‘The dining room, I think. Is the Duke up as well?’ she asked.
‘He has already gone to meet Lord Haversham,’ Ellen said. ‘Should I help you dress now?’
‘Yes, if you please.’ So he had already left the house. Disappointment washed over her. She told herself it was only because she wanted to tell him as soon as possible that she intended to leave. But she knew the real reason was because she wanted to see him.
After she had dressed and breakfasted on toast and coffee, she wandered into the hallway and wondered what she should do with herself. Jackson was just coming out of one of the doors. He saw her and then crossed to her side. ‘Good morning, Lady Milborne,’ he said politely. ‘I trust you slept well.’
It was nice to see a familiar face. She smiled at him. ‘Yes, thank you. How are you?’
‘Very well. I am glad to be back at Falconcliff.’ He cleared his throat. ‘The Duke wished me to inform you that he will see you when he returns from Haversham Hall. Meanwhile, you are to explore the house or grounds as you please, although if you want to venture beyond the gardens I am to accompany you. He also has an extensive library which you might like to visit.’
She suspected Jackson was very busy and so she did not want to bother him with the garden. ‘The library would be nice. I can find my way there if you wish to tell me.’
‘I will be delighted to take you there myself.’ She followed him across the hallway and down a short wing. No longer reserved in her presence, he talked the entire way. ‘The library was built in 1786. The fourth Duke was a collector of books and did not consider the current library adequate. He consequently decided to add on this room. His Duchess then insisted that he add on a music room as well and thus the room grew to a wing.’
He stopped and allowed her to pass him into the room. It was magnificent. Tall windows on the far side revealed a glimpse of the sea. The walls were lined with books and in the middle was a table with chairs, a globe and heavy books of maps. Wing chairs and a sofa were grouped around a mantelpiece and near the window was another group of chairs. ‘What a wonderful room!’ She turned to Jackson with a smile. ‘I have no doubt I will entertain myself very well in here.’ She could hardly wait to sit in one of the chairs by the window.
He hesitated. ‘Are you certain? I would be happy to show you the house or the gardens.’
‘Oh, no. I will be more than happy in here.’ She was already starting across towards the window.
He followed her. ‘As you wish. If you need anything you have only to send for me. Should I have tea brought in to you?’
‘That would be nice,’ she said absently. She already stood at the window. The water reflected the deep pure blue of the sky and she felt a surge of happiness.
Jackson glanced at her face. ‘Then I will leave you. You may borrow any of the volumes as well.’
‘Thank you.’ She gave him another smile and he returned it with one of his rare ones, before he quietly left the room.
She watched the water and thought that she would like to find a cottage by the sea. A small one, with a view if possible, but if not, at least with a path near by that would take her directly there. Or she could rent rooms, if she must. After a while, Mrs Keith came in with a steaming pot of tea and a cup and saucer, and Belle finally took one of the chairs. Perhaps if she lived some place like this, the loss of Chloe would not be so hard to bear.
For after she left Falconcliff, she did not expect she would see Chloe again.
Or Justin.
She thrust the thoughts aside. She would not think about that. She would think about her cottage. And living by the sea. She turned her gaze to the water again.
She was so engrossed she did not notice when someone entered the room. It took her a few moments to sense she was no longer alone. She glanced up. Justin stood behind her.
He was dressed in buckskin breeches, a plain coat and boots. He still carried his crop so he must have come directly from outside.
Belle set her teacup and saucer awkwardly down on the small table next to the chair and rose. ‘Good day, your Grace.’ At least her voice was steady, although her knees felt shaky at the sight of him.
His brow shot up. ‘Yesterday you called me “Justin”. I prefer that over “your Grace”. At least from you.’
‘Do you?’ She felt flustered. He looked relaxed and there was a little smile on his mouth, almost as if he were pleased to find her there. She could not let that distract her from what she needed to say to him. ‘I need to talk to you.’
‘And I need to talk to you.’ His eyes swept over her face. ‘I rather think I will let you go first. What is it?’
‘I wanted to tell you that I will, of course, leave Falconcliff as soon as possible.’
‘Amazing how our minds run along the same lines. I wanted to tell you that you are to stay at Falconcliff with me until I return to London.’
She stared at him. ‘But why? I thought that you would want me gone since we no longer have a contract.’
‘Why would you think that?’ He sounded merely curious, but his gaze remained on her face.
‘If I am not to be your mistress then I can think of no reason why you would want me here.’
‘Can’t you? Aside from the fact that I am not about to ruin you and then cast you out into the cold, you might consider that I want your company for reasons other than bedding you. Of course, if you should decide you would like my company for that particular purpose I would be more than happy to oblige you.’
Her cheeks heated. ‘I do not think so.’
‘But you are not certain.’ His smile was rather wicked. ‘You may think about it and then let me know if you change your mind. Just because we no longer have a contract does not mean I am not amenable to the terms.’
From the glint in his eye, she knew he was teasing her, but her gaze went to his lips and she suddenly recalled yesterday’s kiss. She pulled her gaze away from his mouth. ‘For what other reasons do you want my company?’
‘For a picnic, for one thing.’
‘A picnic?’
‘A picnic by the sea. I rather thought you might enjoy that.’
‘Oh, I would!’ She was too revealing again. ‘I would very much enjoy a picnic. Thank you,’ she said more primly.
He raised a brow. ‘You are most welcome.’ He glanced down at her feet. ‘You will want to put on shoes that are sturdier than those you are wearing. And a gown you will not mind getting wet.’
‘Oh, yes.’ She could not help smiling at him. His gaze suddenly darkened and she caught her breath. Her pulse leapt at the awareness in his eyes and she knew Lady Haversham was right.
Justin shifted away from her. ‘Can you be ready within the hour?’ His voice was carefully polite again as if he wanted to hide his emotions.
‘Yes.’
She watched him leave the room. The thought of spending a day with him filled her with happiness, but mixed with it was a sort of despair. She could not deny that she was already half in love with Justin. And there was no future in it at all.
Belle stared down at the pool below her. Tiny creatures moved about in their own watery world. She had never seen a tide pool before and she was fascinated.
They had to climb over some rather large rocks to reach the pool. She had not cared that her skirt was wet or her half-boots were probably ruined at least for purposes other than this, or that her hair had fallen out of its pins. She had felt as if she was on an adventure into unknown lands and such untidiness only came with such journeys. She bent down to get a closer view of the round creatures that looked like a large pincushion. ‘What are those?’
‘Anemones,’ Justin said. She glanced up at him. He leaned against a larger rock, arms folded. He looked rather like a pirate with his open-necked shirt and buckskin breeches and bare feet. She was still rather resentful that he could climb on the rocks without shoes but forced her to wear hers. She grudgingly accepted his explanation that he had been doing such things since boyh
ood and so his feet were toughened, whereas her feet were only used to carpeted rooms and smooth bare floors.
An indulgent smile played around his mouth. ‘We should go back. The tide is starting to come in.’
‘Must we?’ She hated to go. He had been remarkably patient with her questions and exclamations over every new discovery. And surprisingly knowledgeable.
‘Yes, unless you want to be stranded on these rocks.’ He unfolded his arms and pushed away from the rock. He held out his hand and she placed hers in his, a tingling going down her arm at his touch. Justin pulled her to her feet and she stumbled a little so that he caught her against his chest. His chest was strong and warm and he smelled of sea and wind and his own unique scent. She wished she could stay there forever. His arms tightened around her for a moment and then he released her. ‘We need to go.’
Belle nodded. He stepped down to the next rock and held out his hand. She took it and gingerly climbed down. He helped her across the rest of the rocks to the sand and when she turned to look she saw the water had already risen over the lowest of the rocks.
Justin dropped her hand. They were at the same sheltered cove he had shown her yesterday. ‘Are you hungry? We can eat now if you would like.’
She had forgotten there was to be a picnic. ‘But where is the food?’ They had not brought anything with them.
He grinned. ‘Look behind you.’
She turned and saw the two baskets by the cliff overhang. ‘How did they get there?’
‘Magic. I merely wished for them and they appeared.’
‘How ridiculous!’ But she smiled back at him. He looked relaxed and confident and so much like the young man she had known that she had almost been swept back in time. He had teased her and made her laugh then as he had today. But her happiness was just as bittersweet today as it had been three years ago.
He frowned a little as if sensing her mood had changed. ‘What is wrong?’
Belle smiled again. ‘Nothing is wrong. Should we eat?’
‘Yes.’ He still frowned a little as he took her hand and led her across the sand to the baskets. A rug had been laid across the top of one of them. He took it and spread it on the sand. He refused her offer to help him and she found herself sitting cross-legged on the rug while he laid the food out.
She felt rather awkward having him wait on her. Except for male servants, she had never had a man do such a thing for her. He finally gave her a plate full of food and then took his own and sat beside her. They ate in silence for a few minutes, then she glanced at him. ‘I did not mean for you to wait on me.’
‘I wanted to.’ Justin leaned back against the rock behind him. ‘Before you tell me that dukes should not do such things I will inform you that I did not sit around idle while I was in the army. I did not consider myself above serving my men.’ He smiled a little. ‘Or Giles, who happened to be my superior.’
‘Was it very bad? The army, that is?’ She did not know what to say. War and its horrors were something she could only imagine.
He shrugged. ‘I do not think war is ever pleasant. But to answer your question, yes, it was very bad.’
She looked at his strong profile and the way a lock of hair had fallen over his forehead, making him look rather boyish, and thought of him in the middle of a battle. What if he had not come home as so many others had not? The thought was unbearable. ‘I am sorry,’ she said.
He turned to look at her. ‘Why?’
‘For all of it. And because I do not think you would have gone if it had not been for Lucien. And for me.’
‘You consider yourself responsible for my joining the army? My dear Belle, I would have undoubtedly gone anyway.’
‘But you might have been killed.’ She knew she was not making much sense.
‘Yes, but that is not something one dwells upon.’ He looked more closely at her. ‘Would you have felt responsible for my death as well?’
‘Yes.’ She blinked back tears.
‘Are you crying?’ He set his plate down. ‘Don’t.’
She shook her head and looked down at her plate. A tear trickled down her cheek and she dashed it away. Justin removed the plate from her lap and placed it next to his own, then his arm came around her and he pulled her against him. ‘Why are you crying?’
‘I…I would not have wanted you dead.’ She pressed her face into his shirt front.
‘Because you feel responsible for me or because you would miss me?’ he asked.
‘I would miss you,’ she whispered.
He stilled for a moment and then his hand cupped her chin. He tilted her face so he could look at her. ‘Everything is becoming very complicated,’ he said and then he kissed her.
Her arms came around him and pulled him closer. She did not protest when he lowered her to the rug. She revelled in the feel of his weight on her, pressing her into the soft sand. Her hands tangled in his hair and she met the urgency of his kiss with her own need.
He finally lifted his head and braced his hands on either side of her. Belle opened her eyes. His face was above hers and she could see the faint shadow of his beard. She had never thought of a man’s eyes as beautiful but his were. She reached up and touched his face and he caught her hand and gave a strangled laugh. ‘My dear Belle, you are in grave danger of being seduced.’
‘Am I? I am not certain that I would mind.’ At this moment she wanted nothing more than to pull him back down on her and finish what they had started.
‘But I would want you to be completely certain.’ He kissed her hand and then rolled off her, sitting up.
She sat up as well, feeling hot with unfulfilled need. Not at all like her cool, practical self. The self who would never dream of allowing herself to be seduced in such a place. Or in any place at all.
‘Belle.’
She looked at him. She could not read his face. ‘I did not intend to take advantage of you, but by now it must be quite obvious that I want you.’
‘Yes.’ Her cheeks heated and she felt vulnerable under his gaze.
‘Does that scare you?’
‘Yes. It does.’ She glanced away. For myriad reasons, but most of all because she feared losing herself to him.
‘It scares me as well,’ he said softly. ‘Which is why I will not give into my very real desire to take you now without regard to the consequences. In fact, I will not touch you again unless you want me to.’
Oh, she wanted him to, but she could not throw all of her cautions away so easily. But why not now? She had been willing enough when she had signed the contract.
The answer was not difficult. Under the terms of the contract she had been paying a debt and she had told herself that it mattered little whether she gave him anything more than her body. Without the contract, she would come to him freely and he would truly be her lover. She could no longer pretend her heart was not involved as well.
‘I suppose you are about to tell me you want to leave Falconcliff.’ His voice was careful, too careful and she knew he did not want her to go.
‘No.’ She met his eyes and smiled a little. ‘You said I was to stay with you until you left for London. Of course, if you want me to go, I will do so.’
His gaze locked with hers. ‘No, I don’t want you to go.’ He rose. ‘Do you want more to eat? There are still apricot tarts and strawberries.’ His voice was matter of fact.
‘I would like that.’ She kept her own voice calm.
After that, they treated each other with diffidence, careful to avoid touching one another unless absolutely necessary. They walked back to the house in silence. In the hallway, he turned to her. ‘You will want to change. I will see you at dinner.’
‘Yes.’ She watched him walk away and then went to her bedchamber.
After Ellen helped her into a fresh muslin gown, she curled up in the chair next to her window and looked out at the garden below.
She had no idea what she was going to do. They could not stay under the same roof and pretend there was nothing
between them. Whatever it was had nothing to do with contracts and everything to do with the smouldering attraction that had been there from the very beginning.
An attraction neither of them had dared act upon.
But there was nothing to stop them now, which was what frightened her. She did not want to completely lose her heart to him. But would one night be so wrong? She had never had a lover in the true sense of the word. He would not hurt her and there was the possibility she might take some pleasure from the act. But more than that, she wanted to lie in his arms and give what she could of herself to him. Perhaps, in some way, she would finally atone for the past.
But he would not come to her, so she would have to go to him.
She would have to seduce him.
Chapter Eleven
Her resolution nearly failed during dinner. He still maintained a polite reserve and she would have thought their earlier conversation a dream if she had not found his eyes on her, his expression almost brooding. They had retreated to the drawing room after dinner and played a hand of piquet. She could hardly concentrate and lost badly although she was generally a good player. Her only consolation was that he seemed equally distracted. She brushed against his hand twice and each time he jerked it back and the flare of desire in his eyes sent her pulse racing. She finally escaped upstairs where Ellen helped her undress and change into her nightrail.
She rose from the chair by the window and her stomach started to churn. It was time for her to seek him out. She would start with his bedchamber and, if he was not there, corner him wherever he was. She glanced down at her high-necked cotton nightrail. It was hardly enticing—she felt as chaste as a schoolgirl in it. The plain dressing gown she had thrown over it was exactly that—plain and sensible. Hardly items a mistress who hoped to please a lover wore.
Nicola Cornick Page 14