What You Don't Know (True Hearts Book 6)

by Jaxson Kidman

  “How old is this kid?”

  “Max is three.”

  “So, he’s been alive for three years. What’s the worry?”

  I swallowed hard. “It’s only going to get harder as he gets older. And the shit Brendan does…”

  “Fuck Brendan,” Travis said. “He wants to miss out on his kid’s life? That’s on him. You can’t think too far into the future. You can’t worry about Max growing up without a father or what will happen. He’s got clothes, right?”

  “Of course he does.”

  “He’s got food?”

  “Yes.”

  “He’s got a bed?”

  I swallowed again. “Yes, Travis, he has a bed.”

  Travis inched a little closer. “That’s more than I had many times in my life.”

  I smelled the beer on his breath.

  My lips shuddered with the quick image of him kissing me.

  I’m older now, Travis. It won’t be like last time. That was horrible, right? What you don’t know, is that that kiss was sort of my first kiss… and I didn’t mean…

  Travis moved away from me.

  He inched closer to the fire and added two more pieces of wood.

  “What about you?” I asked.

  He looked back. “What about me?”

  “I don’t know. What are you doing here? Why are you going back? What do you think you’ll find when you get there?”

  He slid back to his spot and took out a smoke and lit it. The tangy smell made my nose crinkle for a second.

  “This is what I do,” he said. “I got lucky enough to play drums for a popular band after their drummer split. But it got too serious. I just wanted to play drums, surf, forget the world.”

  “But you can’t do that forever,” I said. “That’s why you’re going back, huh?”

  “Who knows. I was kind of hoping to road trip with Sam. So, I figure I’ll fly up and see everyone and make my next move. Let things cool off down here.”

  “Cool off?” I asked. “What happened?”

  Travis took a deep drag and exhaled with an air of coolness that made my eyes roll. I had to casually remind myself that this wasn’t high school anymore. Cool things back then are really dumb now.

  “I almost broke the jaw of the guitarist in the band.”

  “Jeez.”

  “Yeah. He wouldn’t shut his mouth.”

  “What could he have said that deserved a broken jaw?”

  Travis’s eyes moved to me. He lifted the cigarette to his lips and the burning tip glowed orange-red hot for a few seconds. I heard the sizzling of the cigarette. Smoke traveled up around him, the smell terrible, yet it wasn’t bothering me all that much as I stared at him.

  “He said something about Julie,” Travis said.

  “Oh.”

  There was complete silence again.

  This was my opening to bring her up. To talk to Travis about her. What happened to his sister was the catalyst for the man that sat next to me on the beach. Everything he said and did, every decision he made, it was all based on that night.

  My lips quivered with a million words, but none of them came together to make an actual sentence.

  And all I needed to do was tell him the truth.

  That I was there the night his sister ended her life.

  It was a little after midnight when Travis opened the door and nodded for me to go first. I slipped by him, but he quickly stopped me, a hand touching my waist, putting me an inch from him, our bodies facing each other.

  He stared down at me.

  He was taller than I remembered. I was the same height, never growing an inch after turning sixteen. Other places on my body grew though; some places I wasn’t exactly sure of, but my curves were my own to worry about.

  “Thanks for coming down here,” he said. “You’re not what I was expecting, but it’s a little bit of a relief to know someone is here.”

  “Of course,” I said. “I liked seeing the beach and having a little peace and quiet for once.”

  “I hope we can get through this, Willow.”

  “Get through what?”

  “All the stuff we haven’t told each other,” Travis said.

  I opened my mouth to ask what he meant by that, but Travis came down and pressed his lips to mine.

  I smelled the ocean on his skin, the roughness of the fire smell on his clothes. The taste of the smoke in his mouth as he kissed me.

  It was soft, gentle, smooth, and it only lasted a couple of seconds.

  He pulled away, didn’t say a word, and eased me inside his apartment.

  Anything could happen right then.

  Travis shut the door and reached for me one more time. His fingertips grazed my chin.

  “Get some sleep, bunny. You get to go home tomorrow.”

  He walked away, leaving me half floating, half melting.

  I could have stood there all night licking my lips to taste him again and again.

  I stumbled my way to the couch and listened to him climb into his bed.

  I get to go home tomorrow.

  The problem was… what if I didn’t want to?

  8

  A Messy Hell

  TRAVIS

  We were elbow to elbow for the entire flight, but we didn’t speak a word. She listened to her music, I listened to mine. I stared out the window and watched the city look like a toy map or something until it was finally all gone, swallowed up by the clouds. I left my truck behind. My board behind. My drums behind. Everything behind. I did bring my favorite guitar. Life without some kind of music was not a life I wanted to live.

  Staying back though would have been a bad idea. There was too much heat. I knew Ronny would be poking around. And since he and Tommy were so close, they’d come looking for me. To sit down with Adam. To eventually talk to Dez. I at least told Tommy I was taking off for a little while. That was my way of saying sorry and being respectful to the band. Other than that, everyone could kiss my ass.

  I was doing my thing the only way I knew how, which was my way.

  Willow shut her eyes for a little while. Her head bobbed left to right during some slight turbulence. I gritted my teeth as I reached for her and gently pulled her head to rest on my shoulder.

  My mind flashed to the night before.

  Sneaking in that kiss.

  To me, that was closure. Finish up something that had started a long time ago. I knew that moment had been lingering in her eyes from the minute she arrived. And now it was gone.

  Willow woke up ten minutes before we landed. She did a quick look around to remind herself where she was, who she was with, and why.

  When we finally left the airport, I was greeted with a chill I hadn’t experienced in a long time. It was a cold, damp chill. The epitome of the town. Rarely sunny and blue skies, forever lingering with the notion that it could rain at any second.

  “Damn,” I said. “It’s cold.”

  “You’re going to lose your fancy tan,” Willow said.

  “Thanks for that,” I said.

  She took a hoodie out of her bag and started to put it on. When she lifted her arms to wrestle it over her head, her shirt pulled up way too far. I saw more skin than I intended to see, which didn’t bother me at all. I regretted the fact that I hadn’t accompanied her to the beach. To see her in a bathing suit. Watching the sand clinging to soft skin, probably making me jealous.

  “Come here, bunny,” I said.

  I grabbed the bottom of her hoodie and shirt, pulling it all down for her. My fingers grazed against her bare skin, sending a welcomed heat through my body.

  She giggled and jumped back as her head poked through the top of the hoodie.

  Now her hair was a messy hell.

  Her cheeks were bright red too.

  “You’re a mess, Willow,” I said.

  I touched her hair, fixing it, doing so with a sense of casual that bothered me.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  Then the moment happened. Our eyes
locked. That feeling went through me. Like when we were at the beach. That feeling of wanting to kiss her again.

  I actually caught myself moving in just a little.

  Fuck, she could be my comfort in this hell I was in.

  There was no coming home celebration for me. The second the cool air touched me, I wanted to get back on a plane and go south. Back to the beach. Or maybe keep going. Find a new town. A new beach.

  “Holy shit… Travis…”

  I turned my head and saw Sam standing at the curb with the busy airport drop off and pick up road behind him. Cars and cabs and buses hurrying by with brakes squealing, engines roaring, the smell of exhausts permeating the air.

  “Sammy,” I said.

  “Look at you, man,” he said. “You look like a fucking model or something.”

  He walked toward me, arms already open for a hug.

  We hugged for a quick second. His hands slammed to my back hard. I barely hugged him back.

  “How are you, man?” Sam asked. “Everything good?”

  “Perfect,” I said. “Let’s get out of here.”

  I grabbed my bags and my guitar.

  Sam jumped at the chance to get Willow’s bag. I eyed her, raising an eyebrow, smirking. Her cheeks burned red again, knowing what I was thinking. This was what Sam always did with her. Forever trying to become more than a friend. Which wasn’t such a bad thing for Willow. Sam was a good guy. He’d be good to her.

  But it would never happen.

  Ever.

  I wasn’t sure why that thought hit me as mean as it did.

  “I’m parked right over here,” Sam called out and pointed.

  I caught up to Willow as Sam had a small lead on us.

  “Don’t say anything,” Willow whispered.

  “I didn’t.”

  “You were thinking it.”

  “Hey. He could have carried my bags instead.”

  “Shut up, Travis. I’m a woman. That’s why he did it.”

  “Yeah, exactly. Because you’re a woman. Nothing to do with your bag. Plenty to do with other things on your body.”

  Willow swung a fist and punched me. “Stop it.”

  I laughed. “You’re sort of cute when you get flustered.”

  She quickly looked at me. She had a look of shock on her face.

  My eyes darted forward, and she was about four steps from walking into a concrete pillar. I grabbed the back of her hoodie and shifted her to the left, in front of me.

  “Hey,” she said, stumbling for a second, but I held her to keep her on her feet.

  “Saved your life, bunny,” I whispered, my body way too close to hers.

  “Here we are,” Sam said as he stopped at a black SUV.

  I walked around Willow as Sam opened the back of the SUV. He carefully put Willow’s bag into the back while I just threw my shit wherever I wanted.

  I went to the passenger door and opened it, turning to look at Willow.

  “After you, bunny,” I said.

  “Oh, you’re opening the door for me?”

  “Well, I can’t be outdone by pretty boy Sam, now can I?”

  Willow blushed again. It was unfair how easy she was to get riled up.

  “You know, he cares about you,” she whispered to me. “Maybe try not to be such a dick.”

  “That’s hard for me to do,” I said.

  She shook her head as she got into the SUV.

  I shut the door and laughed to myself.

  I climbed into the back seat and we were off.

  I was home.

  Fucking home… fucking hell.

  By the time I got to the back of the SUV, Willow already had it open and had her bag in hand.

  “I’ll walk you to the door,” Sam said, appearing from nowhere.

  “Yeah, sure,” she said. “Take this real quick?”

  Sam took the bag and started to walk toward the old house.

  Being in this town was like dusting off an old picture. Nothing changed. Nothing ever fucking changed around here. The same houses. The same people. The same streets. It was like even when people died, and their houses were sold, those who moved in did nothing to the house. Everything looked set twenty years in the past and everyone was okay with it.

  It made me think about one house…

  “You going to be okay?” Willow asked.

  “Sure,” I said. “Are you going to be okay walking to the porch with Sam? What if he tries to kiss you?”

  “Jerk,” she said. “I was going to see if you wanted to have my number. In case you need something.”

  “Ah, right. After all these years, Willow finally asks for my phone number.”

  Bright red cheeks and eyes wide, her nostrils flared. “You know what? Forget I said that. Hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for up here.”

  She took a step and I stepped the same way to block her path. “Hey. Here.”

  I took my phone out of my pocket and handed it to her.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Text yourself from my phone.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  She looked down at the screen. I turned my head and saw Sam placing her bag on the porch. My best friend standing there. I used to go to his house for dinner at least three times a week. Those were the only days of the week I ate dinner. The other four days it was scrounge, beg, or steal. In the winter, when the house had no oil for heat, I’d sleep at Sam’s house. His dad would set up two sleeping bags on the floor for extra cushioning, but what his dad didn’t know, was that I didn’t have a mattress or a bed until I was thirteen.

  “Here,” Willow said. “Don’t make me regret it.”

  “So, no dick pics?”

  “What?”

  I laughed.

  “Seriously. Don’t mess around, Travis. Max touches my phone.”

  “Make sure you delete all the dirty stuff then. See you around.”

  I winked and backed away, making a move toward the passenger seat of the SUV.

  I stood with the door open and watched Willow hurry up to the porch. She touched Sam’s arm and opened the door to the house. A moment later, she dropped to her knees as a little kid jumped into her arms. He had messy hair and was in a t-shirt and underwear. Nothing else. I saw Willow’s sister appear a few seconds later, looking as rough as the kid.

  There was a brief moment when my heart ached a little.

  I related to the kid. And maybe Willow was right by being so involved. Because if she didn’t take care of the kid, who would?

  “Max,” I whispered.

  I watched the way he looked at her, eyes wide, smiling. He didn’t just love her, he needed her. Somehow in his deep subconscious, he knew that Willow was his real protector.

  Willow stood up and said something to Wren. Wren reached down and took Max’s hand and basically dragged him away. Sam touched Willow’s back. The middle of her back, but his hand moved down ever so slightly. Enough that it caught my full attention. I took a step away from the SUV, my teeth clenched super tight. I felt my lip trying to curl.

  What the hell are you doing, Travis?

  I looked away, mentally slapping myself to fucking focus.

  Was that me getting jealous? Seriously?

  I had to look one more time. My mind fucked with me, telling me that Willow and Sam were going to be kissing. That the distance between them finally made them realize that they needed each other.

  Sam was walking off the porch and Willow was already inside, shutting the door behind her.

  “Get in, man, I’m your chauffeur,” Sam said with a grin.

  I got into the SUV but kept my eyes on the house.

  Sam started to pull away just as the front window curtain moved.

  I saw Willow’s face for a brief second.

  “Ready to stir up a little hell?” Sam asked in an excited voice.

  “I need a fucking drink,” I said. I looked in the side mirror and saw Willow’s mother’s house almost gone. “And then I need you
to take me to see something.”

  9

  u awake?

  WILLOW

  My bag was against the wall in the foyer when Wren came from the kitchen with a white, chipped coffee mug in one hand and chewing on the thumb nail of her other hand.

  That meant she wanted something.

  “What?” I asked.

  “What do you mean what?” Wren snapped.

  “I know that look.”

  “Oh, right, you know everything.”

  “Wren…”

  “I have a thing.”

  “A thing.”

  “I have to get out of here, Willow.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Mom is driving me nuts,” she whispered. “She’s in a tough mood right now. She’s snapping at me. At Max. I can’t get Max to calm down and listen. It’s…”

  “I came here to see everyone,” I said. “To just check on things. I was kind of looking forward to going home and sleeping in my bed.”

  “You didn’t sleep in Travis’s bed?” Wren asked with a sly grin.

  “No. I didn’t. It wasn’t that kind of trip.”

  “Sure.”

  “So, you want me to take care of Max?”

  “Yes. Please.”

  “Fine. I’ll take care of him. Do what you have to do.”

  “Thank you, Willow,” she said with a big smile.

  She traded her thumb nail for the coffee mug, taking a big gulp. “I need this.”

  “Hey. What happened with that job?”

  “It’s none of your business.”

  “Wren…”

  “Oh, look, two minutes in the door and she’s running my life again.”

  “You just asked me to watch your son,” I said. “You’re going out? How are you paying for it? And why aren’t you looking for a job?”

  “Willow? Are you here? Where are you?”

  Mom’s voice carried from the kitchen throughout the house.

  “Saved by Mom,” Wren whispered and walked by me for the stairs.

  I looked to my right and saw Max sitting on the floor in a mess of toys, staring at the TV screen. I walked to the kitchen and saw a cookie sheet with cinnamon rolls on it, the white icing crusted and chipped. The sink was overflowing with dishes, the counter filled up the same.