That’s how I knew Mom was feeling bad about herself. She would let everything go. She would just sit at the kitchen table and read the newspaper, scratch lottery tickets, and prop her tablet up so she could watch movies and shows.
“Hey, Mom,” I said.
“There you are,” she cried out. She stood up and put a penny down right next to a quarter, a dime, and a nickel. “You come home and can’t even come and see me?”
“I just walked in the door. Wren needed me for a second.”
Mom hugged me.
She smelled.
There was no easy way of putting it.
She hadn’t showered in days.
My nose twitched, and I broke the hug.
“So, how are things around here?” I asked.
“Oh, you know, the same,” Mom said. She pointed to the sink. “Oh, I’m going to clean that up later. We were just having so much fun with Max. I figured screw it, right? I don’t want to spend my entire life washing dishes when I could be hanging with my daughter and my grandson.”
“True. Hey, I have an idea.”
“What’s that?”
“Wren is going to step out for a bit. Why don’t I draw you a hot bath? Go and sit and relax and I’m going to take Max down to the park.”
“Oh, Willow, what park? That one over on Chestnut is no good. It’s not what it used to be. I heard that teenagers were smoking weed over there. Under the slide. Can you imagine that?”
I nodded, listening to nothing new. Everyone went to the park to do that. Even I did it a few times in high school. But that was only at night. And on the weekends.
“I can’t imagine our little Max dealing with that. What is wrong with the world?”
“I promise, I won’t take him to that park,” I said. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Let me get that bath going for you.”
I left the kitchen and checked on Max. I tousled his hair and kissed his head. He smelled like sweat and syrup. That meant he hadn’t had a bath since I left either. My heart was already in crushing pain.
Wren came barreling down the stairs and held the railing as she spun around, throwing herself off the top step like we used to do as kids. Mom hated when we would do that. She would scream and tell us we were either going to break the railing, or miss and fall and smash our heads on the floor.
As Wren zipped by me, she looked at me and blew a kiss into the air. She had gotten changed in a hurry. She had her hair pulled back and smelled like cheap fruity body spray. I moved toward the stairs slowly and listened as Wren asked Mom for money. Saying that she needed a night out and away. That I was taking care of everything.
I couldn’t get Mom to give me five bucks if my life depended on it. But there she was, listening to Wren ask for forty bucks, only to give her a hundred and tell her she was a good mother and it was okay to need a break once in a while.
I walked up the stairs and felt my eyes start to well up with tears. I fought them off though. It wasn’t worth crying. There was too much to do.
As I got Mom’s bath ready, I heard the front door slam.
I wondered if Wren even bothered to kiss Max goodbye.
I wondered if Max would even care.
“Water’s getting cold,” I said as Max dropped a blue dinosaur into the water.
“I don’t want to get out. Turn the water back on.”
“Max, you’re getting wrinkly.”
Max showed me his hands. “So?”
“You know what happens when your skin wrinkles?”
“No.”
“It falls off,” I said.
Max’s face dropped.
“Max, I’m kidding,” I said and laughed. “I promise, your skin won’t fall off.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice shaky.
Good job, Willow. Aunt of the year here.
“You’re fine, Max. But you have to get out. It’s getting late. We had a good day, right?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I like the park.”
“Me too.”
I let Max run around for a good hour at the park. Then we played a game of tag. A game of hide-and-seek. And finally, a game of pirates where the ground was water. That’s where the monsters were and you didn't want to get attacked by a monster because they would swallow you whole then poop you out.
It made me laugh, but I wondered if Max was too young to start talking about poop. Then again, he was a boy. His life basically revolved around eating, cartoons, and boogers. So why not add poop to the mix to shake things up?
After I finally convinced - or scared - Max to get out of the bath, I wrapped him up in a green frog towel that has his named embroidered on it. Mom found the towel in a catalog and insisted on having it. The only issue was that the x was missing its right leg, meaning the name looked like May.
The hood on the towel was the frog’s head.
I dried Max off and stepped back.
“Go ahead, frog boy.”
Max crouched and began to jump through the upstairs to what used to be my old bedroom. Now it was a shrine to Max and his little life, and there wasn’t a thing wrong with that. I thought about what Travis had asked me when we were on the beach.
Yes, Max has a roof over his head. Yes, Max has food in his belly. Yes, Max has clothes. Yes, Max has a bed. Yes, Max will get a comfortable sleep tonight.
I emerged from the bedroom an hour later feeling defeated. I gently shut the door and leaned against the wall.
I was tired.
Beyond tired.
My mind fantasized about Travis’s couch. A comfortable couch with a TV where nobody complained about what I was watching. No responsibility either.
Tonight was different.
And since it was already a little past eight, I could assume that Wren wouldn’t come home. Yeah, it was still early, but I knew how Wren did things. Chances were she was hours away from here. I often wondered if she did that to keep her distance from the guilt. Or maybe she would just have a few extra drinks to chase the guilt away.
At the end of the hall, Mom’s bedroom door tore open. She stood there in a dark blue robe, which was tied tightly, her hair was messy, eyes staring right at me.
“I heard a noise,” she said.
I put my finger to my lips. “Max is sleeping.”
Rushing down the hallway toward Mom, I kept my finger at my lips to make sure she didn’t wake Max.
“Right,” she said in a loud whisper. “How is he?”
“Good. We had fun.”
“Good for you,” Mom said. “I bet you missed him.”
“With all my heart.”
“Did you hear from your sister?”
I opened my mouth and knew a lie was better than the truth. “She’s okay. Having fun. Probably won’t be back until tomorrow. So, I’m going to spend the night.”
“That’s good,” Mom said. “That’s really good.”
“Yeah, it is. Why don’t you go and get some sleep too? I’m sure you’re wiped out after spending so much time with Max.”
“Are you calling me old?”
“No, Mom.”
“I can party like the rest of them.”
“I know you can. But it’s also good to get caught up on sleep.”
“That’s true,” she said. “Are you sure you’re okay here?”
“I’m fine. Have a good night.”
“You too.”
We hugged, and Mom always managed to do that one extra little thing that got to me. Tonight, it was her holding me longer than I expected for a hug. I wasn’t going to deny it. It felt good.
Mom finally broke away and went into her room.
The upstairs had one more bedroom and that was Wren’s old room, which was still used as her room.
I retreated downstairs to tackle the kitchen.
The smell was pretty rough.
I balanced my phone on the window sill where looking outside was pointless because all I saw was my reflection in the glass
.
I filled the dishwasher, ran it, and whatever was left over in the sink, I washed by hand and stacked up next to the sink.
Just as I gave the dirty yellow sponge one last good squeeze and watched the white suds fall to the sink, my phone vibrated, teetered to the edge and fell toward the sink. I threw my hand out and caught the phone just in the nick of time.
There was a text message from a number I didn’t have programmed into my phone.
u awake bunny?
“Bunny,” I whispered.
I swallowed hard.
It was Travis texting me.
I opened the front door as quietly as I could and stepped out onto the porch. It was cool out, but not chilly. Compared to where Travis lived, it was the damn dead of winter.
I looked at my phone and compared the time he texted me to the time it was now.
My eyes scanned the street, waiting to see a car make a turn and pull up to the house.
Travis being Travis, he told me nothing via text. He wanted to know if I was awake. He wanted to know where I was. He wanted to know if I wanted company. Meaning he was the one who needed someone, and I was the one dumb enough to text back and tell him I was still at Mom’s house with nothing to do.
Worse than that, my heart was all excited. Changing between racing, hard thumping, skipping the occasional beat here and there. As though I were sixteen again and sneaking out of the house to meet up with Cassie to go and drink some booze and smoke something funny.
My eyes did a double take when I saw movement to my right. I walked to the end of the porch and stared, squinting my eyes at the darkness as though that would suddenly make me see better.
Sure enough, someone was walking along the sidewalk.
That someone was Travis.
“Travis,” I called out. “Are you okay?”
He stopped at the edge of the lawn and looked at me. He was in the same jeans from earlier, only now he wore a black hoodie. Him in a t-shirt was a very good look, but something about a hoodie somehow made him look hotter. Which all seemed very cruel to my heart.
“Bunny,” he said. “Is everyone asleep?”
“Yeah. Wren isn’t here. That’s why I’m still here.”
“Where is she?”
“Out.”
Travis walked toward the porch. “So, you come back, and Wren takes off?”
“Is that your business, Travis?”
“I guess not,” he said.
He stepped up on the porch. “Do you mind that I’m here?”
“I answered your texts,” I said.
“Thanks for that.”
“What are you doing here, Travis? Thought you would be with Sam and the guys?”
“I was,” he said.
“Are you drunk right now?”
“Hardly.”
“Are you high?”
“I wish,” he said.
“Okay. You can come inside, but you have to be really quiet. Max is sleeping. So is Mom.”
“Seems like you’re the mother here, bunny,” Travis said.
He reached for me and I punched his hand out of the way. “If you came here to tell me how shitty my life is, you can turn around and leave. Or sleep on the fucking porch.”
“Are you offering me a place to sleep then?”
“I assume you have nowhere to go,” I said. “You’re not the type to actually make plans.”
Travis laughed. “Wouldn’t be the first time I slept on a porch.”
“If you would just not be a jerk, you can sleep on the couch.”
“That’s hard for me to do.”
“Why not try for a second, Travis? What are you doing here?”
He lowered his head. There were a few very long seconds between us before he lifted his head and rubbed his jaw. His eyes glistened against the dull porch light. He blinked fast and swallowed hard.
“I saw her… I saw her sitting in the window… and she waved to me…”
I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be sitting at the old kitchen table in my mother’s house across from Travis as we both held a mug of tea.
He looked broken. Really broken.
And of all the people in the world, he chose me to come to.
“Sorry about that on the porch,” he said. “The tea is good.”
“No, it’s not. It’s a cheap off brand tea.”
“It tastes good. And the company is better.”
Travis eyed me, and I fought hard to not have my cheeks turn red. But they did.
“What did you mean when you said…”
“Shit,” Travis said. He took a drink of the tea and put the mug down. “Sam took me to hang with everyone. I saw Luke and… whatever. We started drinking a little and talking about old times. I mean, what else is there to talk about, right? It’s all about the old times. Remember this… remember that…” he waved a hand. “Sitting there though, it just kept burning at me. Burning so badly. I had to go and see it.”
“See what?”
“The house, Willow. The house.”
“Oh.”
The house Travis lived in. The house where Julie…
“Everyone was too drunk to drive,” Travis said. “I mentioned to Sam that I wanted to go and see the house. So, I think he purposely made sure we were all drunk. Except I was willing to walk.”
“You walked to the house.”
“Yeah. I left all my shit at Sam’s place.”
“Does he know you’re gone?”
“Yeah. He knows. I wouldn’t do that to him. Christ, he’d be up all night worrying like an overprotective mother.” Travis smiled for a second. “I don’t know why I went there. I don’t know what I expected to see. It’s just the house. You know? I stood outside and just thought about stuff. I probably looked like a burglar or something. There were a couple of lights on in the house. That means someone lives there. Some family lives there, Willow. And my mind keeps wondering… who lives there? Do they know? What does her room look like right now? I could hear the windows squeaking when I would open them to sneak out on the roof for a smoke. Just so much at once.”
“That’s okay, Travis,” I said. “It’s called memories. And not all are good. You know that. So maybe you came back here to confront those memories. To let them go.”
“Except I saw her,” Travis said.
“Saw who?”
“I saw her. In the window. She moved the curtain and waved to me.”
I was starting to get a little nervous. It was completely impossible that Travis could have seen Julie.
“Willow, I’m not fucking crazy,” he said.
“You sound it.”
“I saw someone in the window. I know who it wasn’t. For a second, I thought it was… but it wasn’t. So, whoever lives there now, there’s a girl in her room. Soon as she looked at me, I reminded myself who it couldn’t be, then I walked away. I didn’t feel like going back to Sam’s. So, I just walked. Then I sent you a text.”
I took a slow, shaky breath.
Okay, so he’s not completely insane.
“I’m sorry you went through that, Travis. I never really asked… but what happened after…? I mean, with the house and everything.”
Travis gritted his teeth and looked around the kitchen. “So, what’s the big plan for you, bunny? When will Wren stumble her ass home?”
“Changing the subject,” I said. “Deflect all your shit onto me.”
I stood up from the table and walked my mug to the sink.
The reflection in the window showed me Travis standing and walking toward the sink too.
He was maybe a foot away from me.
“Is this how you imagined your night?” he whispered.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
I turned and looked up at him.
“I figured I could text you because you’d understand.”
“I do understand.”
“I saw the way Max looks at you, Willow. That kid loves you more than he loves hi
s own mother.”
“And how is that supposed to make me feel?”
“I’m not sure. But it’s the truth.”
“I didn’t get pregnant and have a kid. I’m living my life the way I want to.”
“And now you’re thrown into this.”
“Yeah,” I said.
I felt the emotion starting to climb up the back of my throat.
Travis gently touched my face. “It’s not fair, bunny, but it’s the most important thing you’ll ever do with your life. Just wanted to make sure you knew it didn’t go unnoticed.”
He inched away. Slowly enough that I could have reached for him to keep him close. But I didn’t. He went to get his mug and I went to get some pillows and blankets. The roles were now reversed as he crashed to the couch and I was the one going up to a bed. Yeah, it was Wren’s bed, but it wasn’t like she was going to be using it.
Halfway up the stairs, I stopped.
“Goodnight, Travis,” I said.
“Goodnight, bunny,” he said. “Thanks for the couch.”
“No problem,” I said.
I checked on Max and he was sound asleep. I checked on Mom and she was snoring.
As I sat down on Wren’s bed, I saw two pictures on the nightstand. One was of Wren and Max. He was sitting on her lap on a swing, in motion. It was a great picture of them smiling. The other picture was of me and Wren. From Christmas when I was twelve and she was nine. Wearing the same obnoxious looking red and green dresses, standing in front of the same fake Christmas tree Mom wrestled from the attic each year on December first.
“Oh, Wren,” I whispered.
I sighed and sat back on the bed.
I was dead tired but wide awake.
Travis was downstairs on the couch.
And he was completely stuck in my mind.
10
A Little Milk, a Little Tragedy
TRAVIS
I put my foot down on the floor and sat up on the couch. My neck was stiff, and I groaned as I tried to stand. It wasn’t the first time I’d woke up feeling like shit after sleeping on a random couch. I rubbed my jaw and licked my lips. I wasn’t hungover, which was maybe part of the reason why I felt like hell. My mind had a chance to actually sleep, think, go through memories, and anything else it felt like doing all night.
What You Don't Know (True Hearts Book 6) Page 9