byrne would be out shortly. She came right out and said, “Come in, Mrs. Simmons.” I had a seat and Ms. Byrne stood up and then walked to her window and opened the blinds, letting more sunlight inside her office. She walked back over to her desk and leaned on the edge and said, “I just had a conversation with your husband’s attorney. Apparently they just want this to be over with, and want to settle.”
“Really? For how much?”
“Five hundred thousand, and I think their offer is more than reasonable, Mrs. Simmons.”
“You do?” I asked, confused. “Ms. Byrne, what about all you said about wanting to get the media involved and asking for two million but getting at least a million out of the deal?”
“Well, he has hired the best attorney in the state of Georgia, and he is licensed in Pennsylvania, and they are going to draw this thing out so long that by the time you receive any money, your legal bills will eat a large percentage of the money. If we have to go before a judge, the first thing they are going to ask you is why aren’t you working? What is wrong with you? You have a college degree and are perfectly able.”
“But we already knew all this.”
“We did, but as I reviewed everything, I think this is your best option.”
“But you said that I could get the house and would walk away with at least half of what he is worth. He is worth way more than a million dollars.”
“I did say that, but let me ask you this, Mrs. Simmons. Are you employed right now? You’ll say no, and then the next question will be, What’s wrong with you? You have a college degree and are perfectly able. Then his attorney may say that you are able bodied and you just don’t want to work. They are going to dig up dirt and try their best to make you appear like a gold digger.”
“But I’m not a gold digger.”
“I know you are not, and I know you just want what’s best for your daughter. However, the court may not see it that way. Ultimately, it is your decision. However, I say take the money. It will be a good nest egg for your daughter and yourself.”
“I don’t want to settle. I want to make sure me and his daughter are secure. What are they offering in child support?”
“Let me look,” she said as she walked back over to her desk and looked on her computer screen.
“Sixty-five hundred per month, and that includes day care and nanny expenses.”
“That’s it. No. He is worth way more than that. No, absolutely not.” DeCarious and his lawyer were really crazy if they thought that they could get over on me like this. I looked at her, tears almost coming out of my eyes. “This is crazy. No, I don’t agree. I won’t accept.”
“Think it over and I will give his attorney a call on Monday and see if they want to come up with something better.” I said okay as I exited her office. I was really upset with her. I expected so much out of her. What happened to all that gangster talk she was talking in the beginning? I was frustrated as hell. I walked down Walnut Street to the parking garage and gave the attendant my ticket. As I waited, the only thing that came to mind was maybe I should fire Ms. Byrne. I didn’t want to, but how could she think that bowing down to DeCarious and his attorney was acceptable? What happened to everything she promised me—the media, the house, etc.
I didn’t have any change so the attendant brought me my car and all I could say was thank you. I drove angrily down Twentieth and headed toward the Parkway. I saw a strange number appear on my phone with an area code I didn’t recognize. I didn’t have time for any surprises, so I did not answer. And then the number called again. I Googled the area code 323 at the next light on my phone. It was Los Angeles, California. Who do I know there? I thought, If they call back I will answer. When the phone rang again, I didn’t give the person a chance to say hello before I shouted ou
t, “Who is this?” I was not in the mood for games.
“Hi, this is Elena, Adrienne.”
“Who?”
“Elena—Zakiya’s friend from Los Angeles.”
“Oh, she is not with me. She is in Oklahoma. If she calls I will tell her that you called.”
“That’s not what I called for. I just spoke with her and she doesn’t sound so good.”
“Well, Zakiya is very sensitive and you know pregnant women go through it. She’ll be all right. When I talk to her, I’ll tell her you called.”
“You know about her losing the baby, right?”
“No, when?” I asked.
“She had a miscarriage a few weeks ago and is really upset.”
“Oh no, I didn’t know that. Let me call her now.”
“Now, that’s why I was calling, because when I talked to her she didn’t sound too good. And now her phone is off, but I’m trying to reach her. I haven’t talked to her in a few hours and I’m getting scared.”
“Why? What do you mean, she didn’t sound good?”
“She just seemed real depressed and kept saying she didn’t want to leave the hospital without the baby, but they made her leave and she was crying and crying. Then she said she was going to call me back.”
“Okay, I’m going to try to get in touch with her. I’ll call her and Jabril.”
“When you get in touch with her, can you call me back?” she asked. I told her I would and began trying to reach Zakiya. I felt bad. She had called me a couple of times and all she wanted to talk about was the stupid comments on the Web sites and blogs. I should have answered, but I didn’t know she was going through all of this. I called her, the phone rang and rang, and then she picked up the telephone. She sounded awful.
“What’s going on with you, Zakiya? Why do you sound like that?”
“Adrienne, I just can’t take it anymore.”
“Huh? Where are you at? Where is Jabril?”
“I’m sitting in the nursery and Jabril is not here because he left—because he hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“Yes, he does, and I’m just done. I can’t take it anymore.”
“What are you saying, Zakiya? What do you mean?”
“I mean . . . Why me, Adrienne? Why me?” she sobbed.
“Stop crying, Zakiya. It is going to be okay.”
“I can’t. I try to stop crying, but I can’t. I keep thinking about my baby son. He was going to be here soon. I had so many plans for us. His name was going to be Jabril Smith the second, and we were going to be a family. And now he is not here and I miss him, and I never got to hold him, Adrienne. I want my baby. They wouldn’t let me bring him home. They said he couldn’t come home with me. I want my baby. I don’t want to live without my baby.”
I was at a loss for words. I should have called her back sooner, but I had so much going on in my life. Instantly I felt bad. I didn’t know what to say. She sounded crazy.
“Zakiya, I’m so sorry about the baby, but it wasn’t the right time. You have to calm down and think about what you’re saying. You don’t mean any of this.”
“I do mean it. I mean it all. You even said it, Adrienne. That I was having a boy. His first son—that was special. And I went back on that Web site and they said my baby had died, and I was ugly and fat and couldn’t carry a baby.”
“Forget that Web site. You’ll get pregnant again.”
“No, I won’t. I never want to have a baby again. I never want to leave this house again. I don’t care anymore. I hate my life. I have to go. I’ll talk to you later, Adrienne.”
“Zakiya!” I screamed into the phone. But she had clicked the phone off. I kept calling her back and calling her back and she didn’t answer. I was so scared. I couldn’t get to Oklahoma. Why did she have to be so far away? I didn’t know what to do. When I got home I called her back on my house phone and she answered. I knew I had to calm her down and talk some sense into her.
“Zakiya, listen. I want you to talk to me. I don’t want you to do anything stupid.” I had her on the speakerphone and texted Elena for her to call the Oklahoma City police and tell them to send a cop over, that I had her on the phone and I was going to try to keep her on the line. She texted me back “Okay.”
“I just want all this pain to end. I’m in a lot of pain. I don’t feel good. I don’t want this pain anymore, Adrienne. I want to see my mom. I miss my mom.”
“No, Zakiya, listen to me. Please don’t do anything to yourself. You hear me?” She didn’t say anything. “Are you listening to me? God has a plan for all of us. And I don’t know, maybe he knew you weren’t ready and he wanted to give you a little more time.”
“Adrienne, I can’t go on no more. He is not paying any attention to me. I was just the person that was having the baby, and now the baby is gone. I feel empty,” she cried. “I’m going to leave, and as a matter of fact, I’m going to leave this world. Who cares? I’m not going to stay here anymore.” She wasn’t making me mad but she wasn’t listening. I was so upset.
“Zakiya, stop talking crazy. You have to stay around—your sister needs you. I need you. Okay, it’s a bad time right now, but you will get through this, okay? I will come out there and visit, me and Asia.” She still wasn’t responding . . . so I called out her name again. “Zakiya?”
“Huh?”
“What are you doing? Promise me you won’t hurt yourself.”
“I can’t promise you that. I’m just tired, Adrienne. I’m going to go to sleep forever. I never want to wake up.”
“Please don’t do anything silly, Zakiya. Please, you got your whole life to live for.” I didn’t know what else I could say or do to keep her from doing something to herself. “Zakiya, pray, okay?” As I told her to pray, I began praying to God. “Oh God, please don’t let her hurt herself. Please, oh Lord, I beg you, please.” I got on my knees. I cradled the phone and tears streamed down my face. I was becoming sick with fear. I was feeling like she was about to kill herself and there was nothing I could do about it. I already envisioned myself at her funeral. I didn’t want to be at her funeral—she was a good girl who didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve it. I called out her name several times. She wouldn’t respond.
Elena texted back that the police were on their way. I just began praying again. I asked God to please not let her hurt herself, and asked Him to help her get over this setback. I tried to think of everything Miss Anne had told me and I just kept praying and praying that the police got there before Zakiya got to herself.
Chapter 71
Tanisha
One month later
I’ve dreamed of being next to Kevin. Him forgiving me, him loving me again. But never in a hundred million years did I ever dream it possible. I hoped and dreamed, but when you have been through so much you kind of give up on hope. But that’s the problem—you can’t ever give up on hope. Hope and faith are what protected me through all the nights and crazy, cold days in Detroit. Hope made Kevin’s heart not be cold toward me. I love Kevin. I know one day I will be Kevin’s wife, but right now I’m so happy he has forgiven me and that we are in each other’s lives.
Chapter 72
Zakiya
I broke down. I mean it literally. I don’t remember what happened, but there was a loud knock on the window and the police were surrounding the car. I didn’t know where I was going, but when the police arrived I was crying hysterically in the car.
I broke up with Jabril. It hurt like hell. He was and is my first love, and I don’t know what’s next. He calls me and tells me he loves me all the time. He wants me to come live in Oklahoma and said he would pay for me to go to school, and if I didn’t want to stay at his house he would get me a place. I want to go back, but I am so scared of being trapped or stuck in a relationship I no longer want to be in. I’m not sure about what I’m going to do. I love Jabril, but I wish I could have him without all the extras. People want to be in the “lights, camera, action,” but they
have no idea how hard it is. Sometimes I think I’d rather be a regular person with a regular job, where nobody judges you.
I’ve matured so much in the last year. I just want to be by myself, no one in the house, and just do Zakiya for a moment.
Chapter 73
Cherise
DeCarious got a text and I was too scared to even ask him what it said because his mouth was wide open. Then he passed the phone to me and it was from Adrienne.
DECARIOUS, I WILL SIGN THE PAPERWORK. MY ATTORNEY IS SENDING OVER THE INFORMATION TODAY. I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT AND ARGUE WITH YOU. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. WE HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR ASIA.
He picked me up and spun me around. We were so excited—it was over! Adrienne had conceded. He could sleep and stop being so stressed. DeCarious had started stashing all his assets in other people’s names. He even asked me to put my name on his studio to keep it away from Adrienne. Now he didn’t even have to do all that.
There is a freedom to loving without a deadline or restrictions. Toni and Dave are separated and Toni is so happy to have her freedom. It is odd our reversal of fortune. I’m the one in a relationship and Toni is on the verge of being single. Toni still has her opinion on my relationship with DeCarious. She thinks I shouldn’t have taken him back and that he is not the right one for me. I love my sister, but she couldn’t be more wrong. DeCarious is more than the right one for me—he is my soul mate, and he is everything I ever wanted. And I know DeCarious feels the same way. Not only does he verbalize his feelings for me, he shows me. He was always sweet and considerate, but now he is the best man any woman could ask for.
When I awake next to him, I touch him because I don’t know if I’m dreaming or awake. I don’t know what’s next for us. We have been through so much. Some might say any relationship that can survive all this is either bound to fail or meant to be. I am still thinking positive, so I’m going to say meant to be. I love DeCarious. I really don’t know what I would do without him in my life. But during all that we went through, my love never waned, even when I thought he was never coming back. When Toni was telling me to give up, there was something inside me that never let go. I couldn’t let that flame die out. I wouldn’t give up on him. I always knew that DeCarious was my soul mate.
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